Jesus Christ has this place taken a shit in just a handful of months. The downward trajectory the Xtreme Wrestling Federation has been on throughout 2023 has turned into a straight nose dive into obscurity; and if you need further proof to that statement, when your Universal Champion selects a match that has NOTHING to do with wrestling and everything with saving face pretty much says it all, pussy. If having your marquee title wrapped around a talentless tool wasn’t bad enough… this is supposed to be the biggest show of the year, yet it’s wrapped around MONDAY NIGHT MADNESS!

Wow.

Impressive.

Not really.

Several months ago I popped back into this organization for a hot minute and told you fuckboys then that this place is operating with a collapsed lung with its life slowly depleting. After walking back through the front doors and snatching a title I had no intention of holding- but that’s not what led to my zero fucks given attitude while exiting just as quickly as I entered. Nah, all that rests with one Loverboy. You know the guy. The same guy that takes potshots at those who tell him to fuck off, right, Vincent? Naturally when I found out that his claws aren’t sunken into this organization like they once were opened the door for me to come back and finish a story that should have been finished months ago. Let me make this clear from Jump Street- I don’t care about this federation, I don’t care about most of the people involved in it, and I find it nothing short of amusing that this is supposed to be your biggest show of the year and yet when I look over the card the only match worth a damn is Bourbon vs Doc.

… and while I can care less about most of you. I do care about you, Ned.

Why else would I be here? Hmmm? I’m not going to pretend that you’re meaningless because if you were I wouldn’t be here to live up to the title of Mr. Relentless. If any of you twatwaffles or cuntcakes think that’s smoke being blown up your ass I’d suggest you take a walk through the history of this event because I’m the ONLY talent that has wrestled on all three nights in back-to-back years back when I drank the XWF kool-aid. Fuck, now that I think about it can anyone tell me the last time there was a strong program heading into the biggest show of YOUR year? Oh yeah, Robert Man and Chris Page. You’re welcome… but this is about you, Ned. Do you remember the last time we met when I told you that if the Trilogy was being spearheaded by Theo Pryce it would be dead in months, and did I lie? CCPE is not only alive and kicking but hell, three weeks ago we dispatched another team of talent that tried to take us down. What happened? Oh yeah, they failed with flying colors too. It seems to be the nature of the beast when you fuck with those that are just better than you. Fuck dude, in that one event I showed more balls than ANY of your XWF Champions by putting my money where my mouth is.

I’d imagine the surprise when you watched back Weekend Warfare to see that mask come off to see this wicked sexy face being the culprit behind leaving you lying, and truthfully it wasn’t the way I wanted to go about things but considering how we left things I figured some theatrics would be a little interesting. The attack wasn’t personal, it was a reminder that I will NOT stop until you live up to the potential that lives inside you as a goddamn professional wrestler. It chaps my ass to see someone waste their talents and abilities like you’ve done the majority of your career. The potential that lives inside of you is sickening, but you know what they say, Ned. You can’t confuse efforts with results.

**********

“Why the fuck did I agree to do this?”

The scene opens to find Chris Page and Candice Page lounging poolside at their Las Vegas residence in a pair of lounge chairs working on their tans while smoking a blunt.

CANDICE PAGE: I didn’t tell you to re-open that can of worms.

CHRIS PAGE: I gotta give him some credit, I never expected to see him on Monday Night Brawl.

Candice passes Chris the blunt.

CHRIS PAGE: That took some balls.

Chris pulls on the blunt.

CANDICE PAGE: Are you sure going back to the XWF even for one night is the right move after the public falling out with shitstain?

Chris blows out the smoke.

CHRIS PAGE: My understanding is he’s out delivering mail or something, but if his presence was truly felt in the land of Xtreme there isn’t a chance in hell I’d help him sell tickets. Theo on the other hand; we’ve had professional differences but never personal ones.

Chris takes another pull off the blunt before passing it over to Candice.

CANDICE PAGE: I just hope you’re not walking into a trap. You’ll be surrounded by people that don’t like you… like at all… people that throw slurs, and people that truly don’t give a shit if you live or die. I mean some of them compare you to Domino’s pizza.

Chris giggles under his breath.

