Then, abruptly, fireworks explode into the night sky.
The camera then swoops into the arena where fans are on their feet, cheering wildly as more pyrotechnics light up the interior of Louisville Gardens.
The camera cuts to our announcers, Todd and Bama T, who are all smiles at the commentary table.
TODD: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to XWF Anarchy, live from Louisville Gardens right here in the heart of Kentucky!"
BAMA T: "We're kicking things off with a bang with an X-Treme Rulez match where John Black defends his Revolution title against Big Preesh."
TODD: "And the stakes are high tonight with an over-the-top rope battle royal featuring some of the toughest competitors in XWF. The winner gets a shot at the Revolution Title next Anarchy."
BAMA T: "And in our main event, the Anarchy Champion Sean Parker faces Bobby Bourbon in a non-title showdown."
TODD: "With the talent lined up tonight, every match could be a main event. Folks at home, you won't want to miss a second of this. Buckle up, because XWF Anarchy starts right now!"
“HEAR YE! HEAR YE!”
A spotlight shines on a masked figure standing on the stage. It's not the same as from Warfare, that much is for sure. Here's hoping the tigers didn't get that guy! Thoughts and prayers…
The metallic march of armoured knights filing out onto the stage begins to ricochet around the arena, serving as the percussive backdrop to the blare of trumpets as a heraldic orchestra joins them.
Then…
The first, frenetic strums of Faith No More's "Gentle Art of Making Enemies" rips through the arena as strobes of gold and white cast across the stage and crowd.
And riding on the back of an elephant (or maybe a robot elephant, cause animals need to be respected and stuff) with a throne fastened to it, is the King of the XWF.
Herald: HEAR YE! HEAR YE! Please rise for the Kingly King, King Kieran!
King Kieran nods to the herald, and mouths something about being happy with having 4 K words in a row. He then turns his attention to the crowd and does his best royal wave from his throne and then unfurls a scroll and begins to read from it.
KING: Behold! Your king has arrived! For I am not merely King of Warfare. Nay! I am King of AAAALLLLLLL of XWF! Warfare? Indeed! Pay Per Views? Indeed! The 24/7 corridors? Indeed! And as you can tell… I am King of Anarchy too!
The crowd responds with scattered, confused applause.
KING: And thus, you too, here on the blue brand, are graced with My Grace's presence. And as I doth proclaimed on Warfare, there is a new form of royal entertainment to be had! The King's Kontest! This coming Warfare we will see a Prince - NOT A KING - named Adeyemi - NOT ISAIAH - do battle with some kind of enigma…
Kieran squints at his scroll.
KING: Oh… wait… his name's actually Enigma. What's next? Someone just writes ALIAS as their alias?
The Louisville crowd roar at the mention of the former champion. It seems the King knows exactly what he's doing as he smirks at their reaction.
KING: That'd be dumb, right?
He plays it off as though their cheering for him.
KING: Anywho, Prince Adeyemi will face Enigma in a King's Kontest this coming Warfare but that won't be the first fight of its kind! No, sir! See, as King, I had a little word with Jett Sterling, and we're going to have one right here tonight! In faaaaact, whichever referee was assigned to our opening bout… why don't you stay in the back? This fight is going to end when I say it ends and ONLY when I say it ends.
So… bring forth the entertainment! Because the Revolution title is on the line, and rest assured, this revolution WILL be televised! I didn't fight tooth and fucking nail to sit on my hands and be an idle king. This is my world; my kingdom!
Herald: Introducing the challenger! He is the ONLY person on the XWF roster more embarrassing than Davey Dunham’s pathetic return tour… from Booger Hole, West Virginia and weighing in at clinically obese… BIG PREESH!
Big Preesh struts to the ring throwing his hands up in the air in time with "Get Low" by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz as it plays of the speakers. When he gets to the ring he punches the top turnbuckle like a speed bag and then shouts "YEAH BITCH!" with his arms raised before waiting for the champion to arrive.
Herald: And the champion! Honestly… the King can’t tell if he likes this guy or not, and I think that’s kind of the point! Representing the T.H.U.G.S… from Baltimore, Maryland which is not where the King thought he was from… weighing in at 290lbs… he is the FIRST EVER XWF REVOLUTION CHAMPION… and at least he’s not Reggie Estrada!... he is JOHN BLACK!
“If You Don't Leave In Thirty Minutes…” by Count Bass D plays out and the X-Tron comes to life. "John Black" shoots up on it with the .38 special, and the champ himself appears on the stage in a black and white setting, with the Revolution Championship over his shoulder as he takes in the mixed reactions. Then he walks down to the ramp, and he gives them some high fives, then he climbs on the steel steps and enters the ring, and he raises the title in the air as he pounds his chest around the ring as his theme cuts off.
