Team Gilmour... ASSEMBLE!


(The scene opens at AT&T Stadium in Texas where hundreds of thousands of fans are packed into their seats drinking out of Pepsi cups. After watching that horrific unrealistic promo that no one else will bother to fully watch from Yellow Sword they are on the edge of their seats waiting for their savior. The countdown clock begins.)

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(The fireworks explode like the nukes in Japan! A section of the stage lifts Ray Tings up as a circle of fire surrounds him! He does a double back flip over the flames, balls up his fists and swings them wildly! There are more fireworks than our eyes can keep up with, just going off everywhere. The ring posts are shooting out fireballs. The top of the stadium is lit up. There's a fog machine that takes up the entire ramp as fire shoots up from the side. Ray runs to the ring and does a front flip onto the apron. He cups his hands around his mouth and yells "IIIIIIT'S RAY TINGS TIIIIIME!")

Ray: Welcome to our pay per view event XWF Presents: Bad Raytings! I am your host and savior Ray fucking Tings! First off I wanna give a shout out to my tag team partners Peter F'N Gilmour and Ghost Tank! Together we will make this an event that will never be the same... EVER! YEAAAH! WOOOO!

(Ray pumps his fists and shakes the bottom rope to get everyone excited.)

Ray: Now it wasn't long ago where I made the greatest impact of all time. And no I'm not talking about TNA Impact featuring HURT Angle, I'm talking about Wednesday Night Rayfare featuring Ray TINGS! The ratings hit of the century! I attacked the Universal champion damn it. I started a fire that no one was able to put out, one that is still talked about to this day. I had Doctor Dville beaten, I could have walked away with his championship! I should be in the main event because I brought in the highest ratings number of all time. The numbers don't lie! There's obviously a conspiracy working against me in this place because I should be the main event of Bad Medicine, I mean Bad Raytings! But no! I gotta fight Yellow Bored instead! My God did anyone bother watching that crap? I watched 5 seconds of it and instantly regretted it!

Quote:My name is Free Willy. I am from the year 2018. This is my story.

I used to be a spacewoman but that all changed when my space shuttle crashed into a black hole and I met some people on a different world. Then I became a bamboo farmer. It was a great life but that all changed when the Agidyne Country attacked

Ray: That's how far I got before I said fuck this and walked away. I shall give him an F- for being boring right out the gate.

And what about the rest of my opponents? Well here we are hours into Bad Medicine yet none of them have the balls to show up. That's a sign of fear my friends. Rellik has stayed quiet for this long because he fears that he will get stomped on the mic by Ray Tings just like he'll get stomped in the ring at Bad Medicine! Hey Rellik, TNA called, they want their worthless midcarder back! Mastermind like I said you being silent shows how big of a pussy you are and you will never be the same... EVER! when I'm done with you.

And there's one other thing I have to do here before I leave. JIM ROSS! Get your fat ass in here NNNNNOW!

(Jim Ross slowly walks into the ring looking confused as hell. But before JR can make it into the ring Ray lowers his arm like he's picking an apple and a bolt of lightning surges from the rafters and into Good ol' JR's chest. He's on fire! By god he's on fire! Enuffs enuff! Luckily we have firefighters standing by and they are able to extinguish the flames.)

Ray: JR that is for underselling the impact that I made when I attacked the Doctor those weeks ago! Where was your voice that night? Who do you think you are trying to ignore Ray Tings like that?! You should have been yelling at the top of yours lungs: RAY TIIIIINGS! RAY TIIIIIINGS! But instead you let all of us down by sitting there like a tranquilized elephant. I deserve better than that! Just look at all these fans who lined up to see me this afternoon. JR you are a disgrace! Now hit my music! Mate!