+- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com)
+-- Forum: RP Archive (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=113)
+--- Forum: Archives (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=13)
+---- Forum: Relentless Day 3 RP Boards 2022 (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=193)
+---- Thread: THE NEW FACE OF ANARCHY (/showthread.php?tid=44594)
THE NEW FACE OF ANARCHY - EDWARD THE GREAT - 09-23-2022
“EDWARD NEED MANAGER!”
Anarchy left the airwaves hours ago. Backstage we find our new Anarchy Champion scurrying down a corridor with a worried expression. Both belts clenched tightly to his chest.
“EDWARD NEED MANAGER!”
Backstage was pretty barren. Everyone was in a hurry to get out, get a good night's sleep, and begin down the road to Relentless.
Still…
“EDWARD NEED MANAGER!”
*SNORT SNORT*
EDWARD looked over to catering where he saw XWF Director of Craft Service, Taco, standing on the messy remains of what used to be the catering table.
Relieved EDWARD smiled. “YOU WILL DO!”
EDWARD presented Taco with the crude Crayola drawing that had been passed to him in an effort to explain his upcoming title defense at Relentless.
![[Image: EDWARDPOOP.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/hP6VkCc8/EDWARDPOOP.jpg)
"WHAT THIS MEAN!?!"
Taco took a quick glance at the paper before gobbling up some cheesecake crumbs.
*SNORT*
EDWARD nodded as if Taco said something thought provoking.
"EDWARD SEE. WHY DUNGUS THOUGH?"
Taco continued to make nondescript pig noises.
EDWARD listened attentively.
"BUT WHAT THROWING DOG MAN IN DUNGUS PROVE!?"
The seemingly random snorting and squealing seemed to resonate well with EDWARD.
"EDWARD ALREADY STRONGEST WARRIOR!"
EDWARD thrust his two title belts out for Taco to get a better look.
"EDWARD ALREADY HAVE TWO SHINIES AND ONLY HAVE TWO FIGHTS!"
Taco snorted!
"THAT NOT MAKE SENSE! DOG MAN ALREADY LOSE BIG MATCH TO SUCKY GIRL. THAT MEAN DOG MAN WEAK AND NOT EVEN WARRIOR. SHOULD BE DOG WOMAN!"
"DOG WOMAN SHOULD BE FORCED TO COOK FOR REAL WARRIORS! NOT FIGHT FOR SHINY!"
"BACK ON ISLAND, IF MAN LOSE TO WOMAN, WOMAN KILLED FOR BEING WITCH AND MAN FORCED TO TUCK LOINCLOTH AND DO WOMAN WORK."
EDWARD's brow furrows as his lips frown.
"EDWARD NEED TO TELL STUPID WORLD HOW WRONG IT IS! EDWARD NEED BIG PLATFORM TO YELL FROM!"
EDWARD leans in close to Taco and whispers.
"pig know where edward can find platform big enough to make sure all people listen to edward?"
Taco snorted.
LATER
![[Image: EDWARDNEWS.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/QtGwDCcr/EDWARDNEWS.jpg)
"Hello, I'm Tucker Carlson, and tonight I'm joined by XWF Anarchy Champion and alleged caveman, Edward."
"HELLO MAN WITH DEAD ANIMAL!"
Tucker just stared into the camera blankly for a moment.
"Yes... Well, EDWARD, we agreed to bring you onto the show today, because you have a very interesting opinion on women's rights. It seems that you think that they have too many. Would you care to elaborate?"
"NO, EDWARD GO BEFORE WE START, BUT EDWARD WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT DOG WOMEN AND HOW MAN GIVE OPPORTUNITY SHE NOT DESERVE! MAN OF THIS WORLD NEED TO LEARN WHAT IT MEAN TO BE MAN! YOU EVER EVEN HOLD SPEAR, HIDE HEAD?"
"Uhh... No, I can't say that I have."
"OF COURSE NOT, CAUSE YOU WEAK! ALL MAN WEAK!"
