TK's sprite doesn't move. A crumpled-up newspaper rolls by TK's feet. He's standing there a few more seconds when an animation kicks in of TK giving the finer and a text bubble appears on the screen.

Jimmy, you sorry sack of shit! I can't move you're going to have to control me!

Jimmy is in awful of what's happening before his very eyes. If only this was a dream or something. No this is real life and his best friend was sucked inside a video game. Another text buddle appears.

Come on you fucking idiot! Look you're losing time we don't have all fucking day!

Jimmy nods at the screen as if TK could see it, but TK can't. Jimmy starts to move the TK sprite on the screen moving the sprite to the right. This triggers the first goon enemy. It's a cop in a light blue uniform. Jimmy is dancing around him not throwing a punch as another text bubble appears on the screen.

You have to hit him! Try hitting fucking buttons, for fuck sakes! For a goddamn nerd, you don't know shit about video games, do you?

Jimmy presses the "A" button on the Sega Genesis controller. This throws a punch and knocks back the enemy but doesn't kill him. Jimmy repeats this action until the enemy falls to the ground and flickers out of the game. Jimmy feeling accomplished moves TK's sprite to the right some more when two enemies are approaching, one from in front of TK, and the other from the top left of the screen. Jimmy quickly jumps on the dude in front of him but gets hit from behind.

Fuck! That hurt! Turn around!

Jimmy turns TkKs sprite around and starts hammering on the second enemy until it's knocked down. As soon as that enemy is knocked Jimmy starts taking out the police officer until he's dead. By the time Jimmy kills the first cop, the other police officer had already gotten up and headed TK's way. Jimmy sees this and focuses his attacks thus killing the other cop.

Damn, Jimmy, you're making this look easy.

Jimmy keeps moving the sixteen-bit sprite of TK to the right and four cops come from all four corners of the screen. However, one of the cops doesn't look like the others you've encountered before. This one has a button-down white dress shirt and black slacks coming from the top right of the screen. Jimmy easily dispatches two of the cops as the cop with the black slacks closes in. The cops hit TK's sprite causing TK to be knocked backward.

Jimmy!, Goddamn it!

The sprite TK looks up and sees his health meter still has three-quarters of the health meter.

Don't be fucking around!

Jimmy is a little flustered but takes out the other cop that isn't the officer in the black slacks. The cop with the black slacks comes in close and Jimmy walks right up to him causing TK's sprite to grapple. Once in the grapple, Jimmy makes TK flip over the police officer's head and delivers a Greman Suplex. The officer flenches upward but doesn't make it on his feet on the first try but does on his second try. Jimmy directs TK's sprite right up to the officer, throwing punch after punch. Jimmy downs the officer for the final time. Moving TK's sprite ever forward Jimmy locates two telephone booths and three more light blue police officers. Jimmy has TK's sprite grapple one and throws him into both of the telephone booths. From under the telephone booths, a CAN OF BEER and a BEER BOTTLE are discovered.

Don't mind if I do!

Jimmy picks up the CAN OF BEER which replenishes most of TK's health bar. TK looks up to see his health meter and celebrates.

Goddamn right, mother fucker! Who wants some!

Jimmy has TK's sprite pick up the BEER BOTTLE. It didn't add health, however, it's in his hand as a usable item.

The fuck! It's empty Jimmy! You can't just be teasing a Bastard with beer. That's fucked up!

One light blue police officer and two officers with black slack run quickly from the left side of the screen. The officers with black slacks are moving fast than the blue officer. Jimmy cracks the first one with the BEER BOTTLE and it breaks.

Learned that shit in Lima!

The officer is knocked back with half of it's health bar. Jimmy has TK's sprite brandish the broken BEER BOTTLE, nailing one of the other two officers with the black slacks twice, thus killing him, as the BEER BOTTLE disappears. Jimmy grapples the third throwing him into the blue officer. The blue officer dies. The officer with the black slack that broke the BEER BOTTLE with his head comes up only to be met with a left-right combo from sprite TK until he parishes. The final officer with the black slacks comes up behind TK's sprite and grapples him in a Full Nelson. This doesn't take any of TK's life away, it's just super annoying and frustrating.

