After an almost two day involuntary respite at New Horizons Drug Rehab as well as a day trip to New York City, Theo has finally made it back to the place he calls home, Pryce Towers. While most people dread having to show up at work every day Theo looks forward to it. Though not for the reasons anyone really ever should. At work he literally has the power to make and destroy lives with just a few words. No one has felt the brunt of that more than Jimmy Durance, Theo’s gopher and personal bitch boy. On this particular morning Jimmy was tasked with gathering all the correspondence that Theo has received at the office from all the eager young wrestling fans out there that have taken the time to write into their new hero, Theo Pryce, King of the XWF.

In their never ending effort to try and dictate Theo’s life the XWF’s Administrative Network has asked, which is a polite way of saying, told, Theo that he is to cut a promo responding to the fans as the A.N has been receiving angry phone calls from mothers trying to deal with their whiny little children wanting to know why their kid’s hero is ignoring them. Theo, being the kind and considerate King that he is agreed to the Network’s request, because that is what Kings do. They listen to the desires of their subjects.


Patiently waiting in Theo’s office is Jimmy and Erica. Jimmy because he was told to be there promptly at 9:00am and Erica because, well Erica likes to start Theo’s days off by telling him all the things he hasn’t done that he said he would. At approximately 9:15 Theo finally waltzes in his office, ignorant of the fact that he is late for his own pre arranged filming session.


“You’re late Theo.”

“The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.”

“What?”

“Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen. Sorry it’s not that rap bullshit you listen to.”

“I don’t listen to rap.”

“My apologies, sorry it’s not that techno bullshit you listen to. I’m sure that if the nonsense that Daft Punk put out had any words I might be able to fit some of their lyrics into my daily speech but alas, they don’t, so I can’t.”

“Good to see you are back to your smug self again.”

“I was always smug Erica, now I’m smug and sober. Three days now.”

“That’s fantastic, and how long will that last?”

“Considerably longer than I anticipatedd since you took it upon yourself to remove my stash from the office. Fuck you for that by the way.”

“I did it for your benefit.”

“You did it for your own benefit, let’s not pretend otherwise. You could give a shit what happens to me. In fact, I’m surprised you didn’t encourage it more often since my death elevates you to the boss of this fucking place.”

“I have no desire to run Pryce Industries, not worth the time and headache.”

“Sure you don’t. Anyway, are you here for any particular reason or did you just want to engage in some pointless back and forth banter because you’ve missed it so much?”

“I came here to tell you that we conducted the first round of phone interviews for the prospective new board members. We have narrowed it down to 7 people and have scheduled their face to face interviews for Thursday. I was hoping you could join Jim Davis and I for the interviews.”

“Thursday you say? Sure what the hell. Hopefully this bunch won’t be a bunch of two faced cock suckers.”

“The last group didn’t start out that way Theo, you had a part in that.”

“As much as I would love to argue with you on all the ways in which you are completely full of shit I don’t have the time. Jimmy and I have some work to do, so if you don’t mind, get out.”


As Erica turns to leave the office Jimmy makes his way over and hands Theo the letters and print outs from all the documents he had been gathering the last day and a half.


“Here you go sir.”

“Fantastic Jimmy. Go over there and turn on the camera.”

“Yes sir.”


As Jimmy walks over to the camera that is situated directly in front of Theo’s work station, Theo begins skimming through some of the correspondence, picking out the ones he deems worthy of responding to.


“Go ahead sir.”


“Fans of the XWF, today is the first of what will possibly be many installments of Dear Theo. That is unless the mother fucking cock sucking folks at the Administrative Network decide differently. In each of these sessions I will read some of the letters that you the fans have written me and I will respond to them via video recording as I honestly don’t have the time or desire to write back to you personally and Jimmy is too stupid to respond pretending to be me. It’s true, I asked him to write a letter to my mother once and he signed it Jimmy Durance. Fucking idiot. Anyway, here we go. This first letter is from Tommy, age 8 from Los Angeles, California”

Dear Mr. Pryce, My name is Tommy Johnson and I am 8 years old. You are my new favorite wrestler. It used to be Peter Gilmour but then he got all weird looking. Mommy says it’s because he had his stomach stapled. Did that happen in a match or something? Was there a Staple Gun match? If so I hope I can find it on reruns, that sounds really extreme. Mommy also says we should be happy with our bodies and that Peter Gilmour is a “Sissy Mary” for giving into public pressure. Anyway, you are my new favorite wrestler because you don’t care what people think. I would love it if you could send me an autographed picture. Make it out to Tommy. You’re # 1 Fan, Tommy

