Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Lacklan · (03-30-2019)

PLAY

Lux bursts through the curtain, running down the aisle as fast as possible, and slides into the ring before leaping up into the air with a complicated spin.

PAUSE

SCRITCH

Excitable. Burns energy quickly. Unnecessary flippy shit.

PLAY

Lux immediately goes for a chair, gets agitated when the ploy is unsuccessful, and ends up getting the chair punched into his face. He is then thwarted in multiple attempts to use it before suffering a few high-impact moves.

PAUSE

SCRITCH

Goes back to the same move again and again. Can’t change tactics or adapt. Much like his promotional video style. Barely got a shoulder up after only a few offensive moves. Easily stunned?

PLAY

Lux is able to get in a few desperation strikes to keep Vita off balance. Retrieves several weapons from ringside but suffers attacks before he can use them. Back and forth but he is constantly getting reversed.

PAUSE

SCRITCH

Same thing, over and over. Can’t keep an advantage? One good punch to the throat and nothing to follow it up with? No ability to chain offense?

PLAY

Lux is a striking machine, going back to punches over and again, though unable to capitalize or go for a single pin. A superplex attempt turn into a submission loss.

PAUSE

SCRITCH

Only one wrestling move in the entire match, and it was reversed into a tap out. Zero other damage done to his shoulders but still tapped? Weak shoulders? Work on right shoulder to set up the Pigeonwing.

Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan pushes back her glasses of the rim of her nose with an extended forefinger, an unconscious action learned quickly after she began wearing glasses full time a year ago, and looked down at the notebook on her lap. Tight lines of red filled the pages, the letters neat and ordered, though with the occasional splotch here and there. With a grimace forming on her face, she shakes her right hand and flexes her fingers, before placing the notebook on the table to her right, where a bottle of ink rests, a quill with a brilliant black feather reflecting an iridescent sheen poking high into the air.

“Oh, fuck ME in the goat ass…”

Her voice is pained as she stands up with a groan. She raises her hands and stretches as high as she can, her white shirt pulling tight enough to show the shape of her breasts, before bringing them back down with another groan. She walks forward to a television set just as a disk pops out of the Bluray player. Lithe fingers deftly pluck it from the machine and place it into a case marked Lux vs. Valenteen: 1/26/2019, which then place it onto a lower shelf next so several more.

Lux vs. Rivera: 2/9//2019

Lux vs. Ngata vs. Tiberius: 2/16/2019

Lux/Grey vs. Ngata/Tiberius: 2/23//2019

Lux vs. Principe: 3/9/2019

Lux vs. Mastermind: 3/16//2019

Sarah looks down at them, her eyes flashing red in the meager light of the television screen now a plain blue, and lets out a long sigh. The depth of the sigh, along with the dark circles under her eyes, touched with a soft purple, tell the story of exhaustion. She reaches up and pulls her hair out of its tail, the long platinum strands catching that meager blue light and casting off their gleam, then shakes the locks loose. She runs her fingers across her scalp, offering another sigh as she does so, and then reforms the loose ponytail with the bright red tie.

”Almost done, Sar. And THEN you can rest. Big day.”

She walks away from the television, her gait with a slight limp visible in the first few steps, then shuts off the light as she walks through the door and closes it behind her.

* * * * * * * * * *

Miss Lacklan...If You’re Nasty

Part Two: Growing

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

We welcome you to the second half of our docuseries on the professional wrestler known as Sarah Lacklan. Part one, A Day in the Life, showed you a typical day for the young woman, from waking up in a hotel while on the road, to training with her spouse, to spending time with her friends. And today brings you another glimpse into what it is like to be her, though with a special twist, a never-before-had adventure for her:

She’s getting her driver’s license.

"Let’s be honest here: I never thought I was going to EVER have to drive myself ANYWHERE. That’s what servants are for-"

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

"Employees."

