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Divine Timing Part 2 - Printable Version


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Divine Timing Part 2 (/showthread.php?tid=45963)



Divine Timing Part 2 - Dolly Waters - 03-25-2023

“IN JUST .one. DAYS-”

An exaggerated Alpha-Chad voice, complete synthetic echoes and other obnoxious qualities, narrates over an advertisement,

“-THE MONTH OF MARCH WILL TURN TO MAAAADNESS!

AS XWF MARCH MADNESS COMES TO YOU LIVE!

LIVE!

LIVE!

FROM THE SOLD OUT AT&T STADIUM IN ARRRRRLINGTON!”


Patel Gaggendeep, the assistant and confidant of XWF Superstar Dolly Waters, watches the advertisement from his cell phone. A mirthless “Mmm…” emanates from his pursed lips as his eyes widen to keep up with the frantic imagery of flames, explosions, and other random flashes of testosterone overload.

“DO YOU LOVE MINI GOLF?!

DO YOU LOVE MASTERY?!

DO YOU LOOOOVE MAYHEM?!

THEN HOW ABOUT A MAIN EVENT FEATURING MIRACULOUSLY MAMMOTH MEN

-BOBBY BOURBON AND MAAAAARK FLYNN-

MARCHING MADINGLEY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY INTO A MINI GOLF MASTERS MAYHEM FOR THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP?!

THEY’RE NOT PUTTING AROUND, FOLKS!

AND NEITHER ARE WE!

THERE’S THE CUNT CRUSHER NOAH JACKSON!
THE MONSTER MOPPER PETER VAUGHN!
THE MILF SIDNEY GREY!
AND NED KAYE’S NOTRIOUS ARMY OF NEDOPHILES!

WHO WILL BE CROWNED THE CHAMPION OF MARCH MADNESS FIVE?!?!


Did you find the video or what?

A welcomed distraction breaks Patel’s gaze from his cell phone as he looks up to meet the eyes of Dolly Waters. The two of them, along with the coachman of Dolly’s gypsy wagon - the brought to life sex doll named jeNNy -are being pulled down a crowded interstate by a pair of horses.

Yes, but there’s this paid advertisement…it’s so loud, and feeble. It’s giving me anxiety.”

Leave it to the marketing geniuses in XWF headquarters to figure out how to kill off their overweight fanboys  with heart attacks before they can even purchase the pay-per-view.

The March Madness V advertisement continues to ramble off the details of the major matches on the card with a roaring gusto, until the tone suddenly shifts to a more meek, quiet, yet faster announcement:

...also the Television Championship will be on the line in a standard fifteen minute time limit match…

There’s an installed sound effect of crickets chirping in the advertisement, before abruptly returning to its previous energy:

STREAM MARCH MADNESS FIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE! FOR THE RIDICULOUS PRICE OF NINETY-NINE-NINETY-NINE!

The left side of Dolly’s lip meets her nostril in a malicious looking scowl,

Doesn’t seem like anyone is too excited about your matchup with Dionysus.

That’s the point, Gag. I want them to keep sleeping on me, because once I’ve milked this bad boy- she rubs the XWF Television Championship sitting between them, -for all it’s worth, and associated it’s existence with the hottest selling metaphysics product on the planet, those pricks in XWF management will no choice but to give me what I want.

...and what’s that?

Dolly lets out a sly little chuckle,

In due time, my dearest Gag. In due time.

The time… ‘where has it all gone? Patel had to wonder while staring down the stoic confidence on his employer's face. It was only a few months ago that he received an awkward phone call from an overburdened Dolly Waters. She happened upon his resume from a job search engine, and the timing surrounding the call for employment couldn’t have been more inexplicable. And the offer couldn’t have been more perfect.

”-the offer you’re making is great, but you’re negotiating a contract for a head-coaching job in the LFL. Football isn’t really my expertise. So why do you think I’ll be a good fit as your assistant?”

Patel remembers asking Dolly all those months ago,

I could handle the football stuff by myself. My good friend,Thad Duke, is offering that contract anyway, and I’m certain it’s more than fair.

”Then what do you need me for?”

It’s what’s coming in due time… my return to professional wrestling. That IS yer’ area of expertise, ain’t it?

Professional wrestling was Patel’s area of expertise, or at least, the line of work in which he had the most experience. Patel worked for a non-profit that was run by someone in the wrestling industry, a boss he never actually met. He spent months running simulations of potential outcomes of wrestling matchups. Plugging weight, strength, speed, experience, move sets, along with other factors, into a computer simulation, and though he never actually knew the end purposes of his duties, he always assumed that he was helping formulate the perfect wrestler, with the perfect in-ring strategies. But he never assumed that he might find the perfect wrestler in a little Appalachian gypsy girl gone bad, practicing black magic to increase her success between the ropes. 

FINALLY!

The ‘skip-advertisement’ option pops up on Patel’s cell phone. He thumbs the screen and awaits for the video Dolly requested to play:

“HOW TO NOT FALL ASLEEP WHEN WATCHING A BORING WRESTLING PROMO” 

....

