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+---- Thread: a shitty stipulation (/showthread.php?tid=8357)
a shitty stipulation - John Msdison 2.Faggot - 11-26-2013
It's a beautiful morning, and we're cooped up inside of a tiny bedroom in the dark. If this were any other promo, like from Steve Davids or Peter Gilmour, you'd probably think, "Oh shit, this is creepy and mysterious-- what is going on?" But with John Madison, we're fairly certain he just forgot to pay his electric bill. In fact, that is exactly what is going down as we focus in on him yelling into his cell phone.
Madison
"Bitch, you cut off my electricity! Now I have to cut promos with no lights like I'm Steve Davids or Nightmare or some shit! Fuck those guys."
Wow, John is really giving that customer service rep a piece of his mind!
Madison
"What do you mean you're a cell phone company? Wait-- my phone is cut off too? Fuck! I'm gonna kill you, bitch!"
Now John is stealing Peter Gilmour's promo style! Wait a minute-- he's not even cutting a promo, he's bitching out Customer Service. Oh my, could this be how Peter developed his amazing promo cutting abilities?
John continues to talk with the woman on the line. Surely at this point her panties are nice and moist from this Peter Gilmour style promo. Shit! Not me too! I digress-- no, fuck!!
Madison
"Look, I'm the King of the XWF. You can't just cut off my communication device."
He's right, what kind of king would he be without his motherfucking cell phone? This shit needs to get resolved before John starts cutting off heads and fucking dead chicks. We don't want that happening again. Wait a minute, it looks like John might be getting through to this customer service wench.
Madison
"Good. I need that shit turned on right away, and tell Theo Pryce that this shit better not happen again."
Theo Pryce? What the hell!
John hangs up with the evil cell phone company.
Madison
"Has Theo lost it? Communication is crucial at a time like this. How am I supposed to plan out my big home coming if he's fucking around with my phone service?"
John speaks aloud as he makes his way to the bathroom to wash off his face. He trips over whatever useless junk you might imagine would be laying around in a dark room- Dirty socks, trash, Steve Davids, etc.
After washing off his face, John Madison goes on the toilet and we hear him squeak out a turd that reminds us of a Steve Davids promo. Oh wait, he's not done. It's one of those shits where you think it's gonna be short and painless, but then it carries on and gets worse, again just like a Steve Davids promo. My God, he's screaming in pain, begging for it to end, just like when watching a Steve Dav- alright you get the point.
Once John's asshole is done cutting a Steve Davids promo, John wipes it off with a roll of Steve Davids promos.
Once John has freshened up, he's ready to deliver THE promo which will have a large impact on the upcoming King Match. You see, this promo is the promo that decides the stipulation of the match. At this point, John could mail the tape in, and based off the promo his anus cut, the stipulation would be an Iron Shit Match. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the rules of an Iron Shit Match, it's basically a match where there are two toilets in the ring and the winner is whoever can shit the most after sixty minutes. There is also the Peter Gilmour version which incorporates random explosions and barbed wire toilet seats. I prefer the traditional rules though.
John thinks it over.
Iron Shit Match for the King of the XWF Title?
This could be THE match but maybe we should look at other options...
Madison
"Or perhaps a HELL in a CELL Match?"
Oh John. Silly John. Does he expect to get out that easy?
Madison
"We could fill the cage with weapons."
Nope, not gonna happen. Don't you even think about surrounding that cage with fire either.
Madison
"We could wrap the cage in barbed wire."
Fuck you, that might as well be the same thing!
Madison
"Nah, I wouldn't actually do that. A match like this deserves something more special than that. I'm the king so this stipulation can be anything in the world. Why would I waste such an opportunity on metal objects? Theo and I aren't interested in something like that."
John tries to think of something that will do this match justice.
Madison
"You know, I think I just realized something... I don't give a fuck. Wow, it's a relief to say that. Yep, this match doesn't mean anything to me. This pay per view doesn't even matter. Just look at it, what a mess.
