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+---- Thread: Future Letter To The Future Editor #2: Chip, Set, Sara, and Marcus: Real Future Talk (/showthread.php?tid=9835)
Future Letter To The Future Editor #2: Chip, Set, Sara, and Marcus: Real Future Talk - Tri Bute - 01-22-2014
(OOC: If you haven’t watched Barney’s video yet, watch it. Steve, keep watching it until you understand it.)
Future Letters To The Future Editor:
“Dear Tri Bute,
What is like to work with a racist pedophile? Weird comics btw.” – Chip, 24, AZ, Present Earth
Dear Chip,
Thanks you, ‘Weird’ is a word that has been given to the works of Tim Burton, Orlando Jordan, Art Ist and many other deserving artists, future or otherwise, throughout time and I am glad I can be viewed in the same light as them.
As for your question, it’s disgusting.
Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”
PS: I guess I can elaborate a bit. I now know what the future term “Gilmoursian” derives from, and what those future people do behind future closed future doors. When I came to this time I didn’t know much about it, but I knew a few things here and there. One of them was that Peter and a mate had an offspring or two, but I didn’t know why until today.
As we future say in the future, “You future learn something new every future day.”
PSPS: I just read another letter I’ll be answering. Keep reading, you’ll love it.
-
“Hey Tri Bute, I read one of the future comics where these people are, like, walking in the forest and they get attacked or something, but I’m not asking about that. In that one there’s this chick and it says she takes a sip out of a Vault 13 Canteen. How come I don’t have one of those? I am a huge Fallout fan. I have all the games, all the exclusives, and all the official merchandise. I want a Vault 13 Canteen. Fucking bad. Where the fuck did she get it?” – Set, 39, MA, Present Earth
Dear Set,
There sure is a lot of profanity in this one. Keep reading these if you like naughty words.
Just check an online replica store, I’m sure they have one. Pel’s was from a future website where you can just future buy a future canteen and they future put whatever you want on it.
Love,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”
-
“I love the future comics, I’m just saying. I am fascinated by the idea of a 12-year-old stripper. I’m telling you there is no chance in hell there would be a child stripper in this day and age. You fascinated me, so I’m going to try and fascinate you.
Sometimes I get this urge or feeling right above my ankle. It’s kind like a tickle, but not really. So amazing.
JK that’s not the amazing part, I only get it whenever my sister says a name, like, “Hilary Swank”. She says it like it’s one word but still not. It’s hard to describe. Anyway, good luck in your match.” – Sara, 14, NJ, Present Earth
Dear Sara,
I thought it was odd too. I, a 12-year-old kid at the time just walked into a strip club and demanded a job. It’s not normal to have kid strippers, even in the future. I was the first male dancer that future club had, I even had a huge Gilmoursian fan base (Of course at the future time I thought it was because of my future dancing), best future job I ever had.
Anyway, I think we all get that feeling, Sara; it’s because she said something that was really silly. I have this problem with Gilmour (who you should watch out for) all the time. Although, instead of above my ankle I get this odd sensation below my future knee. It’s definitely a leg thing. As time goes by we’ll learn plenty of other odd things about legs. Keep them closed around Peter, though, we already know that.
I do have some future advice though, because I think I know the words to describe what your sister is doing. Maybe she's just doing a John Austin impression?
Yes, Austin does that to me. It's like he thinks there should be a hyphen in the middle of my future name for some reason. Why my future name? Why not anyone else's future name?
Tell your sister to stop listening to Satan. That's the cause, apparently.
Love, (Platonically)
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”
PS: I wouldn’t go to a XWF event if I were you, unless you’re in to older men. If you are, well, Gilly’s backdoor is always open.
PSPS: I think I got all my Peter Gilmour lines out of the way now.
-
“Dear Tri Bute,
I was watching this John Austin video, and dude. He totally fucking called you out, like what the fuck. He is fucking awesome at guitar. It sounds so fucking dark and mysterious when he plays that. Like holy fuck. 10/10, better than all your fucking promos. I’m going to book a flight just so I can watch that mother fucking match in person. I mean fuck. He had such fucking focus and fucking energy. Do you play guitar? You should, it’s sick. I’d go into future shock if you did.
666 MURDA MURDA JESUS! Peace out!” – Marcus, 20, CA (but I’m going to be in Toronto), Present Earth
Don’t get on that plane Marcus. I don’t want you to see John Austin get hurt while the love of your life is waiting at that Zeusrion-damn café. Go to Charlotte’s like you always do, Marcus; she is only going to be there on the 27th. Don’t mess with fate. You’ll need her if you want to invent propeller shoes.
Trust me, she doesn’t like the food. She’ll never have a reason to go back. I want the future me to have the best damn propeller shoes he can possibly have. I’ll have a shittier model if it takes longer to develop it. If you go to that café, you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life. If you go see John Austin you’ll be wasting your money. I’m going to knock this fake devil out of him. He’ll probably play guitar like an amputee that.
