02 - 25 - 2023 LIVE FROM ALAMODOME SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS JAY OMEGA - vs - ASTRA Singles 2 RPs, 2K RAION KIDO - vs - MASTERMIND Singles 2 RPs, 2K SIDNEY GREY - vs - DOLLY WATERS Singles 2 RPs, 2K GOTH - vs - PETER VAUGHN Singles 2 RPs, 2K SARAH LACKLAN - vs - ATARA RAVEN Standard Singles Match 2 RPs, 2K ISAIAH KING & VAGABOND - vs - BARNEY GREEN & CALYPSO Standard Tag 2 RPs, 2K NOAH JACKSON - vs - GRAVY Singles 2 RPs, 2K ANGIE VAUGHN - vs - NED KAYE Singles 2 RPs, 2K "MAD DOG" MARK WRIGHT - vs - DIONYSUS Singles 2 RPs, 2K THADDEUS DUKE - vs - CHARLIE NICKLES Singles 2 RPs, 2K "CHRONIC" CHRIS PAGE © - vs - JENNY MYST Chris Page may choose the stip for this match in his FIRST RP 2 RPs, 3K MARK FLYNN © - vs - "THE GRAND HIGH POO-BOB" BOBBY BOURBON Chess Wrestling 5 minute round of a standard singles match followed by a 2 minute round of chess with human pieces These intervals repeat until we have a winner Competitors can win by pinfall, submission or checkmate 3 RPs, 3K OOC: Default RP rules are Warfare Rules; 2 RPs with a 2k word limit. Universal Championship - Champs choice (At minimum must be 3 RPs/3k) Xtreme Championship - 2 RPs/unlimited Television Championship - 2 RPs/3k Tag Team Championships - Champs choice (2 RPs/3k or 2 RPs/unlimited) Soft deadline (at least 1 RP must be posted before this time) will be FEBRUARY 17TH 11:59pm board time. Deadline will be FEBRUARY 24th 11:59pm board time. Good luck!

OPEN

---

We see Bobby Bourbon approaching his Locker Room. He's wearing a bright yellow blazer with black lapels, a tiger striped dress shirt, jeans, and combat boots. He looks at the camera, then back behind him as he stops at the door. Charlie Nickles approaches, his match with Thad Duke on the horizon this evening. Bobby and Charlie each make fists, and first Charlie goes low as Bobby goes high, the bottom of Bobby's hand connecting with the top of Charlie's thumb. They alternate, and Charlie goes high while Bobby goes low, the same motion only reversed. Both men dap, and on connecting their fists, they recoil their hands slowly, wiggling their fingers, each of their massive meat hooks resembling a swimming nautilus. Both men point to each other, and rewind the last move in their handshake, connecting at the fist, transitioning into a handshake, then into both hands clasped palm to palm elbows down. They raise their mitts up, and both lean back, then throw forearms, connecting to each other, full force and speed, pulling back, and repeating, and on the third connection they grin, then press their foreheads to each other.

Good to see you, you rotten Bastard!

Look, you know damn well the pleasure is mine you filthy Bastard!

Charlie and Bobby lean back, and each with their right hand, clasp the other's left shoulder, greeting each other as brothers. Charlie enters the locker room. Swiftly behind him, we see a man named Crash, who is often seen on OCW television! What is he doing here? He walks up, and he and Bobby exchange a high five, then Bobby goes low, and Crash comes down from up top with another smack of the palms, leaving his down as Bobby brings his other hand from above to slap five. They then turn sideways, butt elbows, then turn to each other.

Yo, what's up? This backstage area is INSANE! I saw like three girls in football pads!

Yeah, man, welcome to the XWF, everything is nuts, but it's pretty fun.

Crash walks into the locker room. The glint of Crash's OCW Paradigm Championship belt catches the camera as we see it carried in his off hand. Following him, we see a man named Harmon, the OCW Craze Champion. Harmon is actually wearing his championship belt properly. Harmon looks at Bobby and begins to use sign language. Bobby nods, and signs back, speaking as he does.

I...

Don't...

Think...

They...

Have...

A translator.

Harmon shakes his head and looks dead at the camera, pointing at it. Then he points at Bobby. Bobby nods.

Okay.

Harmon begins to sign again, and Bobby speaks.

You thought they'd have one with record setting profits.

Bobby just speaks. Harmon isn't deaf, after all, just mute.

Look, I know man, I know, we got it covered next time from the Bastard fund.

Harmon smiles and nods, and both he and Bobby snap their fingers in unison, then point at each other, then exchange an actual genuine hug. Harmon walks into the locker room. However, another figure approaches, and Bobby looks off camera with a glare. Finally, back on XWF TV, is none other than Thunder Knuckles. Bobby and TK look at each other, their eyes narrowed. They turn and look at the camera together, not making eye contact whatsoever. The fans in the arena watch in awe, the anticipation rising, the resounding roar becoming ever more deafening. Bobby cocks an eyebrow as TK snorts. In the most epic exchange between to brothers ever witnessed, they perform their tried and true, signature no-look fist bump.

What's up, bud-day?

Not much, bud-day.

Their whimsied pronunciation of "buddy" comes as the fans in attendance roar.

I'll be inside, you brought the fuckin' Bud Light, right?

Of course, drink like a Shriner.

I drink like a god damned Bastard!

TK enters the locker room. In short order, Steve Sayors runs up to Bobby.

Bobby! BOBBY!

Hey Stevesie.

You have not only brought Thunder Knuckles, your former tag team partner...

Not former, forever tag team partner.

You also brought in two men from OCW tonight! We all know, it's not a surprise who you are, but why are the entire Legion of the Brotherhood of Bastards here?

Bobby looks at Steve plainly.

I don't run alone, and the XWF needs to remember if you don't run with it, run from it.

Yeah, but...

But nothing, Steve. The XWF is all about cross promotion. They're hosting the Denzel Porter Invitational, after all! Well, may I introduce to you five men who aren't competing in that noise because we're too loud for it.

Harmon pokes his head out of the locker room, a perplexed look on his face, pointing to himself. Bobby looks back at him and swiftly shakes his head with a smile. He signs back to Harmon, speaking the words as he does.

Not...

what...

we...

say...

it's...

how...

we...

wrestle.

Harmon nods, thumps his fist to his chest, points at Bobby, and reenters the locker room, from which we hear quite a bit of revelry, and certainly more than just the voices of TK, the Nickleman, and Crash.

Look, uh, I gotta prep for my match tonight, wanna come in?

Uh, sure!

Bobby shrugs.

Go get your disco outfit.

Oh man, this is going to be fun!

Steve Sayors runs off to get his goofy Disco Steve outfit on to hang out with Bobby Bourbon. Bobby smiles and walks into the locker room, stopping the camera crew as they try to follow.

You weren't invited. Fuck off.

---

Warfare returns from commercial with Astra already in the ring.

"Legend" by The Score plays

"Legend" hits the P.A. system and the lights dim, save for a lone, golden spotlight centered on the stage. A thin layer of fog floats across the stage, and Jay Omega struts out to the top of the ramp. Omega stands on the stage for a moment with his arms spread and a cocky smirk on his face, then casually makes his way down the ramp, crossing back and forth to slap hands with fans. At ringside Jay hops up onto the apron, then vaults over the ropes before crossing the ring and climbing up to the second turnbuckle. Omega poses for the crowd amidst a flickering strobe effect from thousands of cameraphone flashbulbs, then backflips off the turnbuckle and casually leans back into the corner to await the bell.

JAY OMEGA - vs - ASTRA Singles

The bell rings and the match is underway! The referee is quick to get out of the way as the two competitors waste no time getting to the thick of it. Jay going for an armbar on Astra, though she keeps breaking the hold with various flips and rotations. Astra gets Jay in the corner, but the bigger competitor reverses it. He whips Astra toward the opposite corner, but doesn't release her arm, instead pulling her toward him. Scoop Slam on Astra!


HHL: "Jay looks pleased with himself as Astra rolls out of the ring to collect herself."


The fans aren't particularly behind either superstar, but they cheer when Astra gets back in the ring and they start trading fists and feet in a whirlwind of martial arts, Kung Fu and Tae Kwon Do! The fans don't seem to hate it! A block from Astra, Jay throws a Spinning Heel Kick. It connects, dizzying his opponent. Astra stumbles into the corner... Clothesline from Jay Omega! Instead of allowing her to fall to the mat, Jay has Astra by the hair as he leads her out of the corner. Astra with an elbow to Jay's midsection, and another... and another. She's broken loose! A flurry of offense from Astra staggers Jay Omega. With an Axe Kick following a Knee Lift, Astra has Jay on the mat. She's on top, going for the 3!


HHL: "Let's see if Astra can steal one here."




1...







2..





Kick out by Omega!


PIP: "Wasn't meant to be I guess."

Astra's first to her feet. She climbs a turnbuckle and waits for Jay to get up, leaping off and connecting with a Crossbody once he does. Neither competitor stays down long and soon they're back to throwing punches, kicks, and various Bruce Lee chops and what have you.

HHL: "The fans are really getting into it now!"

Jay with a Rolling Wheel Kick out of nowhere takes Astra to the mat. Jay goes for a quick cover, but Astra kicks out at one. They go back to trading blows, Astra managing to get the upper hand. An Enzuigiri from Astra and they both look spent. The fans cheer as they slowly climb back to their feet, now going punch for punch in order to stop each other from getting up. Jay's up, and he snatches Astra by the arm, whipping her into the turnbuckle. She ducks beneath a Clothesline attempt and Jay leaps over the ropes to the outside. Springboard Forearm Smash from Jay to Astra! She's dazed and down, so Jay makes the cover!





1..













2...KICKOUT!!

The two have locked up again, Jay having the strength advantage. Astra breaks away and connects with a Dropkick. Jay's back up, another Dropkick from Astra. Up again, this time Jay catches Astra and forces her to tumble to the mat. Jay grabs her by the hair and heaves her into the corner. He makes a running start and it's a Stinger Splash on Astra!

Astra comes stumbling out of the corner right into the waiting arms Jay Omega who hits her with his finisher Ride The Lightning!! A pump handle drop into a double knee backbreaker and then a cover.




1...














2...





















3!!!

Winner - Jay Omega

HHL: "Pretty solid opening match to the Sweet 16 of the March Madness tournament with Jay Omega being the first to punch his ticket into the Elite Eight!"

---

We are backstage as Goth can be seen sitting in his locker room, his arms wrapped around his legs as he is whispering to himself.

Goth:Please let her stay away, please let her stay away… please, let… her….

He stops whispering as he believes to hear a door open, causing his eyes to move towards the direction where the sound had come from.

Goth:Why do you torment me like this?? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! Am I not still in the March Madness Tournament?? You told me that you would give me another chance!!!!

He puts both hands towards his face, digging his fingers into his skull as he starts to mutter something we cannot understand. The camera turns towards the direction where Goth had stared towards as we notice a figure standing there with her back turned towards the camera. She is clad in a robe that hides her identity for anyone else to see.

The only thing visible is a strand of blonde hair with pink tips sticking out of the hood of the robe………

---

"Soldier Dream" by Root Five plays

ANNOUNCER: “And now, standing tall at 6'0" and weighing in at 227 lbs., from Osaka, Japan, “The Lion”... RAIOOOOOOOOOOON… KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Raion Kido appears on stage, letting out a lion’s roar.

“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Mezasu kiboo no iro wa
Kedakai hodo utsukushii…”

Raion spreads his arms and breaks into a bird run towards the ring, slapping the fans’ hands along the way. He slides into the ring on his belly and springs into his feet.

“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Tsubasa wa ten wo kakeru
Erabareta moushigo no you niiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

Facing the camera, Raion throws a one-two punch forward, his final pose as the music dies down.

Mastermind's Theme plays

A figure is seen walking out from the back wearing a black hooded sweatshirt on. The hood was over his head so he couldnt be seen, and his head was looking down.

He stood in a stance. And as a white light appeared on his front, he unzipped his sweatshirt and showed the front of the t-shirt:




As it continued he turned around and took off his hooded sweatshirt and revealed the back of the t-shirt which read:



He turned back around and stood in a pose as the white light bathed on him to reveal: MASTERMIND

He then smirks as he walks all the way to the ring, with the Misfits Manager Antony The Jerk, walking not far behind.  Followed by Melanie 'Crayzee' Childs and Kris 'The Hammer' Von Bonn.

RAION KIDO - vs - MASTERMIND Singles

DING! DING! DING!

Kido and Mastermind both size each other up from their own opposing corners. Mastermind’s gaze is wary, Kido’s being more bold. Both men know what they’re here to do, and they’re prepared to stop at nothing in order to do it. They take a deep breath, beginning to circle around the ring.

HHL: Here we go. Not the first time these men have seen each other, but it is the first time they’ve done it in singles action.

Pip: Gonna be interesting to see if either of them have adapted since their first encounter…

Mastermind takes a deep breath with Kido turning stern, before the two enter into a collar-and-elbow tie-up! Mastermind gets the early advantage with taking a firm waistlock, but Kido quickly tries struggling out. A sharp elbow juts Mastermind’s head back a bit, but he shuts down Kido’s offensive with a forearm to the back of the head!

Kido staggers out of the waist hold, before gathering himself and running off the ropes! Mastermind gets right down to business, looking to trip Kido up by dropping down to the ground. Kido hops over Mastermind, looking to bounce off the opposite set of ropes now. Mastermind quickly gets back to his feet, now leapfrogging over the rushing Kido! Kido on the return - Mastermind goes for an Arm Drag!