Am I supposed to believe that the guy who can't even beat Peter Gilmour can beat Eli James IV? Peter Gilmour, Steve Davids, and Andrew Morrison are in the same match? Eww. John Austin and LJ Havok stand a chance in their match with Supernova? HAHAHA! Tony Santos is double booked? That moron can barely handle being single booked. Aaaand of course, the final Lethal Lottery match which by far has the weakest showing of any pay-per-view main event. Oh well, at least Mr. NAZI gets a briefcase out of it. I'm happy for him, maybe I'll go out there after the match is over, congratulate him, and turn my back so that he can cash in his briefcase. Hell, maybe I will just give it to him since it's always been a dream of mine to have a Nazi sitting in the throne. It's not like I've got anything else to do.
I've done it all. I've conquered the XWF, and no one is capable of competing at my level. I'm a bigger star than XWF can handle. So why should I care? Am I supposed to be excited about whooping someone's butt and moving onto the next asshole? Theo Pryce doesn't even want to wrestle, he just wants to party and fuck around in my Black Circle. Why Theo? Why are you in The Black Circle, also known as the John Madison kiss-my-ass club? You didn't seem like the ass kissing type which is why I preferred you as a business partner outside of the Circle.
Listen to what I'm saying right now. Does it sound like I respect any of my fellow Black Circle members?
I respected you, Theo.
Now... now you're just in my group of assholes.
There's nothing prestigious or respectable about this group, Theo. I'm just using it as a tool in order to achieve world domination.
Listen to me, I'm burying everybody in my own super group with this promo and I guarantee you none of them will do anything about it.
What can they do? Nothing at all.
These men that I surround myself have accepted the fact that they have reached the highest point of their careers so they cash out by joining my Black Circle.
Come on... King Nova? King Luca? King Eli? Haha, not gonna happen, EVER.
TV Champion Nova. European Champion Luca. US Champion Eli. Assistant Manager NAZI. Rape toy Zak Misery. Those all sound like appropriate titles to me.
Congratulations, Theo. By officially joining "The Black Circle," you've reached the highest point of your career. Hey, I'm not mad. I'm always happy to see new faces. I see that you're already becoming buddies with NAZI, good for you. Be careful with NAZI though, because he was the one who gave me the idea to bury Sebastian Duke alive."
John stumbles across the room until he makes it to his seat.
Madison
"There's no challenge for me here in the XWF.
I'm bored.
I'm bored with all of you; being in this federation is like being trapped in a Steve Davids promo.
What else am I supposed to do if I've beaten everyone, and taken the most prestigious championship in wrestling?
It probably doesn't help that I have my own super group of people who walk around with my juice running down their chins. None of them are willing to go against me in order to shake things up. NAZI, who might as well be winning Lethal Lotto, can't even muster up enough strength to call me out properly. I even proposed sticking him at the end of a gauntlet in one of my challenges like he's Peter Gilmour, and he still didn't have the balls to call me out.
Luca is the European Champion with no worthy challenger in sight, and no motivation to take my crown. Same with Eli and the US Title, and Nova and the TV Title. I might as well hold all three of those belts."
John shakes his head, disappointed with the XWF. What a terrible wrestling promotion. He wonders how they continue to exist. Could he, NAZI, and Supernova exterminate this company already just to put it out of its misery?
Madison
"I wish I could say that Lethal Lotto matters, but even with all of the hype coming from Shane 
, it's all bullshit. The only thing that those briefcases are good for is collecting dust. The only shithead to benefit from those things, who's still with us, is Luca. Everyone else just sits on their prize because they know they don't stand a chance against me.
Why should I even bother? Maybe I'll just stay at home this Wednesday since Theo just wants to fuck around with me anyway.
Oh right, I have to come up with a stipulation.
I've got it.
First Blood Buried Alive in Shane 's Feces Match.
The objective of the match is to make your opponent bleed and then bury them in Shane 's shit.
I figured since you joined us that you'll enjoy this type of match anyway.
Welcome to The Black Circle."