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+--- Thread: Weekend Warfare - 05/20/23 (/showthread.php?tid=46326)
Weekend Warfare - 05/20/23 - SBW-SmokingBobWilliams - 05-20-2023
05 - 20 - 2023  LIVE FROM SPECTRUM CENTER  CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA MARK FLYNN - vs - ROBO GRAVY - vs - DOLLY WATERS Triple Threat Match 2rp/2k CHARLIE NICKLES & BOBBY BOURBON - vs - JAY OMEGA & ALEX RICHARDS - vs - SARAH LACKLAN & ANGIE VAUGHN Falls Count Anywhere Tag Team Match 2rp/2k   ISAIAH KING © - vs - DIONYSUS Champion's Advantage - ISAIAH KING will name the stip in hIS first promo! 2rps/3k |
The XWF cameras cut to the parking lot, where a DHL delivery truck is backing up to docking bay of the arena. The driver puts the truck into idle and hops out. An XWF backstage crew member greets him, asking him what the delivery is, that they weren’t expecting anything.
“I am here for Mr. Pryce”[/color] he said, [yellow]“is he available?”
“We are doing a live event, sir, he is a little busy. What is the package, I’ll make sure he gets it.”
The driver smiles, his Grizzly lip clearly visible in his bottom lip. He spits on the pavement next to the backstage attendant.
“No can do.”
“Excuse me?”
“Requires a signature.”
“I can sign for–”
“It has to be signed by Mr. Pryce himself. Strict orders. Sorry brother.”
The attendant seems a bit taken aback, and mutters something under his breath before speaking up.
“I mean, if you wanna sit tight, I’ll go look for him. I can’t guarantee anything, though.”
The man shrugs, getting back into the truck. He blasts Morgan Wallen as the confused attendant heads back into the arena.
Mark Flynn Comes out in a dazzling blue robe. Across the back, it says "King of the Midcarders". He has no expression and makes no eye contact with his opponent. When the bell rings, he shifts gear and a snarl comes across his face.
The lights in the arena dim, and the crowd's noise reaches a fever pitch. Smoke starts billowing from the entrance ramp, and a robotic voice booms from the speakers, saying "Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring...weighing in at over 600 pounds and standing nearly 7 feet tall...the one, the only...RoboGravy!"
A heavy, thumping bassline kicks in, and purple and lime strobe lights start flashing all around the arena. RoboGravy appears from the smoke, striding down the entrance ramp with mechanical precision. His silver and black cyborg body glimmers under the lights, and his glowing red eyes scan the crowd as he walks.
As he reaches the ringside, RoboGravy stops and looks up at the apron. He extends his arm, and a metal platform descends from the ceiling, lifting him onto the mat with a clang. The crowd roars even louder as RoboGravy steps through the ropes and raises his arms in the air, punches his fists together, emitting a metallic clang that echoes through the arena. He walks to his corner and waits for his opponent, his glowing eyes fixated on the task at hand.
The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.
The crowd is already in a fever pitch raining down boos.
From behind the black curtain, the X-Treme Title on his shoulder, Mark Flynn heads down the ramp, microphone in hand.
”STOP BOOING ME. I’M A GOOD GUY NOW!
HHL: Yes, if there’s one thing wrestling fans love, it’s being told what to do!
Flynn tries to reach out to the front-row for some high-fives with the fans… They all reel back their arms like Flynn has the Black Plague.
”OH C’MON.”
Flynn rolls under the bottom rope.
”LOOK. I’m winning this one… For Justice.”
The crowd boos!
Flynn scratches his head.
“Uh… and working class average joes!”
The crowd boos again…
The referee beckons Flynn to let him start the match, this is just getting sad now.
“AND! AND! If I win this match… Everyone in the arena gets a free personal pizza from the concession stand!”
…
Oh my God.
Flynn finally gets SOME (albeit begrudging applause!)
HHL: Wow, Flynn finally making some progress on his journey to be loved!
PIP: I guess the quickest way to the fans’ hearts IS through their stomachs!
The bell rings!
Dolly remains in her corner… RoboGravy marches to the center of the ring! His giant metal boots stomp, shaking the ring!
RG lifts his palm toward Flynn.
”Stop right there! Drop the belt, bad guy!”
Flynn is incredulous, cradling the belt to his chest.
”WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BAD GUY?!?”
Gravy’s palm opens…
And a gun barrel comes out his hand.
…Flynn’s face whitens.
”…Can you shoot someone in an X-Treme Ru-“
RG fires…
… A t-shirt! It flies over Flynn’s ducking head!
HHL: Oh, thank god, just a t-shirt gun. For a second, I thought we were witnessing a murder.
PIP: For a second there, I thought I’d just lost out on a free personal pizza!
Flynn laughs, standing back upright.
”A t-shirt gun?!? You really think THAT’S going to st-OOF!”
The next one catches Flynn square in the face!
Flynn covers his schnozz, backing toward the ropes! RG fires! Bullseye to Flynn’s eye! Flynn doubles over the top rope, landing hard on the apron!
RG fires a few free t-shirts into the crowd! They go wild!
PIP: Disregard my previous statement. The quickest way to an audience’s heart is by covering their torso with high-quality XWF merchandise.
RG then spins toward Dolly, who is… shuffling a deck of tarot cards.
”Put down your voodoo. You have ten seconds to comply… Ten.
Silently, Dolly raises her hands… RG has his t-shirt-gun-hand trained on Dolly…
But in a flash, Dolly drops to a knee and tosses a death card!
It goes right into RG’s hand-gun-hand! Gravy fires!
…But it jams! His hands’ interior is all tangled in a mess of cotton!
RG tries to, with his other hand, tear the cotton out… But that gives Dolly the opening for a running dropkick!
…Unfortunately, RG is SIX HUNDRED POUNDS… four times Dolly’s size… So the blow bounces of his metal exoskeleton…
”Zero.”
In a flash, RoboGravy scoops Dolly by the back of the head and tosses her into the turnbuckle!
Waters covers her face as RG comes in with a head of steam…
But, Dolly hits the mat! FLYNN TUGS HER OUT UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE BY HER ANKLE!
RoboGravy can’t his the brakes fast enough… And collides with the ring post! The whole turnbuckle is shaken to its core!
Dolly and Flynn both catch their breaths outside the ring as RG, recalibrates itself out of the corner like a Roomba stuck on carpet.
HHL: Dolly and Flynn, old allies… Is it possible they’ll use this opportunity to gang up on RoboGravy?
Flynn catches his breath on the outside… As Dolly leaps to the apron and springboards! SHOWTIME KICK ACROSS FLYNN’S SCALP!
HHL: …Guess not.
PIP: Dolly, possibly still sore from Flynn’s tricking her into robbing the BastardNet studios with a cockamamie story about capitalistic hypnosis potion!
Flynn backwards-rolls into the metal railing, cradling his skull from that mega-kick!
Meanwhile, the agile Dynamo, Dolly Waters hops to the top rope…
…As RoboGravy recalibrates his mainframe, Dolly leaps!
FLYING MISSILE DROPKICK! The top-heavy chassis of RoboGravy crashes to the mat!
Dolly scrambles onto Gravy! She hooks the leg!
1…
2…
TUZH! Like a Piston, RoboGravy’s shoulder fires off the mat! Dolly gets shot three feet into the air, landing on her feet like a cat!
RG tries to return to his feet, but Dolly tries to keep him on his back! She backs into the ropes and… RUNNING WA-…
NO!
RoboGravy ducks and Dolly’s kick sails high.
RoboGravy goes for a roll-up…
Behind his ankle, a brake is engaged! Providing leverage on the roll up!
1…
2…
The-DOLLY ROLLS ON HER SIDE, breaking the count!
Gravy and Dolly both scramble to their feet… Dolly tries to keep the high-speed offense up with a diving crossbody…
But RoboGravy snatches her out of the air!
RoboGravy backs toward the ropes… Toward Flynn, who is getting back on his feet… He sees RoboGravy rearing to toss Dolly…
ROBOGRAVY THROWS WATERS! FALLAWAY SLAM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
And Good Guy Flynn catc-… NO! He dives out of harm’s way! With no one to cushion her fall, Dolly hits nothing but PADDED CONCRETE!
HHL: Oooooh, that had to hurt!
PIP: And the crowd is not happy!
Indeed, the XWF Universe voiced their disapproval for Flynn’s dodge.
”OH, GO TO HELL! What am I, Superman?!?” barks Flynn, as he rolls into the ring.
…But immediately puts on the brakes as he comes face-to-face with RoboGravy…
HHL: This is NOT where Flynn wants to be.
PIP: I can’t imagine an opponent wanting to get within FIFTEEN FEET of RoboGravy!
I am restraining you! RoboGravy arrest, dummy!
Indeed, RoboGravy lurches forward, arms forward like Frankenstein… Flynn slides between Gravy’s legs…
RoboGravy turns around, slowly (speed being his one possible weakness…) and lurches at Flynn, who crawls away on his hands and knees.
Flynn scampers grabbing the ring apron to crawl under the bottom rope…
He nearly disappears under the ring…
BUT ROBOGRAVY GRABS HIM BY THE ANKLE!
Flynn hangs on for dear life, he pulls himself under…
BUT
ROBOGRAVY
IS
IN
PURSUIT!
With one jerking motion. RoboGravy rips Flynn back into the ring by his foot….
RoboGravy has Flynn by the ankle… Holding him upside down…
But in his hand! A wrench!
Flynn swings… And hits RoboGravy in his robot Achilles’ tendon!
RoboGravy collapses like jello to the mat, clutching at his knee!
HHL: Smart move by Flynn! Almost 94% of RoboGravy’s pain receptors are in his heel!
PIP: WHY! WHY WAS HE PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN?!?
RoboGravy drops to one knee… CLANG! A metallic think as Flynn catches him with a wrench to the skull!
RoboGravy falls backwards, like a felled Goliath!
Flynn dives into the cover!
1!
2!
THRE-FROM OUTTA NOWHERE, DOLLY WATERS SPRINGBOARD-TACKLES THROUGH THE ROPES TO BREAK THE PIN!
Flynn scrambles to his feet… As Dolly leaps in one bound! HURRICANRANA! Flynn is tossed to the corner, clinging onto the wrench for dear life…
Dolly advances to finish Flynn…
But who clutches her from behind?
BUT ROBOGRAVY…
He grabs Dolly by the throat!
CHOOOOOOOOOOOKESLAM!
Dolly bounces a good two and a half feet off the mat! Her body rag dolls from that hellacious slam…
RoboGravy turns to finish the ma-
CLANG!
…Flynn hits RoboGravy from behind…
…
It
Did
Nothing.
RoboGravy turns around…
Flynn dry-swallows, hiding the wrench behind his back. He looks around like, hey, let’s work together to figure out who hit you! Maybe it was the refe-
ROBOGRAVY GRABS FLYNN BY THE THROAT…
He calls for another choke slam…
…Flynn, in desperation, takes his wrench…
And starts… loosening bolts in Gravy’s arm…
Gravy liiiiiiiiifts…
…
BUT UNDER FLYNN’S WEIGHT, his robotic arm pops off!