But Kido hops with the momentum, turning in mid-air to land on his feet! Mastermind looks surprised as Kido reaches his hand around to now be the one grabbing Mastermind’s wrist! He pulls him in - short-arm lariat knocks down the Master of Minds as Kido wags a finger at him!

HHL: Kido already showing he’s adapted since their last encounter with that quick counter to Mastermind’s attempted arm drag there!

Pip: Mastermind, if nothing else, is a smart and capable ring general. Now, mind, I’m not sure how well it’ll be helping with a guy like Raion Kido breathing down your neck, but maybe he can try creating an opening on the big oaf?

Mastermind manages to push himself onto his feet - but Kido is right on top of him! BIG chop lights up Mastermind’s chest, who’s forced to grit his teeth and bare the pressure as he backs away from the Lion! Jabs to the body come out from Kido, with Mastermind doing his best to block and parry the incoming blows, but he’s still being forced back again and again and again as he ends up slinking into the corner!

Mastermind tries pushing his way out, only for Kido to respond back with a HEADBUTT! That pushes Mastermind back as his eyes look a bit glassy! Kido turns around, using the back of his elbow and propping it against Mastermind’s chest as he prepares to take a running start and just making sure he doesn’t fall out of the corner. However, before Kido starts to move, Mastermind comes to! He was just playing possum as he has Kido right where he wants him! He locks his arms around him - MIND SLEEPER!

Pip: And THERE’S that opening on the big oaf that I was talking about! What a way to reverse momentum like that!

HHL: For all of Mastermind’s faults, if there’s one thing you can never take away from him, it’s that dangerous ring IQ!

Mastermind kicks off the ropes, forcing Kido towards the center of the ring as he flails and stretches his arms out! He’s trying to get to the ropes, but Mastermind is locking the hold in tighter and tighter! Something’s really gotta be done here, and fast, before Kido passes out in the hold!

But the Lion refuses to have his flame burn out so soon! He rushes over to the nearby corner, and LEAPS onto the second turnbuckle! He’s preparing to fall back and have Mastermind eat the damage, but this time it’s MASTERMIND making the adjustment! He releases the Mind Sleeper, instead taking another waistlock as they’re both perched on the second rope - FALLING GERMAN SUPLEX HAS RAION KIDO LANDING ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK!

HHL: What skill from Mastermind to be able to pull that off! It was Kido’s turn to try reusing the same move as he did in their last showing, and Mastermind pulled off the counter!

Pip: Almost like a version of Kido’s own Rolling Crash… Think he was trying to send a message, Heather?

HHL: Maybe…

The crowd gasps in horror as both men seem to have had a rough landing! Raion desperately clutches the back of his neck, but he’s managing to get back up, showing that never-say-die attitude as he ROARS!

BUT MASTERMIND CAPITALIZES ON THE WOUNDED LION WITH A SLIDING LARIAT! COVER!

OOOOOOOOOOONE!









TWOOOOOOOOOOO!









KICKOOOOOOOOOUT!

HHL: I almost thought Mastermind actually had that one for a second! Could you believe it, Pip?

Pip: It’s hard to believe, really, but Mastermind is really giving it his all right now! Let’s see Kido try to think his way out of this!

HHL: If he’s done it once already, Pip, then you can’t truly count out Raion Kido…

Mastermind takes a deep breath, gathering himself as he sees the laid out Kido. Every second he wastes is another minute Kido can use to recover, as he’s trying to stir himself awake at this rate. With a desperate look on his face, Mastermind goes to Kido’s legs to try and turn him over into the Boston Crab! The MIND CONTROLLER!

But Kido is trying to resist with everything he’s got! Mastermind is struggling to turn him over, and the Lion will not let himself be put in the position where he could end up losing this! Mastermind grits his teeth, trying everything to just place Kido onto his stomach - ONLY FOR RAION TO TURN HIS LEGS OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE AND FLIP MASTERMIND OFF OF HIM!

HHL: What strength of Raion Kido to throw Mastermind off like that! Mastermind’s window to potentially try and steal one may have just closed with that!

Pip: Well Heather, it ain’t over ‘til the cows come home, and from where I’m standing, Kido still needs to seal this deal.

Kido manages to use his energy and get himself back onto his feet, feeding off of the fans’ chants with a nod and a deep breath. He turns around, seeing Mastermind waiting for him! Mastermind goes for an Enzuigiri, but Kido manages to duck underneath! Mastermind hits the canvas hard, holding onto his chest as he does so! Kido doesn’t waste even a second now, DEADLIFTING Mastermind who’s still on the ground from behind -

GERMAN SUUUUUUUUPLEX! THE FANS POP LIKE CRAZY AS THEY SEE MASTERMIND PRACTICALLY GETTING FLUNG AROUND THE RING!

Mastermind tries to roll out of the ring, but Kido cuts him off with a boot to the head! That stuns Mastermind, now forced to get up and try to navigate his way out of this mess. Kido gets ready for what’s to come, though, charging his ki as the fans shout with him! The whole crowd are on their feet and ready for what’s to come!

Kido bolts forward towards Mastermind, shouting into the air as he does so!

“ATOMIC THUNDER!”

BRUTAL RUNNING LARIAT TO MASTERMIND FLOORS HIM!

HHL: Mastermind got turned inside-out, there!

Pip: He lost his chance, now. Brutal.

Kido isn’t done though, as he thrusts his right fist forward, and the fans go along with him! He’s wanting to put the finishing touches on this match once and for all! He bends over, grabbing the downed Mastermind by the wrists and flipping himself over him! He locks in the Heaven’s Treasure, notching it back tight!

Mastermind feels the pain coursing through his arms, and realizes he has to act fast to prevent himself from having his arms broken here! He struggles enough to see that the ropes are too far for him to reach, and…

HE TAPS OUT!

WINNER BY SUBMISSION - RAION KIDO!

HHL: Valiant effort here by Mastermind with a fair few good looks here, but once Raion got into the driver’s seat, he never looked back.

Pip: Well, let’s see just how far Kido can keep this momentum up. My money’s on Vaughn shutting him up for good!

HHL: Of course it is…

---

Vagabond is seen backstage walking down a long hallway, nodding to various personnel and throwing out the occasional 'sup?' He steps to the side when a pair of caterers wheel a cart of food past him heading in the opposite direction. He stops walking for a moment to eye the food, his hand on his belly. By the time he makes up his mind the caterers are long gone, so onward he goes, past door after door, until finally coming to a halt just outside the office of one Theo Pryce.

Vagabond: "Ah, here it is. All right, now just stick to the plan. We've got this."

He takes in a deep breath and lifts a balled fist up to the door, but before he knocks he has a change of heart.

Vagabond: "No. No, no, no, no, no. Damnit! I don't wanna show up empty-handed! We've only got one shot to make a good first impression..."

He's looking around frantically for something--anything--to bring to the boss, but there's nothing readily available; it's just him and a thousand competing thoughts rushing through his head.

Vagabond: "Crapola! Where's a bottle of wine when you need one?! Does he even like wine? Of course he likes wine, who doesn't? But what if he's in recovery? I don't wanna cause him to fall off the wagon! One Barney Green is too many! Think, Vagabond!"

Once he finally decides to give knocking another try, and doing all the things he has to do in order to bring himself to actually do it (e.g. take many deep breaths and idly stroke his beard), he stands in front of the door, lifts his hand, closes his eyes, and raps his knuckles against the hard surface. What he doesn't see is the man whose forehead he's knocking on as the door has already been opened.

???: "Ahem."

Vagabond: "Mr. Pryce, hi! My name is-- Joe? Joe Dohn!"

He immediately recognizes the man wearing a nice jacket and tinted sunglasses, and it isn't Theo Pryce, a different man who wears nice digs.

Vagabond: "What do you want?"

He asks with the least amount of interest imaginable.

Joe Dohn: "You're not Joe Dohn, I'm Joe Dohn! I'm gonna go ahead and pretend you're more excited to see me. We're brothers, after all, and I did just secure you a tag team title match."

Vagabond: "Through marriage. And you did what?"

Joe closes Theo's door and gestures for Vagabond to remain quiet.

Joe Dohn: "Okay, well not quite, but I let Theo--he lets me call him Theo--know you're definitely interested in going for the tag titles."

Vagabond: "With who, Isaiah?"

Joe Dohn: "God, no! In fact, once you're done carrying him through tonight you'll never have to put up with him again. I did you one better. I've got the perfect man in mind, but you have to wait until they announce the next Warfare to find out who it is."

Vagabond: "Please tell me you're not thinking about stepping out of retirement for the fifty-millionth time."

Joe Dohn: "Not for you, Veggie. But I'd consider it for fifty-million dollars."

Vagabond: "All right, I'll play along. What brings you here other than to hit up management asking for favors? Speaking of which, what's in it for you?"

Joe Dohn: "Can't a guy just stop by and see his brother-in-law?"

Vagabond: "Not when said brother-in-law doesn't work here. You have some kind of all-access pass or something?"

Joe Dohn: "As a matter of fact, I do."

Vagabond: "Yeah? Show me."

Joe Dohn: "Okay, I will. Do you have a mirror?"

Vagabond raises an eyebrow in suspicion.

Vagabond: "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

Joe Dohn: "You're my all-access pass, buddy."

Vagabond: "What?"

Joe Dohn: "That's right, Veggie Bond. You're looking at your new manager, baby!"

Vagabond starts to protest when Joe interrupts.

Joe Dohn: "And before you say anything you 'otta know that while I'm here out of the goodness of my heart, it's also because my sister, your wife, insisted that I be here. For 15% of whatever you make, of course."

Vagabond: "I'll give you 20% to go away and not show your face again until Christmas. Even then a post card will be just fine."

Joe Dohn: "Very good! I'm glad to see you've still got that sense of humor we all hold so dear."

Vagabond: "Just stay outta the way and I guess you can hang around. Don't. Screw this up for me."

Joe Dohn: "Relax, everything's gonna work out just fine. All you gotta do is focus on kicking ass tonight, and then starting two weeks from now, when your real partner arrives, you'll be part of a team people actually want to talk about."

Vagabond strokes his beard, contemplating.

Joe Dohn: "Going against other teams people actually want to talk about. Think about that. I dare say I'm gonna make you relevant again!"

Joe gives Vagabond a pat on the arm.

Joe Dohn: "I'll go wait for you in the car. Meanwhile, you have a visitor waiting in your locker room, and if a childhood full of memories serves correct, she really, really hates to be kept waiting. Ciao!"

Vagabond: "Wh-what?! You should've led with that!"

Joe Dohn: "Then would you have stuck around to hear what I had to say?"

Vagabond: "Probably not."

Joe Dohn: "So you understand why I was holding out."

Joe turns to walk away as Vagabond's face lights up at the mere mention of his estranged wife. He looks distracted now; totally forgetting where he is and what he was doing. He starts to resemble a ping pong ball bouncing off the walls of the narrow hallway as he tries to pick a direction. Joe saunters back to him, puts a hand on Vagabond's shoulder, and points down the hallway from which the latter came.

Vagabond: "Thanks!"

He rushes off like the Queen of England has just summoned him.

Joe Dohn: "Any time, buddy!"

The scene ends with a close-up of the nameplate on Theo Pryce's door, which upon closer inspection looks awfully shady. It falls off moments later and the words "Utility Closet" appear. Interesting. With that we return to ringside for more action!

---

"Suffocate" by Cold plays

“Suffocate” by Cold begins to play as the lights dim all through the arena. Fog rolls through the entranceway as a bright light shines from behind it. A shadowy figure is projected through the fog, the sexy figure grinding to the beat of the music. Sidney Grey emerges and surveys the crowd as they boo her loudly. She smirks as she flips off the crowd and moves in time to the beat, going into yet another seductive grind, which ends in a tremendous eruption of pyrotechnics as she runs her hands all along her body, tosses her hair back, and heads to the ring with a laugh. Sid walks slowly down to the ring as she arrogantly taunts the crowd, blowing kisses to some and threatening to slap others all the while with a condescending smile on her face. Sid slides underneath the bottom rope and goes to the far corner of the ring as she stands on the turnbuckle and continues to taunt the crowd, while smiling sadistically as she waits for the match to begin.

"Ode To Joy" plays

The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.

SIDNEY GREY - vs - DOLLY WATERS Singles

HHL: There's not much respect to be seen between these two ladies.

PIP: Works for me, I love it when the opponents hate each other. It makes it more exciting soimehow.

Grey has come out of her corner now, mocking Waters for the size difference between them. She starts taunting her, bringing up Sarah Lachlan's name, as she points back to the dressing room. As soon as Grey looks back forward, though, Waters tags her with a right hand, sending her stumbling away!

Shocked, Grey rubs at the side of her face, then turns back to Waters, furious. She runs forward, swinging, but Waters ducks under it, then leaps, getting a single-leg dropkick that knocks Grey into the ropes! As Grey pushes to get back up, Waters is rushing at her, spearing her through the ropes and sending both ladies falling to the outside!

PIP: Waters is aggressive right out of the gate! No black magic tonight, she's all about breaking Grey down!

HHL: The tournament is taking everyone to higher levels of competition, and we're seeing that again here!

On the outside, Waters lands another kick on Grey, setting her up. She runs forward... but Grey catches her with a drop-toe hold that sends Waters' top half into the ring steps!! Waters rolls away, hurting, as Grey gets up, checking herself over to make sure everything's still intact. The ref leans over the ropes, telling them to both get back in, as he starts his count.

1!


2!


3!

