Let's sit in a circle and take turns screaming our Earth gimmicks

What's my gimmick supposed to be?

.........It was an odd question. I don't recall ever being asked something like that. Here I am, just sitting in the middle of an American mall food court, alone as usual and enjoying my spaghetti from a place called Sbarro's. Since I'm not someone who has had a lot of face time on television yet, I didn't even expect to be recognized in the mall as people went about their business. Well it would seem as though I've made a small oversight in that assessment - I didn't account for the occasional teenage burn out who would be killing time at the mall and had nothing better to do but pester others. This spaghetti is actually quite delicious despite the fact that it came from a food court wall restaurant, so I take another bite as the random outcast stands there looking at me. What was it he asked me again? My gimmick? What's my gimmick supposed to be? Does this young chap think he's watching some soap opera when he flips on the television and sees the XWF?

Needless to say, when I answer his question by asking him the same exact question back, it boggles his mind. He almost seems offended right now as I take another bite of my exquisite pasta. 5 minutes ago this young lad was just sitting alone in the food court, wasting his day away... Now he's standing before me and looking at me as if I'm a bit of a quack. Doesn't this young whippersnapper understand that if I'm just playing some sort of gimmick in my fake world, then so is he in his fake world? I'm not seeing the confusion there but he has evidently found a gushing payload of it.

I'm

]

Did you all know that about me? Apparently our young friend did. Not only has he called me

but he started it out with the word "dude." Yes, that's really what he just said to me after I asked him what his gimmick was supposed to be. "Dude, you're

" - He referred to me as "dude" which is something that some of the intellectual masterminds of the XWF would also probably do, and it says so much about a person when they do. When waiting to be addressed by another human being who I am not yet familiar with, I always hope that I'll be unceremoniously ennobled with "dude" or "bro" because then I'll know I am engaging with a being of the highest intelligence. What's even better is the fact that this young gentlemen is staring at me like I grew an extra head. He's literally just staring as I speak these words into the microphone of my recording device between mouth fulls of my spaghetti dinner. Has this annoying boy never seen a man speaking the events of his day into a recording device?

It's about time for me to wave security over and have them deal with this nuisance. I don't even speak directly to him as I make eye contact with the two security guards who were standing by the Sbarro's Pizza. I put down my fork to wave them over and I point at the kid with my thumb. Would you gentlemen kindly escort this bothersome person away from me? I'm trying to enjoy my dinner. That's right... move him right along. Thank you... Oh and kid; these two fine gentlemen here... their gimmick is getting rid of you.

So much better. Now I can enjoy my spaghetti in peace.

[align=right]So what IS my gimmick?

Oh really? You're asking me too now? I guess this is really a thing around here, huh? Well if I've got to have some kind of gimmick in order to be on the XWF roster then I'd like to be fired as soon as possible. It's bad enough I'm living a gimmick from the moment I wake up in the morning till the second that I fall asleep at night. This entire world - this entire life - every last bit of reality that we know as "normal" is just another part of the elaborate play we're enacting for an audience who most certainly does not applaud our performance. My gimmick is simple; my role is one that is far from unique and easily replaceable... My gimmick in this story of Earth is a human... but what kind of human? Hmm; I've got human flesh and human blood, I breathe the same air as the rest of the humans, and I have all the same urges that the rest of our kind has. I'm just a normal, plain human being. Nothing special about me except for the fact that I know there's so much more out there than what we live with, endure and accept in everyday life...

and how do I know there's so much more?

I know it because my key works in almost all of the doors that your keys won't fit, you petulant children. I know it because... I've lived.

Something most of our kind
has never done
LIVED

So for any nescient dingbats who might be looking at me and scratching their heads over what my gimmick could possibly be... now you know; my gimmick is that I'm alive and I'm proud to be one of the only human beings to truly be able to say that. I'm alive - Yes, alive - In a world where the common man is raised to be half dead, I am every bit alive.

I wonder if the gentlemen who have introduced themselves into this tournament would be so kind as to share their own gimmicks? Both gimmicks; the one they play in this faux life and their XWF gimmick. What do you guys play in the ring and what do you play when you go home to your families? Do we have any police men? Firefighters? Doctors? Perhaps there's somebody here who plays a doctor in the XWF but when they go home they play a police man? Is that how it works? Or do all of you just play blind, half dead lumps of clay during the time you aren't wrestling?