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Desiderium - Printable Version

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Desiderium - Dionysus - 07-19-2024


Loring Park really isn't a bad place to walk around.

Even better when you have some incentive for a quick visit.

Since I was heading to Rome, I figured it would be a good idea to leave my car with Elli. That way, she could pick me up from the airport with it and I could drive back to the vineyard from there. William protested, of course, but he had his hands full as it was, and wouldn't be available to pick me up. And I didn't really want to trouble my brothers with the trip. They had their own lives, after all.

But Elli was more than happy to volunteer. All I needed to do was slip the keys into the mail slot on the door, and she'd take care of my car.

And so that is how I wound up standing in front of her door once again. The keys were in an envelope labeled "Dio's Car." I would've written "Road Roller," but I didn't think she'd get the joke.

Just as I bent over to slip the envelope through the flap, the door swung open, and looking up, I saw Jacob ready for a jog, while Elli was standing behind him, sleepy-eyed but chipper as always. It seemed like they didn't even notice I was at the door.

The quick peck on the lips from Jacob confirmed as much. "Back in a bit; love you!" he said.

"Love y-oh," Elli, having realized I was standing back up straight, sheepishly retreated further into her apartment.

"Oh...hey, Dean," Jacob acknowledged.

"Dio," I corrected, waving awkwardly. "Just here to, uhh...drop off my keys." I handed Jacob the envelope, who in turn handed them off to Elli inside.

"Thanks, I'll...just keep an eye on it," She replied. From what I could see, Elli was just wearing a large, baggy t-shirt, and while she held the envelope she nervously rubbed her free hand along her arm.

Even though the air was hot and muggy, the awkwardness was much more dense. "Well, I'll be the first to say it; this is just an awkward situation," I joked, attempting to break the tension. At least Jacob and Elli were receptive to my quip. After a light chuckle, I checked my watch, remarking, "I really should get going; gotta catch my flight and the light rail's a pretty long walk from here-"

"Say, I'll come with you," Jacob offered, stretching his hamstring. "Been a hot minute since I jogged around the warehouse district."

"Oh, I don't want to impose-"

"Nah, it'll be fine, man," Jacob assured. "Besides, I wanna get to know you better."

There was a part of me that still felt uncomfortable about his intentions, but it seemed like he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Well I guess I can't say no now, can I?" I turned to look at Elli, giving a polite wave and saying, "Take good care of the car; can't really spring for another one right now."
"What, you don't trust me?" She asked sarcastically. Elli then stuck her tongue out and waved back, saying, "Have a safe trip, and let me know when you get in! Don't want anyone beating you up before your big match or anything!"
"Will do," I said, returning her warm smile with one of my own.
There was a moment, just a split second, where I thought I could see a twinkle in her eyes. And for that moment, it seemed like nothing else mattered. I shuddered slightly, shaking myself out of the stupor, then turning to Jacob and saying, "Shall we?"
We set off from the apartment, climbing a set of stairs to cut over to Nicollet Avenue. The station where I needed to go was further north, but thankfully, Nicollet was a pedestrian-friendly street. It wasn't particularly busy; no events going on, no games at the stadium or Target Field. Just the energized calm of the city to accompany Jacob and I.

"So..." Jacob started to say after a few minutes of awkward silence. "You flyin' somewhere today?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Rome, actually."

"Well hey," he exclaimed, impressed with the destination. "What kinda gig do I need to get to travel like that?" He asked.

"Depends; think you could take people on in a wrestling ring?"

"...Oh yeah, Elli mentioned that about you. Her wrestling buddy."

I'm sure he wasn't trying to sound like he was mocking my chosen profession, but man he came off like an asshole with that statement. "And you're a..." I paused, trying to remember. "...Paralegal, right?"

"Sure am," Jacob said proudly. "Well, for now anyway. I'm working this job while I'm waiting to take the bar and head to law school."

"Ah, very nice," I politely replied.

I hated small talk.

It seemed like he hated it too.

We walked for two blocks in silence. While waiting for the traffic signal, he started stretching again. I forgot he was going to jog once I took off; not a bad habit to get into. "Jog often?"

"Every chance I get," Jacob replied, finishing a side stretch. "Not much of a weight lifter, but I run marathons for charity, so I like keeping myself in good shape if I can help it."

I nodded, rubbing the back of my head. "Yeah, I wish I could do one of those some day."

"Hey, why not join me sometime?" he offered, slapping me on the back. "We'll get your endurance up so much, everyone will run away in fear of you, eh?" He laughed; I didn't get it.

"Heh...sure, pal."

The traffic signal finally changed.

"So how did you meet Elli?" I finally decided to soldier through to the burning question.

Jacob thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Can't really remember, if I'm being honest. I think I first met her at the gym; y'know, my buddies and I went and her and her friends were also there. We all went out together and...I dunno; I guess we just hit it off, y'know?"

"Sure, I get that," I replied. I couldn't help but think how bad of an answer that was.

"And how about you?"