Not about to let the edge get away from her, Grey heads after Waters, yanking her up and bringing her over near the apron. As the referee counts above them, Grey grabs hold of Waters' head and takes her down with a spinning neckbreaker! Waters stays on her back, as Grey turns and nonchalantly goes into the ring, while telling the referee to keep counting.

4!


5!


6!

HHL: Looks like Grey would be content here with a countout victory.

PIP: An easy jump to the Elite Eight? Who wouldn't want that?

As the referee reaches 7, with Grey watching impatiently, Waters pulls herself up on the outside. She pulls herself into the ring, stopping the count, and keeping this match going, much to the happiness of almost everyone in the arena. The only exception may be Grey, who is immediately stomping on Waters' back, trying to weaken her some more. She then steps away, mocking her, as Waters works to get up.

As soon as Waters reaches her hands and knees, Grey sets herself, hitching up the brace on her knee. She comes forward, snapping Waters right in the back of the head with the Sid-Knee Drop!! Waters is down, stunned, as Grey waves over to the referee, telling him it's time to do his job now. Grey rolls Waters over and makes the cover, hanging on...








ONE!









TWO!









And Waters kicks out, showing she has plenty of life left in her!

HHL: Dolly manages to survive, even as Sidney once again uses that illegal brace of hers...

PIP: There's nothing illegal about a leg brace in wrestling, Heather!

HHL: It's a metallic weapon!

PIP: What do you want it made of, marshmallows? It's got to have structural integrity to protect the knee!

Grey angrily drags Waters up, wanting this all to be over and done with already. She sets Waters in place, smirking, as she prepares for a jumping piledriver! She starts to lift, getting her opponent into position. But Waters suddenly is able to reverse it, dropping out of Grey's grasp and landing on her feet, saving herself from more damage.

Grey, surprised, quickly tries for a clothesline, but Waters, with a burst of energy, runs underneath it and charges to the ropes. She springs up on them and leaps backwards towards Grey, who is just turning towards her. Before Grey can dodge, Waters nails her with the Ode To Joy European uppercut!! Grey goes down hard, as Waters quickly pulls herself on top for the cover.









ONE!









TWO!









No, Grey is able to get out of the pin in time, keeping the match going!

HHL: You never know when Dolly can hit that move that will end things in an instant.

PIP: She has one of the quickest reaction times of any wrestler in the XWF, which always gives her an advantage.

As Grey tries to get up, Waters attacks, landing multiple uppercuts to the gut, staggering her. Waters then lashes out with a punch to the chest, followed by another, with Grey desperately trying to cover up where she just recently had the procedure done. She staggers back towards the corner, with Waters jumping up on her, grabbing her head and coming off with a bulldog!

With Grey down, Waters points towards the ropes and heads up, pulling herself to the top rope. There are some good cheers from the fans, wanting to see her fly, as Waters looks down on Grey, targeting her. She leaps off, flipping around for the Serenity Fall!! But the leg drop misses, as Grey just manages to sit up in time!! Waters rolls away, holding her leg, as Grey looks smugly over at her, pleased with herself.

HHL: I think Sidney saw that coming and suckered Dolly in!

PIP: It's always a great strategy to allow your opponents to hurt themselves...

Waters struggles back to her feet, favoring her right leg, as Grey stands up to meet her. She snaps at Waters to stay down this time, then comes at her with a Mafia kick! But Waters once again avoids a strike, managing to twist underneath. She shoves herself to the ropes, again trying for the Ode To Joy!!

But as Waters comes back, Grey spins into her, nailing her in mid-air with the Reality Check!!!

Waters crashes down hard, stunned, as Grey smartly moves over to her, snatching hold of Waters' head. She poses to the crowd for second or two, gyrating, before dropping Waters down with the Cradle Robber!!! Grey hangs over after the maneuver, clutching tightly at the pin, working to get some tights as well as the referee slides into position...









ONE!









TWO!









THREE!!

WINNER: SIDNEY GREY

HHL: Another big victory for Sidney Grey, who's moving into the Elite Eight!

PIP: She's really making some noise in this tournament, isn't she?

Grey has gotten up, celebrating, as she moves to the other side of the ring. Waters sat up, looking frustrated at the way things went down. She pulled herself up on the ropes, refusing any offer of help from the ref, as she wanted to walk out of there on her own. Grey turned, seeing this, and it seemed to anger her once again.

The crowd roared as Sidney Grey went after Dolly Waters, alerting the XWF veteran to the newcomer’s attack.  Dolly ducked the elbow that was meant to take her head off from behind.  Sid spun around but was blasted over the top rope and sent tumbling to the floor.  The crowd roared in approval as Dolly went to the rope, daring Sid to get back inside.  Sid recovered and went storming back to the ring, climbing up to the apron, where Dolly looked to score with an elbow of her own.  As Dolly swung, Sid was ready and ducked down, then grabbed a handful of Dolly’s hair as she dropped down, the rope caught Dolly in her throat and sent her catapulting backwards into the ring.  Dolly was left gasping for air as Sid slithered into the ring, her eyes fixed on her prey.

HHL: Sid said she’d forgotten more about cheating than Dolly knew, and I think she just showed us!

PIP: But it looks like she’d not done yet!

Sid pulled off her knee brace and wrapped it around Dolly’s throat as she knelt on her back, choking her for all she was worth.  The fans booed and the referee ran over imploring her to stop.  Sid ignored them, intent on causing Dolly bodily harm.

PIP: This is completely uncalled for!  Is she angry over Dolly saying she came from the ‘micros?!’

HHL: This looks far more serious than that, Pip!  This seems personal!

The crowd roared when a flourish of black and red hit the ring as Sarah Lacklan appeared, but pulled up short, seeming unwilling to get physical with her mother-in-law.  Sarah was frozen by indecision.

HHL: And there it is!  Family drama!

PIP: Well, someone needs to get in there and stop her!

The crowd booed until Sarah finally acted, rushing forward and shoving Sid off Dolly.  Sid stumbled back and awkwardly fell through the ropes and down to the floor.  Sarah’s face flushed as she rushed to the ropes, hands shaking as Sid backed away with a limp, pain and shock etched onto her face.  Sarah’s hands went to her head as she was left in a state of confusion, finally going to Dolly’s side, while still casting wayward glances at her mother-in-law limping up the ramp.

HHL: I don’t know what to make of that, or how it will affect the alliance between Waters and Lacklan.

PIP: We probably haven’t seen or heard the last of any of this!

---

"Unsainted" by Slipnot plays

We hear the Church bells cling before the guitar riff starts playing along with the choir singing. The music builds up to where finally Corey Taylor can be heard. The name Goth emerges upon the titan tron, but the man only walks out after Corey Taylor can be heard screaming the words: “I’m finally holding on to letting go!!” As explosions go off on the side of the entrance stage. Goth stares at the crowd as his fiancé Melissa emerges behind him.


Goth lifts his head upwards to the ceiling while extending his arms, a smirk emerges upon his face as he listens to the mixed reactions. After a few seconds he looks back ahead of him towards the ring walking slowly, totally ignoring the fans who are trying to touch him as he walks to the steel ringsteps. He gets on the ring apron before opening up the top and middle ring rope for his fiancé Melissa as she steps through them. He then steps in the ring and stares down his opponent/awaits his opponent as his music slowly fades.


The lights in the arena go out, causing the usual hysteria from the crowd. After a few seconds, Peter Vaughn's face appears on the big tron, darkly smirking down at the fans.

"This Time... It's Different."

"This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue plays

After Vaughn finishes speaking, he begins to laugh. His laughter carries on as the Tron video overtakes his image, beginning with "This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue. Sparks begin to erupt around the stage, showering nearby fans who feel like they're a little too close to the action. As the fireworks die down, two figures appear through the smoke and haze. Peter Vaughn walks forward first, followed by Chronic Chris Page stays behind him, smiling at the reaction Vaughn is getting. They stop at the top of the ramp, surveying the hatred from the crowd. From Vaughn's reaction, you'd think they were chanting his name, as he walks down the aisle with a cocky smile, with Page right behind him. The two make their way into the ring, heading into a corner to discuss some last-minute strategy.

GOTH - vs - PETER VAUGHN Singles

The bell has rang as both members of CCPE circle each other, Goth is being taunted by Peter Vaughn but chooses to ignore the tricks of the trade that Vaughn is trying to bring to the dance. Goth tries to grab hold of Vaughn and push him into the turnbuckles, but Vaughn manages to sidestep him and punches Goth in the midsection before getting out of his reach.

HHL: Clearly Vaughn is the faster of the two, that will be his key to victory.

PIP: Yeah, well we all know what Goth can do inside that ring. It’s going to be interesting to see.

Goth has turned around and closes in on Vaughn, who tries to break out of the corner. But this time Goth manages to catch him by the arm and hurls him back into the turnbuckles. There he starts to drive back elbows to the much smaller opponent before hurling him out of the corner with a huge hip toss in the middle of the ring. He then goes after Vaughn as he tries to grab both arms while placing a knee into the back of Vaughn. Causing the referee to check in on him whether he wishes to give into the submission hold but Vaughn refuses. Vaughn tries to relieve some of the pain to him by trying to put down his legs on the canvas in order to push himself to a standing position. Goth is still holding on to both arms of Vaughn as he moves him towards the turnbuckles. There Vaughn manages to jump towards the middle turnbuckle and leap over Goth and lands behind the veteran before executing a dropkick to the back of Goth that causes him to stagger into the turnbuckles. Vaughn quickly jumps over the top rope and lands on the ring apron before jumping upwards and kick Goth straight in the face, this causes him to stagger backwards as Vaughn immediately follows it up with jumping on the top rope once more and executes a Springboard Crossbody Block. Only this time Goth had it scouted as he catches him in mid air and delivers a powerful Body Slam that causes Vaughn to bounce off the canvas before Goth goes for the cover as he hooks both legs








1...






2...





Vaughn manages to get his shoulder off the canvas at the right moment!!!

Goth immediately takes advantage of the given situation as he delivers a few elbow drops in the back before setting Peter Vaughn up for a Boston Crab submission hold, but Vaughn manages to reach for the ropes as he was too close towards it as this forces the official to demand Goth to let go off Vaughn. Goth refuses to let go off the legs, instead pulls Vaughn up high in the air as that forces him to let go off the ropes and comes crashing down hard on the canvas as Goth kicks him in the midsection afterwards.

HHL: Like it or not, that was a smart move from Goth to prevent Vaughn for getting back to his feet.

Goth looks at the crowd who are mixed up for who to cheer for, he shakes his head as he is about to turn back to Vaughn only to realize that he has rolled out of the ring. Goth slowly but methodically walks towards the corner that Vaughn is the closest to as he steps through the ropes, Vaughn grabs his left leg that he had placed on the ring apron and pulls it off the ring apron. This causes Goth to tumble to the outside in an uncomfortable fashion as Vaughn quickly jumps the ring apron and connects with a knee drop to the midsection of the larger Goth. Vaughn rolls in and out of the ring to break the ten count before rolling to the far end of Goth as he sets himself up for a run and comes crashing into Goth’s face with a running knee as Goth had started to sit back up again.

PIP: I’m loving this!! They are kicking the living hell out of each other, doesn’t matter if they are from the same faction!!!

We can see Goth holding on to his face while Vaughn uses a schmuck face in response to the fans, he quickly rolls back in the ring as this is to set up a possible count out victory.

1!



2!!




3!!!





Goth slowly starts to stir as he positions his hand on the ring apron while rubbing his face with the other





4!!!!





5!!!!!






6!!!!!!

He slowly gets to his knees and then to his feet as he manages to roll himself  back inside the ring at the count of seven as this stop the ten count from the official. Vaughn quickly jumps the closest turnbuckles and turns towards Goth, measuring him as he watches Goth to get to his feet before jumping towards him with a Missile Dropkick.

HHL: Goth caught him!!!

Indeed Goth manages to catch both legs and quickly spins Vaughn down for the Boston Crab submission hold in the middle of the ring while sitting down deep on the lower back. The official immediately gets on the canvas to check in on Vaughn, asking if he wants to submit to the painful hold that is being applied to him by Goth but he refuses. He plants both of his hand son the canvas in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure on his lower back by pushing his upper body off the canvas. But Goth immediately stops that by getting up and jumping on top of the lower back of Vaughn. This causes him to be flattened back on the canvas before Goth charges towards the ropes and comes off the ropes with a running elbow drop in the ribs of Vaughn. He follows it up by grabbing him by the head and lifts him up to his feet before wrapping his powerful arms in a standing Bearhug while lifting Vaughn off the air.

HHL:This may be the moment that the pain to Vaughn's back may be too much for him!!!

Vaughn tries to grab Goth by the face and hair, but his hands are being pulled away by the official. He then suddenly blasts both of his wrists against the side of Goths head as that causes him to loosen the hold on the smaller Vaughn. Vaughn manages to free himself from the grip of Goth and sprints towards the ropes. But gets leveled by a big time dropkick from the much bigger and heavier Goth.

PIP:Damn!! I have not seen him do that move often, but that was a picture perfect dropkick!!!

Goth grabs Vaughn by the head and sets him up for the Goth Drop, but Vaughn manages to counter Goth midway in the move as he pushes Goth into the ropes and then hits a super kick to the face. This staggers Goth as he tries to maintain his balance before Vaughn goes for his finisher.

PIP: REVENGE!!!

Vaughn hits the Zig Zag before going for the cover as the official uses the three count on Goth.


1...













2...

















3!!!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Winner - Peter Vaughn

---

Blue Monday - Sebastian Bohm Remix plays

HHL: Folks, you’re in for a treat here. Our next match features two of the most high-profile talent, possibly in the entire history of the XWF!