Let me go puss-bucket!

The officer lets go allowing Jimmy to set back up and dust that fool with punch combinations until he disappears from damage.

Yeah, bitches, fuck around and find out!

The word "move" with an arrow flashes on the screen. Jimmy moves the sprite of TK to the right advancing farther into the first level. Jimmy walks up to the front door of a bar and two officers wearing blue are keeping guard.

Give me a goddamn break! How many of these look-a-like dick-bags are there?

Jimmy punches them out quickly but two more come from behind. Jimmy wastes no time deleting them from the screen with quick combos. Now that those enemies have been defeated the word "move" with the arrow pointing right happens again but the door is blocking the way. Jimmy has TK's sprue pummel it down with punches and kicks. The screen fades to black for only one moment before firing up the second part of the level. There are four guys dressed in all leather, from head to toe, with black aviator sunglasses on.

Nice shade, shit sticks, but mine are fucking better.

They are standing by the bar and as soon as Jimmy moves TK's sprite forward those leather-clad fools go on the attack but they have to move around two tables and two sets of chairs. This gives Jimmy some time to strategize. He moves TK's sprite to the bottom right-hand corner of the screen. Only two of them can attack this way. Jimmy grapples one and throws him at one of the tables. This knocks down both of the original attackers and destroys one of the tables including the chairs.

Have a seat! I always wanted to do that!

Nothing was under the tables. Jimmy doesn't realize at first that this wasn't a good idea because now the other two can get to TK's sprite and they do. One hit TK's sprite two times sending TK's sprite to the floor.

Jesus Christ, Jimmy! Are you enjoying watching me get hit, or what?

Jimmy for once in his life shakes off TK's criticism to focus. he begins mashing the "A" button knocking one of them to the ground but the second one remains. now, the two leather-clad dudes that were down are on their way. Jimmy keeps pressing the "A" feverously knocking back the second leather-bound dude, right before the other two can get to TK's sprite. Jimmy moves TK's sprite to the top and the grapples the closest to him into the other set of table and chairs, destroying them showing a STACK OF XBUX, and killing that enemy. The last one remaining runs around TK's sprite in a circle only to be grabbed up and thrown. Jimmy walks over to the STACK OF XBUX and picks them up.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Jimmy presses onward into the game. A few more light blue police officers come, and go, so quickly that it's barely worth mentioning, but it happened. Another leather-goon shows up with a couple more light blue officers and is handled pretty quickly. The word "move" with the arrow flashes on the screen. It's another door but this door is open with a sign above it that reads "Dance Floor". Jimmy presses forward. The screen fades to black another time and the music changes.





As soon as TK's sprite enters the room four more leather-bound dudes are there with another man, who you haven't seen in the game before is behind them dancing. There are two trash cans next to the dancing man.

GODDAMN IT, BARNEY!!!

Jimmy is careful not to move forward to not trigger the dancing man. Jimmy has TK's sprite grapple the first leather-bound man who gets close and quickly throws him into the other three, just missing the dancing man. Jimmy keeps TK's sprite still plotting his next move. The leather-clad men bunch up and get close. At that moment Jimmy knew he could smash the "A" button and take them all out with a combination and does so. This triggered the dancing man, he stops dancing. A text bubble pops up on your screen and reveals the name of the dancing man: "DISCO FLAMER".

HEY! CAN'T YOU SEE THE MESSIAH IS DANCING HERE!

Shut the fuck up and fight pussy!

Jimmy wastes no time when the battle begins and walks over to one of the trash cans and punches it. Under it is a HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY. Jimmy doesn't take it. Instead, Jimmy begins walking over to the other trash can dodging DANCING FLAMER's leaping pelvis thrust. Jimmy makes it to the other trash can and punches it exposing a STEEL CHAIR. Jimmy picks it up and swings at DISCO FLAMER missing. DISCO FLAMER grapples with TK's sprite and tosses TK's sprite to the other side of the screen. This deals a fair amount of damage.

