Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a 60 Minute Iron Man Match, and is to determine the Number 1 Contender to the XWF Universal Championship!

As soon as Tig O'Bitties finishes speaking, all the lights in the arena go out.



The words "FOLLOW ME" come up on the X-Tron in blue letters, and stage starts to bellow smoke with blue and white lights flickering. At the 10 second mark, he steps through the smoke.

Introducing first, residing in Clearwater Beach, Florida, weighing in at 240lbs, CHRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!!!!

Chaos makes his usual entrance, basically Edge 2004-Retirement. The slow walk, the run and slide into the ring, however, there is one big difference to usual.

It would seem that Jenny Myst is not gonna be at ringside for this match.

Why SHOULD she be, JR? You heard Chris on Savage, she cost him 2 very important matches, including their chance at the Tag Team Titles, he probably doesn’t trust her to be at ringside, unless he wants to risk it happening again tonight.

Chaos gets up on the far turnbuckle and gets up on it, throwing both arms up to a mixed reception. He gets down and removes his jacket.



And his opponent, from Washington, D.C, weighing in at 290lbs, ROOOOOOOOBBIEEEEEEEEEEEEE BOURRRRRRRRRBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!

Robbie steps out. He starts to calmly walk down to the ring, taking his time to get there. He climbs the ring steps, stands on the apron, and turns his back to the ring, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles while jawing to the crowd, which is singing along to I, Don Quixote. Robbie then enters the ring and points at the referee, jawing at him. He then spins, hops on the second turnbuckle, and raises his arms at 45 degree angles again.

Luca, it is pretty clear to most people that The Motherfuckers are very hard to beat, Robbie Bourbon especially, has been on a tear as of late.

While you’re not wrong, I can’t wait to see Bourbon get beat. Come on Chris!.

The referee makes sure both competitors are ready. He signals for the bell.

DING!
DING!
DING!

60:00 59:59 59:58

Here we go!

We could be in for a slobber-knocker here, ladies and gentlemen!

Chaos and Bourbon circle each other to start with, then Chaos charges Bourbon and takes him by suprise, knocking him down with a Lou Thesz press, and starts to rain down punches on him.

Chaos is makin’ it rain down onto Bourbon with those punches, but wait, hang on a second-

Bourbon’s wrenching himself to his feet! Dragging Chaos with him! What’s he thinkin’ here?

And sure enough, Bourbon is on his feet picking up Chaos, and lifts him up, and holds him there… before dropping him with a devastating vertical suplex, the canvas shaking with the impact. Chaos bounces of the mat due to the impact. Bourbon then runs back and bounces of the ropes, charging straight towards Chaos…

BAH GAWD! What a running senton bomb! Chris might as well be a pancake after that!

Chaos rolls to the outside, clutching his chest, Bourbon goes to the outside as well, however, Chaos quickly catches Bourbon with a brutal headbutt, right to the nose!

Oh my lord! What a brutal headbutt! Talk about a rapid fire comeback.

Chaos then grabs Bourbon and drops him with a DDT, he clubs him on the ground with forearms before sliding back into the ring, Bourbon starts to climb to his feet, and gets back in. Bourbon and Chaos start to brawl, however, after a swing and miss from Bourbon, Chaos gains the upper hand, eventually delivering a European Uppercut, knocking Bourbon outside. Bourbon begins to rise, however…

Uh oh! Chaos is on the move!

And a suicide dive from Chao-NO! Bourbon caught him!

Bourbon has Chaos, and, despite Chaos struggling, throws him down to the ground with The E.M.C. Chaos is dropped like a sack of potatoes, Bourbon rolls him back into the ring and climbs onto the apron, and taunts to the crowd, he turns around and…

WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS!!!

Jesus god almighty! Bourbon’s jaw might have been broken!

Bourbon drops from the apron, landing roughly on the ground below, however, Chaos also collapses from exhaustion.

Damn! Not even 10 minutes in, and both men are have already hit each other with a finisher! This is gonna a big time slugfest at this rate!

Time Remaining: 53:27 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 0 VS Robbie Bourbon: 0

Chaos begins to pull himself up using the ropes, as Bourbon climbs to his feet on the outside. Bourbon’s up first, and Chaos stands soon after. Bourbon rakes Chris’s eyes on the ropes, and then slid into the ring. Bourbon then tried to go for the Hammerlock clothesline, however, Chaos countered into a massive high knee.

