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Lacklan · (03-23-2019)

Fuck Dolly Waters

FUCK THAT BITCH UP HER ASS

I worked SO GODDAMN HARD for Kenzi

SO FUCKING HARD

She never appreciated it.

NEVER

I was NEVER good enough

She was ALWAYS giving me shit about my body

She was ALWAYS saying that I was some GROSS LESBIAN like her

And then Dolly came

FUCK THAT BITCH

Oh, das WUNDERBITCH is amazing, huh?

Das WUNDERWHORE books, like, seventeen days worth of activities in an hour and sends it to your stupid iPhone, huh?

It’s always DOLLY DOLLY DOLLY

And here I am, at the Queen Mother’s birthday party, DRINKING MY WORRIES AWAY, and I see THAT BITCH DOLLY getting all UP in the lives of MY KENZI AND SARAH

Sarah...MY FRIEND...trying to find Dolly a cute boy?!

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CUTE BOY

Okay...okay

This MAY be the moonshine talking

FUCK that shit is SMOOTH

I’m not #TeamKickass’s personal assistant anymore. I couldn’t handle all the disrespect. I worked SO FUCKING HARD for Kenzi. I went to FUCKING CHINA because MISS EVIL BOSS had a craving for ORANGE CHICKEN

THEY DON’T MAKE ORANGE CHICKEN IN CHINA

But I still went. Picked up some Panda on the way home. She never knew the difference.

Did Dolly do that?

Titty bitch baby can’t even DRIVE

So, I’m at the party, right?

Drinking

Drinking

DRINKING

And it occurs to me

I don’t run the CoolTubeSource twitter anymore

But I AM still the head of the #CoolRankings team in the Legion

So

So

SO

Lets rank some shit, huh?

- #CoolRankings, in association with Dark Goddess Productions, presents -

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

The Avengers

Sar: Captain Marvel - World-beating badass. Duh.

Lux: Quicksilver: Pretty hawt, sweet abs, but ultimately dies in the end because bullshit male bravado

Game Girl: Maya Hanson - Super smart chick who is still dumber than dog shit even when compared to a drunken Tony who winds up very, VERY dead

Dolly: Random footwoman from Iron Fist. Because stupid little girl who doesn’t deserve to even be IN the fucking movie

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

Into the Spider-Verse

Sar: Gwen Stacy - Fuckin’ duh. The badass that dominates every scene she’s in.

Lux: Spider Ham - One funny line and then Jesus FUCK your act got lame

Game Girl: Octavius - Pretty badass villain for a while but, yeah, not exactly the end boss, are you?

Dolly: No, the fuck you are NOT SP//dr! That chick was badASS and FUCK YOU YOU ARE PROWLER BECAUSE DIE BITCH

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

Final Fantasy Games

Sar: Final Fantasy 6 - because OPERA HOUSE AND KEFKA BITCH

Lux: Final Fantasy 5 - Seems like it would be really cool and then BLAM what IS this horeSHIT about being from WHERE?!

Game Girl: Final Fantasy 9 - Not the worst by any means, but when you find out that it was meant to be a non-cannon spin off but went full budget because Square needed money? Yeah, the shitty pacing makes a LOT of sense

Dolly: Final Fantasy 13 - It’s not even a fucking final fantasy?! Where the FUCK ARE THE SIDE QUESTS OMG I WISH THIS THING WOULD DIE IN A FIRE

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

Sesame Street

Sar: Elmo - High-pitched vlogger with lots of red? Totes her. Also: Insanely popular, possesses incredible range, and literally saved and revolutionized the show.

Lux: Big Bird - Go back and watch old shows and you’ll understand why. Spoiler Alert: His friend is FUCKING IMAGINARY

Game Girl: Telly - Obsessed and neurotic, has a couple of REALLY GOOD bits but otherwise is a whiny bitch that no one can stand.

Dolly: Abby - Jesus FUCK I hate this character! “OMG, I HAZ MAGIC! DID I DO THAT?” And her voice is the fucking WORST, just like that Kentucky Fried Chicken bullshit coming from DOLLY

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

Sexual Positions

Sar: Rope-assisted reverse cowgirl - It is DISGUSTING to hear her kiss and tell about her adventures with that BITCH KENZI, but holy SHIT she’s creative

Lux: Missi- “Oh God, I’m so sorry! That NEVER happens to me!”

Game Girl: Doggy, but with her back arched the wrong way - Like, you know how guys basically nut as soon as you get that arch in there where it looks like they are breaking you in half? Yeah, GG would be the opposite direction of that that sends a guy into Flacidville

Dolly: Bound and gagged - and tossed into a goddamn river for ALL I CARE

The Final Four of the King of the Ring Tournament represented as:

Soda flavors

Sar: Coke Zero Cherry - because that shit is fucking CRACK I WANT SOME RIGHT NOW

Lux: Cactus Cooler - First taste was great but then you set it down and go get something else

Game Girl: Energy Drinks - Popular with obese incel losers who enjoy their digital love with “girls” online

Dolly: Diet Chocolate Shasta - Because NO ONE drinks that shit

Damn. Shit just went DOWN at this party. Guess that’s all for me for now!

See you around, das wunderslut

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