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

"Whatever! N-E-Ways, that was one of the advantages of growing up with everything I did, ya know? Always had a dedicated driver. And even my first year or so as a wrestler, that was never anything I had to worry about. And, yes, in THIS day and age where I can just use my SWEET Windows phone to get some flunky to pick us up, there’s still something about getting that license on my own. Like, one of my resolutions this year was to do more stuff by myself, and this is a big one."

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

Sarah was up even early on this cold Friday morning in Hollywood than usual. Stretching and “personal time” with Kenzi completed, the young woman ran for an hour while listening to a blend of musicals and heavy metal on her Zune audio player, lifted weights for another hour at the Moses Fitness in Valley Glen, and upon returning home, ate more food in one sitting than this reporter ever could have thought for someone her size. We received NUMEROUS questions from up-and-coming athletes to post her meal plan, but Mrs. Grey-Lacklan declined to answer that question in this forum-

"Nothing fun!”

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

Er...thank you, other Mrs Gr-

"I miss pork rinds SO FUCKING MUCH"

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

Um...well...yes, we can understand that. While we have you here, Kenzi, can you answer a question which was asked by a fan? What did you think of Sarah when you two first met? And how has that changed since then?

"Kenzi: When I first met Sarah, I was in a relationship with someone she was acquainted with…not friends with, but someone who was known to her and the circles she traveled in. I was fascinated by her from the moment I first spoke to her! No, it wasn’t like “Hey! I’m in love with her!” but she was certainly someone I was drawn to. She was so funny and larger than life! Very smart…but a free spirit for sure.

“After things between us changed, and we got together, over time she has matured a lot. She’s still funny and she still has that enormous personality, but it’s tempered now. I know a lot of people see her over-the-top promotional videos and they think she’s out of her mind, but she’s far from it. She’s just on a whole other level."

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

Um...wow. Thank you, Kenzi.

After her daily exercise and training, Sarah does several things in her Hollywood Hills home which are...if we may use the word...normal. She spent time with her pet, a dwarf albino bunny, a gift from her late godmother Zoe Chaos, and then “fed” her digital pet.

"My tamagotchi is older than Dolly! I mean, they’re only supposed to live a couple of years, or whatev, but when I was six or seven? Daddy contacted Bandai and got them to do an upgrade to mine to make sure that he lived FOREVER! Because rich. Being rich REALLY helps get what you want. Oh, and screaming and yelling. Screaming, yelling, and being rich are REALLY helpful in life!”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

This brings up an interesting point for this reporter, something that Mrs. Grey-Lacklan has commented upon herself. It is widely known that Sarah grew up wealthy, though the vast majority of her family’s money is not liquid, but it is also fairly well known that she does not live off any of that money as an adult. She has a trust that is unavailable until she is twenty-five, some four years from now, though she does receive a stipend from her step mother-

"Step-Mumsie”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

Um...yes...a stipend from her step-musie, the widow Aveline Lacklan, who is also a professional wrestling known as Le Bord de Dieu.

"HATE that bitch!"

-Roxy Cotton

"I’m with her!"

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

"Wrll, she likes cats, so she’s not ALL bad.

“Just mostly..."

-Angie Vaughn

And while successful, Kenzi has been known to spend her money twice as fast as she earns it-

"Hey! Do you have ANY idea how expensive Sar’s shoe fetish is to maintain?!"

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

-in part due to her insatiable need to purchase illegal pets-

"Okay, you might have me here..."