Come the fuck on, Jimmy! If I lose to this little bitch. I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you!

Jimmy heeds TK's words and goes on the offensive. TK's sprite begins landing a combination to Dancing Flamer, sending him to the ground.

Get up bitch! I'm not done with you yet! Hey! Wait... Where the fuck are you taking me? He's the other way shithead!

Jimmy walks TK's sprite over to the STEEL CHAIR and picks it up.

Good call.

As DISCO FLAMER gets to his feet he's met with the STEEL CHAIR to the top of his head. This sends DISCO FLAMER flying backward off the screen.

HA! Easy work.

Jimmy assumes the coast is clear and starts to move TK's sprite to the right. All of a sudden DISCO FLAMER's leaping pelvis thrust shoots him towards TK's sprite. Fortunately, Jimmy just picked up the HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY. With quickness, DISCO FLAMER hit his ultimate move "The Penis Wack Attack"!

Not fucking cool! Not fucking cool at all!

TK's life bar takes a hit after completely refilling. Jimmy tries to get out of the way from another attack from DISCO FLAMER, this proves to be successful. Jimmy tried to reset but DISCO FLAMER hits "The Penis Wack Attack" again!

Jimmy, you worthless shit stain!

TK is holding on by a thread Jimmy picks up and swings the STEEL CHAIR at DISCO FLAMER knocking him down and fading into nothingness. The screen fades to the end of the round screen, where the score is shown.

That was fucking close!





After the round is over Barney meets up with TK's sprite just outside of the next level named "INNER CITY".

So, what do you think so far?

Barney, I can't move on my own! This is bullshit! How am I supposed to get better if I have to rely on Jimmy, of all people?

Round one was all about trust and you trusted Jimmy to get you through it.

I DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING OPTION!

You didn't? That's odd. Anyway, you still need more points to get an extra life. Unless you find one inside the level itself.

Wait... You didn't say there were extra lives in the rounds!

Well, I'm not going to tell you everything. What's the challenge in that?

TK's sixteen-bit sprite shrugs.

I just figured it was important information and shit.

You need to find out how to be more Xtreme on this level, TK. Think you can do it?

Do bears shit in the woods.

Depends.

What?

Well, it depends on the bear really. Polar Bears shit on the snow and bears in the zoo shit just about everywhere in their cages. You can't just stereotype bears like that, man.

Jesus, Barn, It's an expression.

Yeah, a bad one. Round Two is about to begin. Get ready!

Do I have a damn choice?

No. I guess you don't.

The screen fades black, the word round slides from the right, the number two slides from the left, and meets in the middle. Just like it did for round one. Round two has begun! The music changes again to some funky sixteen-bit hip hop. Immediately you see how dirty the INNER CITY of New York looks.

Holy fuck! It's as dirty as a Vegas whore up in this bitch.

TK's sprite under the control of Jimmy moves to the right triggering eight light blue police officers to walk on screen. Four of which are coming from the right side and four from behind. Jimmy ignores the four from behind and walks up to the middlemost blue officer and grappling him and throwing him into two of the blue officers behind TK's sprite, killing all three. Jimmy keeps the hits coming by easily taking out two more from the right side of the screen. Until one of the light blue officers cracks him with a combination. This action takes one of TK's three lives. TK falls from the sky on the left side of the screen.

Fuck you, Jimmy! They're not even that hard!

Jimmy goes back on the attack wiping out the rest and presses on until TK's sprite encounters two grey barrels. Once reaching the barrels a new wave of officers is triggered. This time it's one light blue officer, two officers with black slacks, and a new officer you haven't seen before. It's a ladyboy dressed in a red leotard, matching stiletto thigh-high boots, with gray pantyhose. This officer also has a whip because Barney is into some kinky shit.

Damn it, Barney! Why do they have whips?!

Jimmy takes out the light blue officer with ease, grapples one of the officers with the black slack does flip over his head, and German Suplexes him. Jimmy has TK's sprite start punching the other officer with the black slacks until the ladyboy cracks TK with a whip.

