On the roof of a building.

In the dead of night.

“Simply adorable.”

NK chuckles, as he closes the text message.

His phone, a state-of-the-art iPhone, buzzes constantly.

His screen is filled to the brim with smiling emojis! Hearts!

Even… Little cartoon eggplants!?!

“Ha! My adoring fans wish to remind me the importance of a well-balanced diet!”

…

NK rapidly scrolls through reading every notification. Each one feels like a jolt of endorphins straight into his brain.

“How profoundly intoxicating…” NK smiles dreamily, like heroin just hit his system. “Strange, though. I never previously would have enjoyed interacting with distasteful American swine. Why do I feel such DRIVE to interact with and generate positive emotion from my adoring public!”

…

NK spins around. “WELL!?!”

In front of him, the two MuskCo employees, the Analyst and the Programmer shiver in the cold.

The Analyst looks over at the Programmer.

“I dunno!” The Programmer whimpers…

…The Analyst coughs. “It’s unclear. We’re in uncharted territory, Chad’s never been human-driven before… But, If I had to speculate, that tingly feeling is your battery being charged.”

“...ChaAAAaaAAAarged?” NK inquisits, his voice raising an octave after a particular loving fan sends him affection. Almost like each reaction is a deep-tissue shiatsu massage. Making his body faster. Stronger. Even more capable!

“See.” The Analyst sighs, trying to ignore the True Korean’s orgasmic experience. “ChadGPT is designed to be a face wrestler. The ultimate good guy. HENCE, his system is actually powered by positive fan interactions…”

“Mmmmm…” NK moans, as he rapidly swipes his mechanical thumb faster and faster. “I never noticed Comrade Chaaaaaaaad sooooo enraaaaaptured with the fans.”

…The Analyst coughs. “Well, that issue is… twofold. One, Chad’s battery would get charged… but he didn’t have a sense of… pleasure, I guess? So, Chad interpreted his interaction with the fans as more… um… functional… than…”

…The Analyst sighs, as NK lounges in ecstacy, rapidly swiping throug fans.

The Analyst scratches the back of his neck. The Programmer is deeply uncomfortable watching this. “Hey, do you want us to leave the room or something?”

…NK blushes, putting his phone away.

“RIDICULOUS!” NK scoffs… You can immediately see his right hand reach back for the phone in his pocket… But his left holds it in place! He smiles. “You were in the middle of explaining that I, unlike Comrade Chad, feel some physical stimuli interacting with fans!”

“Yes, that’s difference number one.”

“Difference number two…” The Analyst elbows the Programmer.

The Programmer rubs his arm, but steps forward.

“Uh… Well, the ChadGPT unit was… still in development at the time you… assumed control. So, while his wrestling systems were state-of-the-art, his fan interaction systems were…”

---

---

…

“Still a work-in-progress.”

The Analyst shakes his head. “Don’t even get me started on his bedside manner for Make-A-Wish visits.”

NK’s perfectly designed smile beams charmingly… He’s reached into his pocket. “Ah… so you say, with my natural charisma at the wheel, I am irresistible to the fans… And they are irresistible to m-”

…Suddenly, the electrical buzzing sound stops.

…NK pulls the phone out and continues to swipe!

The reactions continue to accumulate, but his body remains untingly!

“What happened!?! I feel nothing!” NK’s eyes fill with fear! “Is this… desensitization!?!”

…The Analyst extends his hand, beckoning forward.

…NK is distrusting… But he extends his arm.

The Analyst presses the War Machine’s wrist with his thumb… FWOOOOSH! A hologram Opening up a display on his arm.

“Egad! I am a movie projector man!”

“You’re fully charged.” The Analyst closes the display, releasing the War Machine’s arm. “Your battery can’t hold any more charge, so your system isn’t sending any more tingly juice.”

“UNACCEPTABLE!”

…

NK clears his throat.

“I mean. If I am to achieve my glorious ends, (see: The conquering of the West and the PERMANENT END OF MARK FLYNN) I will require more… capacity.”

The Analyst shakes his head. “Chad GPT is designed to wrestle for up to an hour at a time. That’s more than enough to beat Mark Flynn.”

NK waves his arm dismissively!

“FEH! You forget! At Relentless 2021, Mark Flynn wrestled for a full hour against Thaddeus Duke! And had enough juice to demand overtime!” NK wags his finger! “I will need MORE POWER!”

…

The Programmer and the Analyst huddle.

…

NK clasps his hands together, in prayer to the Glorious Leader that he will be blessed with his mighty good will.

…

The Science Team breaks huddle.

“We can do that.”

NK pumps his fist!

“HUZZAH!”

“But… We’re gonna need a place to work.”

“Since…” The Programmer coughs. [green“Y’know. You kinda destroyed our lab.”[/green]

…

NK smiles.

“Oh, my dear American nerds! Do not fret!”

…

“I shall bring you to a place… with wondrous technology to satisfy your every possible laboratory need!”

…The Analyst looks at the Programmer.

