Today is another ceremony in the books for The Black Circle. The previous ceremony celebrated rebirth as John Madison inducted three new members into The Black Circle. Indeed, it was a very special moment for those three individuals. However, that number would be trimmed down to two after one of the new recruits couldn't stomach the sight of John Madison's projectile vomit. It was projectile vomit which the man on the receiving end took with open arms.

But today's ceremony does not involve puke of any kind-- at least, not directly. Today's ceremony is all about closure as we shovel dirt onto the grave of Ms. Lexi Sheckler. Yes, with The Black Circle, we shall celebrate the life of former North Korean Champion Lexi Sheckler. If you don't know who Lexi Sheckler is, then I suggest you look her up in your XWF encyclopedias! So put on your second best tie, work up those tears, and rehearse the speech that you spent all morning writing. This is Lexi Sheckler's funeral, presented by The Black Circle.

It's a pleasant day in Los Angeles, California. On this sunny day in March, we pay our respect to Lexi Sheckler who sadly passed away several weeks ago on Shove-It. Cause of death: beheading at the hands of John Madison.


Lexi Sheckler will be remembered for her brave acts in and out of the ring. The memory she left behind shall remain with us forever. And who better to represent the XWF at this honorable woman's funeral than John Madison? You see, when a tragedy like this occurs, it isn't Shane or any other XWF talent who responds.

It's John Madison... with his slave John Black.

John Madison, the man whose heart beats 3x harder for all the Shitheads in the XWF. When a Shithead kicks the bucket, John is there to ease the pain for his or her loved ones. John will help your family remember the memories whether they be good, the bad, or foolish.

You see, there aren't really any bad memories that come to mind when we look back on Ms. Sheckler's career. None at all really. She was just an extremely foolish broad who couldn't see the big picture that John Madison painted in front of her face. It was right there, each little paint daub screaming at her. But she chose to ignore it. That foolish cunt ignored it when she knew deep down that there was something foul in the air.

Lexi Sheckler fell for John Madison's trap the moment she ignored her instincts and just went with the flow of things. She watched John Madison sit atop Shane 's throne and pose as a king. She let him urinate all over her sacred walls and not once did she lift a finger.

Lexi Sheckler just put on her angry face while allowing John Madison to urinate all over her. No, John didn't physically urinate into her mouth like he did to his pet toilet Cyren. He urinated on her with every word that he spoke, and every degrading comment that he threw in her face. And Lexi just took it because let's face it-- John Madison's piss is intoxicating to everyone John comes in contact with.

Just ask CM Punk; he's the one who's kissing the man whose mouth I pissed all over last week, namely Cyren. Hey CM Punk! What's it like taking advice from a turd that has John Madison's piss in his breath? How about next week I shit in a bottle, and you have that clown gargle that stuff like its Listorine? Because let's face it, the smell of my asshole will be the only thing worth a damn to come out of that Water Head's mouth. I pissed all over Cyren because I could-- because Cyren is beneath pinning status. He's my toilet, and you and Agony are the ones drinking from that toilet. How does my piss taste, Punk? Answer this for me you silly cunt: Are you still straight edge if I drink heavily on the night that I piss into your mouth?

Anyway, Lexi Sheckler... The young, beautiful amazon with the tight ass.

The young, promising soldier who allowed John Madison dress her up as a knight. She was a knight without a proper suit of armor. He threw a dull sword into her hand, and then sent her off into a battle that he knew she could not win.

Why did John do it?

More importantly, why didn't John put forth any effort into aiding Ms. Sheckler?

Because, you jackasses, John Madison isn't a king. He's a thief sitting in a chair which he doesn't belong in. Your king left you a long time ago, and left in his place a man who's undeserving of the power that he wields. John Madison isn't a champion; he's never won anything that was worth a damn. He's just a thief that wants to steal from your pockets while surrounding himself with weaker men like Sebastian Duke, NAZI, and Luca Arzegotti. John doesn't give a shit about any of these men. He's using them and says it directly to their faces.

Duke; he's John Madison's bat boy. Duke brings John the Asmodeus Cane, and John uses said cane.

Luca Arzegotti? Just a fucking servant; carry my bags Luca or your funeral is next.

NAZI—John Madison's supreme ruler in training. The man he shall pass his legacy on to. Don't let me down NAZI, because I'll have several The Black Circle members read to take your fucking head.