PIP: Neither of ‘em could get out of the first round of March Madness, though!

HHL: Pip! It just goes to show how STACKED the talent pool was in March Madness! Both these competitors fell against former Universal Champions… And may I add, both came right down to the very last move!







EYES





ON






ME!

Moonlight Sonata (3rd Movement)" performed by Eric Calderone plays

The lights go out as a red spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp as a metal version of the Moonlight Sonata plays. Sarah calmly walks out onto the ramp and stops, taking the time to look at the crowd.

HHL: Sarah Lacklan! One of the most dominant Universal Champions of All-Time! Many fans speculated as to whether she’d ever return! It is truly an honor to have her back…

As the guitars play, she slowly walks down the ramp, careful to avoid the touch of any fans, with an arrogant sneer on her face.

HHL: …Even if she is… Somewhat… Haughty.

PIP: She’s a capital-A ASSHOLE and I love her for it, Heather.

HHL: Well, last Warfare, Lacklan faced off with XWF’s 2022 Rookie of the Year, Raion Kido. A man who beat ALIAS! And, in a very controversial finish, Kido pulled it out! Still, Lacklan was thoroughly impressive throughout the match! Can she keep climbing the ladder back to the top?

As she approaches the ring steps, she carefully climbs them before entering the ring. She then climbs onto the closest turnbuckle and sits on top of it, waiting for the match to proceed.

The honeyed rasp of Atara's voice blares over the facility's PA in unison with those words appearing on the multitude of screens and displays littering the arena.

HELLO DOVES

The crowd pops and gets to their feet shouting in near total unison a single word.

OPA!

Blue Monday - Sebastian Bohm Remix plays

Arena lights start to pulse in time with the music and multiple vertical streams of pyro erupt across the front of stage. Strutting with purpose Atara emerges from the back taking spot centerstage atop the ramp. Posing for the camera, a wink and kiss is given to the viewers at home.[/white]

HHL: And here comes one of the most beloved stars in the wrestling industry, Pip! Atara Raven! She came within INCHES… literally INCHES of pulling off the upset of the century and taking the Uni belt off Mark Flynn. Then, she turned around and, in the first round of March Madness, took Thaddeus Duke, a future Hall of Legends resident to his very limit as well.

PIP: Take as many people as you want ‘to their limit’, Heather. They still get logged in the L column.

HHL: …Despite my colleague’s dismissive attitude, it’s clear we’re seeing Atara elevate her game week-after-week! Is it possibly this is the week it all pays off into the start of a winning streak?

Grunge walking to the ringsteps, she climbs and stops at the top to posture again for her adoring public. Hand on her hip, the Grecian moves to the middle of the apron to blows a final kiss to the camera and enters the ring through the middle rope.

Sarah hops off the turnbuckle down to the mat, as Atty grunge-walks in the ring. The two ladies meet in the center of the ring. There’s about an eight inch height differential between the 5’2” Lacklan and the 5’10” Raven.

Standing with them is former World Cup referee and current XWF official, Armand Jaunecarte!

Armand blows his whistle! The match begins!

SARAH LACKLAN - vs - ATARA RAVEN Standard Singles Match

The two start to circle each other…

HHL: Here we go! Atty vs Lacklan! Whaddya figure happens here, Pip?

PIP: Well, Lacklan is a counter-puncher and a joint-submission specialist… And Atty is a Greco-Roman wrestler. We’ve got two competitors here that like lengthy, drawn-out matches, designed to utilize their high-stamina training regimens…

Atty grasps at the shorter Lacklan, looking to gain grappling control her with a collar-and-elbow tie-up…

But, the shorter Lacklan switch-steps behind Atty, takes Raven’s back… AND seizes her in a hammerlock, twisting her arm behind her spine!

PIP: There! See! Expect an all-out, twenty-minute catch-as-catch-can duel between these two!

Atty reaches up to grab Lacklan by the hair, to counter out of the hammerlock with a snapmare…

BUT, as Atty reaches up, Lacklan gets her by the throat! Sarah shifts the grip of the hammerlock to twist Atty’s arm back! She’s got the crossface chickenwing!

HHL: Wow! We’re very early on into this match, and Sarah already has The Pigeonwing locked in!

PIP: Right, but, Atty still has her footing and can make it to the ropes!

Atty tries to walk forward, but she struggles against Lacklan’s grip… Despite being eight inches taller, Atty has 17 less pounds on her than the powerful Lacklan…

Atty struggles step-by-step… Until Lacklan presses her boot against the back of Atty’s knee! Atty bends backwards… Allowing Lacklan to grapevine her legs around Atty’s body!

Atty collapses to the mat, Lacklan yanks back her throat as Raven’s arm desperately claws for escape!

HHL: Wow! A small tactical error by Raven… She might have been better off pushing backwards, sending both of them into the ropes instead of forward, where Lacklan could trap her!

PIP: …Yeah, okay. But, Atty has very long limbs! She could st-

LACKLAN WRENCHES THE THROAT BACK! You can see Atty’s spine bend backwards unnaturally under the pressure!

Atty claws…

She claws…

BUT THE PAIN IS TOO GREAT!

SHE TAPS OUT!

WINNER: SARAH LACKLAN

Lacklan immediately releases the hold as Atty rolls over on her face.

Armand goes to lift Lacklan’s arm, but she gives him a cold stare, shooing him away menacingly before he can consider giving her a yellow card. Instead, she raises her own arm to a mixed reception.

HHL: Wow! A very short dominant match by Sarah Lacklan! Atara Raven is no slouch, but she just made a series of mistakes that Lacklan masterfully exploited! This is definitely a week where one side did their homework and it paid off in a MAJOR way. On any other week, Pip might have been right and this could have been a 20 minute classic. But tonight, Lacklan takes the victory in record time!

PIP: …Sigh. Well, there goes my fantasy wrestling record...

---

"Free and Easy" by Dierks Bentley plays

As the rhythm of "Free and Easy (Down the Road I Go)" can be heard, Vagabond saunters out on stage with "Mean" Jolene at his side.  Vagabond wraps his arm around her shoulders which she casually shrugs off, feigning disinterest in the whole shebang. His music breaks...

"The King's Affirmation" by Iniko plays

“The King’s Affirmation” blares throughout the arena as Isaiah King marches out and makes his way to the ring in short order as Vagabond and Jolene continue to saunter their way down. King enters through the middle ropes, but pauses, holding them open for Jolene and Vagabond to enter.

"Realize" by AC/DC plays

"Realize" By AC/DC starts to play as the fans start booing. Out walks Barney Green, dressed in his garbage man uniform. He slowly walks out and starts arguing back with the fans. Suddenly, glass breaks and the Top Gun Anthem begins to play!  Smoke fills the entrance and Calypso emerges from within it with purple lights shining down and flashing all around him. Barney chides his partner for catering to the fans here tonight, but Calypso rebuffs such a thing and still plays to the fans as Barney menaces them. The two hit the ring and look across at their opponents.

ISAIAH KING & VAGABOND - vs - BARNEY GREEN & CALYPSO Standard Tag

Calypso steps to the ring apron, knowing Barney is amped, as Vagabond steps out of the ring knowing about his partner’s energy. The referee gets to the center of the ring and gives instructions to both teams.

HHL: All four competitors here are excited to be at Warfare tonight! XWF staples, Barney Green and Calypso, look to get a win over Isaiah King and Vagabond, two men carving out their place here!

PIP: That’s right, Heather, the XWF isn’t a proving grounds, it’s a battlefield, either survive or lose.

The referee calls for the bell as Barney and Isaiah tie up. Isaiah swiftly transitions into a rear waistlock, and hoists Barney up for a German, but Barney wisely grabs the top rope stopping the momentum! Barney with a back elbow to Isaiah, who releases the waistlock, and Barney, holding the ropes, throws a huge mule kick back towards King! Isaiah dodges, comes in and claps Barney’s right cheek with a backhand! Barney does a 180 turn and has his back to the ropes, and Isaiah spins with a swift backhand to clap Barney’s left cheek!

PIP: Barney is getting his cheeks clapped in there tonight!

Having enough, Barney throws a forearm at King, sending him back. Barney with a front kick, but Isaiah scouted it, and grabs the foot! He plods back towards his corner, Barney helplessly hopping every step of the way, and tags Vagabond! Vagabond hops over the top rope, hooking Barney with a headscissors, and in unison Vagabond drops a headscissors takedown while King delivers a dragon screw leg whip! Vagabond goes for a pin after that fascinating maneuver!

1…






















2…


















Barney kicks out with authority!

HHL: Barney Green has been through hell and back, as nasty as that offense was by Vagabond and King he’s not going down to just that!

Vagabond brings Barney to his feet, but Barney fights back! A slug to the gut of Vagabond. Another gutshot by Barney! Green hooks Vagabond, and hoists him for a huge hanging suplex! Barney hasn’t gotten out of enemy territory yet, and Isaiah King hits Barney in the back with a forearm, causing him to drop Vagabond! Vagabond throws a forearm at Barney, and whips him into the opposing corner, which is Barney’s corner! Vagabond charges in, looking to throw a knee, but Calypso tags Barney and pushes him out of the way as Vagabond his nothing but turnbuckle! Barney swivels, quick as a cat, and grabs Vagabond, and enraged, hoists him into a Gorilla Press! Calypso enters the ring, and Barney drops Vagabond while Calypso hits a huge european uppercut! Calypso goes for a pin…

1…













2…














Vagabond kicks out, shaking the cob webs free! Calypso raises Vagabond to his feet, and goes for another wobbly footed European Uppercut! Whiffing completely, Vagabond takes his shot and lands a solid back chop to Calypso, sending him back to the center of the ring! Calypso throws another European Uppercut wildly, which Vagabond shirks and ducks, scooping up Calypso and dropping him with a Blue Thunder Bomb! He rolls back with the impact, not opting for a pin, and walks calmly over to his partner. King gets tagged in! King approaches Calypso and grabs the left leg, which he grapevines and cinches in a toehold! Calypso screams in absolute agony at the basic toehold, so much so that even Isaiah King is surprised it seems. Calypso rolls, hoping to reverse the hold! That’s not how toeholds even work! Calypso now screams, belly down on the mat, as Isaiah King practices joint control on each little piggy that went to Calypso’s market!

PIP: Calypso was not prepared for the tried and, admittedly, ancient toe hold!

HHL: Sometimes you have to pull something old out of the stocks to get an opponent, Pip!

Calypso reaches out to Barney, who is gesturing rudely towards Jolene! Very rude gestures, with his hands, fingers, face, and in some cases, left knee. Jolene hops on the apron to yell at Barney, but she is confronted by the referee as Vagabond tries to calm Jolene down due to Barney’s rude antics. Barney turns and slaps his heinie at Jolene, who looks near convulsions from the sheer audacity of that bitch. The referee, fully engaged with both Vagabond and Jolene, doesn’t see Barney sneak into the ring and break up the toe hold with a resounding leg drop to Isaiah King! Barney coolly makes his way back to the corner, then slaps his own hand, simulating a tag! Barney comes in and approaches the downed Isaiah King as both Vagabond and Jolene look on in frustration!

HHL: Filthy dirty tactics by the wily veteran on display tonight!

PIP: That’s right, Heather, Barney Green is a quiet genius, poised to do the most damage when he can!

Calypso pulls himself out of the ring as Barney picks Isaiah King up, and lifts him for another hanging vertical suplex! The crowd counts ten before Barney lands the huge suplex! Barney sits up and looks over at Jolene, and yet another rude gesture is made! These are so rude! Not vulgar, but damn, rude! Barney to his feet, and looks to sink a massive elbow drop onto King! King rolls out of the way at the last second, and Barney recoils as his elbow misses!

PIP: This is why they used to wear elbow pads back in the day, Heather!

Isaiah King stands, looks at the ropes, and the lights flash in his mind as he bounds, off the second rope, doing a corkscrew slingshot Dethroning! Barney’s skull is rattled by the impact as King cinches in a reverse chinlock! He’s actually in position to reach up, and as he does, Vagabond tags in, and climbs the top rope! King releases the chinlock and glides out of the ring as Vagabond dives, hitting a moonsault! Vagabond with an immediate tag to King, who climbs the top rope, and just as Barney gets himself to his dazed, wobbly feet, King flies and hits a Crown Shatterer! He whips Barney into his corner, and tags Vagabond! Both men sweep Barney’s legs as he’s seated in the corner! Vagabond makes room, then rushes in with a Ridin’ Shotgun! He finishes, looks amped, and appeals to the crowd! Vagabond tags in King, who peels Barney out of the corner, and hooks his head, looking for a bulldog! At the last minute, Barney pushes off, sending King flying towards Barney and Calypso’s corner! Barney rushes to make a tag to Calypso but King rolls over and grabs Barney by the leg and kicks him in the knee which has Barney phased.

King kips up and immediately moves in for the kill with the Guillotine of Death which rocks the entire ring. King flops off the mat and with what little energy he has left throws an arm over Barney for the pin...



1...














2...















3!!!

Winners - Vagabond and Isiah King

---

"Sick Carnt" by Lil Sick plays

The crowd pop as Noah Jackson accompanied by his buddy, former XWF wrestler Jackson Hart strolls lazily from the back and basks in the glow of sick cunt energy washing over him. He slowly puts his right foot forward and glides down the ramp on his heelies, rhythmically raising and lowering pointed fingers to the sky as the crowd chants.

"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"

Until he reaches the apron where he gracefully rolls under the bottom rope and goes straight to the corner continuing his motions and then chants until his music is rudely cut off.

"Sex" by the Grave Smashers plays

THE LIGHTS GO OUT!





