Is, is this the part where I'm supposed to talk about Michael McBride and Morbid Angel like they aren't going to make themselves look like complete asshats without my intervention? Because, we all know that isn't going to happen. McBride's made his entire career here so far out of being a fucking moron and threatening to blow every single person's car to the fucking moon and yet not doing a single fucking thing to make those threats come to fruition. Morbid Angel on the other hand...

...What has Morbid Angel been doing again? Act like he just stepped out of a shitty Sitcom, and forgot the reason why the shitfest was cancelled in the first place? Yeah, sounds about right. And this guy's the one who claims to be undefeated but at the same time lost his first match in the fucking XWF? Perfect. Oh, fucking perfect. I've been meaning to put this dog out of its misery for a while.

However, in the spirit of competition, before I slit his fucking throat and leave him unable to spew any more stupid bullshit from the septic tank that is his mouth, allow me to break down the verbal diarrhea he already left lying on the ground to dry out in the light of the sun.

Fasten your seatbelts, folks. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

Skipping past his hormone fueled, "I'm not gay but I'm gay" shit that he decides to start this fucking promo on because what else can be said besides the obvious: "What the fuck?" But if I had to sit here and just ask what the fuck every time someone said something stupid, I'd still be stuck on trying to find something worth interest to say about the first Peter Gilmour promo I was forced to sit through months ago! So, yeah. Moving on.

Oh, another "failed" but left in because it was so wacky and zany introduction that somehow managed to come across as even stupider than the first! Bravo! Just when I think it can't get any worse, you somehow manage to pull it off. Way to go. Way to not let your Tourette's stop you from doing something you love and aren't very good at!

Sigh. I haven't even gotten to the meat of this promo yet, and I'm already to the point of saying the word sigh instead of actually doing it. This is great. Moving on. Again.

What the fuck am I doing? As opposed to the stop and start and stop and start antics of your prostate cancer addled promo, I'm actually following a coherent structure and moving forward in a singular direction instead of getting snagged by the starting gate.

Every.

Fucking.

Time.

Like you do. I mean, how many times are you going to beat the dead horse of your little cutesy "oh shit, I said something stupid (as opposed to any other time I say something equally as stupid) and should cut it here, but I'll leave it in because it's funny! See?"

Spoiler alert: it ain't fucking funny, and if it was the first time by some fucking miracle or the lowered expectations of your test audience, it sure isn't when you run it into the fucking ground. We get it! You're a fucking idiot who can't say something without incriminating himself at the same damn time! Give it a rest already!

Wait, you mean everything he said that was really, truthfully about me was lost in those false starts? Nope, not dignifying that shit with a response beyond what I already gave. Way to go Morbid.

Way to talk so much...

...And say absolutely nothing.

Okay, he has a second promo that I'm most certainly going to subject myself to on the hope (and likely false pretenses) that he's going to spend any time talking about me. Y'know, the one who can and will choke the life out of him? I'm going to predict, right now, that he spends all his time talking about the imp he knows (McBride) and none about the Devil he doesn't.

Enough stalling, let's jump right into this sure fire clusterfuck of abysmality (not a verbiage? Fuck you, it is now).

Go.

Sigh two, electric fucking boogaloo.

Quote:Jessica Diaz! You! You woman you! Your…you…..fucking BITCH! I will fucking attack you like a fucking crazy person on speed!