All this time we all know they've been wondering. Hell, you've probably been wondering too. Even those who don't know who he was have heard him mentioned by others in conversations that relate directly to me.
Sure, it should have been obvious I was nothing like "him" -- not in mannerism, size, strength, speed, or even the sound of my voice under this mask.
Still they speculated, still they wondered and still they attempted to rattle me with mentions of one-
-Flo Feder: The woman whose mere mention was intended to stop me in my tracks and bring me to emotional distress. The wife of the man who I just had to be according to Sebastian Duke several weeks back when I made my masked debut.
Why?
Ah yes -- I was teaming with Peter Gilmour; who else would dare to do such a stupid thing? It's only stupid in the minds of the incapable roaches who could not form a successful unit with the man, which in truth breaks down to every last one of the XWF roster except for one man before me.
One man dared to cross that boundary in 2012 and he embraced the chance to be teamed up with Peter Gilmour, the self professed King of Wrestling. That man? That man? His name? It was Three Times Better Sid Feder. He took Peter Gilmour under his wing and turned Peter into an absolute monster; the very thing Peter always knew deep within that he could be and very well would be when the time was right. He just never knew he'd need a man like Three Times Better Sid Feder to reach that height.
Sid Feder and Peter Gilmour would go on to not only defeat but completely fucking destroy beyond recognition the couple of worthless shit bags known as "The Egomaniacs" -- Joseph No-Skill Page and the bland mother fucker of the year who named himself Tax.
The match not only shook the XWF by its foundations but it sent shockwaves through the entire wrestling industry. Even other wrestling companies found themselves talking about the supposed "upset" that had taken place, even though all along, Sid Feder knew damn well that it was Page and Tax who were the underdogs. Sid Feder knew from day one that Page and Tax were so outmatched by Sid's skill alone that he'd be able to easily mold Peter Gilmour into the perfect wrecking machine just in time for their match in the Lethal Lottery tournament.
Sid Feder was the only man mentally strong enough to find a positive in the act of teaming with Peter Gilmour.
Thus, Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 must be Sid Feder under the mask because why else would Peter Gilmour have him as a partner? Where did he know him from? How did it all come to be?
Well, if any of you had been paying any attention this was explained in Peter Gilmour's promo before Mister Mystery even made his in-ring debut. You see Peter Gilmour originally did have a mystery partner waiting in the wings but then something went wrong and that mystery partner was suddenly unable to complete. The XWF took it upon itself to go ahead and replace Peter Gilmour's mystery partner with none other than me -- Mister Mystery 17 31707 1.
Even with this clearly unfolding before everyone's eyes, we still had that rocket scientist Sebastian Duke speaking and acting as though Mister Mystery was Sid Feder. You know, because that makes a lot of sense that the XWF would randomly replace Peter's preferred partner with Sid Feder just by coincidence, and that now Sid decided to be a hockey mask wearing freak who spilled blood with a machete and elegidely raped officers of the law. That sounds like Sid alright!
For those of you who don't know Sid -- no -- that's not the least bit what Sid Feder is or was about. I was being as sarcastic as somebody would be if they said Sebastian Duke was the favorite to win either of the title matches he's involved with at Gauntlet City.
I'll pause while you get it out -- you know -- the laughter.
It's the same laughter I myself would have been propelling out of my gullet when Sebastian insisted I was Sid if I wasn't so busy planning his demise in the Tag Team title scene. Sid wouldn't be carrying around a mask or any blades for that matter -- he'd be toting a damned pistol.
Now let's take John Madison and examine the fact that he's mentioned Flo Feder more times than he's tried to twist words around to benefit his own image; an image that is so tainted with shit that even he himself will go on to brag about how shitty of a human he is if the situation in his mind calls for it.
Call the man a walking sack of shit? He'll jump into a sack of fecal matter just to get himself covered in it so he can accuse you of being the sick fuck, because you knew he was a walking sack of shit and willingly put your hands on him.
Claim the man can't win a championship? He'll go out of his way to disgrace the titles of the XWF verbally and eventually find a way to actually piss all over the things so the people with talent look like the idiots for carrying around his piss.
Track him down when he's alone and corner him? He'll put his own head in the guillotine and pull the release just so his ghost can brag about how you couldn't get the fucking job done.
This is the same man that continues to mention the name of Sid Feder's wife even though I told him personally that the bitch was dead. He must think I'm him! He must think I'm so desperate to save face that I'll mock my own wife's death and call her a whore myself rather than express sorrow over her demise -- a demise that John Madison himself caused. You see, my friends, that's exactly what he'd do if somebody murdered his wife; (assuming he could have a wife he loved, which is a joke) he'd just start talking shit about the dead whore and hope that the people responsible start to wonder if it even effects him. This is precisely why he insists on continuing it with me, thinking I'm Sid, because he's recognizing what would be his own pussy ass tactic. When he looks at me he sees a Sid Feder who tried to downplay the death of his own wife and insult her, all in hopes of it making Madison stop wasting his time mentioning her.
Great job on that account, Johnny boy -- you really figured me out. I'm Sid Feder and I've been taking massive amounts of steroids which explain both my superhuman strength and my uncontrollable rages at times. I was just hoping you'd fail to realize it's me under this mask -- because you know -- I'm so threatened by your presence that I wanted to fly under your radar instead of smashing head on into your ribs and shattering them to pieces! Yeah, RIGHT.
Madison will come along and possibly even replay that line in an effort to make himself look right about something so here I am once again clarifying the fuck out of my sarcasm in the above. I could rip my mask off and expose myself as a black man resembling Mike Tyson and this desperate worm would continue egging me on and insisting I'm Sid Feder.
It's too bad he has no fucking clue what my real name is. It's such a shame he has no clue what my real relation is to this man.
The camera opens up focused closely on that scratched, dirty hockey mask we've all come to recognize as the face of Mister Mystery 17 31707 1. He he completely still for a few seconds, then stops staring directly into the camera and backs up as he looks over to his left. He appears to be in a standard locker room, possibly at a house show or maybe even backstage for Monday Night Madness.
Mister Mystery: Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to all these mother fuckers -- as if they need an introduction. I'm sure some of them have been living under a rock this past twelve months. Why don't you go ahead and tell these fucks how you'll be there with me this Sunday at Wembley Stadium when I claim my crown as the almighty ruler of the entire wrestling industry. Go ahead and tell these cockroaches how there's no chance in hell of Peter Gilmour, Unknown Soldier and myself not winning the Trio Tag championships this Sunday at Gauntlet City. I think it's about time they finally know the truth.
The camera backs up to reveal the man he's talking to. First we see that the man is wearing a classic John Madison t-shirt from before Madison joined Shane's Black Circle and then the camera rises to the man's face. After all these months we once again see on XWF television-
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