The Programmer dry swallows.

---

SIX HOURS LATER - BATTLE CREEK, MICHIGAN

DING DONG

…

……

DING DONG

…

…..

From beneath a pile of overdue mortgage bills, a skinny little soldierman crawls out from underneath his desk!

“There is no one here!” Kato, NK’s lieutenant calls out! “Unless you are here to steal copper wiring for selling on the secondhand market! In which case, I am here! And I have already beaten you to it!”

DING DONG…

Kato groans… He works himself up to his feet.

…He wanders the halls of the gym of True Korean Wrestling… Its images of its founder, top champion, intercontinental champion, and both tag team champions… (all the same single man) Covered in cobwebs and dust.

As Kato walks, he allows his hand to linger on the smiling face of his commander. Adorning a velvet painting hanging above the front hall.

“Commander, please give me the strength to defend our home, to keep this building in our possession, until your return…”

With this prayer, Kato grabs a broom.

Takes a deep breath.

…And walks to the front door.

DING DONG!

…

DI-

KATO KICKS OPEN THE DOOR!

“RUN, FILTHY CAPITALISTS!” KATO JABS THE BROOM OUT LIKE A CHARGING KNIGHT ON HORSEBACK! “FLEE FROM THE MIGHT OF KATO!”

Smack!

In one fell swoop, the broom flies out of his hand!

“NO!” Kato dramatically falls to his knees! “Commander, I have failed you!”

“Haha! Foolish Kato!”

…Kato’s eyes widen! That familiar laugh!

“...C-c-commander!”

The sunlight breaks over the skyline…

And standing before Kato.

…

Is a six-and-a-half-foot-tall-robot.

The North Korean War Machine.

…

And two nerds.

“Kato!” NK taps his foot impatiently! “I have been here seven whole seconds! And you do not salute to me?!? INSUBORDINATION! I DEMAND YOU PERFORM TEN PRESSUPS! AT ONCE!”[/color]

…Kato squints.

“Commander? …Why are you… caucasian?”

…

NK looks down.

Indeed, despite being NK on the inside, he still looks like Chad GPT on the outside.

…

“A minor cosmetic change, Kato! One we can adjust momentarily! Now, let me in at once!”

…

Kato holds the door exactly where it is.

“Commander!” Kato offers a half-salute (just in case)! “You must understand, if it is you, that this is exactly the sort of ruse that the Commander has warned me of my entire career!” Kato points accusingly! “Truly, if you are as you say you are, you would PROVE that you are the Com-”

THWACK!

NK flicks Kato right on the forehead with his middle finger.

“KATO! IF YOU DON’T LET ME IN, I WILL FIND EVERY AMERICAN CHEESE AND CRACKER SQUARE YOU HAVE HIDDEN IN THIS BUILDING! AND I WILL CONSUME THEM IN FRONT OF YOU. AND MUCH MORE SO THAN THE TASTE, I WILL SAVOR THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT EAT THEM.”

…

…..

Kato’s eyes well.

…With pride.

“Commander. It is you! You have returned!”

The doors open.

---

”Ah.”

“Fascist Tommy Gunn.”

“Lapdog of the Leader of the Capitalist Swine, Theo Pryce.”

“In my earlier days, Mark Flynn and I would routinely make a fool of you.”

“Your frequent efforts to corral and contain our rebellion was frequently all for naught!”

“...But.”

“Those days are long since past.”

“My former ally has become a puppet, dancing to beat of the Western ideal of the Platonic hero.”

“FEH! Plato! GREEK! As West as West gets!”

“Mark Flynn scrambles and japes, monkeyshines about, begging for the XWF universe to forget his shameful past…”

“As my ally.”

“To erase from their minds…”

“HIS BETRAYAL OF ME.”

…

“This briefcase.”

“This 24/7 briefcase.”

“Is rightfully mine.”

“When Mark Flynn took from me my rightful place…”

“Main-eventing Relentless?”

“He accrued a debt.”

“A debt I intend to collect on.”

“And this 24/7 briefcase?”

“Does not pay one-one-THOUSANDTH… Of what I plan to collect from him.”

“When I am done. He will be without what he values most in this world.”

…

“But this briefcase?”

“Is his first payment towards his debt.”

“And I will not allow a musclebound fool like Tommy Gunn to take from me what is rightfully mine.”

“Like the United States attempted to steal the land above 38th parallel from True Korea! Only to be driven back by the Glorious Leader’s great-but-slightly-inferior ancestors!”

“Tommy Gunn.”

“You are but a pawn in this game. An errandboy sent to the guillotine by a foe that does not understand the power that I possess.”[/color]

…

“But Theo Pryce.”

“And Mark Flynn.”

“Will come to learn to fear me.”

…

“And the first step?”

“Will be making an example of you.”

“Glory to The North Korean War Machine.”

“Glory to my 10.2 million followers on the North Korean Social Media Application for Fun and Friendship!”

“And DEATH… To Tommy Gunn.”