Ouch, mother fucker! Pay attention to what's going on, will ya?

Jimmy walks back up to the officer with the black slack and finishes him off. The ladyboy is quicker than the other enemies so far and has evaded Jimmy's attack commands. Finally, Jimmy grapples the ladyboy from behind and gives she/her a German Suplex for the trouble but this isn't enough to kill she/her. Jimmy doesn't notice this at first and has already started walking TK's sprite to the right of the screen. The ladyboy cracks TK with a whip again.

Oh, for fucks sake!

Jimmy controls TK's sprite once off the ground to grapple the ladyboy once more. This time Jimmy elects to throw her as Jimmy waits to see if she's dead. The ladyboy isn't dead, she gets back up and charges forward only to be met with TK's sprite punching her straight in the head. The ladyboy's body is knocked back to the ground as it screams in pain. The word "move" flashes with the arrow, as it always does, but Jimmy walks up to the unbusted barrels instead. Once each is busted open now and they uncover a STACK OF XBUX a piece.

XBUX! FUCK YEAH!

TK's sprite is forced to move to approach the next section another grey barrel is there. Jimmy has TK's sprite bust it out to reveal a LEAD PIPE. Jimmy grabs the LEAD PIPE as two officers in black pants roll up to try to stop the advance. Jimmy swings the LEAD PIPE and knocks both to the ground killing them. Four light blue officers charge in from behind but JImmy sees them and has TK's sprite turn in enough time to swing the LEAD PIPE killing them instantly. It's not over yet because as those officers die two ladyboy officers show up as backup from the right side of the screen.

Great... Don't let these trans fuckers hit me with those whips again.

TK says this as he looks up and sees half of his second of three lives has been depleted. Jimmy walks up and grapples one of the ladyboys, tossing her to the left side of the screen. Jimmy catches the other one with a quick combination knocking her backward and to the ground. TK's sprite is moved to the left of the screen to grapple the already thrown ladyboy. This proves to be successful as Jimmy has TK's sprite throw her into the once-downed ladyboy on the right side of the screen. One of the Ladyboys dies from the onslaught but the other keeps on trucking. The final ladyboy tried to wrap around TK's sprite but Jimmy is keen on this maneuver and makes her pay with a quick combination killing her on the spot.

GODDAMN! That's what I'm talking about, Jimmy! Hell, to the mother fuck, yeah!

We finally make it to the end of round two where two ladyboys are standing next to a light brown-skinned man and two grey barrels. A text bubble pops up and reveals the name of the man: "REGGIE ESTANBULL".

Are you ready for your boy's new mixtape?

I hope you got rewind, cunt lips!

The music changes to some epic Sega Genesis battle tunes. The ladyboy officers take off the circle TK's sprite until Jimmy has one grappled throwing her into REGGIE ESTANBULL knocking him down. The other ladyboy officer tries to hit TK's sprite with a whip but JImmy dodges it. Jimmy moves TK sprite to the ladyboy officer that was thrown into REGGIE ESTANBULL and grapples again flipping over her head and delivering a German Suplex. REGGIE ESTANBULL was able to get out of the way in time not to take damage.

ESTANDBULL, you lucky fuck!

Jimmy walks up to one of the barrels hoping to find a CAN OF BEER or HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY but instead finds another LEAD PIPE. Jimmy picks up the LEAD PIPE and hits the undamaged ladyboy officer with it. That ladyboy officer is thrown back to the ground. Jimmy has TK's sprite haul off and hit ladyboy officer that was German Suplexed killing her dead. However, when her body gets knocked back it busts the grey barrel behind her. Under the barrel is HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY.

YO! We need that HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY, bro.

REGGIE ESTANDBULL cuts off TK's sprite from retrieving it and kicks TK in the face. While on the ground TK sees his life meter only has a quarter left.

So, are you going to get that goddamn health or what?

REGGIE ESTANDBULL doesn't move away from the HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY daring TK's sprite to move forward. As TK's sprite moves forward REGGIE ESTANBULL jumps clear off the screen. Luckily, Jimmy never stops having TK's sprite move forward to retrieve the HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY as REGGIE ESTANDBULL falls from the sky with one of his moves FLYING ELBOW DROP.