KING: Oh… one last thing. I figure I'll need a little insurance for this to go my way, so JB… Preesh… there's really only one rule you need to know. You either fight for my amusement, or you get the spears. Soldiers?
That last word was less a question and more a command, as the small army of armoured knights march their way to the ring, surrounding John Black and Big Preesh. One of them uses their spears to ring the bell and the match begins!
Big Preesh warily eyes the soldiers surrounding the ring. John Black gives them one look, but recognises there's work to be done regardless of who is around the ring so charges forward towards Preesh and immediately starts laying into his body with a series of haymakers. With the amount of blubber around Preesh’s organs, the blows serve as more of a nuisance than anything. He shoves Black back but the Revolution Champion is tenacious, immediately returning to his massive opponent and starting to throw elbows higher up toward Preesh’s head, as well as kicks at the tree trunks Preesh calls legs. Preesh shakes it off and grabs Black around the shoulders, tossing him halfway across the ring into the turnbuckle.
TODD: John Black is no small man and Big Preesh just threw him around like he weighed nothing.
BAMA T: Big Preesh’s size is the toughest thing about him. It forces people to rethink their usual strategy. John Black’s go-to finishing moves are all about power, but he might need to find another way to take down a guy this size!
Preesh charges forward! But Black moves out of the way and the challenger eats corner post! With his foe dazed, Black fires off to the ropes and returns with a heavy clothesline that staggers the six-hundred-plus pounder. A second clothesline rocks the big man further, and when Black returns with a third he flies through the air and takes Preesh off his feet with a massive flying lariat!
TODD: Even the king’s soldiers around the ring seemed to shake with that impact!
BAMA T: Better watch they don’t skewer you like a swamp rat with those spears, Todd!
TODD: …Did you used to put swamp rats on skewers? Did you… did you eat swamp rats?
BAMA T: Uh– hey look at John Black!
Black looks up to the stage to The King, sitting on his elephant throne, who motions for him to continue. Quickly, Black jumps on the felled giant and starts laying into him with mounted punches. Preesh tries to get his guard up but… it's not good. Several blows lay clean into Preesh's face and with blood starting to flow from his nose, Black jumps back up and roars out to the crowd. King Kieran is seen nodding approvingly.
TODD: The king seems happy with the way this King’s Kontest is going so far!
BAMA T: It’s good to be the king!
As Black turns his attention back towards Big Preesh, the big man shoves the champ away. Black closes ground again, but again is met with a shove as Preesh bellows to life. He gets to his feet and plods towards John Black, Black recognises the threat of a seven foot, six-hundred pounder hunting him down and bails from the ring. He circles around, getting some distance between himself and the much slower Preesh, then looks down towards the ring apron hanging in front of him. TODD: I think John Black might be remembering the original stipulation for this match, before our King poked his nose in!
BAMA T: His ROYAL nose, you mean!
JB looks up to the King. Kieran nods once more and a sadistic grin washes onto Black’s face. He lifts the apron and starts rummaging. Preesh is taking forever to get there, giving Black plenty of time to find a kendo stick. Just as Preesh leans forward over the ropes to reach down towards the champ, Black fires a kendo shot into his face! The stick cracks on impact!
BAMA T: Holy hell! The power that must have been in that shot to crack the kendo stick like that!
TODD: Or the thick-headedness of Big Preesh!
BAMA T: Why not both?
With the kendo stick now broken, JB hunts under the ring again and pulls out a baseball bat! While he’s not necessarily a fan favourite, this bloodlusted Kentucky crowd cheers him on! TODD: Why do we even keep baseball bats under the ring?
BAMA T: He’s just lucky he didn’t accidentally grab the snake that lives under there.
TODD: I mean… it’s in a bag.
John Black bounds into the ring, baseball bat in hand. He winds up big, but Preesh - having had a moment to recover - catches the bat as Black swings it! The bigger man rips it from Black’s arms and looks to turn the tables!
Preesh winds up!
BAMA T: This shot could literally kill John Black!
And he swings!
But Black drops down to his knees. Low blow! Preesh howls in pain!
And the bat gets dropped!
CRACK!
John Black smacks Preesh in the face with the bat!
CRACK!
He does it again!
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
TODD: John Black is absolutely vicious here! This is disgusting!
Again and again John Black beats Preesh with the bat! The big man can’t even defend himself! Preesh is practically lifeless as John Black places one foot upon his chest and thrusts the bloodied bat into the air!
There’s no referee to count!
But there doesn’t need to be!
King Kieran stands up and raises a thumb in the air! The trumpets sound! And one of the knight’s rings the bell!
