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+---- Thread: Good Enough, Long Enough (/showthread.php?tid=43869)
Good Enough, Long Enough - UndeniableAshC - 06-17-2022
It was just another typical night at the Velvet Rabbit nightclub in New York City. The strobe lights were bright and constantly changing colours. Green, red, blue, purple, yellow, back to green. If you happen to go to the Rabbit, it’s not recommended you stare. Everyone does, though, sometimes. The dancers here were always a sight to behold. What you can hear? Well, to be honest? It’s really just a droning blaring. I’m sure it’s music, I’m sure it’s good, but I kinda just tune it out.
The scene finds a very obviously stoned blonde, Ashlynn Cassidy sitting at a table at the Rabbit amongst the usual euphoric chaos. She has a bong in hand, partaking in one of her favourite vices.
Healthy? I don’t know. I wouldn’t say that it is, but it’s how I get by. It doesn’t have to be healthy, right? As long as it passes the time, as long you keep breathing. Whatever your choice, whatever the poison, it’s just about numbing that pain.
Ashlynn closes her eyes for a moment. The next thing she knows, she’s in a ring, under a single spotlight. It takes a moment for her to gain her bearings but she eventually does.
Haha, pain, like Kimberly Pain, My first round opponent for the Cannabis Cup.
My name is Ashlynn Cassidy, I’m known to be associated with one word. UNDENIABLE, and I am an expert in utilizing terrible defense mechanisms. Whether it’s in a wrestling ring, at a club, or, behind a cloud of smoke, coughing my lungs out; I keep myself busy. Whatever I do? I put my everything into it! The word UNDENIABLE isn’t just for appearances. It’s a motto. It’s a lifestyle, it’s a mindset, it’s who I am. I go into every match knowing that I’m not just another name on the card. I KNOW that once you get a glimpse of me? You’ll remember me. I hold myself to a high standard and half-assing shit? When and if I do? It can really eat away at me. Know what that means? More fights, more beer, more weed. More to bury under the surface. Especially in the ring, I let myself be in that very moment and use it to show the world that on any given day, I can be, I am one of the best at what we do. Every moment I spend in that ring, I spend with all my inhibitions, all my failures, all my insecurities, all my disappointment, all of my PAIN, I have all of it buried underneath the ground I stand on. I get in my zone and I fight! All that matters to me is getting it done! I have thrived and won championships because of exactly that attitude. So Kimberly? Ms Pain, I know very little, next to nothing about you. I’ve seen maybe one or two photos of you. I saw your Twitter warning. Other than that?
Ashlynn shrugs, an apologetic expression to her.
I’m sure you’re a lovely lady outside the ring, but at the CCPE CC? You’re just an opponent. My blinders go up, I go into a different mode. I will bury you, Ms. Pain, with all of my other pain, and soon after? After a few more matches? A few more shots at the Rabbit, a few more joints? You’ll be out of mind.
Ashlynn blinks, and suddenly she’s in what looks like a graveyard, with a single headstone. Engraved on it? The words “Dead, buried, move on.”
Not very far away, we find a shovel planted in the ground.
Alright, I guess we’re gonna do this then…
The Undeniable young woman walks slowly toward the shovel planted in the ground, starting to unearth the soil, revealing the hole of dead things.
I told you I’m going to bury you Kim, I may as well show you where you’re gonna be staying…
After a short while, things start to be revealed, all covered in dirt, but revealed nonetheless. Ashlynn stops for a moment, a saddened expression on her face looking down at some of the very things she’d sworn to keep buried.
Ugh, whatever.
She sinks to her knees, starting to dig out some items by hand.
She first picks up an old poster promoting a fight. Under one render, it was illegible. Under the other? Question marks.
Ashlynn chuckles to herself.
Did you know, Kim? That when I first tried to make it into our business that my first promoter did not bother, didn’t CARE enough to learn my name properly. Of course back then, I was young, naive, innocent, even a part time yoga instructor! I was struggling, I was struggling to land a gig. Hell, I was still trying to find myself. So what did I do? I let it happen.
How did the gig go? I only went and won the damn Women’s Title there. Even then, I found my ring name at the time still misprinted on promotional materials! I carried the belt until that place closed.
You know what it’s like to thrive somewhere, yet still feel so incredibly disrespected? Damn near pushed me out of the game way too soon.
Ashlynn returns the old poster into the hole she made. She kept digging until she found an old Hooters top, lazily moving it out of the way. She keeps on digging until she sees a picture. She looks as if she might instantly burst into tears. She stops digging and sits in place, hugging her knees to her chest. Slowly, she picks up the polaroid photo and dusts it off. She rests it next to her old waitressing uniform.
She can’t even look at the photo, instead just focusing in on the uniform. Her eyes are already welling up.
You know, I tried so many other things. I tried waitressing, like five times, I worked as a receptionist, I worked fast food, I even went back to being a mindfulness coach full time after I stopped wrestling. I was in, and out of so many places. The longest I worked somewhere was maybe three months tops. I just wasn’t good enough, long enough, at anything.
She finally moves her focus toward the photo. She picks it up, a tear falling upon it. The picture was of a baby boy.
I wasn’t good enough, long enough, at anything. I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t hold MYSELF together very long at all, that was probably why, to be fair. I couldn’t break the cycle. My mother left when I was young and I always resented her for it. I swore to myself that if I had the chance? I wouldn't make the mistake she did. I wouldn’t walk away. I would be the perfect parent…
But, I couldn’t be the mother that that sweet boy deserved. I wasn’t good enough for long enough. I was a coward, and I left. My son would be, and is, in better hands with his father, better hands without me.
Ashlynn sits in silence for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut and drying them with the old uniform.
When she once again opens them, in the headstone she now sees the face of Kimberly Pain.
Ashlynn screams before pounding her fist into the ground and standing back up. She tosses the items back into the hole and picks the shovel back up an-d purposefully fills in the hole again.
So I guess now you know why. Why I threw my hat in the ring to do this tournament. Why I need to fight, why I drink, why I use the very thing that damn Cup is named for. To feel okay enough, long enough-until I don’t want to completely self-destruct. Kimberly, I was never good enough, long enough, at anything. Except for ONE thing. The thing we’ve chosen to do. When I returned, when I rechristened myself? I promised one thing, to my son, to the world, to the universe, to myself. When it comes to wrestling? I am not JUST a nobody, I am not average, I am not just good enough. I AM gifted, I am one of THE VERY BEST ON THIS PLANET! I wrestle every single time with BLOCKS on my shoulders. I always have everything to prove. It won’t be personal, but I WILL make a statement off of you. I can’t wait until we can finally mix it up and I get to leave a mark on the wrestling landscape. My legacy, when it’s all over? Will be one of greatness, and God damn it, will be UNDENIABLE!
Ashlynn angrily finishes the burial, sticking the shovel back into the ground. It recoils and hits her in the face.
“Aaaasshhh!”
The blonde blinks a few times after a hand frantically waves in front of her face. It's, among other things and places, the former Fight!NYC star and current Zion Gateway Champion, (and CCPE client) Ricky Rodriguez.
“You’ve been staring and haven’t blinked for like, I dunno, a couple minutes.” Ricky informed me as he took a seat across from Ash. He has to yell, despite how physically close they are, it is that loud.
“What?” Ashlynn answers him, confused “No, I was cutting my promo for the Cup 1st Round…” she starts to trail off until she falls silent.
The pair exchange a glance for a few moments before both burst out into giggle fits.
“How high are you?”
“Shut up, this was your stash!”
A grin falls over Ashlynn Cassidy’s face as she takes another hit and she feels herself go numb again.