Now you're in trouble, fucker!

TK's sprite starts a combination but REGGIE ESTANDBULL breaks it and punches TK knocking him backward. Jimmy tries to grapple REGGIE ESTANBULL but doesn't work. REGGIE ESTANDBULL breaks the grapple but not before tying back up with one of his own, throwing TK's sprite to the left side of the screen. Once TK is up Jimmy has him do a jumping knee knocking down REGGIE ESTANDBULL.

What now, pussy mouth? Get up!

Jimmy doesn't have TK's sprite move and waits for REGGIE ESTANBULL to stand. When he does get back to his feet a combination ends up ending the fight as REGGIE ESTANDBULL's body blinks out of existence. The screen fades to the end of the round screen, where the score is shown.

Your mixtape fucking sucked!





After the round is over Barney meets up with TK's sprite just outside of the next level.

Are you ready for things to get harder?

Harder? Fuck it! Bring it on.

I'm going to need you to be more Xtreme you still haven't tapped your true potential yet.

What? I've been picking up weapons and being people to death with them how much more Xtreme do I need to be?

You'll know when it happens.

When what happens?

When you reach your potential.

What?

I told you I wasn't going to tell you everything. Now go out there and be Xtreme!

I got you, Barn.

Good! Time to hit Manhattan Beach.

The scene Barney cut scene fades to "MANHATTAN BEACH". Immediately you notice that the walking path has been cut in half by the waves of the beach. TK's sprite can't use the lower half of the screen to fight anymore. Dead fish are laying on the beach, PETA must be pissed.

It smells like Jenny Myst out here and I'm not talking about ocean breeze.

TK's sprite is moved forward when four ladyboy officers surround him from all four corners of the shortened walkway. Jimmy was able to avoid three of the four shots from the whips as they are let loose. TK's sprite's body is flung forward to the right of the screen. The ladyboys all move forward at TK's sprite. They're wasting no time one cracks its whip as soon as TK's sprite gets to his feet knocking him down again.

Jimmy, watch out for that shit!

Jimmy tries really hard to get back into a groove but he's struggling. Whip shot after whip shot accrues and TK's health meter shows he barely hanging on. This enrages TK.

FUCK THIS SHIT!

TK breaks the game code and has control over his movement and fighting skills. Finally, TK hits his full potential and goes XTREME!

I'll take it from here, Jimmy!

TK walks up to one of the ladyboys and kicks she/her in the cunt, taking away half of her life meter. TK turns around and punches two of the other ladyboys in the face with the same punch knocking them back.

Two for one special, bitches!

TK grapples the last remaining ladyboy jumping over the top of her head and German Supplexing her into the down ladyboy. The downed ladyboy dies as TK runs to the left of the screen to meet back up with the two ladyboys that were punched in the face.

I'm back, sluts.

Still grouped up TK delivers a Hell of a combination killing them both. The last remaining ladyboy tries to circle TK but he grabs that bitch up by the hair and knees her in the face. TK moves to the right to advance the level. some light blue officer tries to stop TK but between nut shots and throat punches, they aren't a match for TK.

Stay the fuck down.

TK comes upon a couple of stacks of tires. TK walks over as a new enemy is revealed two undercover officers who are wearing black boots, and leather jackets, and all have mohawks.

If there's one thing I hate more than a cop. It's a goddamn undercover cop.

TK walks up to one of the stacks of tires where a STEEL CHAIR is waiting for him. TK picks up the STEEL CHAIR and smacks one of the undercover officers over the head knocking him to the ground instantly. The other undercover officer tried to get behind TK but is met with a STEEL CHAIR shot of its own.

Did you really think I was done with you?

TK walks over to the originally downed undercover officer and cracks him in the skull again making the STEEL CHAIR disappear along with that officer.

Why do the weapons disappear! Oh, well...

TK's sprite extends it hands as if to point.

YOU!

