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VOODOO? CHILD, YOU SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND... - Printable Version

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VOODOO? CHILD, YOU SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND... - Bulk Logan - 10-25-2023


Bulk Logan stands before a makeshift altar made of old wrestling memorabilia, two Funko Pops of Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross, and a book that reads 'Voodoo 101 for Dummies'. 

Gary nervously watches.

"Bulk, I've seen some bizarre things in my time, but this? This takes the cake."

Bulk, sweat forming on his brow, shushes him. "This has to be perfect, brother. Every ingredient, every word. Voodoo is delicate." He then proceeds to spill a drop of paint thinner, "Oops."

Gary facepalms. "This isn't going to work, man."

Bulk chants words from a crumpled paper, words that are clearly butchered French with a touch of gibberish. As the final word leaves his lips, the room plunges into darkness.

Gary gulps. "Bulk...? Did it work?"

Suddenly, the Funko Pops begin to tremble, their little plastic bodies convulsing. They grow in size, their expressions shifting from the usual cute caricatures to something much, much darker.

Evil Bob Ross, his afro now a swirling vortex of darkness, hisses, "Let's paint some sad, little trees."

Beside him, Evil Mr. Rogers, holding a tiny, ominous trolley adds, "Won't you be my victim?"

Gary's jaw drops. "Bulk, what did you do?!"

Bulk, in shock, stammers, "I... I might've mixed up 'resurrect' with 'invert personality' in the chant..."

The evil doppelgangers advance, and the room transforms. The walls are suddenly covered in terrifying, dark versions of Bob Ross's paintings. 

Meanwhile, the floor becomes a twisted version of Mr. Roger's neighborhood, complete with tiny, menacing puppets crawling around.

Bulk braces himself. "Alright, Gary, tag team time, brother. You take Bob, I'll handle Fred."

Gary grabs a paintbrush. "Hey, Bob! Bet you can't paint a sunset faster than me!"

Evil Bob Ross, his ego bruised, snaps, "Challenge accepted!"

As they begin, Evil Bob's brushstrokes are aggressive, dark swirls of storm clouds and jagged mountains, while Gary, fueled by nostalgia, paints serene valleys and warm sunsets. 

Meanwhile, Bulk and Evil Mr. Rogers circle each other warily as the tiny trolley zips around him like a demonic shield.

Bulk lunges first, but as he dives towards Evil Mr. Rogers, the trolley zips in front, tripping Bulk and sending him sprawling across the floor.

Evil Mr. Rogers chuckles, his voice distorted, "Always look both ways before crossing the street, Bulk."

Gritting his teeth, Bulk rolls to his feet. He feints to the left, and then goes for a flying tackle. But Evil Mr. Rogers dodges and sends Bulk crashing into a puppet-populated miniature house.

Bulk emerges, puppet strings tangled around him, and finds himself face-to-face with the trolley. With a roar, he grabs it, attempting to use it as a weapon. But the trolley, possessed by some dark magic, whirs to life, pulling Bulk around in a dizzying circle.

In a moment of desperation, Bulk lets go of the trolley, sending it hurtling towards Evil Bob Ross and disrupting his painting rhythm.

Seizing the momentary distraction, Bulk lunges again, managing to grip Evil Mr. Rogers in a bear hug.

With a sudden surge of power, Evil Mr. Rogers twists and contorts, his form appearing more spectral than solid. In a blur, he slips through Bulk's iron grip.

Bulk stumbles back, his eyes wide with disbelief. The room goes silent, save for the soft hum of the trolley.

Evil Mr. Rogers tilts his head, his distorted laughter echoing in the dim light. "Did you really think a simple hug could restrain me, Bulk?" He chuckles, his laughter turning maniacal. "This isn't the cozy neighborhood you remember."

"Maybe not, but it's still my apartment, dude!" He growls, bracing himself for the next round of their showdown.

Suddenly, the real spirit of Mr. Rogers appears, floating above them. "Violence isn't the answer, Bulk. Remember what I taught you."

Bulk nods, tears forming in his eyes. "You're right, Fred, dude!" He sits down, offering Evil Mr. Rogers a hand. "Let's talk about our feelings."

Evil Mr. Rogers glances from the outstretched hand of Bulk and then to the hovering spirit of the real Mr. Rogers. 

The malicious glint in his eyes fades slightly.

Meanwhile, Gary gestures to his canvas. "Look, Bob! Even in our darkest moments, the sun still rises!" He points to a vibrant sunrise he's just painted.

Evil Bob Ross pauses in his frenzied painting, his gaze drawn to the canvas. The swirling vortex of darkness in his afro slows.

"Fred... I brought you back because I missed you. I missed what you taught us. About understanding, compassion, and talking through our issues."

Evil Mr. Rogers hesitates, then slowly sits down opposite Bulk. "I was brought back wrong, but deep down, I remember those lessons too."

"And Bob, we missed your calming landscapes, your tranquil world."

"I was overtaken by the turmoil in my art, but your vision," he gestures to Gary's canvas, "brings me back to my true self."

The real spirit of Mr. Rogers floats down between the two pairs. "It's the strength within each of you that can overcome any challenge. Remember that."

Bulk and Gary exchange glances, a mutual understanding passing between them. They turn back to their respective evil counterparts. "We're sorry... We should've let you rest."

"But maybe, together, we can make things right."

With that, the four of them join hands, focusing their energy. The apartment starts to shimmer, the dark, twisted versions of the paintings fading away, replaced with serene landscapes and a friendly neighborhood. The dark aura surrounding Evil Bob Ross and Evil Mr. Rogers diminishes, leaving behind just the Funko Pops they once were.

The spirit of Mr. Rogers smiles warmly. "Thank you for remembering my lessons. Now, let my spirit and Bob's rest in peace." With a gentle wave, he fades away.

Bulk and Gary, exhausted but relieved, collapse onto the couch.

"I guess the lesson here is... be careful what you wish for?"

"And always, always double-check your Voodoo chants."

They share a laugh as dawn breaks and the scene ends.

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