The crowd pops! What a crazy sequence!
RoboGravy reached to re-attach his arm… BUT FLYNN grabs the other end!
The two tug of war over the arm!
HHL: RoboGravy has a significant strength advantage here… No way Flynn can overpower him!
Indeed, Flynn’s feet start to slide, RoboGravy is winning this battle of strength…
But Flynn reaches into RoboGravy’s shoulder socket… And starts tugging out wires!
RoboGravy’s face starts speaking! His hand releases and Flynn yanks away RG’s arm…
Flynn flips it in his hands…
AND PIMP SLAPS THE SHIT OUT IF ROBOGRAVY WITH HIS OWN HAND!
Even the massive RoboGravy is no match for HIS OWN POWERFUL HANDS! RG flies over the top rope to the floor…
HHL: Incredible! Flynn just used the same hands he called stupid for months to take out Gravy!
PIP: He did end up loving them… When he wasn’t on the receiving end!
Flynn drops the arm, smiling… When…
WHAM! FROM OUTTA NOWHERE, RUNNING WATERS!
Flynn collapses, spent… But Dolly is exhausted!
…She crawls on her hands and knees…
She gets the cover!
1!
2!
THRE-NOOOOOOO! On pure instinct, Flynn kicks out!
Dolly covers her face, stunned she’s gotta do more…
She pulls Flynn to his feet, both at their limits… She calls for a second Running Waters…
She bounces off the ropes…
BZZZZZZZT!
She is electrified! RoboGravy’s remaining arm… is a taser!
HHL: is that against the rules?
PIP: Not when it’s X-Treme Rules!
Dolly falls flat on her face… Unconscious!
RoboGravy hooks the leg! We have a new champion!
1!
2!
THRE-KERACK! Flynn hits RG in the skull with his wrench…
…Unaffected, RoboGravy climbs to his feet…
Flynn swings again!
BZZZZT! Gravy flawlessly blocks Flynn’s wrench strike with his taser! Flynn spasms, electricity shoots through his wrench…. Which he drops to the corner!
Flynn rolls outside the ring… As RoboGravy points.
Stay there, dummy.
RoboGravy reattached his arm… And grabs Dolly by the scalp, dragging her to her feet…
Flynn looks around the ring from the outside… And grabs the wires he pulled from RG’s arm…
RoboGravy lifts Waters over his shoulder!
Flynn wraps the wiring around the turnbuckle, creating a coil…
RoboGravy signals for this match’s end! Once and for all!
Flynn sticks his foot in the ring under the rope, dragging that electrified wrench over to the turnbuckle…
HHL: What is this maniac up to?
RoboGravy sprints across the ring! HELLACIOUS RUNNING POWERSLAM!
PIP: WOW! You could count to a thousand after that and Dolly won’t kick out!
Flynn takes a deep breath…
RoboGravy goes for the cover again!
Flynn… GRABS THE ELECTRIFIED WRENCH!
1!
He shakes, vibrating from the electricity…
BUT HE STRIKES THE METAL POLE OUTSIDE THE RING!
2!
THR-RoboGravy… slips backwards?
RG looks confused… He tries to resume the pin…
But he can’t advance! It’s like he’s swimming upstream!
He’s dragged backwards further and further! Until his chassis connects with the turnbuckle!
HHL: OH MY GOD! FLYNN JUST TURNED THE TURNBUCKLE INTO A SUPER MAGNET!
PIP: What?!? How?!?
HHL: You see, Flynn supplied electric current via the wrench! And the wiring d-
PIP: Never mind. Magic. Got it.
RoboGravy struggles, but even his massive strength cannot move the ring he’s stuck to!
Meanwhile, Flynn rolls in and covers Dolly!
1!
2!
THREE!
The official rolls out of the ring, handing Flynn the belt, and Flynn cannot vamoose up the ramp fast enough!
The ring crew rushes up with steel wool, to help demagnetize the turnbuckle and free RoboGravy.
HHL: Why does the ring crew have steel wool?
PIP: First rule of Ring Crew! Always be prepared!
Flynn raises his belt, ready to receive praise!
BOOOOOO! The crowd boos!
Flynn is furious!
”YOU GUYS GET FREE PIZZA NOW!
Indeed, the arena has distributed free personal pizzas for the fans!
However, they are slightly burnt!
BOOOOOOOOOO!
”That’s not MY fault! I didn’t make them!”
HHL: What a villainous trick Flynn played! Getting the fans’ hopes up, then serving them burnt pizza!
PIP: Truly diabolical.
Befuddled, Flynn shakes his head.
The boos follow him all the way to the curtain under the X-Tron.
XWF cameras cut back to the same lot attendant walking out to the parking area with Theo Pryce. Theo looks less than thrilled, as the attendant is talking his ear off, pointing towards the loading dock.
”This better be good, I am very busy.
They walk out to the truck, which hasn’t moved, and is now blasting K-POP from its rolled down windows. The driver seems to notice the two men, and turns down the tunes. He hops out of the truck.
”Mr. Pryce?”
”That would be me. You have some sort of package for me?”
The driver laughs, giving pause to both men across from him.
”It’s not a package, Mr. Pryce. This entire truck is for you, sir, and I need a delivery receipt for it. Requested by the sender.”
Theo looks a quarter perplexed, a quarter amused, and half annoyed.
”What is it?
The driver looks at him with a deadpan expression, like what he was about to say was no big deal.
”Water balloons.”
Theo almost laughs out of annoyance, his eyes open wide.
”Water balloons. You called me out here for water balloons?”
”Sure did.
Theo sighs, shaking his head.
”You said the entire truck is for me. How many ‘water balloons’ you have in there?”
Again, without missing a beat, the driver says ”about forty seven hundred.”
”Ummm…….who the fuck would send me forty seven hundred water balloons?”
The driver hands him the clipboard, and Theo snatches it.
”And who the hell still uses DHL?” he asked snarkily while signing it.
”Probably the same people who still watch wrestling.”
Theo looked at the document on the clipboard.
”I don’t see a name here…..it just says Mystery Entrant.”
”I just drive the truck, sir, I don’t do the paperwork. Just sign it so I can go, please, its been a long drive.”
Theo scribbles on the clipboard and shoves it back to the driver, who walks over to the doors of the truck. It is bursting at the seams with water balloons. As soon as he opens the double doors, they start to pour out. One rolls and hits Theo’s designer shoe. He picks it up. This balloon, and all the others, look identical. They have an upside down smiley face with X’s for eyes.
”Damnit. I think I know who sent this. I have to make a phone call.”
He goes to walk away but the driver clears his throat, making him turn around.
”There’s another thing you just signed for.”
”You’re kidding?”
”I wish I was.”
Underneath the water balloons was a pallet that held a giant ball pit. All of the little plastic balls had the same face on them.
”And what am I supposed to do with that?”
”I don’t care what you do with it, but it needs to come out of my truck.”
Theo and the attendant stare at each other in utter disbelief.
We go backstage to see Steve Sayors.
Well, fans, I’m here to interview Bobby Bourbon, and give you all the scoop on who his mystery partner is!
Suddenly, bursting through a door, we see Bobby Bourbon reeling backwards, and through the same door comes Doctor Louis D’Ville! D’Ville lays a hard right at Bobby, and another! Bobby catches the second punch and pivots D’Ville! He throws a forearm, and another forearm!
OH no, Bobby Bourbon and Doctor Louis D’Ville are brawling like crazy! Someone needs to stop this! Send security!
Bobby and D’Ville brawl down a hall, and into another open door, which slams shut behind them. As they do, Bobby Bourbon, in completely different ring gear, saunters up behind Steve holding a cup of coffee.
What’s going on?
Steve Sayors turns around, absolutely gobsmacked.
Wha? You were just here, and you were fighting…
I was just in catering getting a cup of coffee, Steve, I heard you, and it must be some bullshit the old man is up to.
Steve Sayors looks absolutely baffled.
So, D’Ville isn’t your replacement partner for the match?
Nope, and I don’t know who is, Miss Tote said she had an idea and I’ll roll with it. So, that said, XWF Universe, are you ready to see what it’s like backstage before you have a match? C’mon!
Bobby beckons for the camera to just leave Steve standing there as Bobby walks down a hall. We see him pass Mini Morbid, Chad G.P.T., and “Big Puddin’” Herschel Kiss. We see Bobby approach a curtain. A Literal Gorilla is seated at a desk, wearing a headset and signing to someone beside him. Bobby downs his steaming coffee in one gulp, tosses the cup into the trash, then produces a hot dog.
Yep, every match. One dog, a cup of coffee.
Bobby eats the hot dog in two bites. He then focuses on the curtain, a thousand-yard stare just existing on his face.
Well, okay, that wasn’t that special, but you want to know what’s crazy? Listen.
The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.
As La Gazza Ladra blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. The XWF fans in attendance all cheer for him. He stops and raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops.
HHL: Bobby Bourbon is solo, so far tonight.
PIP: BOB will be BOB, Heather, Charlie’s just waiting in the back, I know it!
TIG: And making their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 551 pounds, Guardians Protective Services!
The crowd are on their feet in the arena as Jay Omega and Alex Richards step out and start making their way to the ring. Omega and Richards have some banter with the fans, all in good fun, and the crowd roars eating it up as both men enter the ring.
HHL: The fans love Jay Omega, and add in Alex Richards into the mix, and you get GPS!
PIP: Alex Richards can buy me a drink any time!
TIG: And coming to the ring, at a total combined weight of completely awesome and cool, Angie Vaughn, Sarah Lacklan, Team Heel Shit Up!
The crowd are still on their feet as Team HSU steps out onto the entrance ramp! Angie looks amped, and quite spurred on by the crowd tonight! Sarah Lacklan laughs at all the rubes in attendance, but Angie mouths something to her, gesturing to save the energy for the ring. Both women walk confidently down the ramp and enter the ring!
HHL: Team HSU are always just a step away from the Tag Team Championships, Pip, and they look to continue up the ranks tonight!
PIP: That’s every team, Heather! Also, shout out to Tig!
All the superstars have given respects to Tig O’Bitties tonight after her accident. The referee looks around at the stars, giving them the rundown of the rules and inspecting them for foreign objects.
HHL: Bobby’s partnerless in there, Pip!
PIP: Nah, Heather, he’s got a sneaky plan!
The crowd boos intensely as Mark Flynn walks out onto the entrance ramp!
HHL: No way, absolutely, no way.
PIP: This is, what is this?
Mark Flynn steps up onto the apron, looking at Bobby. Bobby looks back at him, a blood vessel pulsating in his neck. Mark walks up to Bobby and extends his hand. Bobby looks back at Mark and shakes his head ‘no’ and points back up the entrance ramp. Mark grabs Bobby’s outstretched arm and moves it down, connecting with the handshake. Bobby yanks his hand back looking at Mark furiously. Flynn as a microphone!
“Bobby, tonight, I am your partner!”
“I need my image improved, because I am a hero!”
“I also, depending on how my previous match went, would prefer to stick around you for a bit.”