CHRIS PAGE: Yeah, I never really understood if you truly despise someone to their core then why fucking talk to them, maybe we should ask the paper champion that… but then again when people are desperate for attention, or whine like babies when creative doesn’t go their way it’s to be expected.

Hey Corey, did you miss me fuckboy?

CHRIS PAGE: Ned’s never been like that. He’s just constantly taken bad advice from people who want to hold him down versus letting him be the talent he’s meant to be.

Let’s talk about your run in the XWF. You’ve always been the bridesmaid but never the bride and a large part of that is following the wrong people dating back to your days in Apex. Sure, who wouldn’t want to join the ranks alongside Robert Main or Drew Archylde? It looks great on paper until you look a little deeper to realize your tenure there led to a lot of nothing for you… but benefited others around you. You thought this would be your shot and yet you ended up being nothing more than background fodder. You’ve made a career flying under the radar regardless if it’s by your own volition or if other people have held you down. You’ve allowed it. Why?

I’m genuinely curious.

CANDICE PAGE: You know you can’t save everyone.

Candice states while hitting the blunt. Chris lets out a small sigh.

CHRIS PAGE: This is true.

Chris rests his head back and closes his eyes where he drifts off.

*********

[video=dailymotion]www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVi3-PrQ0pY[/video]

Ned, there isn’t a lot that you can say to demean me that isn’t pure imagination. When I kicked the XWF to the curb I moved on and have been more successful than any other piece of talent in the world. I’ll say that again, I moved on and have been more successful than any other piece of talent in the world. I relaunched the WGWF and made a bold prediction when I did it. I said give me twelve months and we will be the premiere federation on the planet. A year later we outperformed this dog and pony show without breaking a sweat. I’ve won two additional World Titles, one of which I carry to this day going on seven or eight months, I lost count. I’ve had Denzel Porter call me directly about headlining Grand Awakening, CCPE still kicking everyone's asses while Trilogy is the only thing to die faster than this federation… I say that to say that those who continue to say I suck, or I’m not good, or I’m overrated, or whatever excuse they need to tell themselves to make themselves feel better for being subpar talents in an industry where everyone wants to be the star yet to the people that matter I’m loved and respected. Isn’t that interesting?

In your case, specifically, I’ve owned you every time we’ve stepped through those ropes.

So what can you say to me that holds any weight?

Survey says. Nothing.

I’m the guy the masses can’t cancel, I lost count of how many times they’ve tried and yet I’m still the guy that garners the attention by simply telling you and everyone else how it is versus what people want you to believe; but you know this, right? I’m also the same guy who has walked through hell and slapped Satan himself, I’m the same guy who right now at this very minute has not only you to contend with but I’ve also got a Cataclysm match on deck. You remember Robert, right? The heart and soul of the XWF for so long now work with me after refusing to come back to the XWF. How bad do things have to be for a guy like Main to tell this place to fuck off? Stop pretending that you represent a fantastic place to work, I mean when staff members are actively competing for titles sounds like the IWF but it’s certainly an XWF issue as well, but then again that’s what happens when your roster starts to thin out and you want to put up the facade of being okay.

Fuck it Ned, you should come work for me.

At least I’ll give you the platform to succeed, or you can continue to flounder in obscurity wrestling the same people over, and over, and over, and over again. Not every company can have a roster fifty-deep. The WGWF does, and that my friend, is any but pure imagination.

**********

“Hold your breath.”

“Make a wish.”

“Count to three…”

Our scene opens….

“Come with me, you will see how to produce a quality Relentless Main Event.”

The scene fades to the entry of the room to find…



CHRIS PAGE: On this stage, you will see, a group of guys pretending to main event Relentless. One Champion scared of defeat at the hands of a dirty old bastard. If you need, further proof, look at what at what he named as a stipulation…

“Hey now!”

The screeching voice of an ugly blonde dude holding the hand of a short-sided chunky dude who has a toy belt over his shoulder.

Chris spins around looking at the split ends of Mr. Layne.

MR. LAYNE: You can’t talk about my champion like that!

CHRIS PAGE: Who? This guy? The guy that runs and hides from fucking anyone that can, and will beat him? That rears his head every time the XWF is on a downward side so that he can taste some levels of success.

MR. LAYNE: I’ll have you know he beat Alias.

