Sid Feder starts to push on Mister Mystery's shoulder to try and wake him up from his deep sleep. After the two of them trashed Steve Sayors' interview set they went out to celebrate which, of course, meant consuming large amounts of alcohol for Mister Mystery even though Sid stuck to other means of entertainment -- namely lapdances followed by impromptu boxing matches with random drunks on the walk home.
:3 x Better: Wake the fuck up man we've got some real shit brewing here. Hey!
He shakes Mister Mystery's shoulder harder and suddenly there is a massive belch from under Mystery's mask. Yes, he was sleeping in the hockey mask but it got pushed up a little higher than it should be so his eyes weren't showing through it.
:MM 17 31707 1: Ugghh this better be good. What's the problem? John Madison stealing our plunger and bragging to you about how his toilet's clogged?
Sid doesn't even take time to appreciate the joke as he hands the cordless phone to Mister Mystery.
As soon as I realized Sid wasn't laughing at my Madison crack and was shoving a phone in my face, I knew shit just got real.
Mister Mystery sits up out of his blood stained bed (why?? why is his bed blood stained? run with it, Madison!) and takes the phone from Sid. He cups his hand over the receiver and whispers to Sid-
:MM 17 31707 1: Clue me in here -- what the fuck's the problem and who am I about to be talking to?
:3 x Better: It's General Manager Arkin Blackwater from Shove It and he's got some fucked up news. You better just let him explain or I'm going to start flipping tables I'm so god damn pissed right now. It's pure bullshit; I'll tell you that much.
Oh, fantastic. Just what I wanted to hear. Can you guess how enthusiastic I was at this point when I finally put the phone to my ear and said hello?
If you said "not enthusiastic at all mother fucker" you would have been right.
I listened to General Manager Blackwater introduce himself by his full name -- "This is Shove It Saturday Night's Co General Manager, Mr.. Arkin Octavian Blackwater" -- and I was still in a half asleep state so I couldn't help myself-
:MM 17 31707 1: Yeah what do you want, Bongwater? I've got more sleeping to do before I-
Mister Mystery stops dead in his tracks as he hears what Blackwater is saying and it catches him completely off guard.
This fuck goes on to tell me that I've officially tested positive-
-positive for what? Well you're not going to believe it either because it makes absolutely no sense what so ever.
This guy just told me I tested positive for anabolic steroids!
:MM 17 31707 1: FUCK!
Mister Mystery throws the phone in a fit of rage and it shatters against the wall. Sid is pacing back and forth as Mister Mystery kicks over a dresser and punches his fist through a wall.
Then punches his other fist into the wall -- yes -- while his first fist still was in it.
He starts to scream at the top of his lungs as Sid watches in pure awe; the monstrous beast pulls the stud right out of the wall and it rips down part of the ceiling above that spot. Once the dust and falling pieces of wall and ceiling finish collapsing there is now a large opening into the next room and up into the room on the next floor.
A woman's voice can be heard yelling down through the hole but we don't catch her face-
:Woman:
Holy shit! What the fuck's going on! You made me spill my coke!
Is that?
Could it be?
Was that Flo Feder yelling down from upstairs?
Before Sid or Mister Mystery can answer the woman, the phone that is still connected to the wall and wasn't already shattered begins ringing. Sid looks at the caller ID and his eyes bulge.
:3 x Better: Christ -- it's Blackwater again. You need to straighten this shit out so you're not booted from Gauntlet City!
Mister Mystery kicks a coffee table and it actually flies out of the large wall-wide sun window that faces the East sunrise. The coffee table lands on a birdbath and squashes a few birds that were enjoying their morning rituals and chirping away.
Mister Mystery looks at Sid like he's ready to rip Sid in half! He's breathing heavily and shaking all over.
:MM 17 31707 1: This is utter horse shit! Who in their right mind would ever believe-
-a headbutt to the corner of a wall that has oak trim-
:MM 17 31707 1: -that I was on steroids? I've never heard a bigger crock of shit in all my life!
Sid shrugs but tries to reason with the animistic psychopath.
:3 x Better: Yeah I know but you've got to take this call and get it straightened out. Don't hang up on him again. Here.
Sid hands Mister Mystery the phone and he shouts FUCKING HELLO into it.
I probably should have answered a bit calmer than that. Oh well -- fuck it.
Mister Mystery breathes heavily into the phone which is only amplified by the effect of his breath being shot through the holes of that hockey mask. It's a strange mix of Darth Vader and some kind of hissing as bits of spit also come flying through the holes with each exhale.
Clearly General Manager Blackwater hears this because he must have just asked about it-
:MM 17 31707 1: What? Of course I'm alright! Why the fuck would you ask me that? I've never been better!
In retrospect I could have been a tad more calm with him on the phone but I still couldn't believe these accusations.
Anabolic steroids? Me? I'm sorry, but no -- no.
He went on to explain that I've got another test coming up before Sunday and that if I pass it, everything will be fine. There's always the chance that it was a false positive or some kind of mix up, he told me.
:MM 17 31707 1: You're damn right it was a mix up. I've never taken an illegal substance in all of my life. You know what I bet this was? Yeah! I remember now! This was that one armed freak of nature Mr. Satellite's piss! I remember now! Back when Donathan was still drugging -- or, I mean "coaching" me -- I remember him giving me a vial of Mr. Satellite's piss and telling me to pour that into the cup when I get tested. There, you've got your explanation. Am I in the clear now?
Would you believe this only raised more questions from Blackwater? This is getting ridiculous! It wasn't my piss! I'm clean!
Mister Mystery listens intently on the phone for a few more seconds as he's still silently shaking his head in disbelief at Sid over all of this confusion.
:MM 17 31707 1: Yeah alright, fine, I'll take the test again and I'll bring Sid with me. I still don't know why my explanation doesn't put me in the clear but I'll jump through your hoops if that's what it takes to get me into Gauntlet City and give me my Trio Championship and crown me the undisputed King of XWF.
Mister Mystery hangs up the phone and Sid's just standing there, speechless. Sid's jaw is about to the floor right now and his eyes popping out. He can't believe what he just heard Mister Mystery pass off as his excuse.
:MM 17 31707 1: What! Don't give me that look. You're no saint either. We've got to figure out how to get around this and fast.
Mister Mystery rips the corded phone out of the wall and begins smashing it in an uncontrollable rage and Sid just leans back against the wall behind him, repeatedly banging the back of his head against it with his hands over his face.
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
The following 1 user Likes Mister Mystery 17 31707 1's post:
![[Image: oqhyzp.png]](http://i43.tinypic.com/oqhyzp.png)