Green and purple lasers!


Smoke!


That Uncomfortable "Sex" theme.

ONE WAY OVERPRODUCED MICHEAL GRAVES ENTRANCE!





Gravy rave dances onto the stage as her woman meat flops wildly!


With a confident swagger brought to you by BarnCoin, Micheal heads down the ramp, flipping off fans, grabbing her man junk while alltogether being a terrible person. Gravy rolls into the ring and postures for the crowd showing them just how fucking cool she is now!


Gravy leans into her corner, chewing gum and blowing excessive bubbles with a sinister grin. She just can't wait for this bloodbath to begin!

NOAH JACKSON - vs - GRAVY Singles

After some jawing back and forth, The match begins, and Gravy goes immediately on the attack. A strong clothesline being barely avoided by Jackson with a slick roll. But Gravy doesn’t fully falter. She turns right around and starts delivering a series of heavy handed bitch slaps. They’re unbalanced, and ugly looking, much like her chest, but they’re effective. Noah is backed into the corner where he catches a big knee to the mid section, causing him to cripple over, his beautiful bowl-chopped hair falling right into Gravy’s strong, fem fatale fingertips.

PC: …I’m not even going to begin to express all of the ways that this contest is unfair. It’s just a shame to see such a brilliant, alpha male warrior like Noah Jackson being cheated by the bureaucratic loopholes of “social justice” that are RUINING professional wrestling.

HHL: What’s unfair Pip?

PC: Well, Noah being the of purest essences of ancient male strength, charm, and nobility, is clearly forcing himself to take it easy on a “woman”

HHL: Excuse me, I don’t know what the air quotes are about, but Gravy is a woman, a very brave, very strong woman who we all support and empower to be fre and happy with who she is, and right now she’s just flat out taking it to Noah Jackson

After having his head thrashed into the turnbuckle pad for the 17th consecutive time, Noah begins tumbling forward as Gravy steps out of the way, allowing him to take a twitching and animated fall onto his face. Some stomps to the downed Jackson gives Gravy the opportunity to inflict some more damage. She picks Noah up, and with an incredible showing of strength, flips Noah up, and tosses him to the center of the ring back first with a fall away slam.

Noah shots out holding his lower back and starts crawling toward the bottom rope, trying to get out of harm's way. But Lady Gravy’s all over him, grabbing the back of the kegs and locking in a painful Boston crab.

Noah reaches out for the ropes, but Gravy’s thick glutes press down hard on the lower back. Noah stands up on his palms and screams out, the ref slides down to ask Hackson if he wishes to continue. It’s a definite yes, mixed with some obscenities. So great of a yes in fact, Noah shows the ref by grabbing his shirt and flinging him backward, causing the ref to collide head-to-head with Gravy, “inadvertently” breaking the hold. With little time to spare, Noah immediately slides to the outside of the ring for a chance to recover. The fans along the guardrail are booing. Jackson flips-off the collective, and even rips away a “Nedaphile” sign from some poor young boy, bringing him to tears.

Back in the ring, Gravy has recovered, the ref however is still gaining his bearings. But not being one to wait for the action to pick back up, Gravy takes off out of the ring, chasing Noah down. Noah’s eyes bulge, and he takes off running. The two do several laps around the ring before Jackson stops at the guardrail, he  turns around, putting his hands up begging for mercy. But Gravy gives her opponent no quarter. She swings with a wild haymaker, but Jackson’s lightning fast reflexes come in handy. He dodges, and instead of punching Noah, Gravy connects with a disgusting punch right in the face of an unsuspecting fan. The thud as multiple teeth immediately fly out is horrifying.

The ref got to his feet just in time to see this gruesome display. He steps outside and begins scolding Gravy, while motioning for paramedics to come check on the fan. While the ref and Gravy continue arguing, Noah is standing behind the ref’s shoulder, shouting out commands mirroring the ref and flipping off Gravy. She’s had enough of Noah’s antics, and reaches over for the attack, but the ref stops her. He threatens gravy with a disqualification if he doesn’t comply immediately. Finally the paramedics have made it to ring side to work on the fan, and meanwhile, Noah is in the ring, taking advantage of the distraction and…

HHL: talk about unfair advantages, Pip! Noah is removing the top turnbuckle pad, exposing the steel breach of the ring ropes!

PC: Clearly he’s just testing the turnbuckle pad for durability. I don’t see little miss Gravy trying to help out, do you? She’s out here punching fans, making everyone’s job more difficult.This free choice, self expression, social justice anarchy is so selfish and dangerous!

With the turnbuckle pad removed, Noah puts his back to the corner, covering up the steel. He shouts over at Gravy, calling her a cunt and slamming down some “suck-it” hand motions to his crotch. With the entire arena, including the ref, preoccupied by the horrific scene at ringside, where a very obese fan may have lost their life, Gravy keeps her eye on the prize, entering the ring and chasing after Noah. Just as Gravy comes running in for a body splash, Jackson moves out of the way, and Gravy connects chest first with the steel. She screams out and stumbles back. Jackson grabs her hair and slams her head- but wait! Gravy halts the blow, grabbing the ropes. She instead grabs Noah’s hair and slams him head first- NO! He too grabs the ropes and stops the attack. The two trade off like this for several attempts each, until Noah stops the series with a clean smack across Gravy’s chops. The slap is thunderous and elicits a gasping response from the stadium. Gravy jerks her head back and sends daggers with her eyes into Noah’s heart.

PC: uh oh…

Gravy powers up and snatches Noah as he tries to run. He’s lifted onto the exposed top rope with Gravy, as she’s ready to execute the Cradle 2 the Grave.

The moonsault fallaway slam!!!!!







Is countered with an eye rake!







Gravy slips and smacks the exposed turnbuckle with her forehead. She’s busted open and stumbles back, turning around to look for the ref.



DIVING KING HIT!





The flying Superman punch cracks Gravy in the back of the head!




Just as the fan on the outside is being stabilized carted away, the ref slides under the ropes to see the pin fall




1!









2!!













3!!!

Winner - Noah Jackson

HHL: A hell of a match here between Noah Jackson and Michael Graves and with the win Noah Jackson is the 5th person to punch his ticket to the elite 8.

---

EYES

ON

VAUGHNEMOUS

NO, I WON'T GIVE IN, I WON'T GIVE IN

TILL' I'M VICTORIOUS

AND I WILL DEFEND

I WILL DEFEND

""Vaughnemous" Angie Vaughn's custom theme song plays

The lights in arena turn into an explosion of pinks, purples, greens, rainbows, unicorns on fire, lucky charms, rivers of sugar, and mountains of Meow Mix Ocean Explosion tuna treats as Angelica Vaughn walks out onto the ramp. She pauses with her hands on her hips, letting her cape sway gently, and gives her opposite coast home crowd a wide smile. Behind her, a blur of black and red speeds forward and under her arms as Sarah Lacklan slides in front of her and matches her pose, her head nearly a full foot under Angie's. Sarah tilts her head way way way back and up and flashes her Billion $$$ Smile, and the two wink at each other. Angie then takes her hands off her hips and pushes Sarah forward, making the former Universal Champion squawk in wide-eyed surprise, before the two make their way down the aisle.

Halfway there, Angie slows to a stop, her face turning slack, with her jaw falling to her chin. Ahead of her, Sarah sighs and rolls her eyes before backing up to Angie and, with a gentle firmness, pulling her away from that Cute Boy she had noticed sitting in an aisle seat. Angie looks longingly at the verified Cute Boy while Sarah shakes her head.

Once at ringside, Sarah slides into the ring underneath the ropes as Angie climbs the steps. Sarah gets to her feet and pulls down the top rope with all her weight, allowing Angie to step over the top rope like the most giant of giant wrestlers. As Angie walks to the center of the ring and stands with her hands on her hips, Sarah takes a microphone from Tigs and gives her a big wink.

SARAH: Hello, everyone! My name is Sarah Lacklan-


The crowd, dutifully, responds with the sound of a trumpet’s fanfare.

SARAH: World’s Greatest Life Coach and I am here to introduce to you the very FIRST member of the Family First of the XWF and my absolute (non-spouse) #RideOrDie. She is standing at the eternally totes-too-tall height of five feet and eleven inches...

CROWD: BAY-BAY

SARAH: ...and weighing in today at about...oh...I'd say about thirteen or fourteen well-fed kitties...and because she likes dumb, useless, God-awful farm chores-

Sarah shutters in disgust.

SARAH: -she is fighting out of the Supes Totes Amaze Ranch in Texas...she is the Leggy Blonde of Legend…President of the Deborah Hodge Fan Club…the FUN-raiser of the XWF...the Vaughnemous A.N.G…

The crowd waits patiently as Sarah takes a deep breath.

SARAH: ANGELICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Angie raises her hands into the air as a bedazzled spotlight shines down on her.

SARAH: VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

The crowd breaks out into a chant as Angie leads them with pumps of her arms.

CROWD: OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS! OBVS!

"You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell plays

The arena flashes white as spotlights from around the venue converge at the entrance room as "You Know My Name" begins playing bombastically. As the lyrics start, Ned Kaye stands at the point where the spotlights merge to thunderous applause. He lifts his fist up in the air, awaiting the crowd to do the same before rushing down to the ring, serenaded by blue hues that light up the ramp following his steps. The lights above the stadium darken in their blue color as Ned gets closer to the ring, little bits of ember adorning the X-Tron and ramp, orange breaking up the blue. He leaps over the ropes into the ring before looking down, breathing the moment in, and pointing out at the crowd, ready to fight just with their energy alone. Jumping a bit from the adrenaline, he makes his way to his corner as he prepares for the bell.

ANGIE VAUGHN - vs - NED KAYE Singles

The crowd is ripe for another March Madness event as two of the companies biggest baby faces get set to do battle. The bell rings and we’re underway.

Ned explodes out of the gate and charges Angie. She ducks the clothesline attempt and comes off the ropes, hitting a flying clothesline of her own. Both competitors hit the mat and pop up quickly. Vaughn takes the early offense, delivering a chop block to the chest of Ned which backs him into the corner. She chops him again, and a third time. Each time she connects, Sarah Lacklan is on the outside yelling BOOM BOOM BOOM.

Angie takes Ned by the arm and whips him to the far corner. She charges out of her corner at him, but he jumps up using his athleticism and lands behind her. She turns around into a drop kick which shoves her back into the corner. Ned pops up and knees her in the gut before whipping her to the other side……..

But Angie blocks.

She pulls Ned in close using her long arms and brings her knee to his gut. She hits a DDT in the center of the ring.


1

















2








Ned kicks out.

Pip: It’s gonna take more than that to keed Ned Kaye down, and I think Angie knows that.

Heather: Of course she does! She’s toying with him now, totes having fun!

She picks Ned up and fires off another hard shot to the head before whipping him into the ropes. He comes back off the rebound, and she goes for a big boot, but he ducks it and comes off the other side with a handspring cutter! A move he calls Coffin Nails.

The crowd pops at the big spot in the early going. Sarah grabs Angie’s leg and pulls her out of the ring to regroup.

Pip: Coach Lacklan out here gives Vaughn the advantage. It’s basically two-on-one right now.

Ned, having none of the attempted mind games, comes off the ropes and dives OVER them, taking both women out with a massive cross body!

All three are down outside the ring, and the ref begins to count.

He gets to a five before Ned re-enters the ring. Angie gets in at a seven. Sarah is outside the ring, seething.

Ned stays on offense, however, coming off the ropes with a shining wizard to a crawling Angie Vaughn. He hooks the leg.




1






















2






















3—-NO! Vaughn gets a shoulder up!


Ned pulls her up to her feet, lifts her above his head and drops her with a suplex. Vaughn rolls towards the ropes again to Sarah’s waiting arms but Ned, knowing whats coming, tries to stop it. He walks towards Vaughn and goes to roll her back to the center of the ring but she trips him, and he falls with his head and torso sticking over the middle rope. The ref is checking in on Vaughn, when Sarah walks up to Ned. Looking to see if either the ref or Angie is looking–they aren't–she slaps Ned hard across the face. Ned rolls back into the ring as crowd goes OOOOOOOOOHHHH
Sarah puts her hands behind her back and walks away whistling.

Heather: You’re right, this is like 2-on-1.

Pip: If anyone can overcome these odds, it's Ned.

Vaughn is up. She grabs Ned, seemingly not knowing what just happened. She knees him in the gut and brings both fists down in a double axe-handle. He goes to one knee and she hits a basement drop kick. She quickly crawls on top of Ned, hooking the leg.


1











2









Ned gets a shoulder up.

Vaughn rolls her eyes and looks at Sarah. She is barking encouragement from ringside.

Vaughn has him up, he elbows her away, and goes for a short-arm clothesline, but Vaughn ducks. She lifts him and he flies over her back, landing on his feet. She goes for a dropkick but she backs up and he lands on his back. She drops a knee down over his chest/neck. He is coughing and rolls away, holding his throat. He crawls towards the ropes, and Vaughn can sense blood in the water. She wraps her limber body around him, locking in a rear-naked choke.

Pip: Rear naked choke! Ned might be toast here! Angie got it locked in tight!

Ned is reaching for the ropes. The crowd is behind him. “NED NED NED NED NED NED NED”.

He is reaching for the ropes. She pulls back tighter. His face goes pink.

The crowd in San Antonio is electric, chanting for Ned.

“NED NED NED NED NED NED”

He knows he is too far from the ropes, and begins to elbow and flail, trying to get out of it. He tries to reverse the position, pin her shoulders to the mat. He gets her halfway over, and she flips back, locking it back in. Ned is beginning to fade.