"Met at The Saloon, actually," I explained. "A friend of mine had a date there and he wanted me to be his wingman. When I could see he was doing just fine for himself, I decided to hang out on the patio, and that's where I met her. Turns out her uncle was my therapist, and we became good friends after that."

"Oh yeah, her uncle Johannes, right?"

"Elbrook, yeah."

"Weird guy. Not a big fan of therapists," Jacob remarked snidely.

I wrinkled my nose. Elbrook was an upstanding guy; Jacob not liking him was an immediate red flag for me. Maybe him walking with me wasn't the greatest idea. "I mean...I wouldn't say that-"

"So what is the deal with you and Elli, anyway?" Jacob's question was spat out with a hint of venom. I turned to look at him, unsure where his hostility was coming from. "Just 'Good Friends,' yeah?" he added, making air quotes with his fingers.

"...Yes? We're just friends."

"But you love her, right?"

The question hit me like a sack of bricks. This is exactly what he wanted to know.

He's really not going to like his jog after this.



First it was Paris.

Now it is Rome.

What is it about Leap of Faith that brings us to such exquisite locales?

The fans, surely.

The sights? Absolutely.

But all of that pales in comparison to the prize waiting for us.

The rarest of opportunities.

Destiny...in the palm of our hands.

To be used to achieve what we most desire.

Lets not beat around the bush. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, in this business, we all have something we desire. It can be as straightforward as victory. As simple as collecting titles. The chance to prove that we truly stand above all others.

But for each of us, there is something...deeper.

From Matthias's rocket-like momentum of revolution.

To Ned Kaye's resilient determination to return to the top. 

From Dolly's...or rather, Misty's...desire to find her true self.

To Johnny's task-oriented extermination.

Garcia, Vernacular, Adeyemi, Sahara.

Vaughn. Hittems. Greiner.

Even Bulk Logan.

We all have our own reasons for being here. Our own desires we want to fulfill.

But what will be more important? The fulfillment of desire? Or the opportunity right in front of us?

Matthias would love nothing more than to claim the case for his own machinations. But will that align with his desire for the Anarchy title? How focused is his resolve when multiple prizes are on the line?

Ned wants nothing more than to show that he is worthy of the Universal Championship. But does doubt linger in his heart? Or is there something much more sinister behind the scenes, preventing his ascent once again? Is chasing a legacy-defining moment worth his own life and livelihood?

Misty has revealed herself once again, ready to take us all by storm. And yet, not so long ago, it was Dolly who was ready to ascend to the top. Who is she, really? And will her dueling personas get in each others' way?

Johnny has always been a man on a mission, no matter where he hones his craft. However, time and again I have seen that mission, whatever it may be, take precedence over his career.

No matter what everyone is chasing after in this moment, in this match, one thing is for certain.

No one.

And I mean...NO ONE.

Is more focused on the task at hand than I am.





I was just a few short steps from the light rail station.
But Jacob had to go ahead and drop a bombshell of a question right before I needed to leave.
"Well?" Jacob asked accusingly.
"Well what?" I replied nonchalantly. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of playing this game with him. I had a long flight ahead of me and I wasn't about to dwell on this the entire time I was in the air.
"Don't give me that, Deebo-"
"Dee-Oh," I pronounced clearly. "Its literally only two letters, you simpleton. If you're going to just antagonize me at least get the name right."

"Fine. Dio. Answer my question," Jacob repeated. "Do you love her or not?"
Even though the question was spat at me in disgust, it was a question I had thought a lot about. Elli and I shared the same interests, we could make each other laugh, and we trust each other when we need to say anything in confidence. But was that enough to be in love? I hadn't really been in love before, so I didn't have a clear answer to that question.
...But why was he interested in asking me that question? It didn't seem like the question he wanted to know the answer to at all. Maybe Elbrook's analytical thinking was rubbing off on me. "What do you think?"
"Huh?" Jacob asked, taken aback.
"It doesn't seem like you want to know if I love her. Whether or not I do doesn't matter here." I started walked toward the ticket kiosk. "No, what you want to know...is if she loves you." I turned my head slightly to look out the side of my eye. "Isn't that right?"
Jacob wasn't expecting that answer to come out of my mouth. I guess he thought I would confess right then and there and maybe...I don't know; beat me up with his incredible jogger's endurance or something? But instead I flipped the question back into his lap. "Well...I mean...of course she does! You heard us at the door, right? We said it to each other!"
"But there's doubt in your heart, isn't there?"
There was a pause as the ticket for the train dispensed. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. "I, uhh...well..." Jacob began to stammer.
"Look," I said pointedly. "I don't really know where this insecurity in your relationship with her is coming from. But you really need to pull yourself together if you think every guy in her life is out to 'steal yo girl,' or whatever." I gestured toward him. "You're a total package on your own; stable job, career aspirations, healthy habits. You guys didn't hit it off for nothing, you know."
"Yeah, but," Jacob finally regained his footing, "You don't know what its like when we're together!"