TK points at the last remaining undercover officer. The officer quickly walks up to TK only to be met with a well-timed combination knocking the officer back and to the ground. Before the officer can get back to his feet TK walks over to the last remaining stack of tires and kicks it over.

Holy super dick! What the fuck is that?

Under the tire stack, lays "THE HEAD OF ALIAS" TK picks it up and hears a sound effect. TK just received a 1-UP! He hasn't noticed because he's busy kicking the teeth in of the last undercover officer. Once that officer is dead TK moves to the right to continue the simulation.

See, Jimmy, it's not that fucking hard.

TK looks up to see he's gained a life.

Ha! First, try, bitches!

Four stacks of tires are on the screen as a couple of officers in black slack try to step to TK. He grapples one of the two and launches him into one of the tire stacks revealing nothing. TK is annoyed that nothing was under that tire stack.

For real? Why the fuck is it here if nothing is under it?

The other officer in black slack gets the same treatment but this time the knocked-over tire stack produces a BEER BOTTLE! TK walks over to the BEER BOTTLE and picks it up. Once one of the officers in the black slack gets close enough he breaks it over his head killing him instantly. The last officer in black slacks is pretty far away but TK throws the BEER BOTTLE lodging in the officer's throat. The officer falls to his back and dies. TK knocks over the final two stacks of tires, one gives him nothing while the other gives him a CAN OF BEER! TK picks up the CAN OF BEER replenishing a small amount of his health bar.

Fuck the police! What. What. Fuck the police! Fuck'em.

TK presses on as the music changes once again to some bad-ass battle music. From the right side of the screen walks a man between two stacks of tires. The man is fairly jacked, shirtless, and is wearing some of the coolest wrestling gear you've ever seen. He looks to be ready for a fight. A text bubble forms and reveals the man's name: "XAVIER FAUX".

I came here looking to test my skills. Do you have the guts to face me?

I'm going to beat the guts out of you, bitch.

TK with little time to react is met with a Running Clothesline followed by a stomp while TK is on the ground. TK looks up at his health bar.

Fuck, back to where Jimmy had my life bar. This is bullshit!

TK gets up and starts heading to the stacks of tires. XAVIER FAUX tries to attack TK while he's going for the tires. TK takes a step up and narrowly misses getting punched in the back of his sixteen-bit skull. Luck has it that TK makes it to the right stack of tires to be able to pick up HALF OF A WHOLE TURKEY! TK's health meter now reads full.

Alright, fuck-wits, now it's on.

TK lunges toward XAVIER FAUX and delivers a combination, knocking XAVIER FAUX down. XAVIER FAUX doesn't stay on the ground long as he grapples TK and hoists him onto his shoulders, jumping into the sky off-screen while cradling TK's pixel head, falling from the sky while XAVIER FAUX puts all of his body weight into a DVD crushing TK's head.

Yep, can't let that happen again that fucking sucked.

This takes TK's health meter just under half. TK gets back up to his feet and begins a combination hoping it will work. It does momentarily but XAVIER FAUX is able to walk out of it before getting knocked down. XAVIER FAUX tries to do a Running Clothesline again but TK was able to get out of the way. TK pokes XAVIER FAUX in the eye with his thumb and punches him in the balls, dropping XAVIER FAUX to the ground.

Cheap but effective.

TK walks up to the last stack of tires and punches them. Underneath is a LEAD PIPE that he grabs and throws at XAVIER FAUX as he gets to his feet, knocking XAVIER FAUX down once again. TK cautiously walks up to the LEAD PIPE, he picks it up.

This is going to fucking hurt, I promise.

TK begins to cheese XAVIER FAUX with shots with the LEAD PIPE in the corner of the screen. Ultimately this strategy works and he defeats his enemy. The screen fades to the end of the round screen again, you know, where the score is shown.

I guess, I'm the gardener now because I just planted this goddamn fool!




TK is joined once again by Barney Green outside of the next round.

Holy crap, TK!

What?

You unlocked your true potential by breaking the game's code and you cheesed that guy pretty hard at the end with a lead pipe. That's pretty Xtreme!

