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+---- Thread: Adventures in Mailrooming (/showthread.php?tid=46310)
Adventures in Mailrooming - EDWARD THE GREAT - 05-18-2023
As EDWARD walks backstage, his muscles bulging and his shiny clutched firmly in his hand, he accidentally collides with Ari Silversteen, the XWF mail room guy. The impact sends Ari stumbling backward, dropping a letter in the process.
Ari Silversteen: "Oh, my apologies, Mr. EDWARD. I didn't mean to get in your way!"
EDWARD grunts, his imposing presence making Ari retreat in fear. With Ari quickly disappearing from sight, EDWARD bends down to retrieve the fallen letter. He holds it in his hand, his brow furrowing in confusion as he tries to make sense of its contents. The camera zooms in on the letter, revealing its words:
To Whom It May Concern,
We write to you today regarding a matter of utmost importance. It has recently come to our attention that Gator has made the unfortunate decision to terminate Bama's contract within Anarchy. We believe it is imperative that you take immediate action to rectify this situation.
Bama has been an invaluable asset to our organization, captivating audiences with his charismatic on-screen presence and expert commentary. His recent guest spot as the ring announcer for the electrifying "Rumble in the Jungle" between HGH and EDWARD showcased his undeniable talent and ability to engage the crowd. Furthermore, it is rumored that Bama is scheduled to have another guest spot as the mediator during next week's highly anticipated contract signing.
We implore you to reinstate Bama T as Anarchy's own personal "Steve Sayors" (interviewer). By doing so, we are confident that the quality of Anarchy will be elevated to new heights, providing an enhanced experience for our loyal fans.
We understand that personnel decisions can be complex, but we ask you to acknowledge the immeasurable contributions Bama has made to Anarchy throughout his tenure. Additionally, considering Sassafras's penchant for the finest and most extravagant canine cuisine, securing this position would greatly support Bama's pursuit of stability and success.
We kindly request your immediate attention to this matter and urge you to reconsider Bama's status as a cherished member of the Anarchy team. Not only will his return serve as a testament to the XWF's commitment to excellence, but it will also bring immense joy and excitement to our devoted fanbase.
Thank you for your time and consideration. We eagerly await your favorable response, envisioning the triumphant official reunion of Bama with XWF Anarchy.
Sincerely,
Bama T's Babies (Fan Club)
EDWARD, unable to decipher the words written on the page, grunts in frustration. He crumples up the letter, discarding it to the side without grasping the significance of the plea made on Bama's behalf. Oblivious to the message, EDWARD continues his journey with unwavering focus, ready to face any challenge that comes his way.
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Gator - 05-18-2023
"... Who the fuck is Bama?"
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Bama T and Sassy - 05-18-2023
NO NEED TO GET OFFENSIVE, BABY! I'LL KNOCK YOU ASS OVER TEAKETTLE LIKE I USED TO DO ON THE UAB GRIDIRON! THEN I'LL HAVE SASSAFRAS TAKE A WIZZ ON YOUR UGLY PAJAMEES!
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - EDWARD THE GREAT - 05-18-2023
EDWARD takes a moment to observe the chaotic scene unfolding around him. He gazes at the man wearing a onesie and the man with a ponytail, his curiosity piqued. With a puzzled expression on his face, he can't help but ask the burning question on his mind.
EDWARD: (raising an eyebrow) "WHY PONYTAIL MAN CARRY FOOD IN ARMS LIKE CHILD?"
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Atticus Gold - 05-18-2023
Atticus steps in before an untelevised brawl ensues.
"Okay, so to clear a couple things up, Bams was suspended for saying a few things about TikTok being a, quote, "evil tool of the Chinese". So, we decided a leave of absence was the best course of action. Now, I'm all for welcoming Bama back for a backstage interviewer role but he does still need to apologize for what he said."
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Gator - 05-18-2023
(05-18-2023, 07:13 AM)Bama T and Sassy Said: NO NEED TO GET OFFENSIVE, BABY! I'LL KNOCK YOU ASS OVER TEAKETTLE LIKE I USED TO DO ON THE UAB GRIDIRON! THEN I'LL HAVE SASSAFRAS TAKE A WIZZ ON YOUR UGLY PAJAMEES!
"I'll shove that rat you're carrying down your throat you old saggy bitch! Come mess with a REAL commentator, dickhead!"
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Bama T and Sassy - 05-18-2023
APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT??? CORRECTLY POINTING LUT THAT THE COMMUNISTS WERE TRYIN' TA INVADE THE MINDS OF OUR CHILDREN THROUGH ADORABLE DANCE VIDEOS???
EVERY ONE OF THEM DAMN INFLUENCERS IS SEMT STRAIGHT FROM CHAIRMAN MAO! EXCEPT THAT OLIVIA DUNNE GIRL. I LIKE HER
GATOR BOY YOU BEST STOP PROTECTING YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND TODD! I CHALLENGE THAT SOFT CAN OF UNCOOKED BISCUITS TO A BOXING MATCH! EIGHT ROUNDS AGAINST ME, A FORMER ALABAMA GOLDEN GLOVES PUGILIST!
I'M MEAN, TODD! I SPENT A FEW DAYS IN A TUSCALOOSA DRUNK TANK, I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU BOY!
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Gator - 05-18-2023
" Ohhhh oh hoh! You fucked up now, geezer! Todd can Donnybrook with the best of 'em!"
"Whu-?"
"Shut up, Todd! You're on Bama! Eight rounds of boxing at War Games, you win, you get a job again, Todd wins I get your rat dog!"
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Bama T and Sassy - 05-18-2023
WHOOOOO DADDY ARE YOU FUCKIN' DEAD MEAT, SON!
I'MMA WHIP YOU FROM COOSA TO TALLAPOOSA, AND I WON'T SHED NARY A TEAR ABOUT TANNIN' THAT BIG FAT HIDE! NOT. NARY. A TEAR.
WHEN I WIN, I EXPECT TO BE THE THIRD MAN AT THE BOOTH, AND... AND! I WANT SASSAFRAS HERE TO GET A CUTE LITTLE DOGGY SIZED ANNOUNCE BOOTH TO SIT AT TOO!
Sassafras barks in happiness, which makes his little lipstick poke out a tiny bit.
ARF!
RE: Adventures in Mailrooming - Ari Silverstein - 05-18-2023
Wait a second, homies... this wasn't about me at all?
Dope!
*Ari surreptitiously places copies of his new mixtape into everyone's pockets*