......

........

[Image: image.png]

Sorry, Ms. Waters. It looks like you’re out of luck in preparing for Dionysus.

Meh… it ain’t a big deal. I could use a little tea time nap to recharge my energy anyway. Baiting someone so hellbent on consistency might take a little more effort than I hoped to put forth anyhow.

I’m curious to know what you mean.

Well, Dionysus believes his great advantage over me will be his consistency in character as it pertains to wrestling. He’s a technician who dips into brawling when need-be. I, on the other hand, am going to force him to break out of his mold. People tend to get desperate when time ain’t on their side, and that’s when I plan to strike. I just need to make sure I haven’t spent too much energy in the process.

Smart. Dionysus IS a big man, afterall.

Oh, I know, and he was sure to point that out, time and again during his promo. As if we all can’t see what he looks like anyway. But I ain’t worried. I’ve faced, and beaten bigger foes. He sounded more like a man trying to make a believer out of himself, than someone trying to convince the audiences that he actually will win.   

And that was before he even knew the stipulation! He must REALLY be reaching for straws now!

...let him reach all he wants. I’m too quick to be caught.

Patel is continually astonished by Dolly’s cunning and foresight. The shrewd and calculated way in which she’s approached her wrestling contests since he’s come under her employ has been a sight to behold. Even the seemingly unhinged manner in which she’s gone about accomplishing these victories has felt like a case-study in controlled chaos. She might be flying by the seat of her pants, but she’s doing it wearing a smile. Finding himself at a loss for words, Patel begins to wonder what Dolly even needed him for in the first place. She’s had friends in the wrestling industry throughout the years, so it couldn’t be that she  was just lonely. She’s experienced, and sharp as a tact, so it’s not like she’s needed someone to guide her decision making. Was there perhaps a deeper reason behind the timing of why she hired him?

Maybe only time will tell.

promo


Fifteen Minutes, Dionysus…

It should be more than enough time for you to prove that you belong in the upper echelon of the best wrestling company on the planet. To prove you can wear this gold yer’ so keen on eying now that you were bounced from the tournament. Afterall, you said it was your new primary goal, right?

But…
Dolly smiles, with a little shake of her head,

...you also said it was your “consistency in character” that should prove to carry you through in victory against someone like me.

Well, we really orta’ be careful with the way we think about these things, Dionysus.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard it until the cows come home recently:

My aggressive behavior, my jumping into the murkier ends of the waters, my tinkering with spellwork and different teammates, using people, lying, cheating, stealing you name it! I’ve heard nothing but how that was supposed to play as some sort of detriment to my in-ring ability. How it was supposed to erase my seven years of experience wrestling in the XWF. How I’m supposed to now forget that I literally grew up in this company. 

It was Angie Vaughn’s main tact against me before I stole the tag championships from her and John Madison.

It was Isaiah King’s entire argument leading up to me clawing his eyes out behind the refs back and making the “King” tap like Jester..

And Jenny Myst couldn’t help herself either, certain that the ways in which I’ve changed were gonna’ stop me from helping her to the burial site that she dug for herself.

Funny thing, the two matches I’ve lost this year, against Lacklan, against Sidney Grey… those two hardly mentioned anything of the sort.

Lacklan seemed to be fighting for the love of a person she saw as a daughter figure.
Grey was fighting me, to show her actual daughter how much she loved her.

They fought me with depth, and conviction. Those are two elements that are not easily overcome, no matter how much voodoo you cast in someone’s direction.

So what are you fighting me with exactly?

The same ideas as the others I’ve beaten down this year?

Seems so… because remember, “consistency in character” is so important, am I right? It’s like you and all those others were pleading to some sort of outside force.

“PLEASE LOOK AND SEE HOW DOLLY IS BEING ALL DIFFERENT!

SHE NOT NICE NO MORE!

SHE MUST NOT BE CONFIDENT NO MORE!

SHE NOT MAKE IT ON HER OWN!”

Irony is motherfucker, ya know?

It’s ironic how some dipshit rookie can spew the exact same lines, deploy the exact same types of tactics that I’ve fought against for years in this industry, all while believing they’re being original. Let me ask the Mr. studious, smug, self exalted, bullshit savant that is Dionysus a serious question… if I may:

You ever gone back and watched what it’s taken to beat the opponent yer’ about to face?

Some might think that’s a given in our line of work, right?

We study tape.

We see what has worked against our opponents, and we see what didn’t work, and we adjust… right?

Well, I have a hard time believing that you’ve done anything of the sort. Because even the slightest of research would’ve led you to the conclusion that you don’t come at Dolly Waters wearing kid gloves. You might as well just tie 'em behind your back before you step through those ropes, because I’m about to make a fool out of you.

GOLD, Dionysus said, is his new goal in the XWF since being bounced from March Madness, yet it was only a handful of weeks ago that his main quest was to lead the mismatched team of he and Blondie to the Tag Team Championships. Just like he did in some little league wrestling company he worked at before. So what happened? I guess we forgot how important “consistency in character” is when it comes to wrestling.