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

-which makes people wonder how exactly the two women are able to afford a spacious house in the hills of Hollywood. Thankfully, a friend of the CircleTV family, fellow reporter F. Alexander Quinn, was able to supply some context. Two years ago, Kenzi won a large jackpot in Vegas, and ended up spending the majority of it as a downpayment on the large house, which she lived in with then-best friend Melissa Reeves. And while the whirlwind tale of how Kenzi and Sarah went from best friends to happily married couple now living in the house is beyond the scope of this docuseries, it does seem prudent to as the question directly to Sarah that she has passively voiced before:

"Um...well...I’m not the BEST at math...but I’m pretty sure we CAN’T afford it. At least, not right this SECOND. Its expensive. And don’t EVEN get me started on that goddamn HOA! Greedy bastards. And, of course, my wife’s propensity for bring in stray dogs-”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

Editor’s note: “Stray dogs” means “people in need”

”-and you find that we’re often stretching our dollars! Truth be told, we are taking a HUGE gamble on Dark Goddess Productions, but you can bet your ass that we’ll work ourselves to the BONE before we let ourselves fail. Which, to be perfectly honest, is a big part of me working the ring again. A big part of me looking around and finding tournaments and big paydays. Where there’s a will, right?”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

Interesting enough, after her post workout meal large enough to feed a village in Africa, Sarah spent time looking at some of her wrestling awards. The mantel of their large fireplace housed two matching trophies, tall and wide structures of shining metal, spoils of a tournament held by the United Global Wrestling Association. Sarah won their “WrestleStock Open” in 2017 when she began what is thought of as her “world tour,” winning two matches in as many days. The following year, she entered the tournament again, as did Kenzi and their dear friend Angie Vaughn, and after several days of trials, the three found themselves in the tournament final together in a triple threat. And as the trophy proudly displays, Kenzi won the tournament that year, though it does not include the fact that it was Sarah who she beat to do so.

After visiting the mantel, Sarah finds her way to a corner where their curio stands, a tall and proud display case with with multiple mirrored shelves. Each one displays a championship title belt, with boh Kenzi and Sarah’s name on them, from a variety of companies. Both have held tag championships together, both have held “extreme” titles, and still more.

”-While little politcal games in this business have lead to idiotic dumbass shit like people becoming world champions on their first night as a wrestler, the reality is that MY first couple of years are AXLY successful, all without the need to suck some guys dick in a back alley. Now, I’m not SAYING that that’s what Lux had to do to be put into a position to win a championship in his first match, but I HAVE shot Roxy a few texts to check out what color of lipstick Lux wears and think back to what colors Vinnie may or may not have had around Mr. Winky a couple months ago, that’s all!

“N-E-Ways, MY success has been through hard work and dedication. And because of that, I’m a two-time tag champ, a badass hardcore champ who defended 24/7 and only dropped the title after that CRAXY management change and I wasn’t up for dealing with THOSE kind of people...you know what I’m talking about...as well as a hard fought victory over a legit world champ for a title that I was willing to kill myself for. And that is what I bring to EVERY company I work for: Authenticity. I AM a badass. I don’t need to pretend. I don’t need to fantasize. I don’t need to bend over for a promoter to get a shot. I MAKE and TAKE my shots, and will do ANYTHING to win them.”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

After what appeared to be a time of reflection for the young woman, she then set about the arduous process of preparing herself for the public.

"You have NO idea how long it takes for Sar to get ready. I mean, bitch, you look fine! Let’s go, already!"

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

They did NOT go.

”Here’s a #CoolTip for all you aspiring wrestlings and/or media stars out there: Take your time. Slow down. Let your hand be steady. Because wings THIS fire take patience!”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

Sarah’s “wings,” a form of eye makeup where the eyeshadow is extended into points away from the eye, which often mean all the way to the temple for the young woman, ARE indeed “fire.” As are her lipstick, which is a specialty color created by M*A*C to match her eyes, is thickly painted, and her hair is pulled back into an elaborate braid.

”Mrs OMG I LOOK AMAZING WITHOUT MAKEUP can shit the hell up! ”

-Sarah Grey-Lacklan

And while this reporter hopes you watch the Director's Cut of this series, which shows Sarah interacting with members of her "Legion" of employees, as well as the second half of the Cribs MTV special that shows every room of her home, including the twenty-seven places where "the magic happens," what interested us most was that, before leaving for the DMV and her appointment with Fate, Sarah took time to write a letter.

"Uh...don’t get me started on the letters...!"