“Nobody is going to make a pin attempt with you as my partner, you’ll kill them!”
“Now, since I just had a match, I’m going to go sit at the announce table and rest for a bit.”
GPS and Team HSU blankly watch as Flynn walks back out of the ring and sits at the announce table. Bobby is beat red, his nostrils wide and flared, looking like he’s about to absolutely murder someone. Lacklan and Angie recognize this look on Bobby, and gesture towards Alex Richards.
You’re bigger than him, he’s all yours!
*DING*DING*DING*
Lacklan and Vaughn stay in a corner and watch, but Jay Omega charges into them! Angie Vaughn connect with Jay Omega, and they spill out of the ring exchanging blows! Mark Flynn eyeballs them from his chair. Sarah Lacklan simply stands in the corner as Bobby stands, visibly furious.
HHL: Pip, after the rollercoaster ride Bobby has taken in the past months, maybe Mark Flynn of all people coming to be his partner is the straw that finally broke the camel’s back!
PIP: I know if anyone is going to break any backs, it’s Alex Richards!
Alex Richards takes a swig of Zim-Quila, and walks up to Bobby, a broad smile on his face! Bobby looks back at him with sheer malice. Richards with an open palmed slap to Bobby Bourbon! Bobby glares back at Alex Richards and grabs him by the throat! Richards grabs Bobby by the throat! Bobby lifts Alex Richards up with one hand while being choked, and delivers Earth’s Mightiest Chokeslam! The crowd all roar!
HHL: Welcome to the XWF, Alex Richards!
Bobby stands over Richards, looking down at him. Richards looks back up at Bobby from the mat, stunned. Sarah Lacklan is laughing out loud at Richards. On the floor, Angie Vaughn has gotten the upper hand against Jay Omega, and has him in a small package pin! One of the ringside referees goes for the count!
1…
2…
Mark Flynn walks over and knocks over the pin attempt by lazily kicking Angie to shove her. He goes back to his chair, and takes a sip of water. In the ring, Bobby looks at Sarah Lacklan, and back down at Alex Richards. Bobby lifts Richards back to his feet, but Richards is back in this, and he breaks Bobby’s hold on him, shoving him away! Richards crashes in with a massive clothesline. Bobby barely budges. Bobby looks back at Richards and throws a clothesline of his owon! Richards doesn’t move an inch! Both men run off the ropes, and crash into one another, and neither gives way! They run at the ropes again, but no, Sarah Lacklan pulls down the rope Bobby was headed towards, sending him keeling over to the outside! Alex Richards rushes directly into a back heel kick from Sar! Richards doubles over! Outside, Vaughn and Omega are grappling, and Vaughn goes to whip Omega into the steel steps! Omega bounds over the steel steps, diving and rolling to the other side! He continues the momentum and hops on the barricade, then dives at Bobby Bourbon who was on the opposite side of the ring with a cross body block! NO! Bobby catches Omega! Sarah Lacklan springboards off of Alex Richards and dives to the outside, crashing into Omega, pancaking Bobby at the bottom! It’s a pin!
1…
2…
The referee is hoisted up by Mark Flynn! Flynn insists there’s something on the referee’s face and is trying to wipe it with a napkin! The count is broken up! Back in the ring, we see Alex Richards, standing tall, as Angie Vaughn rolls in. Richards flexes at Vaughn. Vaughn cracks her neck. The fans tonight are super hyped for this!
HHL: Tale of the tape, folks, Alex Richards is six-feet and three inches tall and just went toe-to-toe with one of the strongest men in XWF history, Angie Vaughn is about a buck forty.
PIP: None of that matters in the XWF, Heather, these athletes can go no matter how big.
Richards charges in with a running big boot, but Vaughn ducks and pivots, delivering a chop block to Richards, who goes down to a knee! Richards stands back up, and spins with a back chop, which Vaughn also ducks, but pops back up in time for the following clothesline, Alex Richards showing shades of Zangief with a spinning lariat! Vaughn is knocked back into a corner, and Richards steps in and raises his boot to Vaughn’s face and pressing, setting in a corner boot choke! On the outside, Bobby helps Lacklan to her feet and rolls her into the ring as Jay Omega is rooting around under the ring! Jay Omega pulls out a bag! He opens it, and a snake comes out and slides into the ring! Lacklan breaks up Richards’s boot choke with a leg kick to the same knee that was chop blocked by her partner earlier! Angie steps out of the corner, and both women hoist Richards onto the top rope! Both of them get onto the second rope and are going to do a double superplex! No! The snake is helping Alex Richards! It holds his feet firm and he can’t be lifted!
HHL: The snake seems to like Alex Richards tonight, Pip!
PIP: That snake is under contract, Heather, and is making a statement tonight!
On the outside, Bobby with an overhand forearm to Jay Omega! Omega with an inside forearm to Bobby! Bobby with a forearm back to Omega! Omega with a forearm to Bobby, and another forearm to Bobby! Bobby throws another blow, but Omega moves out of the way, and comes back with a massive Bring the Thunder! NO! Bobby catches the foot at the last minute, and he lifts Jay Omega up for a spinebuster, and plants him onto the floor! Bobby brings Jay Omega back to his feet, and the fans chant for Spinebuster City! Before he can, though, in the ring Alex Richards hoists both Lacklan and Vaughn up! But suddenly his legs give way and both Lacklan and Vaughan land on top of him, and there is no time for anyone on the outside to react as both Lacklan and Vaughan pin Richards.
1.........
2...............
3
Theo Pryce is in his office, on the phone with someone. He has a stressed look on his face, and his tie is loosened a bit at the top.
”........a ball pit, Vin. Yes. A McDonalds style ball pit. Here’s the kicker. Every single one of them has this upside down smiley face on them with X’s for the eyes.”
Muffled talking from the other line.
”Every. Single. One.” He sighs, before speaking again.
”Not to mention forty seven hundred water balloons, same logo. I don’t know who had the time or the attention span to sit there and draw on forty seven hundred balloons and god knows how many balls.”
He is holding a folded note in his hand. It has jagged edges as if being ripped out of a composition notebook.
”No. I didn’t personally count them. That’s just what the driver said. Look, let me put you on speaker.”
He sets the iPhone 14 Pro Max down on the table, hitting the speaker button. He glances back at the note, which, in childlike handwriting has a question made up of 5 words.
“DO YOU LIKE MY BALLS?”
”I don’t know who it is but I have my suspicions. Someone is trolling us. Someone is trying to put an egg on our face here, and I don’t like it. BUT, we’ve been the butt of a joke or two before, nothing we can’t handle. What I am really wondering is what the hell to do with the giant ball pit. It’s blocking up a big area backstage and roster members are already asking questions. We don’t need this kind of headache on the go-home show…….hold on.”
There is a knock on his office door.
[theo]”Come in.
In walks three men, dressed in cheap SPIRIT Halloween costumes. One is in a doctors coat with a name badge and stethoscope, one is Mario, and the other is wearing what appears to be a dog mask.
Theo sighs again.
”Can I help you gentlemen?”
DOCTOR: “I am here to inspect your balls.”
MARIO: YAHOOOOO!!!!
DOG: BARK NOISES from under the mask.
DOCTOR: “Sorry, I said balls. He gets excited. Down boy!”
MARIO: “BUTA THE PRINCESS! WE MUST SAVE-A HER!”
DOG: WOOF!
Theo puts two fingers up to his head and rubs.
”You guys want to take a look at the ball pit, go ahead. It’s out back, just leave me the hell out of whatever charade this is.”
The three nod, walking out of the room.
”This night just keeps getting weirder.”
Vinnie: Well, it sounds like you’ve got your hands full of balls over there, so I’ll let you go. Find out who sent it to us, would ya?”
Theo confirms that he would, and there will be hell to pay.
He hands up, when MARIO comes running back into the room, out of breath.
MARIO: JEEEEZA, YOU-A NEED TO COME-A LOOKA AT THIS!”
Theo sighs, getting up. He follows the Mario out to the ball pit area, XWF cameras tagging along. When they arrive, the DOG and the DOCTOR are standing there, looking at the pit. Apparently, there was a name of each of the team captains written on the foreheads of 5 dolls that had emerged from under the balls. All of them were missing their eyes.
NED KAYE
DOLLY WATERS
ANGIE VAUGHN
SARAH LACKLAN
SIDNEY GREY
All missing their eyes.
”Those weren’t there before. Did you guys do something?”
DOCTOR: I assure you we have not. I was just here examining your balls, Mr. Pryce, and they just started popping up from underneath, like a fungus.
MARIO: THATSA GROSS, MR. P!
One doll in particular had what appeared to be burn marks on it, and it’s mouth was sewn together with surgical stitching. This doll's forehead read DOLLY WATERS in bright black sharpie.
The DOG mask began to bark, wiggling their backside as if wagging their tail.
Theo had had enough. SOMEONE was targeting the other team captains, and was making a mockery of the entire event. Clearly, someone had it out for Dolly. Theo had had enough.
”All three of you, out. Now! Leave! There are water balloons outside, forty seven hundred of them, apparently, and you can go entertain yourselves with those. Just do it out of my building! Now!
The three walked off screen, and Theo, clearly annoyed, chucks then Dolly Doll back into the pit.
THUD.
He was going to walk away, but stops. SOMETHING hard was under the balls.
”Wait, Gentlemen…….I may need you to check something for me.”
The three come back on screen.
”I can’t believe I am saying this but…….who wants to play with some balls?”
The three immediately jump into the pit as he shakes his head.
What’s under there?
XWF camera’s cut back to the mystery ball pit and what made the thud. The balls are moving like mad as the three costumed gentlemen dig their way towards the bottom. Each X-upside down-smiley face ball landed near Theo’s feet before rolling away, click clacking on the cement floor. Finally, a sound from in the pit came over the camera mics.
MARIO: BOSSA, WE FOUND SOME-A-THIN!
Theo calls them out of the pit, and sends them on their way. He even kicks Mario in the ass on the way out.
He sighs again, looking at his Movado watch. ”I can’t believe I am doing this.” he says with a sigh as he climbs into the ball pit. The XWF camera crew earns their paychecks
His face tells the story.
Down below all of the balls is a big wooden structure. Upon further observation, we see that it is a casket. The casket has the same upside down x eyes logo on it as the balloons and the balls.
Heather: Hmmmmm…….
PIP: There’s a casket at the bottom of that ball pit! But it was supposedly sent by the Mystery Entrant in this match. Who the hell do we know that would have sent a casket?!”
Heather: I mean, that’s a good question, probably the best you’ve ever asked Pip.
Taped to the casket was a note. Theo unfolded it.
DO YOU LIKE MY WET BALLS?!
Purple writing.
XOXOXO
He tosses it and rips open the casket. Inside is a body.
[white]Pip: Oh my god! There’s a body in that casket! Are they alive?!
JHeather: Buried alive……
Pip has a moment of silence before he realizes….
Pip: Oh no…..
The human is small in stature, wearing all black. The hood on their head is made of burlap, and is purple with big red X’s for eyes. The mouth is painted upside down.