“NED NED NED NED NED NED NED!”

The ref lifts an arm.

Limp.



ONE!



He lifts the arm again.



Limp.




TWO!



Third time.





HE STOPS HIS ARM HALFWAY DOWN!

Ned is feeding off the crowd’s emotion. He begins to get back into it, standing up with Angie on his back. He is standing in the center of the ring with her still wrapped around him like an anaconda, and then hits a back body drop to break the hold.

It doesn’t! She’s still latched on and now they are both back on the mat!

Heather: Bit of a passion-fueled backfire there by Ned!

He knows that he won’t be able to withstand it again if he goes out. He rolls over, trying to put the pressure back onto her. He arches his back. Her shoulders are pinned to the mat.

1








2






Angie rolls back.



He does it again, shoulders to the mat.





1














2









Angie rolls back again. Ned is able to get to one knee, he is trying to stand back up. Sarah is yelling at Angie to keep it on, he’s almost toast!

Ned finally is able to extend his shoulders and break the hold. He whips Angie into the ropes, but she ducks the clothesline. He comes off the ropes on the otherside, but stops short. She goes for the boot but because he stopped short he is able to grab her foot. He spins her around. Her foot comes down and when she reaches her 360.

Spinning Heel Kick!!!!!!!

Angie wobbles but doesn’t go down, and he comes off the ropes again.

TORNADO DDT!

Pip: TROOPERS TRIBUTE! That could be it here!

He scampers to the cover. Hooking the leg.



1






















2




















3!

Winner - Ned Kaye

Pip: What an athletic match! Back and forth between these two great competitors but it's Ned Kaye going to the Elite 8!

He rolls out of the ring, holding his arm up on the ramp way while wincing. Sarah slides in to check on Angie and shoots him a scowling look.

---

"Losin Your Mind" by Zakk Wylde plays

"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGG! ROOF! ROOF! ROOF!"

The sound of banjo picking begins to play over the PA.

Woke up early this morning
As I looked around my world be crumblin' down
What I saw, I couldn't believe, Who are you?
What might I be? Oh, the things you do

"Mad Dog" Mark Wright comes barreling through the entrance way. Chugging a can of beer. He stops at the top of the entrance way, and smashes the can on his head. Mad Dog throws the smashed can into the crowd and then pulls his jacket off throwing it down and runs down the entrance way and slides under the bottom rope into the ring.

Leaving Dionysus" plays

The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.

"MAD DOG" MARK WRIGHT - vs - DIONYSUS Singles

The bell rings and the match is underway, as Mad Dog Mark Wright walks to the centre of the ring and starts growling at Dionysus who hadn't moved yet.  A wry smile crosses Dionysus face, and he suddenly takes two steps forward before he suddenly lunges at Mad Dog, and hits him with a FLYING CLOTHES LINE.  Down goes Mad Dog.

PIP: "Great start from Dionysus wanting to show Mad Dog who is boss right from the start,"

Mad Dog rolls away quickly, and makes the sound of a wimpering dog in pain, as he rolls out of the ring, and onto the floor.  Dionysus makes his way to the ropes, and looks down.  Mad Dog has disappeared..... under the ring.

PIP: "What the hell is Mad Dog doing?"

HEATHER: "Acting like a mad dog who is injured,"

Dionysus walks over to the other side of the ring and looks out.  Still no sign of Mad Dog.  He walks to the right hand side of the ring, and looks out over the ropes and still no Mad Dog.  Suddenly he hears something behind him and he turns around only to be hit with a FLYING HEADBUTT.  Down goes Dionysus.

PIP: "That's gotta hurt,"

HEATHER: "I agree,"

Mad Dog bends down and helps Dionysus to his feet, he places him in a HEADLOCK and then NOOGIES him.  The crowd laughs.

Mad Dog goes to attempt a RUNNING BULLDOG manouver, but Dionysus slips out of the Headlock, and waits for Mad Dog to turn around before hitting him with several punches.  Mad Dog stumbles backwards.    Dionysus tries to follow up with a knee to the gutt, but Mad Dog blocks it, and then pokes Dionysus in the eye.  Dionysus stumbles backwards trying to get his eyesight back.

Mad Dog starts laughing and grabs Dionysus and sends him running into the ropes and waits for him to rebound off of them before he hits him with a Shoulder Block.    Dionysus goes down.

HEATHER: "I have a feeling Mad Dog is playing with his pray,"

Mad Dog looks down at Dionysus, and pulls him up.  Suddenly from out of nowhere Dionysus manages to HIP TOSS Mad Dog into the ropes.  Mad Dog hits the ropes and comes back and Dionysus stands his ground, but suddenly Mad Dog stops and drops to all fours.  Dionysus rolls his eyes.

PIP: "I think Dionysus has had enough with Mad Dog's antics,"

HEATHER: "Wouldn't you?"

Dionysus shakes his head as he looks down at Mad Dog still on his all fours.  Suddenly Mad Dog jumps up and starts throwing punches but Dionysus blocks them, and drops to the canvas himself and sweeps Mad Dog off of his legs.

He steps a few steps backs and yells at Mad Dog to get up, which he does and from out of nowhere Dionysus delivers BRUT FORCE - a boxing combination which ends with a right hook, sending Mad Dog stumbling backwards towards the other side of the ring.

HEATHER: "That was a massive right hook,"

PIP: "I love that move,  Brut Force is a real action pace move."

Dionysus follows Mad Dog and Mad Dog rebounds off the ropes and tries to drop to the canvas to avoid Dionysus but Dionysus hits him with a FIST DROP to catch him unawares.  He goes for a quick cover.

1.....




2....



Kick out.


It's not going to be that easy, and Dionysus knows that.  Dionysus quickly stands up, and yells at Mad Dog to stand up, which he does, and suddenly Dionysus delivers the QUINQUE PUNCTUM FINEM a.k.a (Death Star - Pentagram Choke Hard Variant.)  He lifts Mad Dog in the air.

Mad Dog starts struggling, his legs are dangling in the air.  He tries to find some air, but the choke hold is locked in hard, he starts to sucumb quickly but Dionysus quickly reverses the move into a DDT.    Once executed he goes for a cover.








1.........








2.........








3

WINNER: DIONYSUS

PIP: "Just like that, it is over,"

---

"My Name Is Human by Highly Suspect plays

The house lights fall dark with a loud audible snap.  Thad's pet lion, Mufasa, belts out a loud roar and with it, the stage and the ring light up in a dim gold colored lighting.  Mufasa paces the stage as "My Name Is Human" by Highly Suspect plays throughout the stadium to a roar from the XWF Universe.

The Xtron catches The Lionheart at guerilla position, warming up with his hood up. As he walks towards the stage, he passes by the distinct figure of Isaiah King, who's gaze tracks him.

Duke shrugs it off, focused solely on his match, and walks out onto the stage as his theme blares through the speakers and the crowd roars in approval.

Thad enters the stage with his hood up.  Standing on stage, Thad gives his 'messiah pose' as a triple pyro shot from the top of the X-Tron toward the ring.  When it bursts, it reveals a sparkling golden image of a roaring lion above the ring, bringing cheers from the XWF Universe.

After the pyro bursts, Thad in his custom white leather Lionheart jacket, throws his hood off as he begins down the ramp.  At the bottom, he slaps a few hands before climbing the ring steps.  At the top of the steps he pauses, looking over his shoulder toward the cheering Universe with his sweet smile.

Stepping to the apron, he slingshots himself over the top and into the ring before traveling to all four corners, climbing to the middle rope and sending out the ‘I Love You’ hand gesture to the Universe.

"Since I'm A Bastard" by This Grey City plays

Charlie Nickles walks down to the ring, ignoring all the fans like a bastard should.

THADDEUS DUKE - vs - CHARLIE NICKLES Singles

Charlie leans his back into one corner, his chin low, a snarl formed across his fuzzy jaw while Thad looks back with absolute ice in his veins.

HHL: Our final Sweet 16 match is ready to get underway, Pip!

PIP: It’s been a wild night so far, these guys have history and they do not like each other!

The referee finishes her instructions and calls for the bell. Both men come out of the corners and tie up! Duke sets in a hammerlock, but Charlie counters by tossing his skull back into Duke's forehead! Charlie rushes the ropes, but Duke hits the deck! Charlie bounds over him hitting the opposite ropes and rebounds! Duke goes for a hip toss, but Charlie plants his weight, pivots, and hooks Duke for his own hip toss! Duke rolls through and lands on his feet, throwing a reverse heel kick to Charlie! Charlie doubles over, and Duke follows with a swinging neck breaker! Duke back up, hitting a flash elbow drop! Duke pops back up and bounds to the ropes, hopping onto the second with a pivot, and slingshotting himself with a Savage Elbowdrop! Duke with a pin!

1…

















2…











Kick out! Charlie pushes Duke off, holding the wrist, and gets to a knee, holding the arm wrench! Charlie to his feet, but Duke rolls through the arm wrench, still clutching Charlie's wrist, as he bounds off the second rope again! Charlie catches him and plants him with a Manhattan Drop! Duke recoils and flops to the ground, his groin crushed by the manuever! Charlie to the second turnbuckle, and takes off with a flying forearm! Duke again writhes on the ground from the pain, and Charlie mounts Duke! Charlie throws a bevy of rights, then leans in and bites Duke's forehead!

HHL: Charlie has as chaotic style as anyone!

PIP: He doesn't hurt opponents because he has to, it's because he wants to!

The referee is stepping in and starts the five count for Charlie to stop biting Thad!

1…

Charlie chews Duke's brow!

2…

Duke yelps from the brutality!

3…

Blood trickles into Charlie's mouth!

4…

Duke swings back and punches away at Charlie's ribs! Charlie stops the bite, and backs away from Duke, holding his ribs! Duke touches his own forehead and sees the blood! Duke is incensed and gets to his feet! He holds his hand out, waving Charlie to him. Charlie steps in, but Duke with a knuckle arrow to Charlie! Charlie's head bobs back, then forward as he hits an uppercut to Thad! Thad with a knee lift, and he hooks Charlie's head! A suplex to Charlie, and That pivots the hips and goes to his feet, and hits Charlie with a second vertical suplex! Thad swivels, and completes the trio of suplexes to Charlie! Thad sits up after, and slowly gets up! He holds onto the top rope, looking at Charlie, who slowly pulls himself off the ground! Duke with a soccer kick to Charlie's ribs! Charlie gets to his knees, and Duke throws another kick! Charlie catches Duke! Charlie to his feet, and a BIG Sidewalk Slam plants Duke! Charlie goes for a pin…

1…











2













Kickout! Charlie dives back down for another pin though!

1…












Fast kickout, Duke having none of it! Charlie plants his right hand down over Duke's face, gouging the eyes, his own eyes wide and eager to do so. The referee pulls Charlie back, warning against going to his opponent's eyes! Charlie dives back onto Duke with an open choke!

HHL: He’s just strangling him, stop him!

PIP: Charlie was told to stop going for the eyes and he did! What does this ref expect?

The referee pulls Charlie off, and then walks him to the corner! The referee gives a lengthy warning about going for the eyes! As she does, Thad is back up, and Charlie saves the ref, shoving her out of the way as Thad hits a huge forearm, planting Charlie into the corner! Thad hooks Charlie's leg over the second rope! He hooks Charlie's second leg over the other, and steps back, delivering a punt to Charlie's crotch! The referee warns Thad! The crowd is going wild! Starman by David Bowie hits the PA and Atticus Gold walks out, microphone in hand!

Atticus: You guys want to do that to each other? Fine! This match is now No Holds Barred!

Thad looks overjoyed as Charlie catches his breath, nodding and smiling himself! The referee lets each man reset, then calls for the action to continue! Instantly each man rolls out of the ring! Thad reaches under the ring and pulls out a kendo stick! Charlie simply grabs a nearby steel chair! Charlie slides the chair into the ring, and goes to pick up another! He turns as he does, catching a kendo stick shot to his sternum from a charging Thaddeus Duke! Duke flourishes, and with a spin lands a backhanded kendo stick blow to Charlie's back! Duke swoops the kendo stick around Charlie's whole body, striking the knee, sending Charlie down to one knee!

HHL: Masterful swordsmanship from Thaddeus Duke!

Thad raises the kendo stick for the killing blow! Charlie raises the chair at the last minute, using it as a shield! Thad recoils, and Charlie plants the back rest of the chair into Thad's abdomen! Thad stumbles back, and Charlie stands! Thad swings in with the kendo stick, but again Charlie blocks with the chair as a shield! Charlie throws a forearm at Thad! That looks to decapitate Charlie with the kendo stick, but Charlie ducks! Charlie with another forearm! Duke throws the kendo stick low, and Charlie tracks it, putting the chair in place to block, but it was a feint! With a sickening crack, Thad brings the kendo stick hard onto Charlie's skull, and Charlie hits the floor! Blood oozes from the wound and pools deep crimson. The kendo stick is absolutely shattered, broken in half. Thad drops the useless rubbish and picks up Charlie, rolling him into the ring! Thad rolls back in, and then grabs the chair Charlie brought in earlier! Thad opens it, and sandwiches Charlie's ankle into it! Thad stomps the chair! Charlie howls in pain as his ankle just took that punishment, the chair bent and broken! Thad brings Charlie to his feet, and backs him into a corner! Thad hooks Charlie and puts him on the top rope!

HHL: Thad looking to hurt Charlie!

PIP: Hurt? He wants to kill him!