Herald: HEAR YE! HEAR YE! BY PROCLAMATION OF KING KIERAN, THE WINNER OF THE FIRST KING’S KONTEST IS JOOOOOOHHHHHNNNNN BLAAAAACK!
YOUR WINNER—AND STILL REVOLUTION CHAMPION—JOHN BLACK!!!
The knights file out of the ringside area and flank King Kieran on his elephant as they march out of the arena, leaving John Black with his championship to celebrate.
CENTURION
- vs -
RAZOR BLADE
- vs -
CADRYN TIBERIUS
- vs -
PARIAH
- vs -
LATOYA HIXX
- vs -
DANNY DUNHAM
- vs -
MR. OZ
- vs -
DICK DRIZZLE OVER THE TOP ROPE BATTLE ROYAL
WINNER TO RECEIVE A REVOLUTION TITLE SHOT NEXT ANARCHY!
We cut to ringside where TODD and BAMA T are ready to call the action, the ring already filled with the competitors for tonight's battle royal.
TODD: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to what promises to be an explosive evening here at XWF! We’re ringside at a packed arena, and up next is the battle royal for a shot at the Revolution Title at the next Anarchy!"
BAMA T: "That's right, Todd! And boy, do we have a mixed bag of talent in that ring tonight. From high-flyers to powerhouses, this one’s gonna be a slobberknocker, baby!"
The camera moves to show the competitors warming up in the ring.
TODD: "And folks, you might notice an unexpected face among the competitors tonight. With Dick Drizzle unfortunately sidelined due to medical reasons, stepping into his rather large shoes is 'Loady' Potty Diaper, a rookie who’s got some big boots to fill tonight."
BAMA T: "Absolutely, Todd! Loady is green, but don’t count him out. Sometimes, the element of surprise is what you need in a match like this, baby!"
TODD: "Indeed, BAMA. And speaking of veterans, keep your eyes on Mr. Oz and Centurion tonight. Both are known for their strategic thinking and brutal efficiency in the ring. It’s going to take some serious maneuvering to get either of those two over the top rope."
BAMA T: "This battle royal is anyone’s game, and that Revolution Title shot is just too sweet a prize for anyone to hold back."
The camera briefly highlights each competitor, capturing their intense expressions and readiness.
TODD: "Each of these competitors knows what’s at stake tonight. and in a match like this, it’s about survival."
The crowd cheers as the referee signals for the bell.
DING DING DING!
TODD: "And we are off! Eight competitors, one ring, and a high stakes prize!"
BAMA T: "It’s about to go down, baby! Everybody’s gunning for that Revolution Title shot!"
Immediately, Mr. Oz sets his sights on 'Loady' Potty Diaper. Oz grips Loady by his throat and heaves him over the top rope with such force that Loady crashes with a sickening thud outside the ring.
TODD: "And just like that, Loady is out!"
BAMA T: "Tossed him like yesterday's garbage, baby!"
The action doesn’t stop. Pariah, lurks in the corner, eyeing Latoya Hixx who is dominating with her sheer power. Razor Blade and Davey Dunham exchange a flurry of quick moves in the center of the ring, each trying to outmaneuver the other.
TODD: "Razor Blade and Davey Dunham, high energy from these two fan favorites!"
Cadryn Tiberius finds himself grappling with Mr. Oz, the brute strength of Oz nearly overwhelming. But Cadryn’s cunning allows him to slip away, delivering a sharp ‘Road Less Traveled’ that stuns Oz. Cadryn grapples with the larger man, struggling to leverage his weight over the top rope. Just as it seems Cadryn might succeed, Davey Dunham rushes across the ring, his eyes locked on the action.
TODD: "Look out, Cadryn! Davey Dunham isn’t just watching!"
With a burst of speed, Davey slams into Cadryn, disrupting his attempt to eliminate Mr. Oz. The impact sends Cadryn spinning, and immediately Davey unleashes a series of rapid strikes, catching Cadryn off guard.
BAMA T: "Davey’s still sore about losing his Anarchy debut a few weeks back, baby!"
Cadryn, however, quickly recovers and blocks a high kick from Davey, grabbing his leg and countering with a strong shove that sends Davey stumbling back towards the ropes. Cadryn follows up aggressively, landing a few more targeted strikes, gaining the upper hand.
TODD: "Cadryn Tiberius is turning this around! He’s got Davey on the ropes—literally!"
With a final powerful effort, Cadryn lifts Davey, attempting to throw him over the top rope. Davey, however, holds onto the top rope with both hands, his feet dangling over the apron.
BAMA T: "Davey’s hanging on by a thread!"
As Davey struggles to pull himself back up, Mr. Oz recovers from the earlier attack. Seeing an opportunity, he charges at Cadryn with a thunderous clothesline, catching him completely by surprise. The force of the blow sends Cadryn staggering back into the ropes.