Theo is cautious, but curious. He reaches down and slowly removes the burlap headcover.
Wide eyed, the casket dweller smiles.
: “HIYA THEO!
Pip: Oh my god!
Heather: YES!
It’s JENNY MYST! She sits up and brushes off the dust.
JENNY: “I missed you! Did you miss me?!”
Theo: Not in the slightest.
Jenny smiles a wicked smile
JENNY: “Awwww……I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Pip: OH MY GOD! JENNY MYST IS THE MYSTERY ENTRANT ON THUNDER KNUCKLES TEAM! JENNY MYST IS BACK, AT LEAST FOR NOW!
The stadium falls into silent as a spotlight flashes onto the top of the stage, revealing the silhouette of Isaiah King, head bowed and wearing what looks like a leather jacket open at the front. As the base hits the speakers, he raises his head and takes a big breath. He slowly raises his fist into the air and his adoring fans scream in support. His mouth curls into a smile as he starts walking down towards the ring.
Introducing YOUR "Heir Apparent", Isaiah KIIIIIIIIINNNGGG!
He walks up to a fan wearing his merch, pressing his forehead up to his before continuing his way to the ring. Sliding under the bottom rope, he raises both hands to his side like a cross, palms open and challenging his opponent.
The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
You never had the right,
Removing me from paradise.
Your path removed the light,
Rendering me colour-blind.
But now I’ll speak,
Since I’ve become my own again,
And now I’ll leave,
Since I’ve become my own, again.
"Making his way to the ring, from Minneapolis MN, weighing in at 270 lbs; he is the Lord of the Vine, DIONYSUS!"
Dionysus sets the Thyrsus and shield next to the ring apron and rolls inside, running to one of the turnbuckles and climbing up to rally the crowd behind him. He then hops down and limbers up, awaiting his opponent.
As soon as the bell rings, King and Dionysus come forward, facing off in the center of the ring. They're nearly head-to-head, talking back and forth, their insults not being picked up by the camera. Neither man backs down, showing that they're not afraid of their opponent.
However, whatever Dionysus says does have an effect, as King suddenly rears back and swings, striking him with a right hand! Dionysus comes right back, and soon the two men are brawling, punching away at each other as the referee stays out of range, his medical gloves already in place for the inevitable bloodshed.
HHL: This one's not going to be a technical classic, Pip!
PIP: Nope, because that's not what's needed! You land the right shot and start a nosebleed, and you win!
HHL: Or you could crack a few bones or dislocate a shoulder or two, and this one will continue!
Dionysus, due to his larger size, has taken control now, driving King back into the corner. He lands a few more forearm shots, before grabbing King's arm and shooting him to the other side. But as Dionysus chases after him, King immediately rebounds off the pads and shoots forward, nailing Dionysus with a running European uppercut!
Dionysus drops to a knee, stunned, then tries to rise back up, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tries to recover. But the Television Champion flies in from behind, taking Dionysus down with a running bulldog! King then lands a few more grounded strikes, working over Dionysus' forehead with every shot.
HHL: Most wrestlers are vulnerable to bleeding from their foreheads, Pip. It's a genetic anomaly, I think.
PIP: I mean, there could be another reason... but we won't talk about that, will we?
HHL: Nothing to talk about. Suffice to say, King's trying to get some red showing, any way he can!
With Dionysus still not busted open, King gets to his feet and moves aside, wanting to wear the man down. Dionysus slowly pulls himself up, shaking off the strikes he took, and then turns… right into a charging King, who takes him down with a slingblade! The ref instinctively moves in, then remembers that a pinfall would be pointless here.
Dionysus rolls around in pain, feeling the effects of the slingblade, even as King looks over at him, thinking things through. He then slides out of the ring, leaving Dionysus down, as he goes underneath the ring apron, pulling out a steel chair! He slams it against the apron, making a loud crash, letting everyone know that this match is going into another gear.
PIP: Oh, boy, here we go! Time to start bringing in the hardware!
HHL: There are no rules in a First Blood match beyond the obvious, so the TV Champion can use that chair as much as he wants!
PIP: He should have gotten one wrapped in barbed wire, though. That usually works faster.
King slides back in, wielding the chair as Dionysus is getting back to his feet. King charges again at Dionysus, raising the weapon high, but Dionysus catches King on the run, delivering a thunderous spinebuster!! The chair bounces away, unused, as Dionysus takes a second, holding onto King's legs as he starts to get up. He looks down at his grip and smiles, before beginning to readjust.
King, knocked senseless for a moment, can't fight Dionysus' grip off, as the wrestler starts twisting him around, applying a Boston Crab submission!! King, in horrendous pain from the hold, immediately starts dragging himself across the mat towards the nearby ropes, managing to reach out and grab them. But the referee is just shaking his head, even as Dionysus tightens the hold once more!
HHL: King can't get the hold broken that way! He's trapped!
PIP: Yeah, but Dionysus can't win this way, either, unless he just rips the man's legs off!
HHL: Quite frankly, I don't want to see that happen, Pip.
PIP: It'd be a hell of a moment in the guy's career, though, wouldn't it?
With no other recourse, King starts to use the ropes to his advantage, dragging himself underneath them and clinging to the apron. Losing his leverage, Dionysus is forced to let go of the submission, allowing King to slide out and land on the floor outside. King does a tucking roll upon landing, managing to avoid any neck injury from his escape, although he's still clearly worn out from so long in the submission hold.
Back in the ring, Dionysus pulls himself up, looking over at the referee for a second, before stepping through the ropes to follow his opponent. He sees King dragging himself over near the steel stairs, and heads there, grabbing hold of him. But King fires back with an elbow, stunning Dionysus, before snatching him by the head and banging him into the steps!!
HHL: That could do it!
PIP: I don't think so, Heather. Dionysus got his arm up to take a lot of the impact.
HHL: Still, a few more shots like that, and King will be staying the champion.
King, looking annoyed at Dionysus having blocked a lot of the force, grabs him by the head again. He brings him back towards the steps... but Dionysus gets his arms underneath this time, fully blocking it. He then reverses it, managing to kick at King's legs to send him onto the steps instead! King lands mostly on his upper chest, which would only be considered a good thing in a First Blood match, as he tumbles down the steps, wrapping his arms around his ribs.
Dionysus, pulling himself up, makes his way over to where King's struggling to get up. Dionysus runs in, though, nailing King with the first step of the Wine Mixer, a shining wizard kick!! Dionysus then gets up and, without hesitating, runs up the steps and leaps off of them, coming back down with the second half, a modified Lionsault!! The crowd pops for the ingenuity of the move, as Dionysus lays on top of King for a few seconds.
PIP: Dionysus' instincts kicking in there, as he's used to going for a pin after the Wine Mixer, even outside the ring.
HHL: Either that, or he just knocked the wind out of himself as well as King. These guys are willing to do what it takes to win here, for sure!
Dionysus finally gets up, staggering over to the apron. He goes underneath, finding his own chair, bringing it out and preparing himself. King is grabbing at the railing, pulling himself up, as Dionysus takes up a position behind him. Dionysus comes forward, swinging the chair from above, aiming for the back of King's head! But at the last second, King throws his weight to the left, causing Dionysus to hit the railing... and cause the chair to rebound back into him!!
Dionysus falls to the floor, stunned, as the ref slides out to check on him. King grabs hold of the railing, pulling himself up slightly as he looks over for the decision. After a moment, though, the ref signals that this one is going to continue, as Dionysus is cut-free so far.
HHL: That was a close one!
PIP: Don't let anyone ever tell you that Dionysus doesn't have a hard head!
HHL: Who would ever tell me that??
PIP: You never know, I might someday. Just be ready to correct me.
Looking upset that the rebound didn't finish things, King picks up the steel chair from the ground and smashes it hard into Dionysus' back, knocking him back to the ground!! King then stares at the chair, which appears to be slightly more bent now, before tossing it aside. He turns and heads back into the ring, opting for another course of action.
As the ref watches him, giving him a powerless warning, King works on the turnbuckle pad in the corner, removing it! The dangerous metal underneath is exposed, with King giving it a pat with his hand before sliding back out of the ring. He goes and grabs Dionysus, preparing to drag him into the ring... when Dionysus rams King forward, throwing him off-balance and sending him crashing back into the lower edge of the turnbuckle post!!
HHL: Oh, man, King's head hit hard there!!
PIP: Is he bleeding??
HHL: I can't tell...
Dionysus is back up now, working over to the downed champion. He pulls King up, doing a quick check, then opts to toss King back under the ropes. Dionysus then slides in after him, grabbing hold of him and delivering a quick tiger suplex!! King is down, looking completely out of it, as Dionysus gets back to his feet. That's when Dionysus spots the steel chair still in the ring.
He steps over to it, hefting it up with a confident swing. Dionysus then turns back to where King is trying to rise back up... only to deliver some payback with a chair shot right to the spine!! King falls flat, gasping, before trying to pull himself up again. But a second chair shot to the back smashes him into the canvas, causing another yell!
HHL: If Dionysus keeps hitting King in the back like that, we might not have to worry about bloodshed!
PIP: The only question now is what lasts longer, that chair or King's spinal cord?
With King in plenty of pain, Dionysus drops the chair to the side, ready for use again if needed. He reaches down, grabbing King by the head, and dragging him to his feet. King looks defiantly at him, but Dionysus doesn't mind, as he whips King to the corner... back-first into the exposed turnbuckle!!!
King slumps forward, his back in a world of hurt at this point, even if there's no sign of blood yet. Dionysus, seeing him there, opts to rush in, leaping in hard with a spinning clothesline punch... but King half-falls out underneath it, dodging the strike, and causing Dionysus to bring his arm and shoulder down onto the exposed 'buckle!! Dionysus hangs there, hurt, as King slowly crawls over to the steel chair.
PIP: What an impact!! These two men are taking some tremendous abuse here!
HHL: And it's all for the chance to become or remain the Television Champion!
PIP: Love King or hate him, you can't deny that he's elevating this belt up with every match he's in!
King picks up the steel chair, almost losing his balance, but pulling it together. He powers himself up, lifting up the chair, as he sees Dionysus finally pulling himself off the exposed turnbuckle. King rushes forward, going for a home run swing at Dionysus' head... and Dionysus spins into the Deified, smashing the chair right back into King's head!!!! King and Dionysus both go down, with Dionysus clutching his arm in agony. The referee moves in, checking out both men... and then signals for the bell!!
HHL: It's over!
PIP: But who's bleeding? Who's the champ??
The camera tries to find out who is bleeding as it switches from Dionysus to King, and then from King to Dionysus back to King.
It's
It's
King who is bleeding.
HHL: "Oh my god, oh my god, It's Isaiah King who is bleeding, you know what this means?"
Thank you to those who sent in segments and helped with Match Writing.
Mark Flynn
Bobby Bourbon
Jonathan Barrows
Jenny Myst
Theo
SBW
“I am here for Mr. Pryce”[/color] he said, [yellow]“is he available?”
“We are doing a live event, sir, he is a little busy. What is the package, I’ll make sure he gets it.”
