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BUSTER GLOVES - TIME TRAVEL IS STUPID - Buster Gloves - 09-23-2022 PRESENT DAY Dark room. Single light bulb. The Bull of the North on a steel chair. The Kaiser. The King in Rags. The Finnmeister. The guy that everyone’s picking to beat Buster Gloves in his XWF debut. You say, “Hey, we know Finn. He’s alright. Let’s pick him to win the match.” Well, that’s a pretty low-energy way to approach it, so let’s try another way, mmmkay? Let’s do something you aren’t supposed to do. Let’s say some really nice things about the other guy. If you would indulge me for a moment, I’m gonna kill this motherfucker with kindness. If you’re one of those guys who thinks Finn Kuhn is weak, you’re a dumbass. Finn doesn’t have many accolades yet. He doesn’t have a 9-inch winning streak. He’s not dripping in gold. But it takes some stones to come back to a place you’ve struggled and take another shot at it. This dude is a real one. Every time you see the guy, he’s better than before. Broken stones leave sharp edges. Finn is ready to climb the mountain. He just needs to find his path. If Finn loses his match to me at XWF Back to Relentless, does it mean it’s the end for him? Should he give up? Nah, that’s a ‘no’ from me dawg. He should keep trying, even if he loses every week for the next 6 months. The wins and losses don’t matter, because you only need one win to prove that you’re a legend. It’s as easy as that. And besides, Finn is still young. He still has so many years to become an astronaut or whatever he wants. The truth of the matter is that Finn is an extraordinary talent. He’s not super friendly, but he can go. XWF sees something special in him and he’s gonna payout sooner or later. It's not his fault he hasn’t done more already. It’s been bad booking. Finn’s been on the receiving end of some unfortunate matchups. And then he’s too hard on himself when he falls short. A little bit of sadness in the moment is ok, but his obsession with proving the haters wrong is burning him out before he’s even got off the ground. Finn is a mirror. When we look at him, we see ourselves. Trying and failing. Struggling with our own lives. One step forward, two steps back. I know that I feel that way sometimes. He actually seems like a decent guy. I hope that we can be the best of friends for many years to come. Alright folks. That’s enough flirting for now. It’s time to make like a tree and get out of here. TIME TRAVEL IS STUPID Buster Gloves and his much younger girlfriend, Emily Simms, sprawl across a couch inside his Florida beach house. The two of them met several months ago while working together at Level Up Wrestling. He, a retired MMA fighter, was a lone wolf looking for an ally. She, a former kickboxer, was tied up in a complicated relationship with fellow Level Up Wrestler and undercover douche canoe, Duncan Shepard. Shepard went on to win the Level Up Final Boss Championship. Buster went on to win the girl. The beach house is small, and it smells like a combination of sex, Red Lobster, and sandalwood. Every surface of his house is either damp or sprinkled with sand. He could probably afford a better place, but that would require a lot of extra non-wrestling effort. Anyways, the popcorn has been popped and the Netflix’s are ready to chill. “William. This movie is boring. Do we have to watch all of it?” says the California Kitten, Emily Simms after about 15 minutes. Buster, already annoyed, but determined to do his homework, forges forward with the assertiveness of a father who has heard enough of your bullshit already today. “We have to watch all three movies. It’s a requirement for the job.” “I don’t understand how this is supposed to help you win a wrestling match.” “My next match is for a Back to the Future themed event for XWF. These movies are basically a handbook for that match.” “Have you seen these movies before?” “A long long time ago. I remember not liking it.” “I thought everyone likes Back to the Future.” “Not me, and I’m tired of pretending like I do. In fact, I have a problem with EVERY time travel movie.” “What’s your problem with time travel?” She mumbles with a mouthful of popcorn. “It doesn’t make sense. It never does. And the ending always makes you wonder what the fuck just happened.” “You’re probably overthinking it. You do that a lot.” “Time travel movies are bullshit, Em. It’s lazy writing. These dumbasses ruin everything, over and over again. Then they just go back in time and undo it all. Everything conveniently works out in the end for them. Even when it shouldn’t.” “You’re so grumpy.” “No, I’m not! I just feel like people should accept the consequences of their actions. Life doesn’t have an ‘undo’ button.” “Don’t you forget that! You go breaking my heart and you lose me forever!” “Yeh, I know. Anyway, there are two exceptions to the Time Travel rule.” “What rule?” “…that time travel is stupid.” “Oh. Go ahead. Wake me up if I fall asleep.” “I’m gonna ignore that. Anyway. The first exception is Terminator 2. While technically it’s a time travel movie, it gets a free pass. Because it’s awesome. Fight me.” “I saw that one! It was… acceptable.” “Exception two. Groundhog’s Day.” “Never seen it.” “Wait, you’ve never seen Back to the Future OR Groundhogs Day? Are there any other important movies from our generation that you just skipped over. I swear, if