I figured, just like you told me, take advantage of the damn situation, right?

Damn right! I won't lie the next stage will have YOUR TOUGHEST CHALLENGE YET! Think you're up to it?

Of fucking course I am! Is that even a question? I'm not relying on Jimmy and I'm kind of enjoying stomping the life out of these punk-asses.

Alright, up next is "BROOKLYN BRIDGE"!

To be continued...

🖕PREACH🖕

TK is at Jim Jimson's Mom's house also known as BOB's FORWARD OPERATING BASE.

What are we even fucking doing here?

Well, we're infiltrating Moose Lodge #666 because they're sex trafficking nuns and we're going to make them sex slaves. You know, for a new recruiting tactic. So, before and after a tough match, the members of BOB can blow off some steam. You know what I mean? You know what I mean.

Charlie nudges TK with his elbow before quickly saying,

Not me, of course, because I have Goldie.

Charlie grabs ahold of Goldie in a stern yet sexual way.

What?

Bobby looks mortified.

No. We're not doing that!

Bobby looks over at TK as if to say, he'd never do that, and that he has no clue what Charlie is talking about.

Oh, thank God!

Bobby nods knowing that's just wrong.

We obviously should be pimping them out ourselves to make a metric shit ton of cash! Everyone wants to fuck a hot nun!

Charlie scoffs, disappointed in himself. Bobby shakes his head in disappointment at the both of them.

That's a better idea.

That's absolutely not a better idea!

Fine, Bobby is probably right, he normally is. How are you guys even going to get in?

Bobby shrugs like Shawn Wartstein on any given day of the week.

If you ask me, you should dress up as fucking nuns. I mean, worse comes to worst they try to kidnap you anyway.

Good point.

TK holds up a finger to signal to the other two Bastards he needs a minute.

Hold on, guys, I have to get to work real quick.

Don't let us stop you. Preach, Brother Knuckles.

Bitter.

Yep.

Will I fight my Bastardly Brothers if entered into a tournament?

Yep.

Will they fight me in the same tournament?

Yep.

Do I make mad money off the BOB name?

TK pauses and looks into the camera like, "seriously?"

Yep.

Is Jason Cashe a Bastard without a T-shirt?

Yep.

Do brothers fight?

Yep.

Will we fight again?

Yep.

If you ask Jason Cashe if he'd fight his Bastardly Brothers again, what would he say?

Yep.

Did we create BOB?

TK, Bobby, and Charlie look at each other and laugh.

I guess you can say that we... Bastardized it. Our core values are intact. We don't have a leader and we're still leading the XWF into the goddamn future. Take a look at the fucking card you're on Ned. BOB is the focal point. The tag titles, Charlie and My best friend Bobby Bourbon, they're going to bring home our belts. When Ozzy needs something we'll be right there and until then, we got this.

TK pulls out Ozzy's black card.

Am I greedy?

YEP.

If Ozzy was here he'd tell you the same goddamn thing. The thing about being part of a brotherhood that you're missing, and it's probably because you're an only child, is that no matter what. Even after a fight, we can look at each and know we fought harder to gain the respect of all the others. The fact you can't understand something like that means you've never known what family is all about. If Ozzy called and said he needed us, we'd be right there, same with Barney, and Jim Jimson. We'd be right there a Brotherhood of Bastards. We're all out here for ourselves and each other.

TK gives Ned Kaye the middle finger for his trouble.

Ned Kaye... In that little brain-damaged head of yours, do you seriously think you got the best of either 'Ol Thunder Knuckles, or the Grand High PooBOB Bobby Bourbon? Even your dead wife knows that's not true and the worms ate that bitches brains a long time ago.

TK remembers something Ned had said about him.

You say I have zero fucking empathy. Bitch, I can't even spell empathy. I-M-P-ATHY.

TK chuckles to himself.

Maybe I can after all, but that's not the fucking point. What was yours? Do you ever know or are you having another goddamn psychotic break? You're the fucking Xtreme Champion and no one would even know it if they listened to your drivel, going on and on, about how 'Ol Thunder Knuckles is a bad dude.