"MODERN MAN LIKE SIT AROUND AND COMPLAIN ABOUT PROBLEM INSTEAD OF BEING STRONG WARRIOR AND FACE PROBLEM HEAD ON! MODERN MAN FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING OWED TO HIM AND NOT SHOULD FIGHT FOR NOTHING!"
"TAKE DOG WOMAN WHO SOMEHOW ALLOWED TO CHALLENGE EDWARD FOR SHINY AS EXAMPLE! DOG WOMAN LOSE TO SMALL GIRL WHO LOOK LIKE CHILD IN FINAL FIGHT IN TOURNAMENT OF SHOW HE NOW CHALLENGE BELT FOR! DOG WOMAN NOT DESERVE BELT IF LOSE TO WOMAN! WHY NOT WOMAN FIGHT EDWARD? SEEM TO EDWARD WOMEN STRONGER THAN MEN WHO NOT FROM ISLAND. SHOULD JUST THROW ALL RULES OUT WINDOW AND HAVE WOMEN CHALLENGE!"
"Actually Edward, did you know that throughout its history, the Anarchy Championship has been won and carried predominately by women?"
"WHAT WORLD COME TO? EDWARD FEEL IT DUTY TO TEACH WORLD THAT MAN STRONG, WOMAN WEAK, AND MAN THAT LOSE TO WOMAN WEAKER THAN WEAK! EDWARD WOULD SAY HE TAKE OUT TRASH, BUT SMALL ANIMAL TELL EDWARD THAT TO KEEP SHINY HE MUST TAKE OUT THE DUNGUS!"
"DOG WOMAN MIGHT NOT FEEL SHAME OF LOSING MANHOOD TO WOMAN, BUT HE WILL TASTE STENCH OF DEFEAT WHEN EDWARD BURY HIM UP TO EYEBROWS IN DUNGUS TO KEEP SHINY AND CONTINUE TO PROVE THAT EDWARD STRONGEST WARRIOR ON ANY ISLAND!"
"We'll be right back!"
During the break, a production assistant approached EDWARD with a phone in hand.
"Excuse me, Edward? There's a call for you. A Vincent Lane?"
"BOOKER MAN ON TALK BOX? GIVE!"
"HELLO!?"
"Edward, what are you doing!?"
"EDWARD USE PLATFORM TO GET MESSAGE OUT!"
"You need to stop talking and leave, NOW!"
"WHY!? EDWARD HAVE SHINY! PIG SAY EDWARD NEED DO TV!"
You could hear the panic in Vinnie's voice at the thought of the bad PR. "...wat... No EDWARD, it's... UH??? !!! A trick! YEAH! - They just want to take your shiny!"
EDWARD'S EYES FILLED WITH RAGE AT THE THOUGHT OF ANYONE TRYING TO TAKE HIS PRECIOUS SHINY!
AND HE SMASHED EVERYTHING BETWEEN HIM AND THE EXIT!
MUCH LATER
EDWARD had been called to XWF headquarters after that media fiasco where Vinnie was currently in the process of explaining some of the finer points of representing the XWF.
"EDWARD NOT MEAN TO CAUSE HARM. THIS ALL START BECAUSE EDWARD NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT DO TO KEEP SHINY."
Lane sensed an out, and a sly grin fell over him.
"Oh! I can help with that dude! It's super simple! All you have to do is wait for the bell to ring and race Jason Cashe to jump into the manure dude! EDWARD strongest warrior, but is he fastest?"
"YES!"
"Cool, then you should have no problems! Now, as a favor for me helping you out, could you please just stay away from the media between now and then?"
"Uh... OK, EDWARD NOT USE PLATFORM."
Lane seemed pleased with himself. "Good, good. It's refreshing that Anarchy will finally have a champion that it can be proud of!"
EDWARD didn't know why Lane lied to him just then, but played along. Fortunately, he was inclined to believe the word of a pig over the word of the (questionable)man who booked Dog Woman in this match to begin with.
"YES... ANARCHY HAVE STRONGEST WARRIOR..."