“Well Tommy, thanks for writing me. A couple of things, your mom is both right and wrong as it pertains to Peter Gilmour, he is in fact a “Sissy Marry” for giving in to peer pressure and getting all skinny, though he didn’t get his stomach stapled as much as he had a big piece of fat cut out of him. He then lost a match where the fat was to be put back in him, thus making him the “fun” Gilmour again but somehow that was all glossed over and never really explained. He might have gone on some intense diet during the week he took a vacation. As for your request to send you an autographed picture, I would love to but I won’t, for two reasons, first, I don’t have any pictures to autograph and two, you used to like Peter Gilmour, which makes you an idiot and I don’t do things for idiots.”

“Next we have a letter from Steve Middlebrooks, age 10, Boston, Massachusetts.”

Dear King Theo, My name is Steve, and I live in Boston. I am not a huge fan of wrestling but I happened to catch it the other day and my mom happened to catch a few minutes of it and she told me that you were my Daddy. I’ve never met my Daddy but you seem really tough and really cool, so I am hoping that you are my Daddy. Please come visit me Daddy. I haven’t gotten anything from Christmas the last few years, Mommy said it’s because all the John’s don’t pay her good. Maybe when you come and visit you can beat up the John’s and make them pay. I don’t know how many John’s there are, I thought her boss’s name was Jermaine, he’s funny looking. He walks around with a cane and a top hat. Anyway, please come visit us ok Daddy? Your son, Stevie

“Ok Stevie, there is a really good chance that I am in fact your father. I’ve done a lot of things, and women that I’m not proud of over the years, so it’s entirely possible that your mother is right. It’s also possible and frankly, more likely that your mother is bat shit crazy and is lying to you because your real father is probably one of those John’s she was talking about, or some guy that knocked her up after a New Kids on the Block concert. Either way you will never be able to compel a DNA test out of me so I guess we will never know. Lastly, when your mom refers to John’s that’s not their names, that’s just what she calls the people that pay her so she will spread her legs and do other things that you can see on www.brazzers.com. Word of advice though, you will need a major credit card to access that site, see if Jermaine will let you borrow his.

“Ok, this is fun, how about two more shall we? This next one is from Sebastian, age 31. No location given.”

Theo Pryce, You don’t know me but I know you, we have met once or twice before, I can’t remember exactly how many times as I am getting up there in years but I know that I know your face. Anyway, you and I are going to meet again face to face on Wednesday Night on the XWF show Warfare and on that show I am going to show you what it is like to be a True King. Mark my words Mr. Pryce, you have no idea the shit storm you have stepped in. Me and my buddy Swastika, or is it Mystica, ahhh mother of Christ, where are my pills? Anyway, me and him, we are going to kick your ass all over the place. Mark my words, I am the King of Darkmeat. I mean Darkness. Soon to be the King. Sebastian

“Interesting. Well Sebastian, I see that spending 31 years in your mother’s basement has done nothing to dissuade your mental development, kudos to you for shitting on years of scientific research. From the sounds of it I truly hope we never meet as you sound like the next Mark David Chapman. In fact, I am making a note right now to make sure that I bring a security detail with me on Wednesday night. Oh and I do hope you find your pills, it sounds like they might be very important.”

“And lastly we have one here from a John Madison, well that’s interesting. I know a John Madison, I wonder if it’s the same person.”

Hey Sexy, I don’t know what happened to us but we used to be such fast friends, and then I went through some changes, and then we wrestled in shit and now you’ve been ducking me? What’s up with that? I swear I washed all that shit off me, I don’t even smell anymore. Even NAZI will talk to me and he hates everyone. I used to be King, you are the King, let’s make Royal Babies. Come on Theo, I wanna suck you dry. I am enclosing a picture in case you forgot what I looked like, I know you’ve seen me in the hallways but maybe you didn’t know it was me. Call me baby. Love, Johnny M.

“I uh…I honestly have no idea how to respond to this. John, I love you but come on now. We will always be friends even if you suddenly pee sitting down. As for making royal babies. The last thing I want to do is be forced to pay child support. Sorry bud but it’s no go on the baby making.”

“Well fans of mine and fans of the XWF alike that was the first installment of Dear Theo. Tune in sometime in the future for the next installment. Or don’t, I don’t give a fuck.”

“Alright Jimmy, shut that shit off.”

Fade to black.