The driver smiles, his Grizzly lip clearly visible in his bottom lip. He spits on the pavement next to the backstage attendant.
“No can do.”
“Excuse me?”
“Requires a signature.”
“I can sign for–”
“It has to be signed by Mr. Pryce himself. Strict orders. Sorry brother.”
The attendant seems a bit taken aback, and mutters something under his breath before speaking up.
“I mean, if you wanna sit tight, I’ll go look for him. I can’t guarantee anything, though.”
The man shrugs, getting back into the truck. He blasts Morgan Wallen as the confused attendant heads back into the arena.
| 'Eleanor Rigby' by the Beatles plays |
Mark Flynn Comes out in a dazzling blue robe. Across the back, it says "King of the Midcarders". He has no expression and makes no eye contact with his opponent. When the bell rings, he shifts gear and a snarl comes across his face.
| Gravy's theme song plays |
The lights in the arena dim, and the crowd's noise reaches a fever pitch. Smoke starts billowing from the entrance ramp, and a robotic voice booms from the speakers, saying "Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring...weighing in at over 600 pounds and standing nearly 7 feet tall...the one, the only...RoboGravy!"
A heavy, thumping bassline kicks in, and purple and lime strobe lights start flashing all around the arena. RoboGravy appears from the smoke, striding down the entrance ramp with mechanical precision. His silver and black cyborg body glimmers under the lights, and his glowing red eyes scan the crowd as he walks.
As he reaches the ringside, RoboGravy stops and looks up at the apron. He extends his arm, and a metal platform descends from the ceiling, lifting him onto the mat with a clang. The crowd roars even louder as RoboGravy steps through the ropes and raises his arms in the air, punches his fists together, emitting a metallic clang that echoes through the arena. He walks to his corner and waits for his opponent, his glowing eyes fixated on the task at hand.
| 'Ode to joy' plays |
The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.
| MARK FLYNN - vs - ROBO GRAVY - vs - DOLLY WATERS Triple Threat Match |
The crowd is already in a fever pitch raining down boos.
From behind the black curtain, the X-Treme Title on his shoulder, Mark Flynn heads down the ramp, microphone in hand.
”STOP BOOING ME. I’M A GOOD GUY NOW!
HHL: Yes, if there’s one thing wrestling fans love, it’s being told what to do!
Flynn tries to reach out to the front-row for some high-fives with the fans… They all reel back their arms like Flynn has the Black Plague.
”OH C’MON.”
Flynn rolls under the bottom rope.
”LOOK. I’m winning this one… For Justice.”
The crowd boos!
Flynn scratches his head.
“Uh… and working class average joes!”
The crowd boos again…
The referee beckons Flynn to let him start the match, this is just getting sad now.
“AND! AND! If I win this match… Everyone in the arena gets a free personal pizza from the concession stand!”
…
Oh my God.
Flynn finally gets SOME (albeit begrudging applause!)
HHL: Wow, Flynn finally making some progress on his journey to be loved!
PIP: I guess the quickest way to the fans’ hearts IS through their stomachs!
The bell rings!
Dolly remains in her corner… RoboGravy marches to the center of the ring! His giant metal boots stomp, shaking the ring!
RG lifts his palm toward Flynn.
”Stop right there! Drop the belt, bad guy!”
Flynn is incredulous, cradling the belt to his chest.
”WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BAD GUY?!?”
Gravy’s palm opens…
And a gun barrel comes out his hand.
…Flynn’s face whitens.
”…Can you shoot someone in an X-Treme Ru-“
RG fires…
… A t-shirt! It flies over Flynn’s ducking head!
HHL: Oh, thank god, just a t-shirt gun. For a second, I thought we were witnessing a murder.
PIP: For a second there, I thought I’d just lost out on a free personal pizza!
Flynn laughs, standing back upright.
”A t-shirt gun?!? You really think THAT’S going to st-OOF!”
The next one catches Flynn square in the face!
Flynn covers his schnozz, backing toward the ropes! RG fires! Bullseye to Flynn’s eye! Flynn doubles over the top rope, landing hard on the apron!
RG fires a few free t-shirts into the crowd! They go wild!
PIP: Disregard my previous statement. The quickest way to an audience’s heart is by covering their torso with high-quality XWF merchandise.
RG then spins toward Dolly, who is… shuffling a deck of tarot cards.
”Put down your voodoo. You have ten seconds to comply… Ten.
Silently, Dolly raises her hands… RG has his t-shirt-gun-hand trained on Dolly…
But in a flash, Dolly drops to a knee and tosses a death card!
It goes right into RG’s hand-gun-hand! Gravy fires!
…But it jams! His hands’ interior is all tangled in a mess of cotton!
RG tries to, with his other hand, tear the cotton out… But that gives Dolly the opening for a running dropkick!
…Unfortunately, RG is SIX HUNDRED POUNDS… four times Dolly’s size… So the blow bounces of his metal exoskeleton…
”Zero.”
In a flash, RoboGravy scoops Dolly by the back of the head and tosses her into the turnbuckle!
Waters covers her face as RG comes in with a head of steam…
But, Dolly hits the mat! FLYNN TUGS HER OUT UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE BY HER ANKLE!
RoboGravy can’t his the brakes fast enough… And collides with the ring post! The whole turnbuckle is shaken to its core!
Dolly and Flynn both catch their breaths outside the ring as RG, recalibrates itself out of the corner like a Roomba stuck on carpet.
HHL: Dolly and Flynn, old allies… Is it possible they’ll use this opportunity to gang up on RoboGravy?
Flynn catches his breath on the outside… As Dolly leaps to the apron and springboards! SHOWTIME KICK ACROSS FLYNN’S SCALP!
HHL: …Guess not.
PIP: Dolly, possibly still sore from Flynn’s tricking her into robbing the BastardNet studios with a cockamamie story about capitalistic hypnosis potion!
Flynn backwards-rolls into the metal railing, cradling his skull from that mega-kick!
Meanwhile, the agile Dynamo, Dolly Waters hops to the top rope…
…As RoboGravy recalibrates his mainframe, Dolly leaps!
FLYING MISSILE DROPKICK! The top-heavy chassis of RoboGravy crashes to the mat!
Dolly scrambles onto Gravy! She hooks the leg!
1…
2…
TUZH! Like a Piston, RoboGravy’s shoulder fires off the mat! Dolly gets shot three feet into the air, landing on her feet like a cat!
RG tries to return to his feet, but Dolly tries to keep him on his back! She backs into the ropes and… RUNNING WA-…
NO!
RoboGravy ducks and Dolly’s kick sails high.
RoboGravy goes for a roll-up…
Behind his ankle, a brake is engaged! Providing leverage on the roll up!
1…
2…
The-DOLLY ROLLS ON HER SIDE, breaking the count!
Gravy and Dolly both scramble to their feet… Dolly tries to keep the high-speed offense up with a diving crossbody…
But RoboGravy snatches her out of the air!
RoboGravy backs toward the ropes… Toward Flynn, who is getting back on his feet… He sees RoboGravy rearing to toss Dolly…
ROBOGRAVY THROWS WATERS! FALLAWAY SLAM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
And Good Guy Flynn catc-… NO! He dives out of harm’s way! With no one to cushion her fall, Dolly hits nothing but PADDED CONCRETE!
HHL: Oooooh, that had to hurt!
PIP: And the crowd is not happy!
Indeed, the XWF Universe voiced their disapproval for Flynn’s dodge.
”OH, GO TO HELL! What am I, Superman?!?” barks Flynn, as he rolls into the ring.
…But immediately puts on the brakes as he comes face-to-face with RoboGravy…
HHL: This is NOT where Flynn wants to be.
PIP: I can’t imagine an opponent wanting to get within FIFTEEN FEET of RoboGravy!
I am restraining you! RoboGravy arrest, dummy!
Indeed, RoboGravy lurches forward, arms forward like Frankenstein… Flynn slides between Gravy’s legs…
RoboGravy turns around, slowly (speed being his one possible weakness…) and lurches at Flynn, who crawls away on his hands and knees.
Flynn scampers grabbing the ring apron to crawl under the bottom rope…
He nearly disappears under the ring…
BUT ROBOGRAVY GRABS HIM BY THE ANKLE!
Flynn hangs on for dear life, he pulls himself under…
BUT
ROBOGRAVY
IS
IN
PURSUIT!
With one jerking motion. RoboGravy rips Flynn back into the ring by his foot….
RoboGravy has Flynn by the ankle… Holding him upside down…
But in his hand! A wrench!
Flynn swings… And hits RoboGravy in his robot Achilles’ tendon!
RoboGravy collapses like jello to the mat, clutching at his knee!
HHL: Smart move by Flynn! Almost 94% of RoboGravy’s pain receptors are in his heel!
PIP: WHY! WHY WAS HE PROGRAMMED TO FEEL PAIN?!?
RoboGravy drops to one knee… CLANG! A metallic think as Flynn catches him with a wrench to the skull!
RoboGravy falls backwards, like a felled Goliath!
Flynn dives into the cover!
1!
2!
THRE-FROM OUTTA NOWHERE, DOLLY WATERS SPRINGBOARD-TACKLES THROUGH THE ROPES TO BREAK THE PIN!
Flynn scrambles to his feet… As Dolly leaps in one bound! HURRICANRANA! Flynn is tossed to the corner, clinging onto the wrench for dear life…
Dolly advances to finish Flynn…
But who clutches her from behind?
BUT ROBOGRAVY…
He grabs Dolly by the throat!
CHOOOOOOOOOOOKESLAM!
Dolly bounces a good two and a half feet off the mat! Her body rag dolls from that hellacious slam…
RoboGravy turns to finish the ma-
CLANG!
…Flynn hits RoboGravy from behind…
…
It
Did
Nothing.
RoboGravy turns around…
Flynn dry-swallows, hiding the wrench behind his back. He looks around like, hey, let’s work together to figure out who hit you! Maybe it was the refe-
ROBOGRAVY GRABS FLYNN BY THE THROAT…
He calls for another choke slam…
…Flynn, in desperation, takes his wrench…
And starts… loosening bolts in Gravy’s arm…
Gravy liiiiiiiiifts…
…
BUT UNDER FLYNN’S WEIGHT, his robotic arm pops off!
The crowd pops! What a crazy sequence!
RoboGravy reached to re-attach his arm… BUT FLYNN grabs the other end!
The two tug of war over the arm!
HHL: RoboGravy has a significant strength advantage here… No way Flynn can overpower him!
Indeed, Flynn’s feet start to slide, RoboGravy is winning this battle of strength…
But Flynn reaches into RoboGravy’s shoulder socket… And starts tugging out wires!
RoboGravy’s face starts speaking! His hand releases and Flynn yanks away RG’s arm…
Flynn flips it in his hands…
AND PIMP SLAPS THE SHIT OUT IF ROBOGRAVY WITH HIS OWN HAND!
Even the massive RoboGravy is no match for HIS OWN POWERFUL HANDS! RG flies over the top rope to the floor…
HHL: Incredible! Flynn just used the same hands he called stupid for months to take out Gravy!
