Spam! (The Infernals Pt 2) - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com) +-- Forum: Warfare Boards (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=6) +--- Forum: Warfare RP Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=12) +--- Thread: Spam! (The Infernals Pt 2) (/showthread.php?tid=9655)

Spam! (The Infernals Pt 2) - Dr. Zero - 01-17-2014 STEVIE'S IN THE PIT Stevie hesitated in going with the impish demons that seemed to view him as some sort of savior. He had been through enough and wanted no part of The Infernals, whatever they were. They tugged and tugged but were barely even moving Stevie. Eventually, one of them climbed his shoulders and hit him right in the head with a rock. Stevie didn’t even see Stars. He just collapsed in a heap. The tiny red demons all surrounded Stevie and lifted him up over their heads. The struggled but eventually found themselves at the mouth of a deep pit far into the cave Stevie had found himself in. Stevie started to come to…just as he was being tossed in. Before screaming like a little girl, he could hear the demons… “THANK YOU!!!” The pit looked bottomless, but was really only about 10 feet deep. He landed awkwardly on his shoulder and let out a whimper. He just laid there for a moment, not wanting to move. Then the Spam he won at Truth or Die was tossed down and hit him right in the forehead. “DON’T FORGET THE TASTY MEATS!” shouted one of the imps. Stevie absolutely did not have the motivation to go hunt what the demons were calling “The Infernals”. I mean, Stevie rarely found motivation to do anything that he wasn’t forced by some demonic entity to do. But surely not this. Those were, as far as Stevie knew, immortal creatures. Immortal creatures that were terrified of being eaten. What would they do to someone like Stevie? Then again, Stevie really just wanted to make it home to his bed. He began to think the only way to get there would be to just get this over with. He even began to think that if they did eat him that he’d be better off for it. Stevie envied Spam. Sure, Spam is eventually gonna’ be eaten by someone, but at least before then, it knows it’s place. It’s safe and content in that nice little can. It stays safe in the dark, all cool, and where nobody can get to it until it’s time. Hell, chances are extremely high that you could spend all your time before being eaten just relaxing in Hawaii if you’re Spam. Not so for Stevie Tyler. Here he is, in the bottom of some pit in Hell (he assumes). It’s not even remotely cool or safe here. No one has ever looked to him as some patriotic symbol of freedom like they did for Spam after World War 2. This is bullshit. Stevie finally got up and went the only way he could go. There was another opening to a tunnel that led even deeper. As he walked, he could hear things move around him in the darkness. He couldn’t see anything and was guiding himself by keeping his hand against the cave walls. The sounds, at first, sounded like nothing more than rodents skittering around him. Eventually, though, they began to laugh at him. Then they began to taunt him. “You’re nothing, Stevie Tyler. Hehehe! Julie knew that! Your mom knows that! You have no fans. Everybody hates you. Gary uses you because he doesn’t respect you. Why would they love and respect you? You let Steve Sayors reveal you as a pussy. You’re a NERD! NEEEERRRRRRDDDD!” Stevie tried to shrug it off, but it was all the stuff that went through his head anyway. It was cutting kinda’ deep. Then, he heard the voice of Olive Pendershoe. “You’re named after Steven Tyler. Everybody knows Aerosmith sucks. You’re just as shitty as Steven Tyler, Stevie. Aerosmith is a band full of pussies.” Stevie stopped in his tracks. “Well, no shit! Are we seriously at this again? Dude, I don’t know who or what you are, but seriously, everyone but my mom knows Aerosmith sucks. I can’t help it she wanted to bone him and for fuck’s sake, I’ve said that a million times already. Did she say this stupid shit or is that just you assholes repeating what Tony Santos said over and over and over again probably because he was drunk and that’s the best he could do?” There was silence. “Umm…Well…She said it. We just sort of figured it would make you feel bad. You know you’re fat?” “I’m skinny fat.” Stevie begins to laugh. “You guys almost had me going with the personal stuff. I mean, that shit sucks. I thought you guys were some all-powerful demons and that’s the best you can do. For fucks sake. Just eat me and get it over with, so I don’t have to hear this stupid shit anymore, dude.” “You…want us to eat you?” asked the thing in the dark. “Yes. I want you to eat me, cut my head off, rip out my heart…Whatever, dude. Just do it quick. I really, really just want to die. Can you do that for me?” "Well, this is awkward." "Just eat me and leave the little demons alone, or whatever." The shade began to laugh. "Are you nuts!?" it said. "Those things are delicious! They taste like Spam! There once was a time, many years ago, in the 60's that we lived among you humans. We corrupted your businessmen and politicians to the point where they were being more evil than us with no influence. We were cast here permanently as our punishment…and the one thing we miss the most…is Spam. Those annoying creatures are the closest replacement that we have." Stevie reaches into his jacket pocket, finding the partially eaten can of Spam he had won on Truth or Die. He pulls it out. He can hear the shade salivate. "Promise me you won't eat those guys and you can have it." "ANYTHING, MASTER! ANYTHING!" Stevie drops the Spam into the shade, and it quickly disintegrates. "YISSSSSSSSSSSSS!" says the shade. The dark begins to move up the wall now, as it forms solidly behind Stevie. It pushes him forward more and more until he's in a huge opening. The cave is lit by torches and the shade surrounds him in a circle, unaffected by the light. Smoke begins to lift from the circular shade around Stevie and bodies start to rise from it. First heads, then shoulders…You get the picture. Stevie is shocked to discover the shade has turned into the very demons who had him save them from the shade. They begin to speak in unison. "Stevie Tyler, thank you for your selflessness and heroism. This has been a test…and you passed. You are a brave warrior…," Stevie laughs, "but you are flawed. That is why, today, you will be visited by three ghosts. They will show you the errors in your ways and make you what you need to be. Thank you for showing us that humanity is not lost." Before Stevie can utter another sound, the torches blow out and a light flashes on. Stevie finds himself back in his bedroom, staring directly at his Green Lantern poster. He sits on his bed for a while, expecting something to confront him, but nothing happens. He gets up and walks across the room, it feels colder than normal, and pushes open his bedroom door. He notices he's the only person…or even thing…in the house. No Nura, no cat, no Rayha, or Gary. He turns on the television and on every channel and is greeted with the same image. Stevie turns off the TV, but the image doesn't leave. It's then when Bobby "The Brain" Heenan climbs directly out of the TV and into Stevie's living room. TO BE CONCLUDED