I know you guys haven’t found out for sure that Satan isn’t real yet, but fuck, I mean goddamn, you two are going to look like a couple of dong worshiping idiots when the scientists figure it out in a few years.
I watched Austin’s promo, it’s not worth ruining your life over. Make propeller shoes, and be happy. I already had Wyatt Reynolds fuck up the future last month; I don’t need another idiot trying to build a sandcastle with the sands of time.
I’m sorry about all the profanity; I try to use it sparingly. I want to address some of your other comments.
Austin’s promo was abysmal. His guitar playing is mediocre once you’ve heard songs from guys with extra fingers. Playing his ten-fingered piece, no matter how focused and energized, is not going to drown my future ears with pleasure. He should watch more Darren Criss. That guy gets his own future word. His music is indescribable. That’s why it has it’s own future word. Sorry to tell you this, but John Austin and his Satan thing is just an act he puts on for the camera so closeted homosexuals have someone to look up to. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. My best friend is gay, but you aren’t. Get back into engineering. Keep making your fucking schematics; in 2015, you’ll be laughing about all this with your pregnant fiancé. Don’t fuck it up.
Seriously, ‘Satan’ keeps feeding him these delusions, like Egyptian Snow Pharaoh ‘taking her ball and going home’. Yea sure, that’s what fading into the air is.
Marcus, I’m going to tell you something that only the fans in attendance the night that the Pharaoh disappeared know. All of Egyptian Snow Pharaoh’s blood emptied out on John Madison’s face through her vaginal shoot. She’s dead. You can’t have an episode of Madness with someone dead right there in the ring, so it never aired.
Zeusrion decomposed her body, just like he did with her ‘Gods’ and your Satan.
He even thinks Jessie and I don’t have a replacement for dead snow. I knew she would die. John Austin must have forgot he was talking about the all-knowing future man. Does he honestly think I’d let my partner kill herself without thinking about how it affects the great future king? When Ms. Diaz kills herself in Autumn I’ll have a replacement for her too.
By the way, our third future wheel is a surprise. John Austin willl know who it is when everyone else does. I don’t ruin surprises.
Grievous Crisp.
Does John Austin not realize that the word ‘biographical’ has a meaning? Does he think I just threw it into the title of my future comic without reason? Does he not understand why it’s called, “Tri Bute: Our Future Lord, Our Great Future King: A Biographical Future Comic”? Marcus, watch the promo again, but try not to hang yourself. I know realizing you are a
is going to be hard to take but, come on; it gets better. Propeller shoes. I’ll break down what the title means. Check it. I’m Tri Bute, self-explanatory.
Unlike your fake lord, I was actually referred to as a future lord multiple times. Hence, ‘Our Future Lord’.
Unlike your fake king of darkness, I actually was a future king, eight thousand fucking times. That’s why it says, ‘Our Future King’.
Every single future word written in the future comics is one hundred percent truthful. What I present is an accurate depiction of my future life in future comic form. That’s what ‘biographical future comic’ means.
Well now you fucking know. Not that Austin ever read a future comic in his life. ‘Satan’ probably didn’t want the truth about him to slip out. He might’ve learned something. Those that don’t know the future are doomed to cause it. If this ‘Satan’ cares about Austin he will tell him he was just fucking around before the scientists prove Christianity wrong next year.
Now, before I get seven thousand e-mails asking, “How do you know John Austin doesn’t read future comics?”, I’ll just say that skimming a web page and ignoring everything that’s written isn’t what ‘reading’ is.
He goes on and on about how ‘real’ he is, how he’s putting on ‘massacres’, and how he’s already been on ‘the top of the mountain’. Marcus, why don’t you type at me when John Austin has a career so real, heroic, legendary, and well-known that he has to go back in time for his biography to be profitable. Type at me when John Austin wrestles one hundred straight falls, wins, becomes future king, and massacres an entire legion of robots in the process. You can type at me when Austin has been to the top of the mountain seven thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine more times.
Marcus, here’s some advice.
Don’t: Fly to Toronto. Be sad when Austin loses. Hang yourself over your Autism. Type at me about some hack who hasn’t taken a half-future-step in my future shoes.
Do: Go to Charlotte’s. Meet Seraphina. Make your propeller shoes. Be happy.
Don’t Fuck This Up, Marcus,
“The 8000 Time SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion”
“One Third of The XWF Trio Tag Champions”
Tri Bute
“The Future Warrior”
PS: I’m sorry about the profanity. Don’t tell me about some shit promo next time and you’ll get a clean one. My future hands are as filthy as Hilary Swank’s snatch right now. I think I’ll wash them in the banks of the Rio Del Rio.
PSPS: I forgot about your question. No, I don't. However I future shredded on the future guitar for a few future years back in future college.