TODD: "What a comeback by Mr. Oz! He’s not out of this fight yet!"
Before Cadryn can regain his balance, Mr. Oz grabs him by the arm and, with a mighty heave, tosses him over the top rope. Cadryn crashes up and over to the floor outside.
TODD: "And there goes Cadryn Tiberius! Mr. Oz is out here with a purpose!!"
BAMA T: “Yeah, to capture the Revolution championship that he says was stolen from him!”
Meanwhile, Davey uses the distraction to his advantage. With a tremendous effort, he pulls himself back into the ring, rolling under the bottom rope and quickly getting to his feet, ready to continue the fight.
TODD: "Davey Dunham survives!"
As Latoya Hixx focuses on grappling with Centurion, neither notices Pariah silently creeping up behind them. With a sly grin, Pariah suddenly rushes forward, blindsiding Latoya with a forceful shove aimed at sending her over the top rope. However, Latoya's sheer strength and quick reflexes enable her to cling to the top rope, saving herself from immediate elimination.
TODD: "Oh, close call for Latoya Hixx! Pariah almost had her there!"
BAMA T: "But it’s gonna take more than a sneak attack to take down a sexy powerhouse like Latoya, baby!"
Centurion, witnessing Pariah's underhanded tactics, quickly recovers from the initial distraction and turns his attention towards Pariah with a look of disdain. Without hesitation, Centurion grabs Pariah, channeling his frustration into his movements. He sets Pariah up for his signature move, a crowd favorite.
TODD: "Uh-oh, looks like Centurion’s got something planned for Pariah!"
Centurion lifts Pariah high into the air, executing the "1000 Mile Slam" in the center of the ring. The impact echoes throughout the arena, drawing a loud pop from the crowd. Pariah writhes in pain on the mat, clearly disoriented from the powerful slam.
BAMA T: "That’s the 1000 Mile Slam, baby! When Centurion hits that, you know it’s gonna leave a mark!"
Centurion wastes no time. He pulls the still reeling Pariah to his feet and marches him over to the ropes. With a strong push, Centurion sends Pariah tumbling over the top rope and crashing to the arena floor.
TODD: "And there goes Pariah! Centurion wasn’t going to let him get away with that sneak attack!"
BAMA T: "Justice served, Centurion-style! That’s one way to handle a snake like Pariah."
As the battle royal rages on, Razor Blade and Davey Dunham find themselves momentarily aligned in their common goal: to take down Mr. Oz.
They exchange a quick nod, acknowledging their temporary truce, before launching a coordinated attack. Razor Blade strikes first, delivering a series of sharp kicks to Mr. Oz's legs, aiming to weaken the bigger man's base.
TODD: "Looks like Razor Blade and Davey Dunham are teaming up here, BAMA! They’ve got their sights set on Mr. Oz!"
BAMA T: "Smart move, Todd! Sometimes you gotta make alliances in battles like this to survive, baby!"
While Razor Blade keeps Mr. Oz occupied, Davey Dunham circles around, leaping onto Mr. Oz's back with a sleeper hold, trying to sap his strength. Mr. Oz staggers under the combined weight and assault, struggling to stay upright.
TODD: "Davey Dunham is trying to bring down Mr. Oz with that sleeper hold!"
Despite their efforts, Mr. Oz roars back to life, first shaking off Davey Dunham with a powerful snapmare that sends him tumbling across the ring. Then, with Razor Blade still clinging to him, Mr. Oz charges towards the ropes and with a mighty heave, uses Razor's own momentum to attempt to throw him over the top rope.
BAMA T: "Whoa! Mr. Oz isn’t just big, he’s cunning too, baby!"
However, Razor Blade manages to land on the apron, gripping the top rope desperately to stay in the match. As Mr. Oz turns to finish the job, Razor ducks a wild swing and slides back under the rope into the ring, keeping his hopes alive.
TODD: "Razor Blade hangs on! This match is total nonstop action!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, Centurion and Latoya Hixx are locked in a grueling power struggle. Centurion feints an attack that Latoya instinctively counters. But it’s a trap, and as she lunges forward, Centurion sidesteps, grabbing Latoya's arm and leveraging her momentum to hurl her over the top rope.
BAMA T: "And there goes Latoya Hixx! Centurion’s craftiness comes through again!"
TODD: "With Latoya eliminated, the dynamics in this match just shifted big time. It’s down to the final four—Centurion, Razor Blade, Davey Dunham, and Mr. Oz!"
Razor Blade, fueled by adrenaline, decides to take on Mr. Oz head on. Despite his determination, Razor's strikes seem to barely faze the much larger Mr. Oz, who absorbs each hit with a grimace but remains firmly on his feet.