you tell me you never seen Elf, I’ll crescent kick you in the tit, call the wedding off, and never speak to you again.” “First of all, you WISH you could marry me. You’ll have to put a ring and a belt on me first. Second of all, we aren’t from the same generation. You have Jesus in your yearbook and my mom still packs Capri Suns in my lunch box. To answer your question, there are lots of movies I haven’t seen. I mostly just watch Disney Princess movies and Tiktok. “Barf.” “What?! Everybody loves Disney.” “You know what? I’m going to just skip over that debate.” “Well, YOU know what? Maybe you aren’t as wise as you think you are. Why don’t you tell me your favorite movie so I can tell YOU how stupid it is? “Easy. Roadhouse.” “Roadhouse?” ‘Roadhouse.” “Is it good?” “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” “…” “Yes, Emily. The moon of my life. It’s a really good movie. I named both of my kids after it.” “You did?” “Truth.” “If I have a little girl, I want to name her Princess Aurora.” “That’s a mouthful. What if it’s a boy?” “Prince Rory.” “What a terrible name.” “Screw you, BUSTER! Can we just get BACK to the movie and get this show on the road?” “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” THE PAST Buster taps out the much larger student with a d’arce choke from the side control position. A move that he had perfected while training for his black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu a couple years ago. After the 15-minute roll, Buster and his student take a seat against the wall, out of breath, and eager for water. “You really should think about pro wrestling, Buster.” says the giant young man with the bushy beard. “You think so?” “Definitely. You got skills, dude.” “I’m not sure I do. What do you think makes a complete fighter?” “Size, strength, a look, heart?” “It’s funny that you say that, because you’re 300 lbs of dumb country muscle pumped up with 1.21 Gigawatts of piss and vinegar. No offense intended.” “None taken.” “Most people give the same answer you do. Vague, generalized ideas about being ring heroes and cage legends. But you’re missing something. Size, strength and heart get you in the door, it’s technique that pushes you up the card. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. You have the technique. If you wanted it, you could be a pro-wrestler.” “I DON’T want it. I hate pro wrestling.” “What for?” “I don’t know. My heart’s just not in it. You, for instance, I can feel how bad you want it. You’re doing the right thing. And I’m not just saying that because I need you to keep paying me to teach you. But you’re focusing on technique. And that’s what sets the good ones apart from the great ones. If you want to be a complete fighter, you need that heart AND you need to master all four pillars of combat. Boxing. Wrestling. Jiu-Jitsu. Muay-Thai. Train them all until your ears swell up and your bones hurt. And when you wake up in the morning and your body tells you to stop, you drag your sorry ass back to this gym and you train boxing, wrestling, jiu-jitsu, muay-thai.” “I mean, yeh. Obviously.” “I’m not saying learn what they are. I’m telling you that if you can’t have a working knowledge of all four pillars of combat, you have a weakness. Someone will find it, they will use it against you, and then everyone will know it. “You got this game in your blood, Buster. If you ever find your heart again. You give me a call. Pro-wrestling is your density… I mean… destiny. THE FUTURE Two large photos stand on dark wood easels on a elevated stage in front of a congregation. One picture shows the picture of an old man, wearing a hat with the Veterans of Foreign Wars crest across its face. The other, of a wrestling champion holding his championship belt in the air. Clusters of flower arrangements cover most of the stage. In the center, a black leather casket with golden side plates. A man, nearing sixty, stands behind a lectern, red in the face. He shuffles note cards in his hands as he lifts his glasses to wipe away a tear and waves to a few people in the pews. The massive crowd comes to a hush as the man taps the microphone. Hello, everybody. Thank you for coming. My name is Sway Glover. We’re here today to remember William Bernard Glover. You probably know him by his ring name, Buster Gloves. He was a soldier, an MMA fighter, a professional wrestler, an instructor, and an entrepreneur. I just knew him as Dad. Fathers are who we look up to, who we follow, who we admire. They teach us about respect, and honor, and doing the right thing. I am so incredibly grateful that I can stand here today and tell you that William Glover was a wonderful father and I was blessed to have him as my dad. For the first 10 years of my life, he was a God. For the next 10 years of my life, I thought he was a bit of an asshole. And for the next 40 years, he was a legend. No words can describe what he gave to us. His body as an in-ring performer, his mind as a storyteller, and his spirit as a beloved member of so many different groups of people. With my dad, it was never ‘goodbye’. It was always ‘see ya down the road’. I don’t know what life is going to be like now that I can’t talk to him. I won’t be able to ask him for advice. Or to talk to him about my own children, Denzel and Holden. He cared so much for his family. Making sure that my brother and I stayed together