PIP: He did end up loving them… When he wasn’t on the receiving end!
Flynn drops the arm, smiling… When…
WHAM! FROM OUTTA NOWHERE, RUNNING WATERS!
Flynn collapses, spent… But Dolly is exhausted!
…She crawls on her hands and knees…
She gets the cover!
1!
2!
THRE-NOOOOOOO! On pure instinct, Flynn kicks out!
Dolly covers her face, stunned she’s gotta do more…
She pulls Flynn to his feet, both at their limits… She calls for a second Running Waters…
She bounces off the ropes…
BZZZZZZZT!
She is electrified! RoboGravy’s remaining arm… is a taser!
HHL: is that against the rules?
PIP: Not when it’s X-Treme Rules!
Dolly falls flat on her face… Unconscious!
RoboGravy hooks the leg! We have a new champion!
1!
2!
THRE-KERACK! Flynn hits RG in the skull with his wrench…
…Unaffected, RoboGravy climbs to his feet…
Flynn swings again!
BZZZZT! Gravy flawlessly blocks Flynn’s wrench strike with his taser! Flynn spasms, electricity shoots through his wrench…. Which he drops to the corner!
Flynn rolls outside the ring… As RoboGravy points.
Stay there, dummy.
RoboGravy reattached his arm… And grabs Dolly by the scalp, dragging her to her feet…
Flynn looks around the ring from the outside… And grabs the wires he pulled from RG’s arm…
RoboGravy lifts Waters over his shoulder!
Flynn wraps the wiring around the turnbuckle, creating a coil…
RoboGravy signals for this match’s end! Once and for all!
Flynn sticks his foot in the ring under the rope, dragging that electrified wrench over to the turnbuckle…
HHL: What is this maniac up to?
RoboGravy sprints across the ring! HELLACIOUS RUNNING POWERSLAM!
PIP: WOW! You could count to a thousand after that and Dolly won’t kick out!
Flynn takes a deep breath…
RoboGravy goes for the cover again!
Flynn… GRABS THE ELECTRIFIED WRENCH!
1!
He shakes, vibrating from the electricity…
BUT HE STRIKES THE METAL POLE OUTSIDE THE RING!
2!
THR-RoboGravy… slips backwards?
RG looks confused… He tries to resume the pin…
But he can’t advance! It’s like he’s swimming upstream!
He’s dragged backwards further and further! Until his chassis connects with the turnbuckle!
HHL: OH MY GOD! FLYNN JUST TURNED THE TURNBUCKLE INTO A SUPER MAGNET!
PIP: What?!? How?!?
HHL: You see, Flynn supplied electric current via the wrench! And the wiring d-
PIP: Never mind. Magic. Got it.
RoboGravy struggles, but even his massive strength cannot move the ring he’s stuck to!
Meanwhile, Flynn rolls in and covers Dolly!
1!
2!
THREE!
| WINNER AND STILL X-TREME CHAMPION: MARK FLYNN |
The official rolls out of the ring, handing Flynn the belt, and Flynn cannot vamoose up the ramp fast enough!
The ring crew rushes up with steel wool, to help demagnetize the turnbuckle and free RoboGravy.
HHL: Why does the ring crew have steel wool?
PIP: First rule of Ring Crew! Always be prepared!
Flynn raises his belt, ready to receive praise!
BOOOOOO! The crowd boos!
Flynn is furious!
”YOU GUYS GET FREE PIZZA NOW!
Indeed, the arena has distributed free personal pizzas for the fans!
However, they are slightly burnt!
BOOOOOOOOOO!
”That’s not MY fault! I didn’t make them!”
HHL: What a villainous trick Flynn played! Getting the fans’ hopes up, then serving them burnt pizza!
PIP: Truly diabolical.
Befuddled, Flynn shakes his head.
The boos follow him all the way to the curtain under the X-Tron.
XWF cameras cut back to the same lot attendant walking out to the parking area with Theo Pryce. Theo looks less than thrilled, as the attendant is talking his ear off, pointing towards the loading dock.
”This better be good, I am very busy.
They walk out to the truck, which hasn’t moved, and is now blasting K-POP from its rolled down windows. The driver seems to notice the two men, and turns down the tunes. He hops out of the truck.
”Mr. Pryce?”
”That would be me. You have some sort of package for me?”
The driver laughs, giving pause to both men across from him.
”It’s not a package, Mr. Pryce. This entire truck is for you, sir, and I need a delivery receipt for it. Requested by the sender.”
Theo looks a quarter perplexed, a quarter amused, and half annoyed.
”What is it?
The driver looks at him with a deadpan expression, like what he was about to say was no big deal.
”Water balloons.”
Theo almost laughs out of annoyance, his eyes open wide.
”Water balloons. You called me out here for water balloons?”
”Sure did.
Theo sighs, shaking his head.
”You said the entire truck is for me. How many ‘water balloons’ you have in there?”
Again, without missing a beat, the driver says ”about forty seven hundred.”
”Ummm…….who the fuck would send me forty seven hundred water balloons?”
The driver hands him the clipboard, and Theo snatches it.
”And who the hell still uses DHL?” he asked snarkily while signing it.
”Probably the same people who still watch wrestling.”
Theo looked at the document on the clipboard.
”I don’t see a name here…..it just says Mystery Entrant.”
”I just drive the truck, sir, I don’t do the paperwork. Just sign it so I can go, please, its been a long drive.”
Theo scribbles on the clipboard and shoves it back to the driver, who walks over to the doors of the truck. It is bursting at the seams with water balloons. As soon as he opens the double doors, they start to pour out. One rolls and hits Theo’s designer shoe. He picks it up. This balloon, and all the others, look identical. They have an upside down smiley face with X’s for eyes.
”Damnit. I think I know who sent this. I have to make a phone call.”
He goes to walk away but the driver clears his throat, making him turn around.
”There’s another thing you just signed for.”
”You’re kidding?”
”I wish I was.”
Underneath the water balloons was a pallet that held a giant ball pit. All of the little plastic balls had the same face on them.
”And what am I supposed to do with that?”
”I don’t care what you do with it, but it needs to come out of my truck.”
Theo and the attendant stare at each other in utter disbelief.
We go backstage to see Steve Sayors.
Well, fans, I’m here to interview Bobby Bourbon, and give you all the scoop on who his mystery partner is!
Suddenly, bursting through a door, we see Bobby Bourbon reeling backwards, and through the same door comes Doctor Louis D’Ville! D’Ville lays a hard right at Bobby, and another! Bobby catches the second punch and pivots D’Ville! He throws a forearm, and another forearm!
OH no, Bobby Bourbon and Doctor Louis D’Ville are brawling like crazy! Someone needs to stop this! Send security!
Bobby and D’Ville brawl down a hall, and into another open door, which slams shut behind them. As they do, Bobby Bourbon, in completely different ring gear, saunters up behind Steve holding a cup of coffee.
What’s going on?
Steve Sayors turns around, absolutely gobsmacked.
Wha? You were just here, and you were fighting…
I was just in catering getting a cup of coffee, Steve, I heard you, and it must be some bullshit the old man is up to.
Steve Sayors looks absolutely baffled.
So, D’Ville isn’t your replacement partner for the match?
Nope, and I don’t know who is, Miss Tote said she had an idea and I’ll roll with it. So, that said, XWF Universe, are you ready to see what it’s like backstage before you have a match? C’mon!
Bobby beckons for the camera to just leave Steve standing there as Bobby walks down a hall. We see him pass Mini Morbid, Chad G.P.T., and “Big Puddin’” Herschel Kiss. We see Bobby approach a curtain. A Literal Gorilla is seated at a desk, wearing a headset and signing to someone beside him. Bobby downs his steaming coffee in one gulp, tosses the cup into the trash, then produces a hot dog.
Yep, every match. One dog, a cup of coffee.
Bobby eats the hot dog in two bites. He then focuses on the curtain, a thousand-yard stare just existing on his face.
Well, okay, that wasn’t that special, but you want to know what’s crazy? Listen.
The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.
As La Gazza Ladra blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. The XWF fans in attendance all cheer for him. He stops and raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops.
HHL: Bobby Bourbon is solo, so far tonight.
PIP: BOB will be BOB, Heather, Charlie’s just waiting in the back, I know it!
TIG: And making their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 551 pounds, Guardians Protective Services!
The crowd are on their feet in the arena as Jay Omega and Alex Richards step out and start making their way to the ring. Omega and Richards have some banter with the fans, all in good fun, and the crowd roars eating it up as both men enter the ring.
HHL: The fans love Jay Omega, and add in Alex Richards into the mix, and you get GPS!
PIP: Alex Richards can buy me a drink any time!
TIG: And coming to the ring, at a total combined weight of completely awesome and cool, Angie Vaughn, Sarah Lacklan, Team Heel Shit Up!
The crowd are still on their feet as Team HSU steps out onto the entrance ramp! Angie looks amped, and quite spurred on by the crowd tonight! Sarah Lacklan laughs at all the rubes in attendance, but Angie mouths something to her, gesturing to save the energy for the ring. Both women walk confidently down the ramp and enter the ring!
HHL: Team HSU are always just a step away from the Tag Team Championships, Pip, and they look to continue up the ranks tonight!
PIP: That’s every team, Heather! Also, shout out to Tig!
All the superstars have given respects to Tig O’Bitties tonight after her accident. The referee looks around at the stars, giving them the rundown of the rules and inspecting them for foreign objects.
HHL: Bobby’s partnerless in there, Pip!
PIP: Nah, Heather, he’s got a sneaky plan!
The crowd boos intensely as Mark Flynn walks out onto the entrance ramp!
HHL: No way, absolutely, no way.
PIP: This is, what is this?
Mark Flynn steps up onto the apron, looking at Bobby. Bobby looks back at him, a blood vessel pulsating in his neck. Mark walks up to Bobby and extends his hand. Bobby looks back at Mark and shakes his head ‘no’ and points back up the entrance ramp. Mark grabs Bobby’s outstretched arm and moves it down, connecting with the handshake. Bobby yanks his hand back looking at Mark furiously. Flynn as a microphone!
“Bobby, tonight, I am your partner!”
“I need my image improved, because I am a hero!”
“I also, depending on how my previous match went, would prefer to stick around you for a bit.”
“Nobody is going to make a pin attempt with you as my partner, you’ll kill them!”
“Now, since I just had a match, I’m going to go sit at the announce table and rest for a bit.”
GPS and Team HSU blankly watch as Flynn walks back out of the ring and sits at the announce table. Bobby is beat red, his nostrils wide and flared, looking like he’s about to absolutely murder someone. Lacklan and Angie recognize this look on Bobby, and gesture towards Alex Richards.
You’re bigger than him, he’s all yours!
| MARK FLYNN & BOBBY BOURBON - vs - JAY OMEGA & ALEX RICHARDS - vs - SARAH LACKLAN & ANGIE VAUGHN Falls Count Anywhere Tag Team Match |
*DING*DING*DING*
Lacklan and Vaughn stay in a corner and watch, but Jay Omega charges into them! Angie Vaughn connect with Jay Omega, and they spill out of the ring exchanging blows! Mark Flynn eyeballs them from his chair. Sarah Lacklan simply stands in the corner as Bobby stands, visibly furious.