CHRIS PAGE: Handcuffing someone to play at a lower level hardly constitutes being a better talent or performer. It just means you are forcing someone to lower their standards to meet yours But hey, if that’s what you need to tell yourself then it explains perfectly why your snot-nosed kid found a Golden Ticket.

Theopatria Lane squeezes the hand of Mr. Layne.

THEOPATRIA: Honey, he does have a point.

Chris spins around facing Theopatria as he cocks his head to the side with his hat not moving an inch.

CHRIS PAGE: I know you’re used to cleaning up Mr. Layne's messes but this is hardly the time to oppose him.

Chris then picks right up with his timely tune.

CHRIS PAGE: If you want to view paradise then open up your eyes and view it, because if you all apply yourself you too can do it.

Chris throws his arms out and we see all the children and parents run down the steps to explore the Chocolate room… well, almost everyone. Chris kneels looking a Nedski Kayeness.

CHRIS PAGE: What’s the matter little guy?

NEDSKI: I’ve been trying to have a meaningful Relentless Main Event for the last five or six years and nothing ever seems to pan out in my favor.

CHRIS PAGE: It’s okay. What’s your name?

NEDSKIE: Nedski.

CHRIS PAGE: Did your parents hate you? That’s the only explanation for a name like that.

NEDSKI: I don’t think so.

*******************

Part of your problem rests with reliving the past, constantly. I’ve stepped into the ring with you for now a third or fourth time and I can already tell you that you’ve elected to take a trip down memory lane over living in the present. You’ve done nothing but make the same mistakes. You’d think you’d learned by now. This isn’t about history, Ned. This is about me doing what I do better than anyone else who bothers to lace a pair of boots- bringing out the best in whoever is standing across the ring from me. You are still as gullible as ever if you didn’t see Big D making the third string of B.O.B. I don’t know what’s worse. The fact Big D pulled one over on you or how desperate B.O.B. has to be to bring someone as beatable as Big D into the fold at your expense. If you can’t see a swerve coming a mile away then how do you expect to live through a Deathmatch with yours truly? It’s going to take a level of intelligence that you do not possess, and as a matter of fact, I was the guy who laid down the stipulation.

You do realize you’re walking into my element?

You do understand that this isn’t going to be like anything else you’ve ever been involved in before, and I highly doubt it will be something you ever see again… especially looking around this dense locker room that has zero depth to it. It’s shocking to me that even with less talent, with fewer Main Event players… hell, with less everything you can’t seem to find that level of success that you feel you’re owed. Who do you think that falls on? You can’t point and make excuses for not having the opportunity because you haven’t created it. My biggest problem with you has always been your level of complacency. I’ve said it several times throughout our past because truthfully it’s the only thing that needs to be said when it comes to dealing with you. You’re okay with being in the background behind guys like Doc, guys like Bourbon, like Thunder Knuckles, but more importantly… like Chris Page. Regardless if you’ve earned it or not I’m going to give you that Relentless moment that you THINK you want, only it’s going to be more than you’re prepared to handle. Nothing is off limits, and unlike that Universal Title match you’re going to have to BEAT ME to win.

I’ll say it again.

You’ll have to BEAT ME to win.

Opening briefcases until a strap falls out isn’t being beaten… it’s being protected.

******************

Nedski and Chris take a stroll on the bank of the Chocolate River where off in the distance TeeKay and Big Red are giving Mr. Layne a double wedgie. Theopatria joins them.

CHRIS PAGE: Nedski, you are your own worst enemy when it comes to situations like these. You think you want to be the man but you don’t have the first clue what that means. Don’t feel about that, the rest of this group is in the same boat.

THEOPATRIA: Mr. Page, may I have a word?

CHRIS PAGE: Sure.

Chris pats Nedski on the head.

CHRIS PAGE: Run along, have some fun. The adults need to talk.

NEDSKI: Okay.

Nedski runs off joining the children pretending to be adults.

CHRIS PAGE: Can I help you, mam?

THEOPATRIA: I just wanted to speak to you and let you know some of the things you’re saying to our kids are a little offensive.

Chris nods.

CHRIS PAGE: Well part of the problem as a parent is we tend to tell our children how good they are when that’s the last thing from the truth. It’s like pretending the Xtreme Wrestling Federation is anything today like it once was a few years ago. The caliber of talent is down, the quality of talent is way down, and I don’t see the need to mask the truth because they need to understand just how far down the rabbit hole they’ve gone. Relentless is the biggest event of the calendar year for the XWF, a stage that once housed over twenty to thirty matches is reduced to fifteen less competitive matches with ONE match that remotely fits the bill.