Shane -- The piece of shit who grants John Madison his role with the company. The piece of shit that’s letting John get away with acts that should not be displayed in public. Have I mentioned how this man is a real piece of shit?

These are the memories that these men leave behind.

Lexi Sheckler; she'll be remembered for many things.


We get a closeup shot of the headstone that has been prepared for Lexi Sheckler. After that we get a quick rundown of her shitty eulogy.




That's just the eulogy that they will use to honor her in front of her pathetic family.

Here's her official The Black Circle Eulogy, courtesy of John Madison:

Lexi Sheckler-- The coward who failed as my servant, and was banished from the federation after letting Donathan Sade besmirch my legacy. As a result of her worthlessness, I cut her head off, stuffed it into a basket, and dropped it off at her family's door step as a consolation for their loss. I then sat in a oak tree like some fucking pervert, and watched her father shed enough tears to water their entire neighborhood. It was one of the highest points of my life; not because I was sitting in a big ass tree but because I got off to the sight of her mourning father. And that just about sums about Lexi Sheckler's memory with The Black Circle.

The truth of it all? I would do the exact same thing to any other The Black Circle member who questions my authority. Hell, I would have them decapitate me if I began to question my own decisions. That's how deep this group goes. The Black Circle isn't just a fling that's brought together out of sheer convenience. It's here to stay until it consumes every living thing in this promotion. Oh sure, many will come and go. I'm already planning Luca Azerwhatti's execution. He better impress me before it's too late!


The tears of Lexi Sheckler's family continue to pour as the eulogy is brought to a conclusion. The cast of mourners rise to their feet as they commence in sharing their last words with Lexi Sheckler before she is lowered into her resting place.

For obvious reasons, it's a closed casket funeral. The scene has all of the makings of a sad commemoration. There are flowers, Lexi's childhood photographs, and the grieving father who lets out his manly sobs.

The eulogist delivers the speech that we're expecting him to regurgitate. Sad but very heart warming.

Now comes the time where the grieving friends and family members go to say something nice to the corpse that John Madison is fucking deceased.


-- Wait a minute... what- what is going on?

The attendees stare at the closed casket in shock and horror.

"MOVE DOWN SOME MORE FLO! I CAN'T REACH IT!"

The grieving members of the ceremony are flabbergasted by what they hear coming from the inside of the closed casket.

"Damn that shit is wet."

More moans from the attendees as mothers rush to clap their hands over their children's ears.

"Was that Aunt Lexi?" asks one of the innocent young boys in attendance.

Lexi Sheckler's father looks over at the funeral director with rage in his eyes. It's at this very moment when we realize that the funeral director is Shane D(ick) in disguise. Shane doesn't blow his cover though. He just looks at the irate parent with a forced look of confusion on his face.

"What the hell is going on?" says the father as he stomps over to the casket.

The father of Lexi Sheckler opens the lid to the coffin and is horrified by what he sees inside.

Inside the coffin is John Madison, and he's performing sexual intercourse on a prostitute with Lexi Sheckler's decapitated head next to them!

"Hey Flo!" yells the sick, fucking lunatic, John Madison. "Who opened the Box of Love?"

The friends and family of Lexi Sheckler's funeral cannot watch what is unfolding before their eyes. The father's emotions are a combination of shock and rage.

"What the fuck?" yells John Madison as he pulls up his pants and reaches into his boot. He procures a Glock, and waves it 3 times in front of the father's face.

"Hey Lexi's father! How about I give you a choice? You let me finish the deal I got going in your baby girl's coffin, or you open that mouth of yours and I give you a taste of my other gun!"

The father's eyes widen.

He wants to rip John's head off.

Ironically, John holds up the head of Lexi Sheckler, waving it around.

"Guess what? I took your daughter's life, and I would do it again if I had another chance to."

He takes the gruesome looking head, forces the mouth open, and places it over the barrel of the Glock. Madison continues to yell at the horrified father of Lexi Sheckler.

"This is how your daughter looked when NAZI held her down and I shoved my tool down her throat! You wanna see how it looked when I cut her head off?!"

At that moment, John Madison pulls the trigger, and the head explodes! Blood, skull fragments, and brain matter fly in all directions, hitting the sickened father in his face.

"Hey Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus!" Yes, John just yelled out NAZI’s entire name in the middle of a crashed funeral. "Bring out the Mustang!"