TODD: "Razor Blade is giving it his all, but Mr. Oz is like a walking fortress!"
BAMA T: "Yeah, Todd, it’s like throwing pebbles at a brick wall! Razor’s gonna need more than that to take down a behemoth like Mr. Oz!"
Seeing Razor struggling, Davey Dunham quickly jumps into the fray, signaling to Razor to coordinate their efforts. Together, they launch a flurry of combined attacks, trying to overpower Mr. Oz. Davey hits rapid strikes to Oz's midsection, trying to soften him up, while Razor prepares for a more impactful move.
TODD: "Davey Dunham is back in the mix, and it looks like they’re planning something big here!"
Mr. Oz, reeling from the barrage but still powerful, lashes out with a massive arm, catching Davey with a backhand that sends him staggering. As Mr. Oz turns his attention back to Razor, he doesn’t see Davey recovering quickly.
BAMA T: "Mr. Oz is tough, but he’s got to watch his back—two against one can turn the tide fast!"
Razor sees his moment and leaps onto the middle rope, springing off to execute his signature move, the Diamond Blade. He catches Mr. Oz perfectly with the Diamond Blade on the rebound, causing the giant to crash down hard onto the mat, visibly dazed.
TODD: "Diamond Blade! Razor Blade hit it perfectly!"
But Mr. Oz quickly staggers to his feet, trying to shake off the effects of the Diamond Blade. At that moment, Davey hooks Mr. Oz for The One & Dunham. With a powerful twist, he drives Mr. Oz's face into the mat with the Killswitch.
BAMA T: "And there’s The One & Dunham! Davey Dunham might have just turned the lights out on Mr. Oz!"
With Mr. Oz reeling from the double assault, both Davey and Razor struggle to lift the massive wrestler. Their efforts seem almost futile as Mr. Oz’s weight proves too much for them. Observing their struggle, Centurion rushes over, lending his strength to the effort.
TODD: "Looks like Centurion is joining in! It’s a team effort to get Mr. Oz out of this match!"
Together, the trio of Davey Dunham, Razor Blade, and Centurion grapple with the towering Mr. Oz, each man straining against the sheer bulk and brute strength of their opponent.
BAMA T: "Look at Mr. Oz, fighting like a cornered beast! He’s not going down without a brawl, baby!"
With a ferocious roar, Mr. Oz suddenly surges with energy. He shoves Centurion aside.. Razor tries to tighten his grip, but Mr. Oz grabs Razor by the arm and, with a judo-like throw, flips him over the top rope.
TODD: "Oh my! Razor Blade just flew over the top rope like a ragdoll!"
Razor lands with a heavy thud outside the ring. Now turning his attention to Davey, Mr. Oz fires off a heavy headbutt and lifts Davey effortlessly by the waist and, with a mighty heave, launches him over the top rope as well.
BAMA T: "And there goes Davey Dunham! Mr. Oz is cleaning house, baby!"
The crowd comes alive as only two men are left standing in the ring — Mr. Oz and Centurion. They size each other up while each catching their breath.
TODD: "We’re down to the final two, BAMA! Mr. Oz and Centurion, this is going to be a showdown for the ages!"
Centurion steadies himself and squares up, ready to confront Mr. Oz. Oz, for his part, wipes a smear of blood from his lip, smiling as he prepares for the final confrontation.
Mr. Oz makes the first move, using his strength advantage to whip Centurion into the ropes, expecting to take him down with a devastating clothesline as he rebounds.
TODD: "Mr. Oz is setting up for a massive clothesline!"
However, Centurion anticipates the move and ducks under the outstretched arm of Mr. Oz, using the momentum from the ropes to launch himself into a perfectly executed dropkick, hitting Mr. Oz squarely in the chest and causing the giant to stagger backwards into the ropes, teetering on the edge of elimination.
BAMA T: "What a dropkick by Centurion! But Mr. Oz isn't going down without a fight, baby!"
Seizing the moment, Centurion rushes towards Mr. Oz, determined to end the match. Every fan is on their feet, the noise level in the arena skyrockets as Centurion aims to push Mr. Oz over the top rope and secure his victory.
TODD: "This could be it! Centurion’s going for the elimination!"
In a swift motion, Mr. Oz grabs Centurion by the neck with both hands, halting his momentum. The crowd gasps as Mr. Oz, with a Herculean effort, lifts Centurion high into the air for a chokeslam.
BAMA T: "Oh no, Mr. Oz has Centurion in his grasp!"
Mr. Oz drives Centurion down, but not onto the mat—instead, over the top rope! Centurion flies over the ropes and crashes to the floor outside, his hopes of victory dashed in an instant.