HHL: Pip, after the rollercoaster ride Bobby has taken in the past months, maybe Mark Flynn of all people coming to be his partner is the straw that finally broke the camel’s back!
PIP: I know if anyone is going to break any backs, it’s Alex Richards!
Alex Richards takes a swig of Zim-Quila, and walks up to Bobby, a broad smile on his face! Bobby looks back at him with sheer malice. Richards with an open palmed slap to Bobby Bourbon! Bobby glares back at Alex Richards and grabs him by the throat! Richards grabs Bobby by the throat! Bobby lifts Alex Richards up with one hand while being choked, and delivers Earth’s Mightiest Chokeslam! The crowd all roar!
HHL: Welcome to the XWF, Alex Richards!
Bobby stands over Richards, looking down at him. Richards looks back up at Bobby from the mat, stunned. Sarah Lacklan is laughing out loud at Richards. On the floor, Angie Vaughn has gotten the upper hand against Jay Omega, and has him in a small package pin! One of the ringside referees goes for the count!
1…
2…
Mark Flynn walks over and knocks over the pin attempt by lazily kicking Angie to shove her. He goes back to his chair, and takes a sip of water. In the ring, Bobby looks at Sarah Lacklan, and back down at Alex Richards. Bobby lifts Richards back to his feet, but Richards is back in this, and he breaks Bobby’s hold on him, shoving him away! Richards crashes in with a massive clothesline. Bobby barely budges. Bobby looks back at Richards and throws a clothesline of his owon! Richards doesn’t move an inch! Both men run off the ropes, and crash into one another, and neither gives way! They run at the ropes again, but no, Sarah Lacklan pulls down the rope Bobby was headed towards, sending him keeling over to the outside! Alex Richards rushes directly into a back heel kick from Sar! Richards doubles over! Outside, Vaughn and Omega are grappling, and Vaughn goes to whip Omega into the steel steps! Omega bounds over the steel steps, diving and rolling to the other side! He continues the momentum and hops on the barricade, then dives at Bobby Bourbon who was on the opposite side of the ring with a cross body block! NO! Bobby catches Omega! Sarah Lacklan springboards off of Alex Richards and dives to the outside, crashing into Omega, pancaking Bobby at the bottom! It’s a pin!
1…
2…
The referee is hoisted up by Mark Flynn! Flynn insists there’s something on the referee’s face and is trying to wipe it with a napkin! The count is broken up! Back in the ring, we see Alex Richards, standing tall, as Angie Vaughn rolls in. Richards flexes at Vaughn. Vaughn cracks her neck. The fans tonight are super hyped for this!
HHL: Tale of the tape, folks, Alex Richards is six-feet and three inches tall and just went toe-to-toe with one of the strongest men in XWF history, Angie Vaughn is about a buck forty.
PIP: None of that matters in the XWF, Heather, these athletes can go no matter how big.
Richards charges in with a running big boot, but Vaughn ducks and pivots, delivering a chop block to Richards, who goes down to a knee! Richards stands back up, and spins with a back chop, which Vaughn also ducks, but pops back up in time for the following clothesline, Alex Richards showing shades of Zangief with a spinning lariat! Vaughn is knocked back into a corner, and Richards steps in and raises his boot to Vaughn’s face and pressing, setting in a corner boot choke! On the outside, Bobby helps Lacklan to her feet and rolls her into the ring as Jay Omega is rooting around under the ring! Jay Omega pulls out a bag! He opens it, and a snake comes out and slides into the ring! Lacklan breaks up Richards’s boot choke with a leg kick to the same knee that was chop blocked by her partner earlier! Angie steps out of the corner, and both women hoist Richards onto the top rope! Both of them get onto the second rope and are going to do a double superplex! No! The snake is helping Alex Richards! It holds his feet firm and he can’t be lifted!
HHL: The snake seems to like Alex Richards tonight, Pip!
PIP: That snake is under contract, Heather, and is making a statement tonight!
On the outside, Bobby with an overhand forearm to Jay Omega! Omega with an inside forearm to Bobby! Bobby with a forearm back to Omega! Omega with a forearm to Bobby, and another forearm to Bobby! Bobby throws another blow, but Omega moves out of the way, and comes back with a massive Bring the Thunder! NO! Bobby catches the foot at the last minute, and he lifts Jay Omega up for a spinebuster, and plants him onto the floor! Bobby brings Jay Omega back to his feet, and the fans chant for Spinebuster City! Before he can, though, in the ring Alex Richards hoists both Lacklan and Vaughn up! But suddenly his legs give way and both Lacklan and Vaughan land on top of him, and there is no time for anyone on the outside to react as both Lacklan and Vaughan pin Richards.
1.........
2...............
3
| WINNERS: SARAH LACKLAN AND ANGIE VAUGHN |
Theo Pryce is in his office, on the phone with someone. He has a stressed look on his face, and his tie is loosened a bit at the top.
”........a ball pit, Vin. Yes. A McDonalds style ball pit. Here’s the kicker. Every single one of them has this upside down smiley face on them with X’s for the eyes.”
Muffled talking from the other line.
”Every. Single. One.” He sighs, before speaking again.
”Not to mention forty seven hundred water balloons, same logo. I don’t know who had the time or the attention span to sit there and draw on forty seven hundred balloons and god knows how many balls.”
He is holding a folded note in his hand. It has jagged edges as if being ripped out of a composition notebook.
”No. I didn’t personally count them. That’s just what the driver said. Look, let me put you on speaker.”
He sets the iPhone 14 Pro Max down on the table, hitting the speaker button. He glances back at the note, which, in childlike handwriting has a question made up of 5 words.
“DO YOU LIKE MY BALLS?”
”I don’t know who it is but I have my suspicions. Someone is trolling us. Someone is trying to put an egg on our face here, and I don’t like it. BUT, we’ve been the butt of a joke or two before, nothing we can’t handle. What I am really wondering is what the hell to do with the giant ball pit. It’s blocking up a big area backstage and roster members are already asking questions. We don’t need this kind of headache on the go-home show…….hold on.”
There is a knock on his office door.
[theo]”Come in.
In walks three men, dressed in cheap SPIRIT Halloween costumes. One is in a doctors coat with a name badge and stethoscope, one is Mario, and the other is wearing what appears to be a dog mask.
Theo sighs again.
”Can I help you gentlemen?”
DOCTOR: “I am here to inspect your balls.”
MARIO: YAHOOOOO!!!!
DOG: BARK NOISES from under the mask.
DOCTOR: “Sorry, I said balls. He gets excited. Down boy!”
MARIO: “BUTA THE PRINCESS! WE MUST SAVE-A HER!”
DOG: WOOF!
Theo puts two fingers up to his head and rubs.
”You guys want to take a look at the ball pit, go ahead. It’s out back, just leave me the hell out of whatever charade this is.”
The three nod, walking out of the room.
”This night just keeps getting weirder.”
Vinnie: Well, it sounds like you’ve got your hands full of balls over there, so I’ll let you go. Find out who sent it to us, would ya?”
Theo confirms that he would, and there will be hell to pay.
He hands up, when MARIO comes running back into the room, out of breath.
MARIO: JEEEEZA, YOU-A NEED TO COME-A LOOKA AT THIS!”
Theo sighs, getting up. He follows the Mario out to the ball pit area, XWF cameras tagging along. When they arrive, the DOG and the DOCTOR are standing there, looking at the pit. Apparently, there was a name of each of the team captains written on the foreheads of 5 dolls that had emerged from under the balls. All of them were missing their eyes.
NED KAYE
DOLLY WATERS
ANGIE VAUGHN
SARAH LACKLAN
SIDNEY GREY
All missing their eyes.
”Those weren’t there before. Did you guys do something?”
DOCTOR: I assure you we have not. I was just here examining your balls, Mr. Pryce, and they just started popping up from underneath, like a fungus.
MARIO: THATSA GROSS, MR. P!
One doll in particular had what appeared to be burn marks on it, and it’s mouth was sewn together with surgical stitching. This doll's forehead read DOLLY WATERS in bright black sharpie.
The DOG mask began to bark, wiggling their backside as if wagging their tail.
Theo had had enough. SOMEONE was targeting the other team captains, and was making a mockery of the entire event. Clearly, someone had it out for Dolly. Theo had had enough.
”All three of you, out. Now! Leave! There are water balloons outside, forty seven hundred of them, apparently, and you can go entertain yourselves with those. Just do it out of my building! Now!
The three walked off screen, and Theo, clearly annoyed, chucks then Dolly Doll back into the pit.
THUD.
He was going to walk away, but stops. SOMETHING hard was under the balls.
”Wait, Gentlemen…….I may need you to check something for me.”
The three come back on screen.
”I can’t believe I am saying this but…….who wants to play with some balls?”
The three immediately jump into the pit as he shakes his head.
What’s under there?
XWF camera’s cut back to the mystery ball pit and what made the thud. The balls are moving like mad as the three costumed gentlemen dig their way towards the bottom. Each X-upside down-smiley face ball landed near Theo’s feet before rolling away, click clacking on the cement floor. Finally, a sound from in the pit came over the camera mics.
MARIO: BOSSA, WE FOUND SOME-A-THIN!
Theo calls them out of the pit, and sends them on their way. He even kicks Mario in the ass on the way out.
He sighs again, looking at his Movado watch. ”I can’t believe I am doing this.” he says with a sigh as he climbs into the ball pit. The XWF camera crew earns their paychecks
His face tells the story.
Down below all of the balls is a big wooden structure. Upon further observation, we see that it is a casket. The casket has the same upside down x eyes logo on it as the balloons and the balls.
Heather: Hmmmmm…….
PIP: There’s a casket at the bottom of that ball pit! But it was supposedly sent by the Mystery Entrant in this match. Who the hell do we know that would have sent a casket?!”
Heather: I mean, that’s a good question, probably the best you’ve ever asked Pip.
Taped to the casket was a note. Theo unfolded it.
DO YOU LIKE MY WET BALLS?!
Purple writing.
XOXOXO
He tosses it and rips open the casket. Inside is a body.
[white]Pip: Oh my god! There’s a body in that casket! Are they alive?!
JHeather: Buried alive……
Pip has a moment of silence before he realizes….
Pip: Oh no…..
The human is small in stature, wearing all black. The hood on their head is made of burlap, and is purple with big red X’s for eyes. The mouth is painted upside down.
Theo is cautious, but curious. He reaches down and slowly removes the burlap headcover.
Wide eyed, the casket dweller smiles.
: “HIYA THEO!
Pip: Oh my god!
Heather: YES!
It’s JENNY MYST! She sits up and brushes off the dust.
JENNY: “I missed you! Did you miss me?!”
Theo: Not in the slightest.