Thad climbs and hooks Charlie! He steps onto the top rope, still hooking Charlie, looking for a huge top rope superplex! Thad goes to hoist, but no! Charlie maintains his footing! Thad with a body blow! Charlie blows Thad back! Charlie blowing Thad again! Charlie with a third bodyblow, then Charlie hoists Thad…

HHL: Oh no!

Charlie Nickles lifts Thad off the top rope vertically and bounds backward with air! The fans scramble out of the way as Charlie suplexes Thaddeus Duke into the third row!

*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*

PIP: MURDER SUICIDE BY CHARLIE NICKLES!

HHL: These two won't stop! They want the crown!

Both Thad and Charlie are wiped out on the floor, breathing heavily. The arena is going absolutely wild from the match.

The crowd turns it up a notch as Theo Pryce comes walking down the aisle. He walks around the ring and gets in Thaddeus's line of sight and starts yelling some words of encouragement to him while pounding on the ring apron.

PIP: Why is he out here? Doesn't he have something administrative to do?

HHL: Because he's a part owner? He's Thad's Uncle and the leader of SAGA? Which reason would you like Pip?

Whatever the words were they seemed to do the trick as Thad gets to his feet, still breathing heavily. He reaches down and grabs a wad of Charlie Nickles hair but Charlie out of no where punches Thad square in the twig and berries drawing the ire of the ref who immediately gets in Charlie's face and starts screaming at him.

For his part Charlie denies any wrong doing saying that his hand simply slipped while Thad goes down to one knee trying to catch his breath.

HHL: Charlie is so full of shit. He absolutely meant to punch Thad in the groin.

Theo gets up on the ring apron and starts screaming something at Charlie. Nickles gets up to his feet and turns his attention towards Theo, first smiling at him and then flipping him the double bird. Theo begins climbing through the ring ropes but instead decides to back up and jump down from the apron as he sees Thad rise to his feet behind Charlie.

Charlie smiles once more at Theo before turning around right into the HEAT SEEKER!!!!

Duke's foot smacks off of Charlie's cheek with the boom of an aircraft crossing the sound barrier.

Thaddeus falls to the mat on top of Charlie for the cover as the ref slides down for a pin.




1...










2...











3!!!

Winner - Thaddeus Duke

PIP: See!!! That's why Theo should have never been here. He helped Thad cheat to win.

HHL: What the hell are you talking about? All he did was yell at Nickles. Maybe if Charlie hadn't cheated and hit Thad with a low blow he might have won. Charlie did it to himself. Look can we at least agree that we just saw an incredible match from two of the most dominant forces in the XWF?

PIP: Yeah I wasn't qui-

Isaiah King: Yeah, these two really know how to put on a show, huh?

HHL: W-what in the world - what are you - WHO GAVE THIS MAN A CHAIR AND A HEADSET.

PIP: Mr King, w-what're you doing here?

Isaiah King: I been here all along Pip, just watching some wrestlers do some wrestling."

HHL: You just had a brutal match and you're barely recovered from last Warfare, shouldn't you be napping somewhere.

Isaiah King: No time for lions to sleep, as you just witnessed. Always gotta look ahead. Well, so long folks, ya'll have been great company!

Isaiah slaps Pip on the back and gives him a smile through his bruised face. He leaps over the barricade and disappears into the crowd.

---

"The InBetween" by In This Moment plays

Jenny Myst skips down the to the ring and awaits her opponent.

"Judas" by Fozzy plays

XWF Television Champion "Chronic" Chris Page walks down to the ring, the XWF TV title around his waist. He climbs into the ring, removes the title and holds it in the air for a few seconds before handing it off to the referee.

"CHRONIC" CHRIS PAGE © - vs - JENNY MYST Standard Match

The crowd is electric for this match, as these two XWF legends stand across from either other in the ring.

Pip: “This one just has that big fight feel, don’t it?”

Heather: Yessir, and I wasn’t sure we were even going to see Myst again after basically quitting last week when she DQ’d herself from March Madness.”

Pip: “Well, here she is, and she needs to beat Chris Page or she cannot compete for a title for 90 days, Heather. 3 whole months!

Heather: That’ll destroy her.

The bell rings and the two circle. This Television Title match has classic written all over it. The two lock up in the center of the ring and the much larger/stronger Page gets the early advantage, tossing the blonde into the corner. He doesn’t pursue, though, but rather stands there smirking, knowing how much more physically dominating he is. Jenny snarls her lip, and regroups. She charges back out at Page, who side-steps and tosses her into the other corner. Jenny bounces out of the corner this time and Page goes for a monster clothesline, but Myst slides under it, pops up and hits a standing drop kick on Page which sends him back into the ropes. On the rebound she goes for a clothesline of her own but Page grabs her arm, twisting her into a full nelson. Jenny flips over the top, landing behind him. Page hits a back elbow to back her off and Jenny stumbles away holding her face.

Page shakes his head, still smirking arrogantly. He grabs Myst by the back of the head, a big handful of hair, and slams her face first into the turnbuckle. He holds on to her by the hair and goes to one knee, bending her by her ponytail backwards over his knee.

Pip: A fast paced match so far, but Page has gained control. He wants to punish Myst here, that surgically repaired back. She winces as he pushes deeper, bending her almost into a backwards C. The ref asks if she wants to quit, she says FUCK NO.

He lifts her up, and sharply bends her back quickly over his knee again with brute force. She yells as he lets go and she rolls around on the mat, holding her back. She is using the ropes to pick herself up, her back worse for wear here.

Page boots her in the side of the head and she falls through the ropes, to the mat outside. He slides out of the ring to give chase. Jenny is stumbling away, and Page is on her heels. He catches up to her. The ref is counting.


1!





2!


Myst, who sensed he was going to come after her, turns around quick and karate chops Page in the Adam's Apple. He begins to cough and bends down.

3!


4!


Heather: Situational awareness there for Myst. Almost like she baited an overly aggressive Page to come follow her!

She hooks him up for a DDT!

Chris Page, still coughing, uses his legs to drive her back first into the barricade instead.

OOOOOOH!!!!! From the crowd.

6!


7!



Page rolls into the ring to break the count, and rolls back out to punish Jenny more. He grabs a handful of hair again and goes to whip her into the ringpost but she reverses, grabbing his arm. Ducking underneath she puts him on her shoulders!

Pip: OH MY GOD! HOW IN THE HELL DID SHE GET PAGE UP!

BACK BODY DROP ONTO THE ENTRANCE RAMP!



OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH from the crowd.

Heather: Desperation Pip. She knows she’s out of a title hunt for 90 days with a loss here!

Jenny stumbles back, a sick look on her face and falls against the rung apron. She can’t believe she was able to do that, either. The ref is counting.

6!


7!


She rolls into the ring, then back out.

Page is stirring on the ramp. Jenny grabs him and picks him up, throwing him face first into the ring post. He bounces off. Jenny goes for a clothesline but Page, aware of his surroundings as well, grabs her.

SPINEBUSTER!!!!!!!

Jenny hits the mat outside with a sickening thud.

Page drops to one knee as well. Both of them already have so much taken out of them. It has been a hard hitting match, despite the short time.

Both begin to stir, as Jenny rolls into the ring followed by Page. She pulls herself up with the ropes. Page is back up in a fighting stance.

Pip: Myst has lived and died by the X-treme crutch the last two months. Lets see if she can win a match clean, without extreme rules here!

The two tie up again. Page knees Myst in the gut. He picks her up for a powerslam, but she slides behind, wrapping her arms around his waist. He walks forward, and grabs the ropes. She is still holding on. He shakes, she won’t let go. He goes for that back elbow again, she moves her head. He uses her base of gravity leverage and pulls. He begins to wobble. She is able to pull through and roll him up. Small package.

1










2


Page pops out.

Jenny hits a basement drop kick, putting the legend on his back. She covers again, quick.



1






















1.5


Page kicks out.


Jenny is frustrated and slaps the mat.

She knows she needs to stay on Page. He is getting to his feet and she comes off the ropes. Jenny hits a running knee to the side of the head. Page is down again. She doesn’t cover, though. She looks towards the turnbuckle. The crowd begins to cheer. Jenny drops the knees onto Page, then comes off the ropes with the knees again with INSULT to INJURY. Just to make sure he stays down, she comes off the ropes and drops an elbow. Now she climbs to the top rope, catching her balance.

Pip: She’s going for Identity Crisis here….the rounding moonsault she used to called Twisted Myst! She put a lot of people away with this very move!

Heather: She retained her X-title at Snow Job with this move!

Myst makes the crush motion with her hand and then jumps.

With a burst of adrenaline, PAGE STANDS UP.

CATCHES JENNY IN MID AIR. HER FEET BOUNCE OFF THE TOP ROPE.

SLINGSHOT SUPELX!!!!!!!

Jenny is down. What impact!!!!

Page drops to one knee, still shaking off the effects from the running knee.

He finally catches his bearings, and crawls over to cover Myst. He hooks the leg.

1!





























2!





























3!---------MYST KICKS OUT!!!!!!

The crowd pops.

Pip: Myst kicks out, and stays alive with her title hopes until Memorial Day!

Page falls back, resting on his back for a moment as the crowd chants.

“LETS GO PAGE, WE WANT MYST, LETS GO PAGE, WE WANT MYST”

Page rolls to his feet, Myst is still recovering. He lifts her to her feet.

GERMAN SUPLEX

Hands stay locked.

GERMAN

GERMAN

GERMAN

GERMAN

Myst is in la la land. The last German has a bridge pin.


1






















2




















3—MYST KICKS OUT AGAIN!

Pip: What does Page have to do to put this woman away!

Heather: She’s been backed into a corner, Pip.

Page reaches down and picks up a fistful of blonde and pink hair. He says something to her as he pulls her face to face.

Jenny smiles back, and headbuts Page! He lets go.

She quickly pulls the pepper spray can from her bra. She sprays. Page ducks, and she blinds the ref!

Page turns for a split second to look at the ref, who is flailing with a red face. He turns around.

Kick to the midsection.

She bends him backwards.

MYST OPPORTUNITIES (sister abigail!)

Page is down, but there is no ref! Jenny hooks the leg but nobody is there to make the count!

Heather: She has him beat! We need a ref!

Pip: DQ HER! RING THE BELL! GET GET OUT OF THE TITLE PICTURE!

A ref sprints down the ramp, and slides into the ring. He counts .






1

















2























3—CHRIS PAGE KICKS OUT!

The crowd pops again, as this chaotic battle continues. Jenny rolls off, holding her back. Page is beginning to stir.

She uses the ropes to get herself up. Page is up, though wobbly, and takes a haymaker swing at Myst. She trips him and he lands sternum first on the top rope. He bounces back.

Jenny rolls him up for the cover!


1





Pip: No!



Jenny puts her feet on the ropes for leverage!





2!




Pip: NO! Damnit! Kick out page! Kick out Page!


3!!!!!!!

Winner AND NEW XWF Television Champion: Jenny Myst

The crowd pops as she rolls out of the ring. Chris Page pops up, a stunned look on his face!

Heather: She did it Pip! Against all odds, Jenny Myst did it!

She rolls out of the ring and snatches the title belt! She falls down to a sitting position against the barricade, clutching it to her. Page is arguing with the blinded ref in the ring, who didn’t see what happened!

Pip: Jenny is now the THREE TIME Television Champion Heather! And we are stuck with her for the foreseeable future!

Jenny makes her way up the ramp, battered and worse for wear, backing up with the title. She holds it over her head as an incensed Page storms around the ring.

He hauls off and decks the blinded official, and the other official goes to hold him back. He elbows him in the side of the head. He stares at Myst, who is still holding the title up with one arm.

Pip: What a chaotic night! We have a new television champion, Chris Page is incensed in the ring, and we still have the main event to go! Don’t you love this time of year! Weekend Warfare returns, next!

---

MARK FLYNN © - vs - "THE GRAND HIGH POO-BOB" BOBBY BOURBON Chess Wrestling 5 minute round of a standard singles match followed by a 2 minute round of chess with human pieces These intervals repeat until we have a winner Competitors can win by pinfall, submission or checkmate

HHL: The ring crew did a fantastic job setting up this War Games style ring here; standard on one side, chess board on the other and just look at those pieces!

PIP: Bourbon will be playing black here his board filled with The Bourbon People and a line of Nutcracker robots with President Joe Biden of all people!

Biden gives a wave to the crowd to a mixed reaction.

PIP: And Flynn, playing white, has his pawns, his infamous Twitter simps, olympic gold medalists in horse costumes for some reason, technico luchadors, a mannequin wearing a General Patton outfit? And, ladies and gentlemen Mark Flynn requested a legend for his Queen and we have none other than!

EYES





ON






ME!

The lights go out as a red spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp as a metal version of the Moonlight Sonata plays. Sarah calmly walks out onto the ramp and stops, taking the time to look at the crowd. As the guitars play, she slowly walks down the ramp, careful to avoid the touch of any fans, with an arrogant sneer on her face. As she approaches the ring steps, she carefully climbs them before entering the ring and taking to the throne placed on the Queen's space.

Mark Flynn looks perplexed as his wild eyes burn holes through Sarah Lacklan who crosses her legs and inspects her nails talking out loud to no one.

I was promised I will be paid in shoes!

HHL: Awesome! ... Who are the two buff nerdy looking guys on Flynn's side?

PIP: That would be Goldberg & Goldberg of Goldberg & Goldberg Law Firm AKA The Legal Jackhammers.

The Goldbergs notarise a certified ass whooping on Bobby Bourbon tonight and that is IRON-CLAD! As both competitors rest in their corners

DING! DING! DING!

5:00

HHL: First five minutes of wrestling to kick us off, and after that we go to chess! ... What has this company become.

