Lucius is seen strolling down the hallways backstage, a heavy metal cane resting in his hand. His shirt is open, baring his milky white chest. A cigarette dangles from his lips as he strides to the catering table.

Triple L: Hmmm... what shall we munch on today? Cheesecake or Crab?

With a shrug of his shoulders, the 'Love Bomb' proceeds to stuff his mouth with both, concocting a delicacy known as 'cheesecrab.'

As he turns to take his plate away to his dressing room, the plate smacks against the chest of an exasperated XWF Superstar...

Someone just got 'cheesecrab' all over 'em.

Sebastian Duke is momentarily stunned by the cheesecrab on his chest. He brushes the remnants from his chest.

Triple L sees the anger in the eyes of Duke. Duke steps forward as L steps back.

DUKE: "You scrawny Hanson brother crack addict looking mother F**KER!!"

Duke reaches up and grabs Triple L by the throat slamming him against the wall.......

As Duke slams 'Triple L' up against the wall, Big Bird walks by....

BIG BIRD: What you guys doing there? *flap of feathers* ... Can I come play, too?

At this, we realize it's not actually an enormous bird but rather a man in a costume, arranged to be a 'special entertainer' for Kids at the evening's show.

TRIPLE L: ...*gurgle, choke* ... ru---ruuun.... *gurgle*

At this, Duke grabs Big Bird by the throat with his other hand, pinning him up next to Lovely on the wall.

TRIPLE L: ... ohhh no... *gurgle*... don't be a....*gurgle*... chic--

He never finishes the statement however as the man tosses off his 'Big Bird' head, revealing him to be none other then...

.... STEEEEEEEVE SAYYYYORS!

With a knee coming to Duke's groin, both men are released as Steve Sayors stands in between them, fury obvious across his face.

STEVE SAYORS: I've had it with this sh*t! The stuff I go through... NO! NO! Not anymore!

Suddenly, Sayors picks up a large butcher knife from the catering table, advancing on Duke...

Duke clutches his enormous genitals in momentous pain. He sees Sayors with the butcher knife.

Sayors swings.....




Duke grabs the wrist of Sayors which is in full swing. He squeezes the wrist slowly but surely....


Sayors look of determination slowly changes to fear.....


Sayors drops the knife....


DUKE: "So..... Steve Sayors..... we meet again.... You little piece of sh*t! What? Did you plan to hurt me? Kill me?"


Sayors says nothing.....

Instead....



Duke reaches up with his free hand and clutches Sayors by the throat....



He lifts....



And SLAMS him through the catering table!



Sayors crashes through the table.... All different foods scattered all over him....


Ironically.... an oscar meyer weiner sticks out of his opened mouth as he lay unconcious....

At this, 'Love Bomb' moves forward, placing a 'bon bon' on the tip of the hot dog, grabbing a 2 x 4 from the splintered table and rears back...

TRIPLE L: FOOOORE!

At that, a quick swing cleaves the first couple layers of skin from Sayor's mouth as the bon bon travels outward and jabs right into Duke's eye.

As the behmoth is distracted, Triple L ushers forward, leaping onto his shoulders.

Between his massive and muscular thighs, Duke is rendered nearly helpless.

As he squeezes, onlookers crowd around them, all staring...

Duke, stunned by the approach.... tries to speak...

DUKE: "awwwaaawawaawawawawawawawawawaw"

Duke staggers....

DUKE: "arrrrrraaaaaarrararararararararaaaaaaaaaaarrrrr"

Duke staggers again.... losing conciousness.....

DUKE: "Awwwaaaarrr.....................awawaa........"

Duke collapses face first sending Triple L's back colliding violently with the concrete floor below.

As a result of the fall, Duke ends up headbutting LLL in the groin.....

Steve Sayors has once again gone into the fetal position weeping silently as chaos breaks out around him.

Being mentally broken, raising his terrified shaking baby arms aloft, Steve Sayors transforms into his alter-ego, 'MAN' Seve Stayors!

Seve Stayors bursts off the ground and tries to translate Duke's choking words.

Seve Stayors is a master linguist.

CUNNI-Linguist. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Seve Stayors, champion of man, reminds himself to laugh at his own joke later. Only twice as hard because that was hilarious.

Stayors watches as Duke headbutts Triple L square in the squared circles.

Stayors now knows the language of pain.

He leaps onto the green room's table, still with plenty of crab cakes and delivers a flying elbow drop onto these two non-champions of Man.

