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+--- Thread: Climate Change (/showthread.php?tid=46299)
Climate Change - Doctor Louis D'Ville - 05-15-2023
Mark Flynn sat along a stormy beachfront reading the encyclopedia when a seagull bumbled over and perched on a post beside him. It watched Mark Flynn closely for a solid seven seconds before it squawked!
"Hey, man! It's fuckin' rainin' out here! Shouldn't you get inside?!"
Mark Flynn paid no attention. Regardless of the weather and his already drenched Britannica, he licked his finger and turned the page.
"Whatever,man!" said the seagull, and it flew away.
Mark Flynn continued to read when a turtle, who happened to be passing by, stopped.
"Yo, dude! Tide's coming in brother! I'd take a walk if I were you."
Again, Mark Flynn paid no attention and, once again, licked his finger and turned another page.
"Whatever, man!" said the turtle, and it jumped in the water and swam away.
Mark Flynn continued to read when a little crab stumbled out of the water from the strong tide. It struggled around pathetically until finding it's legs again and looked up to Mark Flynn.
"You know what? Forget it man..."
The little crab salutes then doesn't even bother finishing it's little sentence before diving back into the water and disappearing. Mark Flynn never stopped reading. It wasn't long after that a manged, ugly, starved looking fox came around, but was instantly spooked away when a tall, dark, n' handsome showed up and simply appeared next to Mark Flynn.
Hello, my friend.
Doc looked down at the encyclopedia in Mark Flynn's hands.
You're well weathered.
A crack of lightning struck down on the book, bursting into nothing but ash in Mark Flynn's hands.
You're well weathered... BUT. Climate's changing!
Doc stands up and points down at Mark Flynn! The stormy weather clears around them and a ray of sunshine points down from the sky directly onto Mark Flynn! Doc shouts at the top of his lungs.....
I PIN YOU!
Then Doc actually pins Flynn somehow.
"Hey, man! It's fuckin' rainin' out here! Shouldn't you get inside?!"
Mark Flynn paid no attention. Regardless of the weather and his already drenched Britannica, he licked his finger and turned the page.
"Whatever,man!" said the seagull, and it flew away.
Mark Flynn continued to read when a turtle, who happened to be passing by, stopped.
"Yo, dude! Tide's coming in brother! I'd take a walk if I were you."
Again, Mark Flynn paid no attention and, once again, licked his finger and turned another page.
"Whatever, man!" said the turtle, and it jumped in the water and swam away.
Mark Flynn continued to read when a little crab stumbled out of the water from the strong tide. It struggled around pathetically until finding it's legs again and looked up to Mark Flynn.
"You know what? Forget it man..."
The little crab salutes then doesn't even bother finishing it's little sentence before diving back into the water and disappearing. Mark Flynn never stopped reading. It wasn't long after that a manged, ugly, starved looking fox came around, but was instantly spooked away when a tall, dark, n' handsome showed up and simply appeared next to Mark Flynn.
Hello, my friend.
Doc looked down at the encyclopedia in Mark Flynn's hands.
You're well weathered.
A crack of lightning struck down on the book, bursting into nothing but ash in Mark Flynn's hands.
You're well weathered... BUT. Climate's changing!
Doc stands up and points down at Mark Flynn! The stormy weather clears around them and a ray of sunshine points down from the sky directly onto Mark Flynn! Doc shouts at the top of his lungs.....
I PIN YOU!
Then Doc actually pins Flynn somehow.
RE: Climate Change - Mark Flynn - 05-16-2023
Somehow, Flynn finds the wherewithal to kickout out of Doc's mysterious, non-descript, "actual" pin attempt.
As he does, he sits up to face the camera.
"Every year, across the many wrestling companies in this multiverse, there are annually millions of kickouts."
Flynn pulls out a line graph, showing exponential growth over time.
"Only recently have scientists discovered that each individual kickout produces more CO2 emissions than a car idling on the highway for three hours."
Transition to Flynn in an interview room with a Professor of Environmental Sociology from UCLA. They both look very serious.
"What's the connection between kicking out and the catatrosphic collapse of our ecosystem?"
"Well, kickout attempts involve the exertion of the body. A wrestler's body exerts an amount of waste, methane, carbon dioxide... These emissions add up."
Flynn is nodding the fuck out of his neck, like he's definitely listening. And totally cares about this issue, like a good guy would.
"And as the wrestling industry has gotten more popular, we've only seen the effects of these environmental byproducts worsen."
"That is awful. And how did all these kick-out attempts give turtles the ability to speak English?"
"Well, I th-..." The professor double-takes. "What?"