TODD: "Chokeslam! Chokeslam out of the ring! Mr. Oz has done it!"
BAMA T: "Incredible strength from Mr. Oz! He turned the tables when it mattered most!"
The bell rings as Mr. Oz stands in the ring, breathing heavily
YOUR WINNER—MR. OZ!!!
TODD: "And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Oz has triumphed tonight, earning himself a shot at the Revolution Title at the next Anarchy!"
BAMA T: "You know, Todd, Mr. Oz has a chip on his shoulder about how the first Revolution champion was crowned. He’s got history with that title, feeling robbed when John Black, who he had previously beaten, swooped in and won it from another man, Cadryn Tiberius. That belt has Mr. Oz’s name written all over it in his mind, and now he’s got the chance to claim what he believes is rightfully his."
TODD: "Absolutely, BAMA. Mr. Oz has been waiting for this moment, stewing over what he sees as a stolen opportunity, and now he’s poised to take back what he feels was taken from him."
BAMA T: "John Black needs to be ready because Mr. Oz is not just fighting for a title, he’s fighting to right what he perceives as a wrong. This is personal, and it’s going to be explosive!"
TODD: "Fans, mark your calendars! Next Anarchy is going to be one for the history books. Mr. Oz, John Black, one on one — the Revolution Title on the line!"
Backstage, we see Davey Dunham following his appearance in the Revolution Championship number one contendership match. Weary from the battle, he bumps into Bobby Bourbon, who is preparing for his match. Bobby looks up at him and narrows his gaze.
BB: Wait, don’t I know you?
Bobby swiftly nods before Davey can react. A sneer crawls across his jaw.
BB: I do know you! You’re Davey Dunham!
Davey looks like he may react but Bobby again is too fast.
BB: I’m Bobby! What’s the matter, Dave, cat got your tongue, or did you just leave your tongue up Seb’s ass the last time you walked out on Warfare?
Bobby reaches up with lightning speed, gripping Dunham by the throat, posting him against the wall, and lifting him a few inches.
BB: You really shouldn’t talk to strangers, Dave, listen to your mother next time. Now, about that bullshit you pulled, coming out and verbally blowing a guy because they’re a number one contender, that right there is something I can not abide by. That, Dave, is cowardice. You’re a chickenshit, the world knows it, and if you actually had a shred of the honor you claim to have you’d have stood and wrestled the man with dignity. Instead you backed away like a bitch, making Warfare, a show I have shed blood on countless times, look stupid. That’s okay, though, really, that’s okay.
Dunham continues to squirm like a worm in one of Bobby’s meathooks.
BB: You probably don’t understand why I’m doing this to you right now, and you know what? That’s okay. Roadkill doesn’t have to understand the tread of a tire.
Dunham reaches up and grasps at Bobby’s hand, his legs kicking at Bobby.
BB: Oh, now you have a fight in you, huh? Don’t grow a pair on account of me now.
Bobby smiles, rolling his eyes. Dunham looks back at the monster that watches him struggle with glee.
BB: There’s a long line of insurance claims made by those stupid enough to think they had to be the man against me. Shit, Mark Flynn is a bonafide legend, he’s always complaining about what I did to his back, but you though? To be honest I’m kind of disgusted I’m mentioning him in the same breath as you.
Dunham’s stunted breath goes in and out of his body like a broken accordion. Bobby isn’t completely strangling him. Bobby’s smile fades as he looks intensely at Dunham.
BB: Stay the fuck off of Warfare. If I see you there, I won’t be alone, and after we get done with you your wife and daughter will cry.
“Boo hoo, daddy got the shit kicked out of him by a real man, why can’t that real man be daddy?”
You can explain to them I’ve seen your family and I keep higher standards.
Depressing for them, I know.
Dunham’s eyes are nearly popping out of their sockets.
BB: Wanna hear a funny joke?
…Eh, you probably wouldn’t get it anyway, so I won’t waste my time.
Now take your stolen valor and get the fuck out of my sight.
Bobby drops Dunham, who lands in a heap, catching his breath. Bobby smiles at him and waves his fingers.
Bobby is in no mood for messing around and rushes Sean at lightning speed, defying his size. Sean’s eyes widen as Bobby comes charging in and he just about manages to avoid an on-rushing corner avalanche splash that would’ve surely obliterated him! Bobby hits nothing but turnbuckle and Sean immediately goes to work with a series of martial arts kicks, trying to keep the bigger man on his toes. He aims several roundhouse kicks at Bobby’s legs and midsection before jumping and landing an audacious spinning back kick to the jaw that whips Bobby’s head back. Sean backs up a bit and runs at Bobby, spinning through the air, looking for his Bloody Tears 720 Roundhouse Kick! As Sean twists through the air with incredible velocity, aiming for Bobby’s head, his massive hands intercept Sean mid-air, halting his momentum with shocking ease!
