-The mailbox reads "7"... As we zoom out we see a number of mailboxes placed next to each other. These mailboxes seem weathered and rusty, so much that the apartment numbers on them are starting to fade from the wear and tear over the years. The one farthest to the left reads "1", then next one reads "2", the next one reads "3", and so on and so forth. The camera slowly passes all the numbers in an unnecessary fashion. Almost as if you couldn't count (Payback) or numbers and just general use of mathematics is foreign to you (Gilmour). We zoom out even more... just in time to see Hunter Payne. Out of the 25 mailboxes the camera went through, Hunter inserts his key into number "7", a lucky number, if you believe in those kind of things. After a struggle jiggling his keys into his keyhole, and I mean a real struggle.-



Payne: Old piece of shit!



- Hunter says out loud. Still struggling to get it in. You know, for a kickass loft, they sure do have the shittiest mailing system. Some of you may say, "this is boring." But hey, There are some people that make a career out of boring shit like this (Steve Davids, Andrew Morrison, and that Wyatt guy). Hunter gets frustrated and punches the metal, rusty, stupid mailbox. Then jiggles it a bit more and is finally able to pull it open. -




Payne: Got it! Ha! Fuck you mailbox!




- Hunter then calmly opens the little mailbox door. He sees 4 mail envelopes. He grabs them all in one swoop. Then proceeds to shut the super fucking difficult mailbox door! Let's see, 3 white envelopes and 1 pink envelope. Now, you would think a normal person would open the most colorful one first right? Well then again, Hunter Payne isn't exactly 'normal' now is he... -




Payne: First up....... Wrong address!




- Hunter throws the wrong mail in a nearby trash can reciprocal. Later down the hall, Hunter reaches his door, he pulls out his keys, accidentally drops them, then picks them back up. With the loft's key and keyholes working a whole lot better than those damn mailboxes, Hunter opens his door with no hassle. He then tosses his keys on the kitchen counter and heads to his room, opening the second white envelope on the way.-




Payne: A hospital bill?! Fuck... Probably from that one time, that fucking psycho snow Cleopatra lit me on fire. She probably was mad because she couldn't handle all of this Latin heat. Too bad for her, I'm just not physically attracted to mummies, otherwise I'd be all over that Scorpion Queen of the Damned... All up in her bed!... Uhh I mean, In her tomb...




- Hunter throws the hospital bill aside, in favor of his other mail. The final white envelope is ripped open, He anxiously reads it. -




Payne: "Dear, Mr. Payne"... blah blah blah.... "We appreciate your service"... blah blah blah.... "but your subscription to Latinalover has expired! Please reply with your credit card info"... blah blah blah...




-Deciding not to re-subscribe, Hunter Payne throws the Latina Lover mail in the trash. And at last, the ominous pink envelope. Who could it be from? Hunter lies down on his tummy, on his comfy bed, with his feet held in the air, as he gets ready to read what is inside this pink envelope. He starts kicking his feet while they're dangling in the air like a schoolgirl on the phone, carefully opening the envelope to not mess it up. Hunter starts a discussion with himself while unsealing the letter. -




Payne: Who can this be from? It has to be from Kimmy K. Man, that girl is too much drama!... But she does have a huge ass though. And that's always a plus. That second K must stand for Kardashian with ALL THAT junk in the trunk she has. I do wish things were better off between us before she vanished, well to be fair, she is probably just chilling in a local crazy home for a moment. Nevertheless, whoever sent this to me must have never heard of text messaging.




- Hunter finally retrieves the letter and begins to read, oh shit... -




Payne: It's from Joy!

Fuck!

-Hunter begins to read the hand written note-

Dear Hunter,

Hey, now don't stop reading! I'm not trying to upset you. I just want to see how my ex is doing. I've seen what you've been doing lately with your little group, Straight Edge Xtreme or SEX and I think it is so cute! <3




Payne: Cute?! Bitch! Ain't nobody trying to be cute!




-Hunter continues reading-




I have no doubt you will do great things with your team. You have an unreal drive to be successful in everything you do, and SEX will be no different. I remember all the bad luck you were having, but it seems like you've turned it all around on all of us.



As for me, I recently spent a lot of time in therapy. You know, from seeing my ex boyfriend get his head chopped off on national television.




Payne: Hahaha, that's what that whore gets for cheating on me!




I've been dealing with it the best I can, but sometimes I just don't know. You just go and take it one day at a time. Truthfully, I am really sorry for what I did to you Hunter. It just sort of happened between me and Lennox, it was never to hurt you in anyway, and I feel terrible about how things unfolded.




Now I contacted you in hopes that maybe we could slowly rebuild our friendship. You know better than anybody, I don't have very many friends. So it sucks when I lose someone as close as you. I miss the things we use to do together. Whether it was doing our podcast, or forcing you to have sex with me, or hitting you with my car. Haha We sure did have a lot of fun together didn't we?



So I'm hoping you will reply back to me, but if you don't I would completely understand. Again, I am so sorry for any Pain I've caused you Mr. Payne. :(

Take care,
Joy Giovanni

Payne: Awww my poor baby!!!... I mean, fuck her!... Maybe.... I'm not going to write you Joy!....

---

-The screen suddenly changes to Hunter Payne writing a letter on his kitchen table. Joy won out, Hunter starts writing Joy a letter very Charlie Brown-like. -

Dear Bitch,

That's what you get you fucking whore! You have some nerve! How dare you cheat on me! I'm glad Lennox got his head cut off! And I hope your next! I never want to see you again!






Payne: Too much?... Yes...




-Hunter crosses his letter out, crumbles it up, and throws it away. He then starts over. -

Dear Joy,

I don't appreciate you contacting me after all you did to me. Please don't ever write to me EVER! I am so over you! There's this other chick I've been seeing and you should be totally jealous!




Payne: Eh... It's too fake.




-Hunter crosses that one out and throws it in the trash and attempts one more letter-

Dear Joy,

Hey Joy, I am well and I appreciate your apology. I hope that therapy has helped you cope with your boyfriend troubles. And you're right, I know you better than anybody, and I know you will make it back from this and excel in whatever future endeavors you have. You have the abilities to do great things. You just have to stay away from the bad influences in your life. Hell, that's what SEX is all about. Well, that and staying away from drugs and alcohol.




So I also would like to make amends.I am sorry as well, for having Ann Thraxx throw you off the stage on your last night with the company, I do think that was a little much. And I too have some fond memories of when we were together, like when we went to Somalia, and we got in trouble for you being underdressed compared to other women there, or that time you got me arrested and I spent the weekend in jail, or that time you raped me in our tour bus. Good times. Kinda.




So thank you for the memories Joy. One thing nobody can take away from you is that you are an adventure to be with! That's for sure. You take care of yourself Joy. Text me sometime.

Love Sincerely,
Hunter Payne

Payne: There we go, all done!



- Hunter signs the note, knowing it's not perfect but it is the best he can express himself on paper. Finding a nearby plain white envelope, he seals his letter and sits there with a lot on his mind before the camera cuts off-