-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan

"She sends them by pigeon! They are SO cute! Except when Ser Alex tries to eat them..."

-Angie Vaughn

"One of her stupid pigeons crapped on my head! I asked if she TOLD them to do that, but then she said that she CAN’T tell a bird to do that, that’s just silly, but then she giggled and did her eye-rolling thing. I don’t think she was telling the truth..."

-Roxy Cotton

Again in thanks to the investigative journalist skills of Mr. Quinn, we know that hand-writing letters to people is something done often in the Lacklan family. Her father, Jean-Paul, was known to write them to both his opponents and friends, and the practice was picked up by his daughter, as well as the widow Aveline. One of the Lacklan-owned companies is a paper manufacturer, and as such the paper used by the family is plentiful and well made, though we do wonder about the young woman’s use of a quill and ink jar.

"Ugh...she did that in high school, too. It took her FOREVER to pass a note back!"

-Ashley Allen

Before she sent the letter off with one of her prized carrier pigeons, a member of the flock that she cultivated and trained through secretive methods, she allowed us to record the letter for posterity. We wish to present it to you now:

Dear Corey

I wish to apologize. Profusely. I am very, very sorry.

I am sorry for ripping away everything which is important to you.

Nearly your entire existence as a young man has been about THIS. THIS is what you are. THIS is what you will be. Take away your big ol’ job to Vita in that match you never should have been in. Take away meaningless wins over losers who are just as likely to blow off the promotional period of a match and show up drunk at the show as do their jobs. This tournament is EVERYTHING you are. Winning it PROVES the madness in your head. Winning it saves the world.

A pity I have to ruin that world.

Do you believe in God, Corey? Do you believe in the Heavenly Father? This might sound silly, but there are those who I grew up with who believe that I would set the entire world on fire. And, for a time, I believed it. My father, along with being who he was for the wrestling world, was a preacher. Established his own church. And while I disagree with a point or two of what the Word says, particularly in the area of same sex relationships, I am very much a penitent woman. But am I his light? Am I his fire? Am I the one meant to burn the world to its foundations so that we can start anew?

I bet not a single thing I said in that above paragraph means a thing to do, does it? I would bet my entire fortune that you have ZERO idea what I am talking about. And that is one of the biggest problems about you, kid. You are so absorbed in your self-important nonsense that you can’t look at anything beyond the skin of your opponents, and by the time this letter reaches you, it will likely be too late to fully understand what you are facing. Because “research” and “preparation” which consists of watching a few vlogs and getting yourself worked up into knee-jerk reaction videos might get you a few wins in the undercard, but they will NEVER get your hand raised in the important battles.

I have watched every match you have had over and again. I’ve seen how you are slow to react to being grounded. I’ve seen how you have a look of confusion, even if its only momentary, when someone forces you into a clinch. I’ve see how you offense is, as I have pointed out before, very “one note,” much akin to a single color, or a single flavor.

But me? You have NO idea who I am. And while someone with as limited experience as yourself can cry out into the night “But I have watched your matches!” the truth of the matter is that you have but a small sampling of who I am or what I do. And if you will allow me, I will give you a small clue:

I’m no vlogger.

I’m no media star.

Oh, I DO those things. I DO vlog. I DO position myself to be the face of media. But I am NOT those things.

I am a wrestler.

A VERY good wrestler.

And you didn’t even need to try very hard to find out who I really am. Literally, all you had to do was look and ask around your own company. The owner of the company has seen me wrestle for well over a year. Don’t want to talk to Vinnie, or even Roxy? Ask Raven. Raven knows what I can do very well. Hell, there is even a person in this company who fought WITH my father nearly twenty years ago! But you didn’t do that. You didn’t look around. You didn’t actually try to research. You just went off the surface, just saw the Billion $$$ smile and assumed it was all over.

Talk about the Ballad of Pots and Kettles on your criticism that I thought this was going to be easy.