Chris then states.

CHRIS PAGE: It didn’t get here overnight. Plenty of mistakes have been made. I’m not going to lie to the children. You can continue to do that when you leave the premises but here in my factory, we speak the truth.

Chris and Theopatria observe Mr. Layne screaming and shouting at Bertha Smith who magically has a toy championship they’re parading around with as they tease Nedski and Teekay, yet she is dangerously close to the river of Chocolate.

CHRIS PAGE: Watch this.

Chris hollers out toward Bertha Smith.

CHRIS PAGE: Stay away from the river!

Bertha responds with a middle finger.

CHRIS PAGE: Watch, the ego won’t allow them not to do what’s asked.

Sure enough, Bertha drops to her knees at the river's edge and starts scooping handfuls of Chocolate into her mouth. TeeKay sneaks up behind Bertha Smith and kicks her in the ass sending her ass over teakettle into the river of Chocolate. Nedski immediately rushes to the river’s edge.

CHRIS PAGE: Poor Nedski, always trying to be captain save a hoe.

TeeKay points and laughs as Bertha Smith sails down the Chocolate River into obscurity.

THEOPATRIA: Nedski is such a good boy.

A loud bell sounds.

CHRIS PAGE: AH HA! Come along.

Attention is drawn to a Candy Boat that docks.

Chris screams out.

CHRIS PAGE: ALL ABOARD!

Naturally, Nedski is first on the boat followed by Theopatria, Mr. Layne, Teekay, Big Red, and an old dude that remains nameless.

NEDSKI: Where are we off to?

CHRIS PAGE: You’ll see.

I question your overall toughness, Nedski. I question if you have the balls to handle the proverbial storm that’s brewing and headed your way. This isn’t about being a great professional wrestler, it’s not about putting on an instant classic because that isn’t what the XWF is about. It’s about shedding as much of your blood, it’s about your screams filling the seventh realm of hell, and it’s about putting you through so much pain that the Devil himself pats me on the back. If this last encounter doesn’t bring out the beast that lays inside you then nothing will, and I will give up on you. You are why I’m here. When I put you to bed on the grandest stage the XWF has to offer there isn’t going to be anything left for you to do other than admit that the only thing you’ll ever be in this business is mid at best.

*******************



“Welcome to my inventing room.”

Chris leads Nedski, Theopatria, Mr. Layne, TeeKay, Big Red, and Random Old Dude into the inventing room.

CHRIS PAGE: This is where all the magic happens.

Instantly TeeKay, Big Red, and Random Old Guy roam around the room getting into mischief.

CHRIS PAGE: Don’t touch that!

Of course, Big Red and TeeKay throw a switch causing a massive burst of light to overtake the entire room for several seconds. When the lights fade away there is no TeeKay, Big Red, or Random Old Guy.

MR. LAYNE: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Theopatria rushes over looking around for his Relentless Main Events.

CHRIS PAGE: I asked them not to touch it.

Mr. Layne is pissed as he turns toward Chris.

MR. LAYNE: We NEED them! We need ALL of them! Our Main Events are gone!

CHRIS PAGE: Let’s be fair, they weren’t money makers. The fact this event is in hell should tell you that, you don’t have to sell tickets down there.

MR. LAYNE: That’s not the point!

CHRIS PAGE: It should be.

I wonder how the rest of you are going to feel when this event comes to a close and the last thing anyone outside of this sandbox talks about is any of you while touting my performance in single-handedly saving an event that was dead on arrival before I signed on. I shouldn’t be shocked we’re going to hell, it seems fitting considering the history of this organization.

MR. LAYNE: What are we going to do?!?!

Mr. Layne asks Theopatria.

THEOPATRIA: I don’t know.

Theopatria slowly turns his head looking over at Nedski and then slowly turns his head toward Chris.

CHRIS PAGE: Don’t even think about it! Absolutely not! I already saved one of your Pay-Per-Views this year and you guys put over a dude that dropped the “R” word. That screams fuckery if there ever was.

MR. LAYNE: But… but….