Suddenly, a fire red Mustang comes barreling through the cemetery, knocking over headstones and giving the buried women orgasms in their graves.

NAZI has arrived in the Madmobile-- a vehicle which sports a lovely swastika on the back end to provide other drivers a symbol of encouragement.

He swerves past the funeral attendees, but accidentally runs over the father on the way to picking up John Madison. How could that father not hear that a fucking Mustang was coming?

"Get in John."

"Where is Flo?"

"Not now, just get in!"

"Fuck you, WHERE'S FLO?"

"Oh for fucks sake."

NAZI kicks the door open and quickly goes to pick a young female out of the crowd who looks similar to Flo Feder. He throws her over his shoulder like an Adolph King Kong and carries her over to the trunk. He tries to put her in, but she kicks in right in his Nazi balls! That really pisses off NAZI as he backhands the bitch and shoves her inside.

"Wait a minute; she doesn't look anything like Flo!"

"Are you kidding me John?!"

"I'm just fucking with you man, HAHAHA!"

John hops in the passenger seat as NAZI drives onto the street.


What a sick day to be in my shoes. I wear shoes that are too big to fit your feet Mister Mystery. What the fuck was that garbage you spewed out into my direction? You seem really into the things that I do for XWF. Is that it, Mystery? Are you finally going to drop down to your knees and let me piss in your face like I did to Cyren? I'll pass. How about I let my newly acquire slave, John Black take on that endeavor instead?

Ladies and gentlemen, let's discuss Sid Feder Mister Mystery for a moment. Specifically, let's discuss the differences between Mystery and myself because I know some of you like to make comparisons between the two of us.

The difference between me and Mister Mystery is that he's all show and no-go. He wears a mask to scare people while I wear this disgusting face which is equally repulsive. Mister Mystery is just a watered down version of John Madison on Halloween night. He would be more convincing if he actually ripped my face off and use it as a mask instead. But we all know Mister Mystery isn't capable of such a thing. Mister Mystery is a big ol' softy. He's as soft as my cock when I'm fucking a bitch who isn't a decayed corpse.

Let's look at the differences between you and me Mystery. Oh Mystery; your weaknesses are beaming out at me like a lighthouse in pitch black. I don't know if I'm sea sick or if I'm sick of examining how pathetic you truly are.

Mister Mystery negotiates with that piece of shit Shane for briefcases which hold the value of a fucking Community Chest card off of a monopoly board.

John Madison takes Shane 's show by the balls and turns it into the biggest freak show spectacle to ever hit a television screen.

Mister Mystery gives John Madison really big booboos and scratches. John has to go home every night and put an ice pack on his ankle.

John Madison grabs Lexi Sheckler by her skull, and fucking decapitates her in front of a live audience.

Mister Mystery throws people into water.

John Madison tossed Sid's wife off of fifteen foot stage to her death.

Mister Mystery talks about the people who he's going to walk over.

John Madison comes out and take a piss on the XWF roster.

I could go on and on, Mystery. I think you get the idea though. You, just like Feder, are an empty gun. There's no rounds in the chamber! You pull the trigger every night but all we hear is:

*Click*

*Click*

Nothing happens. You're just a crazy man standing on a table waving your arms to grab everyone's attention. Oh sure Mystery; you'll have their attention for a little bit... Until I come along and put you out of your misery.

Me on the other hand, I'm a fucking Gatling that's ripping villages in half. I spare no one. My bullets pierce through men, women, children, bunnies, everything. It's a rapid, yet slow process that I get to sit back and enjoy. I enjoy watching myself drain the area around me of life. It's a much more gratifying process than dropping a bomb.

Perhaps all of this is why I can't get over this silly idea that you are Sid Feder.

You talk like Sid Feder.

You act like Sid Feder.

You fight like Sid Feder.

You even reek of fear like Sid Feder.

You are Sid Feder.

But don't let me spoil your fun, Mister Mystery. You go ahead and revive Sid Feder from whatever dumpster you pulled him out of. Bring him back to life so that I can take away another one of his close friends and send him back into hiding. You want to know why he's wearing a vintage John Madison t-shirt? Don't wonder because soon you'll be in the exact same mental state. You'll be at the airport, delirious as fuck, wearing Johnny's filthy merchandise.

Fuck, I didn't even know I had a t-shirt.

See you at the Gauntlet, Feder. Don't worry, I'll bring Flo. You just bring however many Sid Feder clones you think you'll need for Johnny.