The arena erupts in disbelief as Bobby holds Sean aloft, showcasing his immense strength. With a thunderous roar, Bobby transitions seamlessly into a devastating powerbomb, launching Sean high into the air before bringing him crashing down to the canvas! The momentum jolts back to a seated position, his eyes widening before slumping backward, the wind driven from his lungs.
With an evil twinkle in his eye, Bobby bookends the interception with a lung-busting Street Pizza, landing all of his 290 lb-frame on Sean’s chest! Bobby maintains his seated position, putting all of his weight down as the referee counts!
One…!
Two…!
But Sean manages to heave a shoulder off the mat right at the last second!
TODD: Oh, you have got to be kidding me! How did Sean kick out of that?!
BAMA T: Holy shit! I thought that was curtains for Sean already there! Bobby Bourbon has come onto Anarchy to make a statement!
As Bobby climbs to his feet, he grabs Sean by the head with both hands and hastily hauls him to his feet. Sean tries to fight back, kicking at Bobby’s midriff but he’s unfazed by the resilience of the Anarchy Champion. With a menacing grin, he hoists Sean up once more, effortlessly executing a monstrous vertical suplex that shakes the very foundation of the ring! Bobby lifts Sean up again, grabbing him by one of his arms and he pulls him in for a vicious short-arm lariat.
But Parker is not one to be defeated so easily. With a burst of adrenaline, he counters Bobby’s lariat attempt, freeing himself from his grip and he arches backwards, almost Matrix-style. Bobby’s extended arm shoots past him, missing him by millimeters before Sean rises back to a vertical base. Parker unleashes a barrage of lightning-fast strikes! His fists blur with the ferocious speed as he delivers rapid-fire combinations of punches and kicks, each blow finding its mark with pinpoint accuracy!
BAMA T: Here we go! Sean’s fighting back! Look how fast he is!
Caught off guard by Sean’s sudden resurgence, Bobby staggers backward, his imposing stature momentarily shaken. Sean seizes the opening, springing into action as he launches himself off the ropes and leaps up, wrapping himself around Bobby like a python before drilling him face-first into the mat with a Headscissors DDT!
As Bobby struggles to regain his footing, Sean again uses the ropes for momentum, bounding off them and he throws himself at Bobby, looking for a high cross body but Bobby swats him out the air like a fly, smashing him with a SHORIYUKEN!! Sean is almost sent into the stratosphere as he goes flying over the top rope and out to the floor!
BAMA T: Holy shit! Bobby almost took Sean’s head off! Did you see that?!
TODD: Absolutely devastating! Bobby Bourbon nearly decapitated Sean!
Bobby follows Sean out to the floor, stalking him like an alpha predator sizing up his next meal as Sean, dazed, uses the commentary desk to pull himself up. Bobby runs at Sean, looking to send him flying again but Sean counters! He sidesteps Bobby, and uses his momentum against him, drop-kicking him in the back of the head and sending him crashing onto the announce table!
BAMA T: Oh shit! Time to go, baby!
The Anarchy commentary team backs up as Bobby lies staggered on the table in front of them. Sean looks around him as the fans cheer him on. His gaze goes from Bobby to the top turnbuckle behind him, like he’s contemplating something!
BAMA T: I don’t like that look on the champ’s face! He’s got something in mind here!
Sean quickly leaps up onto the apron and scales the top turnbuckle before he leaps off with unmatched finesse, crashing through Bobby and the announce table!
TODD: DIVING WYVERN! THROUGH THE TABLE!
BAMA T: Unbelievable! Sean just turned himself into a human missile, baby!
The announce table lies in tatters as Bobby and Sean lay amongst the broken pieces of debris. Being slightly fresher, Sean gets to his feet first, staggering back as he tries to regain his bearings. Suddenly though, out of nowhere, he’s clattered from behind to a chorus of boos from the fans.
TODD: What the hell?! Oh my God!
BAMA T: Thunder Knuckles! Thunder Knuckles is here on Anarchy! He attacked the champion!
Thunder Knuckles grabs an unsuspecting Sean and launches him face-first into the ring post, taking him out. He gives him the bird before turning to help Bobby to his feet, giving him a slap on the back and encouraging him to finish the job.
TODD: This is ridiculous! Sean had this match won and Thunder Knuckles bailed his buddy out!
BAMA T: They don’t call them No Good Bastards for nothing, baby!
TODD: Wait a minute, who’s that!
The fans erupt with cheers this time as Davey Dunham hops the guardrail behind the obliterated remains of the announce table! He spins Thunder Knuckles around and spikes him into the floor with The One & Dunham!