"I really don't need you to put those images in my-"
"That's not what I mean; don't be an ass!" he snapped. "I mean that even in our relationship, I feel like a third wheel!"
"...What the devil do you mean?" I asked, understandably confused.
Jacob sighed, seemingly like this was a problem he had been trying to deal with on his own. And from our conversation, he wasn't dealing with it well at all. "I mean...that every time we go anywhere, I can tell she has her mind on someone else. She gets excited when you send her a message. She brings you up in conversations with some of my other friends. Do you know how often she watches that show you're on?" He didn't even give me a chance to respond. "Its on every single Monday, waiting for you to come on the screen! Its like she's completely obsessed with you! That has to mean something is going on. You said or did something to get her complete and undivided attention, and I'm sick of it!"
"Have you thought to consider," I asked, "that maybe she's interested in me because I'm a friend of hers in a somewhat dangerous job and seeing that I'm alright gives her comfort?"
Another long, awkward pause. "Well, I...I just-" A sigh. "...No. I didn't think about that."
"Exactly. You know as well as I do Elli is a caring and supportive person. She doesn't like seeing people getting hurt, and she'll do everything she can to figure out what the problem is. Its an annoying, if endearing, trait about her. She's also not a great fan of people who are insecure about themselves. She's told me as much herself." I was interrupted by the arrival of the light rail train pulling into the station. "I'd love to stay and work this out with you more. Believe me, I would. But I have a flight to catch, so let me be blunt; I can't say I appreciate being ambushed by you like this, but you have nothing to worry about with me. I told her as such myself. And as much as I think you are a walking red flag with an attitude as shitty as your teenager's-first-try mustache, She clearly sees something in you. Whether or not that's love...I can't really say."
He slowly raised a hand to touch his mustache, dejected, as I walked onto the light rail train. "WAIT!" I heard Jacob shout. I turned to face him. "I got it all backwards...You don't love her. She loves you."
I shook my head. "But she wants you. And that's the problem."
Before he could say anything else, the doors to the train closed. I stared at his slackjawed expression as the train continued on its path, only grabbing onto the support rail when Jacob was out of sight. I let out a sigh, thankful that no one saw that high school worthy dramatic performance. I can tell a not-so-fun conversation was going to happen between the two of them later on today. I'll really need to check in on her once I land.
In that moment, I also realized that he'll have ample time to mess with my car in some way...if he were the type.
I pulled out my phone, making sure I could cover all my bases.
"Hey Theo, its me."
"..."
"Yeah, I'm on my way to the airport now. Think you could upgrade me to first class? Not to be fancy, but I could really use a relaxing flight today."
"..."
"Its a long story; I'll tell you when I get to the venue. Also...what's our auto insurance policy like?"
"..."
"If I say 'no reason,' you won't believe me, right?"


But what do I, Dionysus, desire above all else?

Some people might think it is proof that I belong. After all, I have talked at length about how XWF is my new home, and making myself comfortable has been the goal for some time. However, given my previous title reigns, I feel that goal has been achieved.

Others, like Mark Flynn, think it is to actually face a worthy challenge. It is hard to argue that as of late, my failures have stacked up more than my successes, when it has mattered the most. However, this is not for any lack of effort. That "and 1" next to his win/loss record is proof enough of that. Worthiness is not determined by others, but what I deem worthy. And every challenge is worthy, if it means I can show the world why I belong, win or lose.

No, the deepest desire I have, more than anything in the world, is one thing and one thing only.

Acceptance.

In WCF, the only people that accepted me were a band of misfits who I felt the desire to protect. That desire culminated into both a tournament victory and my first world title victory, against a force willing to do anything to put me away forever.

In the Trials, I was mocked for being drafted over others, on the assumption I was not worthy of the spot. And while I did not advance to The Grand Illuminatus, I fought tooth and nail to show the world why I earned my place.

Other homes of little consequence came and went.

Alliances were forged...and those bonds of trust were shattered.

Even in a highly successful tag team run, I was never more alone.

Opportunities were in front of me...and they slipped through my grasp.

I was good.

But my opponents were better.

No excuse in the book will ever make up for that fact.

And in every one of those failures, the only person who would listen to my trials and tribulations...was me.

I have had to stand in solitude, putting a smile on my face while doubt and despair gripped at my heart.

Then...I signed a contract with XWF.

And there was suddenly a light.

People began to take notice of me, whether it was recognition or disdain.

It fueled my determination, to become better than I ever had before.

I started succeeding in ways I never thought possible.

And even now, after falling short in a pay-per-view created in my image, I no longer feel that despair.

I know that I am worthy of a world title.

...But that acceptance is still long off.

I know my opponents will do everything in their power to write me off, to expose the weakest parts of myself in order to show how they are worthy.

But I will choose another path. I will raise their pedestals myself.

It will be all the sweeter then when I topple them from those great heights.

So I wish you all the best of luck in Rome.

I hope you all tell me how you really feel.

Because I don't give a damn if you like me.

I don't give a fuck if you hate me.

But my desire and resolve will win out in the end.

And when I hold that briefcase aloft...you will all fucking accept me.