Cut to Flynn walking on a beach. He's walking a tiny horseshoe crab on a leash.
"Science can't answer everything, like why turtles can talk or why books I'm in the middle of reading attract lightning. What we do now is... For the sake of the planet, stop pinning people. The much, more environmentally conscious solution is to submit wrestlers. No kickouts from that."
Flynn nods down at his horseshoe crab. "Isn't that right, Bartholoshoe?"
Bartholoshoe looks up at Flynn.
"Did you know that Sebastian Duke and Mastermind are both Triple-Crown champions with over 280 combined days of title reigns. Only eight days separates them. If Mastermind ever wins the Uni and holds it for 9 or more days, he'll have officially had a more Hall of Legends worthy career than Sebastian Duke."
Flynn shakes his head, forlornly. "Save the planet. Take back the right to speak from these incorrect animals. Stop pin attempts."
RE: Climate Change - EDWARD THE GREAT - 05-16-2023
"EDWARD STRONGEST WARRIOR!"
EDWARD, THE MIGHTY CAVEMAN, STANDS TALL, HIS BROAD SHOULDERS BULGING WITH MUSCLES, AS HE ADDRESSES THE CREW IN THE XTREME HALLWAY.
"LISTEN, PEOPLE! WRESTLING NOT FOR WEAK! WRESTLING FOR TOUGH! UGH!"
HIS EYES GLINT WITH A PRIMAL FIERCENESS AS HE RAISES A MASSIVE CLUB ABOVE HIS HEAD.
"KICKOUTS, THEY SHOW TRUE POWER! KICKOUTS PROVE EDWARD STRONG!"
HE POUNDS HIS CHEST WITH PRIDE, THE SOUND ECHOING THROUGHOUT THE XTREME HALLWAY.
"EDWARD FIGHT HARD, CREATE THUNDER, AND YES, SOMETIME MAKE SMOKY BUTT AIR, BUT THAT PROVE EDWARD STRONG WARRIOR!"
EDWARD POINTS TO THE XTREME LOGO ON THE WALL, DISPLAYING A SENSE OF PRIDE AND BELONGING.
"WRESTLING ABOUT SHOWING WORLD EDWARD UNSTOPPABLE! EDWARD PUSH LIMITS, BEAT ODDS, MAKE CROWD GO WILD!"
"FELLOW WARRIORS, EMBRACE KICKOUTS, EPIC BATTLES, TRUE SPIRIT OF WRESTLING!"
RAISING HIS ARMS IN TRIUMPH, EDWARD BECKONS OTHERS TO JOIN HIM IN CELEBRATING THE GLORY AND MIGHT THAT RESIDE WITHIN THEIR CRAFT WHEN HE FINALLY NOTICES THAT UGLY SILVER TITLE MARK HAS AROUND HIS WAIST AND SEEMS BEWILDERED BY IT...
"WHY MARK NOT-SHINY BIGGER THAN EDWARD SHINY? EDWARD SHINIEST CHAMPION!"
RE: Climate Change - Mark Flynn - 05-16-2023
"Great question E-man. I have in my contract that, any time I have a title, my belt has to be the biggest belt."
Flynn winks.
"The same way biggest club is best club? Biggest belt is best belt."
He lifts one shoulder higher than the other, just in case Edward's moving pro-pin speech somehow counts as a pin attempt.
RE: Climate Change - Prof. Bobby Bourbon - 05-16-2023
Bobby walks in wondering what all the commotion is.
Oh! I thought it was Charlie!
Bobby squints at Flynn.
Wait a minute, you’re a dude.
Trying to go legit and get cheered.
But everyone expects you to do the worst...
Bobby slowly walks up and prods Mark Flynn.
Are you sure you're not Charlie?
RE: Climate Change - Mark Flynn - 05-16-2023
Quote:Wait a minute, you’re a dude.
"Correct."
Quote:Trying to go legit and get cheered.
"I AM LEGIT. I AM A GOOD GUY."
Quote:But everyone expects you to do the worst...
"It's the worst kind of bias. How dare people judge me based on things I did when I *wasn't* a good guy."
Quote:Are you sure you're not Charlie?
"...I mean, I've held the Uni Title. Pretty sure that's the best proof that I'm not Charlie."
Flynn again slightly raises one shoulder.
"Pretty sure this is just an impromptu beach party (with talking animals) at this point, but I'm not taking any chances."
RE: Climate Change - Prof. Bobby Bourbon - 05-16-2023
Bobby looks quizzically at Flynn.
Charlie pitches Animal Beach Party every week for BastardNET, he says if furries can afford the outfits they can afford to sub.