As Steve Sayors has violently begun foaming out the mouth, bleeding from every orifice in his body, he latches onto Duke's leg.

The mammoth man shakes off Steve Sayors whilst Triple L rouses himself to a standing position.

Seeing a glaring inevitability, Triple L lurches forward and grabs a headset from a stray staffer.

TRIPLE: Breaker, breaker, two one niner, we got a 'sloppy joe' going on, copy copy?

The radio crackles to life and a voice from the 'truck' sparks to life.

PRODUCTION TRUCK: Break, breaker, copy four one--- wait, what?

At the man's confusion, Triple L speaks louder into the phone.

TRIPLE L: I said, we've got a CRAZED INTERVIEW ASSAULTING THE TALENT!

Suddenly, a ton of commands are sent through the radio, alerting security.

With guns drawn, three 'mercs' hired for the event, quickly point Desert Eagles at Duke and Sayors, Triple L standing behind them.

TRIPLE L: On my mark...

Duke takes notice of the trouble in front of him...


Using his powers long thought to not exist....


He cuts the power of the arena....


Now cloaked in darkness....


He is able to escape the mad house....

... he thinks.

However, as the lights turn back on, it's shown that a drunken Shane had simply stumbled onto the light switch.

Surveying the scene crabcake coated men, slick with blood amongst his green room, the Owner appears confused.

SHANE : Uhhh... hi guys... what's going on?

At this, it's revealed Duke had simply been holding his hands over his eyes as he continuously walks into a wall.

The 'Love Bomb' steps forward and hugs strongly.

Triple L: My lovely Lordship, welcome to this nuttiness! Would you like some crabs?

At this, scooping up what remains on Sayor's face he offers it to Shane.

Suddenly, Greggo walks into the room with a severed goat head in his arms like he's carrying a big stuffed teddy bear. looks delighted as Greggo sets the goat head down on the floor and begins to caress Triple L's arm.

Greggo: Well howdeh. Howdeh' like to fuck this goat head with meh?

: Greggo, are you on goat meth and elephant feces again?

Greggo licks his lips and asks if anybody has a stick of bubble gum...

Duke stops walking into the wall....


He turns and snatches the goat head from Greggo....


He punts the head down the hallway....


Everyone stops and stares....


DUKE: "I thought we were talkin FOOTBAWL!!!!! It was 4th down!!"

At the man's craving, Lucius can't resist.

TRIPLE L: Greggo, my deary, I have some right here...

At that, Trips pulls out a pack from the hem of his pants, fumbling around his groin.

TRIPLE L: Here, enjoy!

As Triple L watches Greggo greedily chew on the 'weiner gum', he beckons for Security to flank him as he approaches the goat's head.

Kind of kicking at it, Triple L kneels down on his heels, peering deeply into it's face.

TRIPLE L: For your sacrifice, we shall all endure...

Retrieving a lighter from his backpocket, Triple L lights the goat melon on fire, kneeling on one leg and offering it to Shane .

Duke quietly sneeks away backward...


He turns and runs when no one is watching....


Runs is kind of a strong word....


Walks briskly in an awkward Kevin Nash sort of way...

The Administrator exercises into the room.

Admin: What the hell this? What the fuck this? BAH! BE GONE WITH YOU!

The Administrator begins working out, or should I say continues working out because he was already doing that when he came into the room.

Duke can no longer resist the urge to go back to the steming pile of human excrement he had just left....



He darts down the hall.....



Rounds the corner......




Colliding with MacAlister who was trying to make a break for it....




Duke and Griffin both fall to the floor in a heap....



All the noise stops.....




All now aware, Duke and Griffin had at least attempted to escape the mindless madness.....

Triple L's hairs on the back of his neck begin to raise.

Something is amiss in the force.

There's a 'glitch' in the system.

Turning his head, Triple L comes face to face with... Griffin MacAlister.

TRIPLE: Heya... how you doin', Cutie?

Duke looks at Griffins hand on his shoulder....



He shrugs it off.....



DUKE: "Ahhh what the hell. I'm in. I LOVE motorcycles!!!"



Duke and Griffin walk down the hallway....

Watches from the distance

Jezebel walks in, peeking her head around.

She sees a large silver-haired man peeking around an opposite but adjacent corner, whacking his wanger while looking at the carnage.

She sharpens her knife, which is in the shape of an upside down cross and throws it, jabbing it next to your angel's head.