Oh! What a knee, Bourbon is rocked!

51:02 51:01 51:00 50:59

Chaos slips behind Robbie, he’s got the arms crossed! Could this be…YES! German Suplex! He’s got the bridge!

ONE!....








TWO!...








TH-KICKOUT by Bourbon!

Robbie just about kicked out there, he’s in huge trouble here!

Chaos wastes no time, with Robbie still down, he heads into the corner, and begins to measure Bourbon. Bourbon slowly begins to rise, Chaos begins to measure Bourbon…



Oh boy! Here we go, say goodnight Bourbon!

He then charges from the corner, at full speed…



Bourbon turns around…








Right into a

SPEAR!!!



He got all of him there, cover by Chaos

ONE!...







That could do it!







TWO!...













THRE-ROBBIE KICKS OUT!!!!

BAH GAWD! HOW IN THE HELL DID HE KICK OUT OF THAT?!

LOOK AT CHRIS! HE CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

Chaos starts arguing with the referee, the ref insists it was 2, but Chaos then forearms him to the ground! Robbie, unaware of this, hits Chaos with a…

BIZARRO ROBBIEBOMB!

He’s pinning him, but there’s no referee!

Robbie starts to count the pin, the audience chanting along with him.
ONE!...






TWO!..







THREE!...






FOUR!...






FIVE!...







SI-Chaos kicks out!

Dammit, that son of a bitch knocked out the ref! It should be one-nil to Robbie!

Bourbon picks up Chaos, going for the Robbiedriver, however, Chaos counters Robbie, locking him in a Crossface. Robbie tries to pull Chaos to the ropes, Chaos wrenches back on Bourbon’s neck, almost stretching his neck. Chaos then has a stroke of genius, and begins to pull back on Robbie’s injured nose from his headbutt.

You can hear Robbie’s screams, it’s only a matter of time JR!

Robbie is screaming in agony, as his nose and neck are being wrenched. Blood is now visible as Chaos is wrenching on the nose of Bourbon. The ref is finally up, and runs towards the duo.

No! Come on Chris, you’ll break his damn nose! For God’s sake, stop it!

Bourbon is writhing in agony, slowly passing out due to blood loss, eventually, he is left with no choice…

Wait a minute, look at Bourbon. He’s gonna tap!

Bourbon’s fading! He’s got no choice but to-

HE TAAAAAPS!!!

Dammit!


DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 38:57 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 1 VS Robbie Bourbon: 0

Chaos releases Bourbon, rolling to the outside as he does so. Bourbon is clutching his now broken nose, slowly crawling to the ropes to pull himself up. Meanwhile, Chaos has grabbed a steel chair, and has slid back into the ring.

Chaos wielding that chair with evil intentions, Bourbon is about to get his faced caved in!


CRACK!!


OH! Chaos just took out the ref! He’s now targeting Bourbon!

Chaos swings for the fences but…

Wait a minute, Bourbon’s caught the chair, and he’s turned back on Chaos!




CCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRACK!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Good…GAWD!! The chair is dented after being cracked over Chaos’s skull![red]

Oh my god…Looks at Chris’s face! He is busted WIDE open! It might as well be a blood version of Niagara Falls!

Chaos falls to the ground, blood pouring down his face, Robbie then begins to deadlift Chaos and puts in Robbiebomb position.

[red]SIT-OUT ROBBIEBOMB! HE’S GOT THE COVER!

The ref is up! He’s gonna count!
ONE!...







Kick out Chris! COME ON!








TWO!...




NO NO NO! KICK OUT CHRIS!!!














THREE!!!


HE GOT HIM!!



DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 29:04 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 1 VS Robbie Bourbon: 1

Robbie releases the pin, and the referee is out cold. Robbie picks up Chaos for a body slam, however, Chaos escapes, and brawls with Bourbon. After smacking Bourbon with his forearm, he pulls something out of tights, and punches Bourbon. Bourbon goes down almost instantly, Chaos then shows what it was.

Chaos just used brass knuckles on Robbie Bourbon! Bourbon might as well be knocked out! Son of a bitch!

Chaos then hits Robbie Bourbon with a Spike Piledriver, he then almost instantly goes into the cover!