Jenny smiles a wicked smile
JENNY: “Awwww……I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Pip: OH MY GOD! JENNY MYST IS THE MYSTERY ENTRANT ON THUNDER KNUCKLES TEAM! JENNY MYST IS BACK, AT LEAST FOR NOW!
| "King's Affirmation" by Iniko plays |
The stadium falls into silent as a spotlight flashes onto the top of the stage, revealing the silhouette of Isaiah King, head bowed and wearing what looks like a leather jacket open at the front. As the base hits the speakers, he raises his head and takes a big breath. He slowly raises his fist into the air and his adoring fans scream in support. His mouth curls into a smile as he starts walking down towards the ring.
Introducing YOUR "Heir Apparent", Isaiah KIIIIIIIIINNNGGG!
He walks up to a fan wearing his merch, pressing his forehead up to his before continuing his way to the ring. Sliding under the bottom rope, he raises both hands to his side like a cross, palms open and challenging his opponent.
| "Leaving Dionysus" starts to play |
The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
You never had the right,
Removing me from paradise.
Your path removed the light,
Rendering me colour-blind.
But now I’ll speak,
Since I’ve become my own again,
And now I’ll leave,
Since I’ve become my own, again.
"Making his way to the ring, from Minneapolis MN, weighing in at 270 lbs; he is the Lord of the Vine, DIONYSUS!"
Dionysus sets the Thyrsus and shield next to the ring apron and rolls inside, running to one of the turnbuckles and climbing up to rally the crowd behind him. He then hops down and limbers up, awaiting his opponent.
ISAIAH KING © - vs - DIONYSUS Champion's Advantage - ISAIAH KING will name the stip in hIS first promo! |
As soon as the bell rings, King and Dionysus come forward, facing off in the center of the ring. They're nearly head-to-head, talking back and forth, their insults not being picked up by the camera. Neither man backs down, showing that they're not afraid of their opponent.
However, whatever Dionysus says does have an effect, as King suddenly rears back and swings, striking him with a right hand! Dionysus comes right back, and soon the two men are brawling, punching away at each other as the referee stays out of range, his medical gloves already in place for the inevitable bloodshed.
HHL: This one's not going to be a technical classic, Pip!
PIP: Nope, because that's not what's needed! You land the right shot and start a nosebleed, and you win!
HHL: Or you could crack a few bones or dislocate a shoulder or two, and this one will continue!
Dionysus, due to his larger size, has taken control now, driving King back into the corner. He lands a few more forearm shots, before grabbing King's arm and shooting him to the other side. But as Dionysus chases after him, King immediately rebounds off the pads and shoots forward, nailing Dionysus with a running European uppercut!
Dionysus drops to a knee, stunned, then tries to rise back up, his eyes blinking rapidly as he tries to recover. But the Television Champion flies in from behind, taking Dionysus down with a running bulldog! King then lands a few more grounded strikes, working over Dionysus' forehead with every shot.
HHL: Most wrestlers are vulnerable to bleeding from their foreheads, Pip. It's a genetic anomaly, I think.
PIP: I mean, there could be another reason... but we won't talk about that, will we?
HHL: Nothing to talk about. Suffice to say, King's trying to get some red showing, any way he can!
With Dionysus still not busted open, King gets to his feet and moves aside, wanting to wear the man down. Dionysus slowly pulls himself up, shaking off the strikes he took, and then turns… right into a charging King, who takes him down with a slingblade! The ref instinctively moves in, then remembers that a pinfall would be pointless here.
Dionysus rolls around in pain, feeling the effects of the slingblade, even as King looks over at him, thinking things through. He then slides out of the ring, leaving Dionysus down, as he goes underneath the ring apron, pulling out a steel chair! He slams it against the apron, making a loud crash, letting everyone know that this match is going into another gear.
PIP: Oh, boy, here we go! Time to start bringing in the hardware!
HHL: There are no rules in a First Blood match beyond the obvious, so the TV Champion can use that chair as much as he wants!
PIP: He should have gotten one wrapped in barbed wire, though. That usually works faster.
King slides back in, wielding the chair as Dionysus is getting back to his feet. King charges again at Dionysus, raising the weapon high, but Dionysus catches King on the run, delivering a thunderous spinebuster!! The chair bounces away, unused, as Dionysus takes a second, holding onto King's legs as he starts to get up. He looks down at his grip and smiles, before beginning to readjust.
King, knocked senseless for a moment, can't fight Dionysus' grip off, as the wrestler starts twisting him around, applying a Boston Crab submission!! King, in horrendous pain from the hold, immediately starts dragging himself across the mat towards the nearby ropes, managing to reach out and grab them. But the referee is just shaking his head, even as Dionysus tightens the hold once more!
HHL: King can't get the hold broken that way! He's trapped!
PIP: Yeah, but Dionysus can't win this way, either, unless he just rips the man's legs off!
HHL: Quite frankly, I don't want to see that happen, Pip.
PIP: It'd be a hell of a moment in the guy's career, though, wouldn't it?
With no other recourse, King starts to use the ropes to his advantage, dragging himself underneath them and clinging to the apron. Losing his leverage, Dionysus is forced to let go of the submission, allowing King to slide out and land on the floor outside. King does a tucking roll upon landing, managing to avoid any neck injury from his escape, although he's still clearly worn out from so long in the submission hold.
Back in the ring, Dionysus pulls himself up, looking over at the referee for a second, before stepping through the ropes to follow his opponent. He sees King dragging himself over near the steel stairs, and heads there, grabbing hold of him. But King fires back with an elbow, stunning Dionysus, before snatching him by the head and banging him into the steps!!
HHL: That could do it!
PIP: I don't think so, Heather. Dionysus got his arm up to take a lot of the impact.
HHL: Still, a few more shots like that, and King will be staying the champion.
King, looking annoyed at Dionysus having blocked a lot of the force, grabs him by the head again. He brings him back towards the steps... but Dionysus gets his arms underneath this time, fully blocking it. He then reverses it, managing to kick at King's legs to send him onto the steps instead! King lands mostly on his upper chest, which would only be considered a good thing in a First Blood match, as he tumbles down the steps, wrapping his arms around his ribs.
Dionysus, pulling himself up, makes his way over to where King's struggling to get up. Dionysus runs in, though, nailing King with the first step of the Wine Mixer, a shining wizard kick!! Dionysus then gets up and, without hesitating, runs up the steps and leaps off of them, coming back down with the second half, a modified Lionsault!! The crowd pops for the ingenuity of the move, as Dionysus lays on top of King for a few seconds.
PIP: Dionysus' instincts kicking in there, as he's used to going for a pin after the Wine Mixer, even outside the ring.
HHL: Either that, or he just knocked the wind out of himself as well as King. These guys are willing to do what it takes to win here, for sure!
Dionysus finally gets up, staggering over to the apron. He goes underneath, finding his own chair, bringing it out and preparing himself. King is grabbing at the railing, pulling himself up, as Dionysus takes up a position behind him. Dionysus comes forward, swinging the chair from above, aiming for the back of King's head! But at the last second, King throws his weight to the left, causing Dionysus to hit the railing... and cause the chair to rebound back into him!!
Dionysus falls to the floor, stunned, as the ref slides out to check on him. King grabs hold of the railing, pulling himself up slightly as he looks over for the decision. After a moment, though, the ref signals that this one is going to continue, as Dionysus is cut-free so far.
HHL: That was a close one!
PIP: Don't let anyone ever tell you that Dionysus doesn't have a hard head!
HHL: Who would ever tell me that??
PIP: You never know, I might someday. Just be ready to correct me.
Looking upset that the rebound didn't finish things, King picks up the steel chair from the ground and smashes it hard into Dionysus' back, knocking him back to the ground!! King then stares at the chair, which appears to be slightly more bent now, before tossing it aside. He turns and heads back into the ring, opting for another course of action.
As the ref watches him, giving him a powerless warning, King works on the turnbuckle pad in the corner, removing it! The dangerous metal underneath is exposed, with King giving it a pat with his hand before sliding back out of the ring. He goes and grabs Dionysus, preparing to drag him into the ring... when Dionysus rams King forward, throwing him off-balance and sending him crashing back into the lower edge of the turnbuckle post!!
HHL: Oh, man, King's head hit hard there!!
PIP: Is he bleeding??
HHL: I can't tell...
Dionysus is back up now, working over to the downed champion. He pulls King up, doing a quick check, then opts to toss King back under the ropes. Dionysus then slides in after him, grabbing hold of him and delivering a quick tiger suplex!! King is down, looking completely out of it, as Dionysus gets back to his feet. That's when Dionysus spots the steel chair still in the ring.
He steps over to it, hefting it up with a confident swing. Dionysus then turns back to where King is trying to rise back up... only to deliver some payback with a chair shot right to the spine!! King falls flat, gasping, before trying to pull himself up again. But a second chair shot to the back smashes him into the canvas, causing another yell!
HHL: If Dionysus keeps hitting King in the back like that, we might not have to worry about bloodshed!
PIP: The only question now is what lasts longer, that chair or King's spinal cord?
With King in plenty of pain, Dionysus drops the chair to the side, ready for use again if needed. He reaches down, grabbing King by the head, and dragging him to his feet. King looks defiantly at him, but Dionysus doesn't mind, as he whips King to the corner... back-first into the exposed turnbuckle!!!
King slumps forward, his back in a world of hurt at this point, even if there's no sign of blood yet. Dionysus, seeing him there, opts to rush in, leaping in hard with a spinning clothesline punch... but King half-falls out underneath it, dodging the strike, and causing Dionysus to bring his arm and shoulder down onto the exposed 'buckle!! Dionysus hangs there, hurt, as King slowly crawls over to the steel chair.
PIP: What an impact!! These two men are taking some tremendous abuse here!
HHL: And it's all for the chance to become or remain the Television Champion!
PIP: Love King or hate him, you can't deny that he's elevating this belt up with every match he's in!
King picks up the steel chair, almost losing his balance, but pulling it together. He powers himself up, lifting up the chair, as he sees Dionysus finally pulling himself off the exposed turnbuckle. King rushes forward, going for a home run swing at Dionysus' head... and Dionysus spins into the Deified, smashing the chair right back into King's head!!!! King and Dionysus both go down, with Dionysus clutching his arm in agony. The referee moves in, checking out both men... and then signals for the bell!!
HHL: It's over!
PIP: But who's bleeding? Who's the champ??
The camera tries to find out who is bleeding as it switches from Dionysus to King, and then from King to Dionysus back to King.
It's
It's
King who is bleeding.
HHL: "Oh my god, oh my god, It's Isaiah King who is bleeding, you know what this means?"
| WINNER VIA FIRST BLOOD AND NEW XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION - DIONYSUS |
Thank you to those who sent in segments and helped with Match Writing.
Mark Flynn
Bobby Bourbon
Jonathan Barrows
Jenny Myst
Theo
SBW
RE: Weekend Warfare - 05/20/23 - Prof. Bobby Bourbon - 05-20-2023
Have to say, it was an absolute honor and pleasure to be there for the return of one of the XWF's most beloved personalities.
Tig O'Bitties, I didn't even know she had an accident, but that match out there was for her.
BIGGEST return of the night!