A charge which you were both right and wrong about, by the way. Wrong, because I go into EVERY match well prepared. I scout. I train. I have strategies and back-up plans in place. Its both a main reason and spoil of traveling around the world as much as I do: You become prepared for various styles and circumstances. This might be your first tournament semi-final, but it’s not mine. And I might be the first super junior you have faced, but you are certainly not the first striker I have faced. So, no, I never thought this would be easy. I was prepared for it to be difficult.

But, also, it IS easy. Because, in the last two weeks, you have shown yourself to be underwhelming and shallow. The XWF has learned that I am funny and vicious, witty and strong. I have offered an arching story of varying depth, complexity, and scope. But all you have given them is a neverending density of nonsense with no change in pace, flavor, or purpose, just the same as your in-ring skills. The only thing missing from what you have to show the world is quoting entire song lyrics or Bible quotes out of context in order to get your point across. Your extent as a wrestling personality in these two months of your activity have been the same thing, over and again, and while there are those who wish to heap praise upon you for technical skill, anyone who has been in this business for an appreciable amount of time has been able to see through the bright lights and distractions of your mental issues to who you really are:

A little boy that is in WAY over his head.

And thus my apology, kiddo. When we meet in the ring on Sunday, your entire world is coming down. The thing that is inside of you, the person trying to get out, is going to be reduced to a formless rubble as the realization finally dawns in your eyes. I apologize because when I went through something similar, I had support and therapy to help me erase my delusions. But you? You will just have me. And I am neither gentle nor caring. I am harsh. Vicious. Efficient.

I am going to rip Lux away and leave nothing but a scared boy, weeping in a corner, hoping against hope that his parents will come save him and give him a lolly.

The other day, I vowed that I would not continue on in the XWF if I could not defeat you in this semi-final. This was not a publicity stunt or something to garner attention. This is not something to weasel out of or else take away the importance of. I meant every word. And while I have zero idea if you have responded to it, or if you plan on meeting my posture with your own, my assumption is that you won’t. Because when you lose this match? Everything you ARE is gone. Everything you SAY you are is gone. Everything people THINK you are is gone. And that is why you won’t put your own career in this company on the line alongside mine. Because of the gripping fear that, after all, you are NOT a warrior from the future giving a modern vessel super strength and speed. You will find out that you are, after all, just a kid so desperate for affection and attention that he will come up with ANYTHING to get the eyes of those around him. Even something as outlandish as this.

You may not be able to face the fact that you are nothing but a poor kid in scraps when you look into some dirty, cracked mirror, but that’s okay. Because I AM able to help you look at yourself and face the facts of what you are. I AM here to help you put Lux in a box and bury her deep. And because you have spent so much time lying to yourself across the last few months, I won’t lie to you: Its going to hurt.

But, my God, that pain will be beautiful.

Your obedient:

S.S.G-L

* * * * * * * * * *

Epilogue

“Um...you didn’t come to a complete stop?”

”Its okay! My friend Roxy tells me that stop signs are really just for the people who can’t afford to pay to keep going.

“Um...and you cut off that guy because…”

”Um...I’m more important? Duh?”

“Please keep both hands on the wheel!”

”But I’m getting a text!”

“You can’t read that while driving!”

”Oh please, now you’re just making up stuff. Oh hey! It’s a #DigitalPigeon from my friend Ang. Hold the wheel while I hit her back?”

“What?! Oh my-”

”Thanks, man! I appreciate that. Now hold on while I pass this dweeb in front of me…”

“Watch your speed!”

”I am! We got too slow while I was #DigitalPigeoning. I’m only at 68.”

“The speed limit is 65!”

”I know! My friend Roxy told me that you have to go at LEAST ten miles over the minimum!”

“Minimum?! That’s the maximum!”

”Oh, you’re SO silly! Roxy is an AMAZING driver and taught me just about everything I know! Oh! Her cam show is starting! Lemme just log on and get it on my phone real quick…”

“MOMMY!”

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode "I am a PERFECT driver."
Author	Message