CHOOSE YOUR CHAMPION - Printable Version
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CHOOSE YOUR CHAMPION (/showthread.php?tid=47883)
CHOOSE YOUR CHAMPION - Mark Flynn - 08-06-2024
OOC: This is designed to be played... Y'know, like a video game
But, if you'd rather not install something on your computer, come back in just a bit, I'll have a playthrough video uploaded shortly...
Playthrough below for people who don't want to download a game onto their computers!
***
Play the latest entry from XWF Games!
CHOOSE YOUR CHAMPION
Dialogue (for word count purposes)
The Champion of Anarchy Realm has abandoned his Throne.
From the ashes must rise a new Champion.
One that may lift Anarchy Realm from its lowly, pitiful depths.
And raise it to the heavens of TRUE WRESTLING LEGEND.
CHOOSE YOUR CHAMPION.
Centurion?
Jesus Christ. Anyone could win 200 matches if you've been wrestling...
Since Eisenhower.
Centurion’s been teasing hanging his boots since...
Before his boots had Orthotic Inserts.
Still.
Centurion’s still the odds-on favorite in this battle royal.
Because how he’s supposed to go over the top rope?
When, after he falls, he can't get up?
Razor Blade?
The King of asking the crowd...
'how their doin twonight?'?
I'm not saying Razor's stupid, but I believe his hair bleach seeped into his frontal cortex.
For fuck’s sake, Razor makes more mid-promo outfit changes than COGENT POINTS.
Razor promos are incredible.
Somehow, Razor can take ten minutes…
To say NOTHING.
And make it feel like THIRTY.
Latoya Hixx?
You mean Female Razor Blade?
WHY would Razor pick a partner that talks, thinks and acts exactly him?
Couldn't he just privately masturbate to his own reflection?
Y'know, like Thaddeus Duke does?
No. He had to hire his mental twin, wasting a second salary on the XWF payroll.
Hixx and Blade share one brain cell.
And that brain cell's only idea is MORE COSTUME CHANGES.
Cameron Parker?
...
Now you're just making people up.
Fun fact: There have been 200 XWF wrestlers named Parker.
Including the last Anarchy champ.
Ooooh, while we're fabricating Parkers...
You know who'd be a great Anarchy champion?
El Parker Parquero!
He's eight-feet-tall!
Mexico's top sous-chef/wrestler!
Shuddup. Your imaginary friend can't be Anarchy Champion.
Summer Page?
Any true fashionista knows...
Gold doesn't pair with PLASTIC.
Summer's fake tan and faker face were ratings poison on MADNESS.
Madness: The C-SHOW that XWF cancelled.
Let me repeat that.
The XWF CANCELLED Madness.
...
The XWF's kept STEVE SAYORS for 25 years.
They've put on multiple live shows... ON AM RADIO.
It's a company of EXCESS... WASTED FUNDS ON OBJECTIVELY BAD IDEAS.
And even THEY looked at Madness, Summer Page's brand, and thought...
...'We should stop funding this.'
Dick Drizzle?
All Drizzle could be the champion of...
is 'Spreading Syphillis at his Geriatric Care Facility'
Dick Drizzle may have been an appropriate name in his late 50s... But now? With his constant urinary tract infections?
He's lucky if his Dick Drips.
Drizzle doesn't see color, because his vision started fading back when the world was black-and-white.
No, the Anarchy Champion should be younger than the dinosaur bones Drizzle thinks were placed by God to test our faith.
Mister Oz?
What a character.
He goes from a monster to 'Broken' to a billionaire to a cultist enigma.
But, no matter what outfit he dresses himself in...
He's the same poor man, trying to convince the world he's Great and Powerful.
He's no predator.
He's a goddamned pussy cat donning a lion costume.
Unaware he just looks like ensemble from an Off-Broadway Cats.
Misty Waters?
Jesus CHRIST, Dolly.
Dolly's hit Rock Bottom so many times...
You'd think Rock Bottom overcooked Dolly's dinner.
Speaking of Waters' family history...
Dolly’s now cosplaying as her backwoods, wrasslin’ grandmother…
Along with Misty's conservative streak.
Dolls, tell me more about how we oughta make Wrestling Great Again.
About how hard WHITE wrestlers have it these days.
When you’ve had HOW MANY FREE SHOTS AT THE UNI?!?
FIVE? SIX?
Face it, Wastewaters. You were born on third base with your family legacy.
You keep falling flat on your goddamned face before reaching the belt your boytoy Thad DESPERATELY wants to giftwrap for you.
FUCK. NO.
Madison Dyson?
Dyson's the kind of asshole who says ‘All Lives Matter’, then gets mad when she discovers certain lives live in her neighborhood.
Some may think JB isn’t in this match because he’s the Revolution champion.
But the REAL reason is Maddy saw the card's first-draft and demanded to speak to a manager.
How’s Dy gonna lead a shitshow like Anarchy when she believes in segregated bathrooms?
Sorry, Little Orphan Klannie.
HARD PASS.
Big Preesh?
That guy has more chins on his face than wins on Anarchy.
That guy’s seen title matches more often than his own penis.
And, unlike his dick, every shot he’s had has been BLOWN.
Mystery Entrant, huh?
Don't we already have one of those? After all...
Who the FUCK's Marisol Vilaro?
Seriously, has she even wrestled a match?
Does she even go to this school?
I'm starting to think Anarchy is a drug front...
And some of these people only exist on paper to keep Jett Sterling's nose candy factory a-churnin'.
Mastermind?
The LOSINGEST wrestler in XWF HISTORY.
Seriously. Massy's found a way to lose almost 200 matches...
ALMOST as many losses as Cent has wins...
AND! He even brings a posse of EVEN BIGGER LOSERS with him every match!
Mastermind's a competitive marvel.
Put Mastermind in a one-man battle royal...
And he'd somehow trip over the top rope before the referee could declare him the winner.
Anybody else?
THE Jessica Anderson?
Joey Oddjobs?
FUCK.
Anarchy is a wretched hive of MEDIOCRITY.
And giving championship gold to anyone of you hapless LOSERS...
Simply perpetuates the cycle of FAILURE...
That the XWF's come to expect from Thursday Night.
...
And yet...
A hero arrives.
Ready to ELEVATE THURSDAY NIGHT ANARCHY!
To carry the B-show upon his back and embrace WRESTLING LEGEND!
I'm speaking, of course...
Of Mark Flynn.
THAT'S RIGHT.
XWF #1 ELO WRESTLER.
Humbling himself to vie for the Anarchy Title!
AND PLOT TWIST!
I'M NOT EVEN THE MYSTERY ENTRANT!
I'm a Write-In Candidate!
The Good Samaritan!
Pulling Thursday Night Anarchy's bleeding near-corpse!
Away from the car wreck that is Anarchy's lackluster roster.
Why?
Point One. Thad gave a Uni shot to the last Anarchy champ.
But, more importantly...
How much MORE could MARK FLYNN cement his legacy...
Than elevating the lowly B-Show...
To MUST-SEE TV!
...
If you thought Thursday Nights were Anarchy before?
Heheheh...
You ain't seen NOTHING yet.