The audience (again) count the pin.
ONE!...















TWO!...


Chaos then stops covering Bourbon and slides to the outside. He goes under the ring…

Chaos looking to get a weapon. Wait, what the- Is that… a STAPLE GUN?!?!

I don’t like this one bit, Luca. We’ve seen what Chaos will do to win a match with the most basic weapons, so what THE HELL is gonna do with THAT?!
Chaos then set Robbie up in the corner, he pulls this sheet of paper:



He then places the staple gun on Robbie’s head.


*CLICK*

OH MY GOD! Chris Chaos just used the staple gun, to staple that paper to Robbie’s GODDAMN HEAD!!!


Good Lord! Bourbon is screaming! And Chaos just thumped Bourbon in the nose with the butt of the gun!

Chaos, backs up and runs into the corner: STINGER SPLASH! He pops Bourbon on his shoulders and hits him with the…




EQUALIZER!!

Chaos drops to the ground out of exhaustion, and starts to crawl towards a face down Robbie. During this time, another referee come out. Finally, after about 10 seconds of crawling…


CHAOS GET HIS ARM OVER THE BACK OF ROBBIE! THAT’S A COVER!

ONE!...













TWO!...











THREE!!!


DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 21:23 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 2 VS Robbie Bourbon: 1

Bourbon rolls to the outside, and pulls the staple out of his head. Blood starts to drip out of the wound left behind.


Chaos rolls outside, going after Bourbon, and throws him back into the ring, Chaos then runs at Bourbon, however, Bourbon hits him with a second E.M.C.

Now both men are down again!

This has been an absolute slobberknocker thus far, who is gonna take the win and advance to face the Universal Champion?!

Chaos and Bourbon start pulling themselves into opposite corners.


Chaos is up first, and charges Bourbon for a stinger splash, however, Bourbon moves out of the way, and catches Chaos with a
ROBBIEDRIVER!!! Pin ‘im Robbie
ONE!...













TWO!...











THREE!!!


DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 18:54 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 2 VS Robbie Bourbon: 2

Chaos kicks out, the moment after the three count, and starts arguing with the ref, before…

He’s on Chaos’s shoulders! My God! Chris, you sick son of a bitch, don’t you-

Equalizer on the ref!

The ref is out cold.

Time Remaining: 18:02 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 2 VS Robbie Bourbon: 2

The referee finally comes to, as Chaos and Bourbon are brawling, Chaos is now bleeding heavily, and Bourbon’s nose (although it’s hard to tell at first) is definitely broken. After seemingly getting the upper hand, Chaos swings a forearm at Bourbon, he ducks, and hits Chaos with a huge clothesline. He covers…
ONE!....







TWO!....



KICKOUT!!!

These men have been through a WAR, what is going take to keep them down!

At this point JR, your guess is as good as mine. My god, this has been BRUTAL!

29:02 29:01 29:00

Chaos is slowly getting to his feet, Robbie walks towards his, and pulls Chaos to his feet. Chaos and Bourbon lock up, Bourbon looks to get the advantage, but then…

Chaos just released the grapple what is- He just went UNDER Bourbon, what agility that was!

Chaos then, with all of his strength, wrenches Bourbon shakily up for a military press!

Bah Gawd!! There is no way he’s gonna hit it. Surely not. He’s going for it, he begins to dr-

OH! MY! GOD! BOURBON JUST DDT’ED CHAOS! Come on Chris, get up man. GET UP!!

Bourbon covers…

ONE!...













TWO!...











THREE!!!


DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 14:12 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 2 VS Robbie Bourbon: 3

[red]Bourbon’s in the lead, with just over 28 minutes to go!

Okay, Chris, you’ve still got time, but you HAVE to pull this back, and FAST!

Bourbon drags Chaos to his feet, Chaos kicks Robbie right in the balls! He then begins to pummel Robbie, however, Robbie turns Chaos over, and begins to wail on his busted open skull! This goes on for about a good minute and a half, each of them exchanging blows, before Robbie finally picks up Chaos.

What’s Robbie going for here. Whatever it is, it’s gonna hurt!

Chaos elbows Bourbon and breaks free, Chaos off the ropes-SPEAR!!! Good shot Chris!

Luca, you do realise that Chaos still needs to PIN him?!