PIP: Succesful with record profits, Heather. And don't act like you're forgetting that we've had wild shit like this before, Morbid Angel beat Mastermind in 9 holes of golf on Warfare several years ago!

HHL: ... He did?

He did. Anyway, in the ring, Mark Flynn and Bobby are sizing one another up both seem a little hesitant burning out too early and prefer to test the waters. A wild swipe by Flynn claws at Bobby who backs off before Flynn throws a stomp at Bourbon's knee. Bobby drops briefly as Flynn tries to capitalise with a DDT but Bobby stops him short with a SHORYUKEN!!!

The Grand Poo-Bob leaps into a roundhouse uppercut with a roar! Flynn flies through the air and drops feet away onto his back quickly trying to shake the cobwebs and rouse himself before Bobby takes full advantage. Flynn forces himself up to his feet as Bourbon is on top of him with a clothesline, sending him straight back down, Bobby then drops all his weight onto Flynn with a Senton Splash and the ref slides in for a count!

1


...


Kickout at 2!

Flynn pushes Bobby away and gets some breathing room, Bobby closes in and the two get into a collar and elbow, Flynn throws wild hooks into Bobby's temple and tries to kick away at his legs but Bobby refuses to go down, he gets a forearm into Flynn's jaw and whips him into the corner and begins to rush in but Flynn hops onto the second rope as he gets to the corner and leaps off with a swinging dropkick. Bobby is down and Flynn scrambles to get on top of him and begins raining down left and right hooks before hooking Bourbon's arm and motioning him into side control looking for a Fujiwara Armbar!

As soon as Flynn is about to tighten the hold...

0:00

DING!

2:00

HHL: Flynn was looking to finish things early after Bobby looked like he took the lead!

PC: You're right, Heather but enough about wrestling, its time for what everyone here wants to see... CHESS!

Flynn kicks Bobby's back as he rushes over to the second ring and immediately gets into the General Patton outfit on the mannequin and takes the place as King. Bobby rolls his shoulder as he goes to his side and climbs a lifeguard high chair thing to access the battlefield.

Pawn to D4!

A Twitter simp drools over being chosen and moves two spaces in front of him.

Nutcracker! Meet that simp!

A Nutcracker robot meets Flynn's simp and looks down at him menacingly. Flynn twitches at his waist with a giggle before composing himself and shouting.

Luchador to F4!

Flynn's "bishop" moves diagonally to the space with a series of cartwheels. Bobby scratches his head.

Erm, Nutcracker to C5?

HA! YOU IDIOT!!! KNIGHT TO C3!

An olympic gold medalist LEAPS over a simp to the open space.

Knight to C6!

Knight to F3!

Bishop to G4!

PIP: Flynn's Knight looks like easy picking right now.

Flynn shivers at his back again and screams.

Knight to E5!

NUTCRACKER KILL HIS SIMP!

HHL: Why do they even call them Nutcrackers?

The robot delivers a hellish kick into the simp's groin and you see his soul leave his body. The simp crumples up as Bobby's pawn takes one of Flynn's.

Knight to C6! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Flynn's Olympic Gold medalist gallops over to Ash, Bobby's stylist, and the horse costume breaks into two!

HHL: That sneaky bastard has TWO Olympic Gold Medalists in a horse costume!!!!

The two gold medalists perform a series of takedowns on Ash and make her tap with a double Ankle Lock! Bobby seems confused.

NUTCRACKER! SHOW THOSE MEDALISTS WHO THE BOSS IS!

The Nutcracker moves diagonally and kicks each medalist in the balls. Flynn sneers as Sarah Lacklan eyes to Flynn when she hears a buzz come from his pants.

Sarah! Take out his Nutcracker!

UGH! FINALLY! This has been SOOOOO boring without me.

Lacklan rushes out of her throne and takes the head of a nutcracker with a flying knee. As she lands she looks over to the ref.

Mark is TOTES cheating by the way.

Flynn looks crazed at Lacklan as the ref looks to Flynn.

0:00

But no time for that shit!

DING!

5:00

Flynn throws off his costume and pushes through the board to give shit to Lacklan who smiles sweetly at him. Bobby hops off the chair and both competitors make their way to the other ring.

Mark Flynn wastes zero time immediately low dropkicking Bobby's leg out as he enters the ring and going straight for an armbar but Bourbon roars and uses his strength to pick himself up and cradles Flynn who is still locked onto his arm and barrels him into the corner. Flynn releases the hold as he's squashed and Bourbon briefly shakes his arm out with a hiss of pain. Bobby takes Flynn up top and launches the champ off with an avalanche suplex and Flynn lands hard on his ass and an audible crack is heard.

HHL: ... Did Flynn's ass just break?

Flynn looks panicked as he begins to get up and moves away from the ref who is side-eyeing him, Lacklan on the chess board can be heard guffawing, doubling over in joy, Bobby steps up and looks to Flynn who seems nervous.

You son of a bitch! THIS NERF HURDER IS PULLIN' A HANS NIEMANN!!!

The crowd gasp as Flynn backs off.

REF! Check his ass!

The referee moves to Flynn who puts his hands with a smile trying to disarm the ref. The crowd begin to chant!

"CHECK HIS ASS! CHECK HIS ASS! CHECK HIS ASS!"

The ref threatens to throw the match out and Flynn finally complies, reaching into the back of his tights and pulling out a now broken device and throws it onto the ground. A large section of the crowd cheer as the simp section cry and claim "he did nothing wrong!" The ref places a thumb and finger on the device and tosses it out of the ring in disgust, the device will later be sold on eBay for an insane amount by a wayward fan. The ref admonishes Mark Flynn and gives him his first and final warning.

HHL: That no good cheat!

PC: See, when Lacklan said he was cheating I assumed he did some ratatouille shit.

A small rat does shifty eyes inside the General Patton helmet and sneaks further inside. Meanwhile, in the ring, the ref lets the match carry on. The two go into a brawl, Flynn appears more crazed and wild, his movement more fluid from not having to clench his cheeks and takes quick advantage in the match. Bobby lifts him up for a chokeslam but it is countered by Flynn who wraps his legs around Bobby's arm and twists into a takedown dropping Bobby on his dome. Bourbon throws his elbow back and nails Flynn in between the eyes and gets off the ground before Flynn can take advantage.

Flynn stutter-steps back to the corner as Bourbon goes to throttle him… When Flynn ducks under his grapple attempt and shoves Bourbon’s skull face-first against the corner!

The crowd ooohs! That one looked nasty!

YOU’RE NOT TAKING THIS FROM ME, JETBACK BOY!

SLAM! Again, against the turnbuckle!

I’m the BRAND ON WHICH THE XWF STANDS™!

SLAM!

Bleeding from the nose, Bourbon rests his head against the turnbuckle… Flynn drags the Grand PooB.O.B.’s head off the turnbuckle once more…

That’s… not… how… TRADEMARKS WORK, ASSHOLE.

BAM! Bourbon catches Flynn with an elbow to the skull!

Flynn is ROOOOOCKED from that elbow, which cut a gash sideways across his skull!

Bourbon follows that with a boot to the gut… He’s calling for it!

He tucks Flynn’s between his legs…

Aaaaaaaand…

…

BOBBYBOMB! CENTER OF THE RING!

Flynn looks BEAT. Bourbon hooks the leg! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

1!

Tw-!

The buzzer sounds!

0:00

The crowd is on their feet now! Flynn was juuuuuust saved by the bell…

HHL: OH MY GOD! We came within a hair’s breadth of a new Universal champion!

The FUN CHANTS ECHO THROUGHOUT THE ARENA… Bourbon looks to the official, who points to the clock, indicating that we go back to the chessboard…

Bourbon sighs… He rolls on over to the other ring and takes back his position…

“Queen to A4!”

A large lady-nutcracker, wearing a pink dress and a crown, mechanically steps across the ring!

HHL: Ooooh! That’s actually interesting move! Bourbon is pinning Flynn’s knight to his king! Which essentially removes the knight’s ability to threaten the pawn at d5, stripping one means Flynn has of controlling the center!

PC: Heather, I was just saying I like chess to mess with you. Please don’t say anything that might result in me learning something…

HHL: That makes it Flynn’s move…

…

However, Flynn is still down for the count, holding his guts over in the wrestling ring…

HHL: Oh my! This might be disastrous for Flynn! His time clock is running!

Indeed, this is a timed chess game! And Flynn has less than a minute on his clock…

…Flynn coughs and spasms… As he crawls through the ropes on his hands and knees from one to the other…

He finally winds up back on his square… Coughing up a lung from that Bobby-Bomb…

There’s only 10 seconds left on his game clock!

He pounds a fist against his own chest!

Lacklan! …*wheeze* TAKE HIS QUEEN!

…

...Axly, I don’t think that’s a move…

I GOT A PAIR OF LOUBOUTINS BACKSTAGE THAT SAYS IT IS.

Without a MOMENT’S HESITATION, Lacklan rips across the board and unleashes a Bicycle Kick that DECAPITATES THE NUTCRACKER QUEEN!

The queen shudders and spins her gears as her circuits fry from within.

Bourbon is pissed.

What the fuck?!? The queen can’t move like that!

HHL: Bourbon is rightfully upset here! The queen can only move diagonally… Bourbon’s queen was three spaces to the left and one square above Lacklan’s position. There’s no way that was legal…

Flynn works his way up to his feet, coming to the center of the board where Bourbon is yelling at the official.

What’s the prob, Bob? Can’t handle losing your queen?

Flynn, you PRICK. You broke the rules!

Flynn covers his heart and sticks out his bottom lip, mocking Bourbon.

Awww, Bourbsy has another grievance he wants to file about how hard his life is?

Flynn fehs.

Just set the pieces back then.

...Lacklan just BROKE MY QUEEN INTO PARTICLE BOARD, DICKHEAD.

Oh. What a shame. Lil’ Bobby can’t play without his pieces?

…Flynn grins insidiously. As he reaches into his collar for a whistle.

JAILHOUSE BLITZ, BOYS!

Immediately, all of Flynn’s pieces leap off their squares and start pummeling Bourbon’s nutcrackers! Bourbon’s pieces immediately counter attack! The chessboard has become utter pandemonium!

Secret Service escorts President Biden off the board as Goldberg and Goldberg take turns stomping AND filing products liability lawsuits against a nutcracker pawn!

Lacklan… Well, Lacklan has refrained from joining the fray and remains on her square, filing her nails.

The Olympians are outside the ring, LITERALLY TRYING TO FLIP THE BOARD OVER ON ITS SIDE!

PIP: This has turned into COMPLETE CHAOS!

HHL: Still, for the XWF’s first chess-wrestling match, I’d say it maintained the rules for longer than I thought it would!

Bourbon and Flynn toss haymakers in the center of the board as chaos reigns around them…

FINALLY! XWF SECURITY LED BY LEAD ENFORCER TOMMY GUNN CHARGE DOWN THE RAMP!

HHL: Finally, someone’s going to instill order around here!

Gunn jogs down the ramp and he and his boys quickly separate the feuding sides of the board…

Flynn is held back from Bourbon and Bourbon is held back from Flynn as Gunn hands a slip of paper (on XWF Executive Office Letterhead) to the official.

The official looks shocked! Before handing it to the announcer!

The announcer looks equally shocked! But begrudgingly lifts the microphone to his face.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! The XWF has declared the following ruling! Mark Flynn’s move was illegal… And MOREOVER, his sudden attack on Bobby Bourbon’s pieces and flipping the board constitutes GROSS MISCONDUCT.”

“Therefore, the Winner of this match…”

…

……

“As a result of a DISQUALIFICATION!”

“Bobby Bourbon!”


The crowd cheers, screaming their approval… But Bobby Bourbon looks PISSED OFF.

HHL: Bourbon is NOT a happy camper right now. And that’s probably because…

“And that means STILL! YOUR XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! MARK FLYNN!”

WINNER, BY DQ: BOBBY BOURBON STILL UNIVERSAL CHAMPION: MARK FLYNN

The crowd’s pleasure immediately turns to furious booing as Flynn is handed the belt.

He falls onto his knees like he just won the biggest match of his life…

Bourbon gets in Gunn’s face and starts yelling at him about what a bone-headed decision it is to keep the belt on a fucking clown like Flynn. Gunn doesn’t look like he disagrees, but he also looks stone-faced at Bourbon’s anger.

…Flynn springs to his feet aaaaaaand…

WHAM! CATCHES Gunn with a dropkick straight to the back that drives Gunn into Bourbon!

Bourbon, thinking that Gunn is attacking from his angle, SHORYUKENS GUNN! THE XWF’S LEAD ENFORCER DROPS TO THE BOARD LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES!

The security, which for once in its tenure actually managed to keep the peace, is IMMEDIATELY overtaken by chaos as the pieces resume fighting…

But Flynn ducks under the bottom rope, running to the back, cradling the belt to his chest!

And Bourbon is after him in hot pursuit!

HHL: Holy cow, folks! This might have been the most chaotic main event in XWF’s history! Bourbon puts a win in the win column!

PIP: But, Mark Flynn is still Universal Champion!

HHL: But with Bourbon still hot on his tail… Will Flynn keep that belt for much longer? I guess we will find out soon. Thank you everyone for another great edition of Weekend Warfare. We will see you in two weeks for the Elite Eight!

---

A huge thank you to everyone who helped write matches and sent in segments BOBBY BOURBON JENNY MYST DOLLY WATERS GATOR LIAM DESMOND PETER VAUGHN SBW GOTH VAGABOND MARK FLYNN And everyone who RPed for this show