CHRIS PAGE: But nothing. Tasteless is tasteless.

THEOPATRIA: Don’t think about that… think about… Nedski. We don’t have anything for him, and clearly, we don’t have anything else either.

CHRIS PAGE: I don’t know if I should feel complimented or insulted.

MR. LAYNE: Both.

CHRIS PAGE: I didn’t know this was the XWF Podcast.

Mr. Layne gets a boo-boo face while Chris looks over at Nedski who displays the sweetest little puppy dog eyes.

CHRIS PAGE: That adorable face.

THEOPATRIA: How can you say no to that?

*********************

A lot of pressure rests on your shoulders, Ned. I’m the one guy that can walk through these doors and generate instant heat because I’m the guy that can give two fucks about hurting your feelings. The seas of the XWF have never been more political because it’s not like the higher-ups can say no. There is a reason why business is down, there is a reason why there isn’t an influx of talent beating down your doors. The sooner you open your eyes to that fundamentally simple truth the better off you are all going to be. Ninety-nine percent of you couldn’t and wouldn’t make it in a reputable organization. Hell, bragging about anything in the XWF is on the level of celebrating coloring within the lines. Sure, it’s cool the first time… but is it really that impressive? Ned, you wouldn’t know because your only meaningful win was a Leap of Faith match like four years ago.

You better be ready.

You better be more prepared for this than you’ve been prepared for anything else in your professional career. You can talk up my past, you can bring up anything you choose to harp on like it means a goddamn now. I’m still leading this industry, and that notion alone not only eats your ass but those in and around the sport. Listen, it’s not my fault I know what it means to be successful… I also can’t help that learning your craft doesn’t seem to be a viable option for you.

*******************

“Where did Mr. Layne and Theopatria go?”

Nedski asks as the scene re-opens inside a dark room.

CHRIS PAGE: They asked me to have a word with you.

NEDSKI: Am I in trouble?

CHRIS PAGE: That depends on your outlook.

NEDSKI: How so?

CHRIS PAGE: It’s almost every day that I’m asked to go to different organizations, doing different things… and to be honest, the last place I thought I’d be is here and now. Relentless is right around the corner and it seems like you haven’t been factored into any real plans… considering the lack of real main events on the entire show, or Champions that COULD have done something great but would rather ego stroke themselves in the event they lose can claim he wasn’t “pinned” for the title.



CHRIS PAGE: I looked over the active roster and if I can make chicken salad out of all the chicken shit that exists here I can do it with you.

NEDSKI: But haven’t you destroyed me…

CHRIS PAGE: Twice but who’s counting?

NEDSKI: You.

CHRIS PAGE: If I’m going to make this work I’m going to need you to break through that glass ceiling that you’ve been living under for the last several years, I’m going to need you to tap into whatever badassness rests inside that little body of yours, and I’m going to need you to elevate yourself to a completely different level.

NEDSKI: How do you suppose I do that?

An overhead light turns on displaying a glass elevator.

CHRIS PAGE: All you have to do is get in.

Nedski observes the glass elevator.

CHRIS PAGE: Put your fears aside and tempt fate… it’s the only chance you’ve got.

Reluctantly Nedski starts to take a few steps toward the glass elevator before Chris comes forward and shoves Nedski into the glass elevator with the doors shutting instantly which traps him inside. Nedski starts pounding on the glass with both fists.

CHRIS PAGE: Just like I said… gullible.

Chris smacks a button causing the elevator to drop into the fiery pits.

CHRIS PAGE: I’ll see you hell.

******************

“Where am I?”

Chris wakes up in the lounge chair on the pool deck of his Las Vegas estate with Candice laughing at him under her breath.

CANDICE PAGE: You passed out mid toke.

Chris sits up.

CANDICE PAGE: It sounded like you were having a weird dream.

CHRIS PAGE: You have no idea.

CANDICE PAGE: When you’re singing a rendition of Pure Imagination I think it’s safe to say that I have an idea.

Chris suddenly exclaims taking Candice by surprise.

CHRIS PAGE: Oh shit!

CANDICE PAGE: What?

CHRIS PAGE: I have to go to hell.

Without hesitation, Candice responds.

CANDICE PAGE: That’s easy, just use X and call it a day.

CHRIS PAGE: Good point.

Scene fades.

[/i]