He’s getting there JR, now shut up!

Chaos does indeed cover Bourbon…

ONE!...









TWO!...




THRE-KICKOUT!!!

HOLY HELL! How did he kick out?!

WHAT DID WE JUST SEE?!

Chaos is furious, and begins to unload forearms on Bourbon, the referee is forced to pull Chaos off Bourbon, and drag him into the corner.


Chaos puts his hands up, and lets the referee check on Robbie, that is, until Chaos charges Robbie, and begins to nail him with grounded punches.
Chaos is a man possessed, he is going mental here on Robbie!

And again, the referee is forced to pull Chaos off of Bourbon. And Chaos is NOT happy about that!

Chaos then drags Robbie to his feet, before knocking him down with a European Uppercut, then picking him up and hitting him with a Spike Piledriver, before fully connecting with a gorilla press slam, however, he falls down, but he manages to pull himself up quickly, and pulls himself into the corner.

Oh boy! Chaos has got that look in his eyes, he is stamping his foot, he’s calling for the superkick!

Robbie Bourbon is on the…





WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS!!!
Chaos covers him!

ONE!...








TWO!...








THREE!!!


DING!

DING!

DING!

Time Remaining: 6:48 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 3 VS Robbie Bourbon: 3

Not long left, and we are all level here!

Chaos is on top. The two men stumble to their feet after this epic encounter.

The two meet in the centre of the ring. Chaos whips Bourbon across the ring sluggishly. Bourbon nails Chaos with a shoulder block!

Chaos drops to the mat and Bourbon drops a rather hopeful looking elbow!

The cover!!

1.…






2.…



Kick out!


Both men remain down for moments as time trickles away!

We are into the dying moments here! Just three minutes left!

But they struggle to their feet! They exchange forearms! Chaos runs off the ropes and plants Bourbon with a heavy clothesline!

Bourbon is up fast, but Chaos ducks and plants Bourbon with a facebuster!!




Chris heads to the turnbuckle, where he begins to line up his famous spear.



But as he does, the two security guards who were helping Archie Lawson earlier sprint down the ramp! They leap up on the apron!

Chaos runs across, clotheslines them both out of the ring! He looks down on them!

0:30…. 0.29….

But wait!!!


Bourbon!

Bourbon!!!





THE ROLL UP! THE ROLL UP!!



ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









TWOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!












THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time remaining: 0:17 FALL COUNTER Chris Chaos: 3 VS Robbie Bourbon: 4

Chaos can’t believe it! Chaos can’t believe it!!!

Both men to their feet!!!

0:10 0:09 0:08

SPEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







SPEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





THE COVER!!!



THE COVER!!!




ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP





THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!


The buzzer went! The buzzer went!

Nonsense! Surely that has to count!



The referee whispers to the ring announcer…

HERE IS YOUR WINNER!!!!!!!!!! AND THE NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW number one contender for the Universal Championship……. ROBBIE BOURBON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chaos is furious!!!!


He rolls to the outside! The security guards are up their feet!


SPEAR!!!!!!!


AND ANOTHER SPEAR!!!!!!!!!!

Archie Lawson appears on the X-Tron.

I know it was you who attacked me Chris! I bet you truly regret, complete and utter chaos now, don’t you!?

“DAMN RIGHT IT WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Chaos roars, bile spluttering from his mouth. The former Universal Champion is raging! He begins to storm to the back as the shot fades with Bourbon’s arm raised in the air!!!

Damn.

We see Robbie in the back being attended to by medics.

Well, Chris, you put up a hell of a fight, I'll give you that. I can tell you got the heart in you, but tonight was my night.

You didn't even say happy birthday to me.

Robbie waves off the medics and gets to his feet, stumbling a bit as he does. He looks into the camera.

So who's it going to be, Brucette, or Jimmy Raven, my fellow Motherfucker?

The medics come back and put a party hat on Robbie, and put a small cake in front of him with a lit candle. Robbie leans forward a bit in a stumble and licks the flame against his exposed chin, singing some whiskers in the process.

Ow.

Okay, okay, he has a concussion, let's get him looked over a little more.

Blue, Robbie's girlfriend and handler, steps in and starts to orchestrate the events in the medical room backstage. Robbie smiles and blows out the candle.

My brain got hit.