TODD: Davey Dunham with the save! He got manhandled earlier by Bobby Bourbon! Looks like Sean has someone running interference for him!
BAMA T: Listen to these fans, no one expected to see Davey Dunham after what happened earlier and with the Battle Royal!
Bobby turns and looks at Davey with fire in his eyes as he waves at Bourbon with a sly wink before hopping back over the guardrail. Bobby goes to give chase but he's spun around and Sean cracks him with the “Bloody Tears” 720 roundhouse kick!
Bobby stumbles and Sean pushes him back into the ring, scaling the top rope once again. He sizes Bobby up before taking flight again, going for the “Highway to Hyrule” but Bobby feels a surge of adrenaline rush through him and kips up to his feet and he incredibly catches Sean out of the air! He pops him up, looking for the Dinosaur Extinctor! But even Sean somehow has the wherewithal to counter with the “Raidenrana”! But Sean can’t get the momentum to flip Bobby over and he hangs on! Bobby roars with all his might before sending Sean into the canvas as he hits the Triple Star Crunch!
TODD: My God! What an exchange!
BAMA T: Bobby Bourbon may well have sent Sean into the crust of the earth with those Alabama Slams!
Sean is starfished on to the canvas, looking completely out of it. Bobby makes the cover!
One….!
Two…!
Three…NO—Kick out!
TODD: Sean kicked out!
BAMA T: My God, this kid’s got more heart than brains, baby!
Bobby grabs Sean by the throat, lifting him with terrifying ease off the mat and into the air! Just as he’s about to plant him with the EMC Squared, Sean uses his momentum to swing back and he catches Bobby right in the face with a desperation knee strike! Bobby lets go of his grip and Sean lands on his feet. The crowd are willing him on as he goes to work again on Bobby, chopping him down with all sorts of martial arts kicks before delivering a sweep kick to the knee that brings Bobby to one knee. Sean backs up a bit and pulls down his elbow pad before launching himself at Bobby, cracking him with the Masamune Decapitation! But incredibly Bobby doesn’t go down! He sways back-and-forth like a Russian Doll before trying to get back to his feet. Sean’s eyes widen in shock but he runs at Bobby and hits a second Masamune Decapitation. AGAIN! Bobby doesn’t go down! He teeters for a moment before finally falling down onto his front, like a Canadian Redwood being chopped down!
TODD: Jesus Christ! This has to be it! How many elbows from Parker is this going to take?!
BAMA T: Bobby Bourbon is as tough as they come, baby!
Incredibly, Bobby is still moving slightly as he tries to push himself up. Sean rushes to the top turnbuckle a third a time. He gets his balance right before soaring off, twisting through the air and lands hard with the “Leap of Faith” 1080 Corkscrew Senton!
TODD: LEAP OF FAITH!
BAMA T: Nobody flies like Sean Parker, baby!
Sean finally rolls Bobby over and makes the cover!
One…!
Two…!
Three!!!
YOUR WINNER—SEAN PARKER!!!
As the arena explodes in cheers, Sean Parker stands up, arms raised in victory as he basks in the glow of his hard fought victory over Bobby Bourbon.
TODD: Sean Parker has done it! What a spectacular finish with the Leap of Faith!
As Sean turns to climb the turnbuckle and salute the fans, a figure rushes through the crowd, sliding under the bottom rope.
BAMA T: Wait a minute! Who's this guy?!
Without wasting a moment, the intruder ambushes Sean from behind and sends him tumbling from the turnbuckle to the mat.
TODD: That’s Harmon Greyson Hays, folks, and he’s making his presence felt!
HGH lifts Sean up with ease, showcasing his strength, and without hesitation, he hits Sean with his trademark move, the "Injection Shot," a vicious rolling cutter that plants Sean hard onto the canvas and draws gasps and jeers from the audience.
BAMA T: That’s the Injection Shot! HGH just laid out the champion!
HGH locks in the "Double Dose"—a brutal hammerlock DDT followed swiftly by a Fujiwara Armbar. Sean's both exhausted and taken by surprise. He has no choice but to endure the agonizing hold as HGH wrenches back, shouting over the boos.
TODD: This is uncalled for! Harmon Greyson Hays is trying to break Sean Parker's arm!
BAMA T: You’ve got to admit—this is one hell of a statement, baby!
Finally releasing the hold, HGH rises, stepping over the fallen Sean Parker, his eyes scanning the crowd that now rains down a chorus of boos. He smirks, soaking in the animosity with a defiant pride.
TODD: Folks, Harmon Greyson Hays has returned to Anarchy, and he’s made a statement at the champions expense!
BAMA T: I don't know what the hell's going on, baby—but we're going to have to wait till next Anarchy for answers, cause we're out of ti—
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