Dolly rolls her eyes, while making a jerking motion near her crotch,

...now I know I played a hand in seeing the more entertaining half of Chardonnay make any early exit XWF, like a little boy who couldn’t handle his wine, but even after that, Dionysus was bound and determined to get his shot at the XWF Tag Championships, lest we forget…

Dionys-ASS Said:[Image: ezgif-com-gif-maker-1.gif]

Now, you're probably wondering, "But Dionysus! Who is your new partner?!" Well, you will simply need to wait until March Madness, when Pinot Noir competes for the XWF Tag Team Championship.

Raise your glass high, everyone.

Well, I’m glad you believe that “consistency in character” is so important, because by your logic you’ve just told the world that you don’t have what it takes to win, let alone carry the Television Championship. And you know what? That’s GREAT news for Dolly Waters. Afterall, I’m looking fer’ any advantage I can take, any opportunity to make my run with this championship go as smoothly as possible, while wasting the least amount of time needed against BUMS like YOU Dionysus. 

LOL, what a name! Dionysus!


Dolly breaks out into a fit of uncontrolled laughter.

The greeks! The fucking fathers of logic and reason! And look at you! You’ve got goddamn Socrates rolling in his grave!

What happened to Pinot Noir, anyway? Did your partner take one look at you and realize that they were dealing with a clown? With a fraud? Dealing with a person who oozes of some smug sense of sophistication, but just below the surface ain’t even able to keep up with a little uneducated hick-girl?

Welcome to the XWF, Dionysus. A place where smart guys come to get crushed under the weight of their own jumbled words. Let’s hear it now big boy. Let’s hear how a fifteen minute time limit is going to play right into your strengths as a wrestler. How your size, strength and endurance, how your brawn and not your brain is going to get your arm raised at the end of our match.

Why don’t you ask Isaiah King?

He’s a man of similar size and strength as you. We already know you think like him too, because consistency is so important. What happened to him? I mean clearly I didn’t just pop up on him and tap him out right away did I? Nah… took me about twelve minutes. 

I know I already asked, but surely you watched the tape. Did you see exactly what might be the difference between a wrestler like YOU and a wrestler like ME? I used every inch of the ring, the ropes, the apron, the floor, even the referee to create distance between myself and that behemoth. I had that prick sucking air, just like I’mma do you.

That was a total mismatch on paper, but granted, every match I’ve been in has been a mismatch on paper.

On paper, Dionysus beats Dolly Waters in fifteen minutes. He’s fresh. He’s strong. He’s bold. He walks to the ring with some stupid shield and battle staff… but though I shouldn’t need to remind you of this, I’m afraid I’ve misjudged just how dense you are:

Dolly Waters has the Champion’s advantage.

That’s why I picked this exact stipulation.

Not just because I’m confident.

Not just because I realize that dumbass imaginary pleas about “consistency” mean NOTHING.

Not just because I have defended this very championship, under these same stipulations until I was forced to upgrade to the Hart Championship.

No…

It’s because I don’t need to win against you to move closer to my TRUE victory.

I’ve just gotta keep hold of this belt. Something I had no problem doing when I was just a teenage kid. How’s that feel?

I’m the runner, and yer’ the chaser. There’s no other way around it. Hell, if I feel too threatened, I might just pick up that dumb battle staff of yours and crack you over the skull with it. The Championship doesn’t change hands with a DQ. How poetic would that be? Yer’ stupid gimmick that you think will win you over with the fans and management being the very thing that costs you the gold yer’ “suddenly” seeking now.

Fuck outta’ here with all of that inconsistency in character. Fuck outta’ here with losing to Ned Kaye. Losing teammates. Hypocrite. It makes you not good enough to hang. That’s what you said ain’t it? Or do you wanna think harder about what you said next time?

I think fifteen minutes orta’ be long enough you to reevaluate.


Onward to victory


Much to the pleasure of the actual motorized vehicles, Dolly’s horse-led gypsy wagon makes an exit from the interstate, and travels a few blocks through a small township. Pulling up outside a familiar location, Patel smiles.

”Never thought I’d be happy to see this place aga- -Namas-fucking-te”

While referring to Madame Maluna’s Metaphysical Manor, the place where Dolly and Patel held a tarot-reader hostage for weeks while Dolly practiced black magic, Patel is stopped mid sentence by an astonishing sight…

The storefront of the quaint little shop still exists, but stretching out for an entire city block behind the quaint shop is a massive construction site. Three stories of steel framing rising up above the shop this duo were commandeering before Patel’s arrest.

Dolly and Patel make a full exit from the gypsy wagon, along with jeNNy the living latex sex-doll. Patel’s eyes glaze over as he takes in the incredible sight.

”Wha… what is this?” 

This is where we’re going to manifest victory…

Patel reads the amended sign on the storefront:

GRAND OPENING MAY 2023
Madame Maluna’s Metaphysical Manor MEGASTORE

...this is where we’re gonna’ produce Divine Timing.