even when we didn’t like each other. Dad was always there for anyone who needed help getting over in life. He was a modest man. Very private. Didn’t want people to know how smart he was or what kind of problems he was dealing with. But he was never afraid of sharing a laugh at his own expense. He was Santa Claus at our Christmas parties and the worst karaoke singer I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember my Mom very well, but when Miss Emily entered our life, my Dad loved her with the rest of his heart. Next to his family, his love for pro-wrestling and time travel movies were the only other things that even came close to his adoration for her. He also enjoyed many years of friendship with his best friend Finn, who he met at a Back to the Future themed Wrestling pay-per-view on Sundayday (intentionally spelled wrong) September 25th, 2022. My dad never really recovered from losing Finn during the robot uprising. For over 30 years Buster and Miss Emily shared everything life had to offer. They were Tag Team Champions. They married. They ran a business together. They supported each other in every way. And when she died a couple months ago, it broke his heart into a million pieces. The doctor says my dad died of kidney disease, but it was his broken heart that really killed him. Dad was incredibly optimistic and creative. Those traits were passed on to me and were what pushed me into my line of work. My brother, followed in his footsteps to become a world-famous wrestler, before he was taken away from us way too soon by those same damned robots! Dad never wanted to be perfect. He made a lot of mistakes when he was younger. But he was trying to make things right. He wanted to do things that meant something to people. And I can tell by the number of people here today, that he must have made an impact on a lot of you. My Dad is the strongest man I’ve ever known. I hope that as we go on in the rest of our lives without him, that I, and everyone who he touched in his life, can find strength in his memory. I also would like to thank the XWF for reminding me of how he and Finn Kuhn stole the show at XWF Back to Relentless so many years ago. My Dad was one of the good guys. My Dad is forever. Thank you, very much for hearing my story… also, don’t trust robots. The end. Thunderous applause from the congregation. PRESENT DAY Dark room. Single light bulb. The Bull of the North… still sitting on that damn steel chair. Let’s see if he’s still awake. Who am I? What do I stand for? What’s my sign? Who cares? You and I both know that when you looked at that card for Back to Relentless, you said, “Buster Gloves?! This guy probably drops common loot when defeated.” Well, you’re wrong. And just about everybody is wrong about just about everything just about all of the time. I know that I have a stupid name, but you’ll remember it after the pay-per-view is over. Anybody who’s anybody in this business has done their time in XWF. They take whatever shine they can get and then they leave. They think they’re all legendary performers, but most of them aren’t. When you’re good, you tell people, but when you’re great, they tell YOU. Some folks think I’m too old to start a run. Well, reject the evidence of your eyes and ears, people. Just because the bull is out on the pasture, doesn’t mean that he can’t still run you down. Here's how things are gonna go at the XWF. I’m gonna stay for as long as I can. Everyone will look right through me. Then some dirty dick will jump me backstage for clout because I’m a nice guy. I’m gonna lose some matches and make some friends. It’ll all be worth it if it pays off later. So, give me attention or give me death! Finn Kuhn has a dossier about me. He’s read it and highlighted the good parts. Thinks he knows me better than I do. Somehow, he came to the conclusion that I’m a more accomplished wrestler than him, and that he’s the underdog. He clearly has no idea that I’m just making this shit up as I go. Truth is that he has homefield advantage and should probably beat me 2 out of 3 times. But there’s gonna be that 1 time, where everything goes my way, and I WIN. The XWF doesn’t have a title with my name on it. I was brought here for one match. There is no more wrestling after that. There’s no future. The WAY that I got to the XWF and onto this pay-per-view is kind of a funny story. Finn Kuhn already had a match lined up with Xavier Lux, who got kennel cough or something. That’s none of my business. But when management said they needed someone to step up, I answered the call. I said yes because I need the money to pay for my kid’s braces and I’m too nice to say ‘No’. When someone gives you the chance to open up the final night of XWF’s biggest show of the year, you say ‘Yes’ and you figure out the rest later. I can’t lose this match unless I say ‘I quit’ or ‘I’m yellow’ or something. To be honest, I don’t remember the exact line because I have no intention of saying it, but I’m no quitter. I’m showing up early, staying late, stealing the centerpieces, and I won’t quit. The XWF creates legends. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere. It’s an honor and a privilege to have a bite at the apple. Finn just found out about this match a couple weeks ago, but I’ve been preparing for it my entire life. I love my job. This shit is FUN for me, so let’s fucking go, boys!!!