TK gives the jerking-off hand gesture that has made him a Megastar.

No fucking shit, cock mite. Do you really want to pop off at the mouth about family? Okay, cool, let's take another look at yours then, yeah? We'll move past the fact your wife drove herself to death, just to get away from you, and move right into something else. Chris Choas fucking kidnapped your mother. Honest question though, have you ever gotten that bitch back? What about Thais? What about Cooper? Where is that family at these days? Did you abandon them like you did Robert Main, Drew Archyle, and dear ole Mum? I'd say Eobard but having his back means something completely different because he took it in the ass. Come on, focus, you'll have to do better than that coming at yours truly about family. If anyone should be bitter it's the people you've been letting down, time and time again, your family.

TK lightly smacks Bobby's arm gaining Bobby's full attention.

How about you maul this over.

TK's lips form a sinister grin before popping off.

Come Warfare Ned doesn't rise to the top,

TK raises his hand above his head.

-he's never been about C.R.E.A.M.,

TK drops to a knee and runs his hand with one swoop.

-and remains part of the crop.

TK stands back up.

He couldn't do it with Landfill, the bargain bin BOB brand. Apparently, aligning yourself with chumps doesn't win you fans.

TK rolls his eyes.

Then all the sudden this fucker hit the ground runnin' treated Marf like I did Main, bludgeoned.

TK swings an imaginary bat.

On April 20th, Ned will show he has stones but XWF fans will see my hand raise from the comfort of their homes.

TK closes his eyes and acts like he's dozing off while talking shit.

His world is straight fiction, when they wake his ass up,

TK shakes his head like he's waking up confused.

-he can watch it on television. Hell, Them No Good Bastard even tried to help him, we held a Trash Master Class, yet he sat on his lazy ass, and now he's outmatched. He could have been learning but chose to be boring because Ned never had a personality he must be outsourcing. What a fucking pity.

TK holds out his hand with one finger extended.

Pity.

TK extends another finger to make two.

Pitiful.

TK extends out yet another finger to make three then balls up his fist, he flicks out a jab, straight right, then left hook combo to the air.

Hit him with a three-piece cause his chin is so hospitable. If he brings his traditional and remains unoriginal, well, that would be fucking typical.

TK gives his signature jerking-off hand gesture.

He going to have to bring fire because it's goddamn pivotal. What is he going to do? Shit, I'm unpredictable. Tables, ladders, and chairs, this bitch better be saying some Bastardly prayers.

TK presses his two hands together to simulate praying.

He steps in the ring with one of XWF's millionaires, while he's still filling out his bank's questionnaires. The whole world prepares for when 'Ol Thunder Knuckles leaves Ned in tears.

TK frowns and acts like he's wiping away a tear.

Wednesday from Las Vegas, Nevada, no match on the card will be hotter. They'll be able to pour Ned in a glass, call him saltwater. The ref is going to have to call for a doctor. He might think that he's smarter, but that shit going to turn him into a martyr, for being so damn cocksure. Ned's reign ends premature because I'm the detour with all the allure. A real mother fucking entrepreneur. He's no Xtreme God like Peter Gilmour. So what if Peter is immature? Doesn't matter because at Warfare the Xtreme Championship, I fucking secure.

TK raises up his right arm as if he was holding the Xtreme Championship already. Charlie looks over at Bobby.

What was that?

Bobby with a proud look on his face.

Thems Bars.

Both Bobby and Thunder Knuckles reach their hands out and connect with a fist bump without even looking! Classic No Good Bastards form.

Gentlemen, if you will, it's now time to bow our heads.

Bobby, TK, and Charlie all close their eyes and bow their heads. TK begins to pray aloud.

I want to lay before you all that weighs heavy on my heart. Reveal and expose the sins of my opponents. I lay these at your feet and pray that the viciousness you bestowed upon me reaches my enemies. I believe you when you say that the fire you have given us burns hotter than a thousand suns. Thank you, for our unending hatred for the roster! Help me deliver their blood and torture their souls for their transgressions against us. In Bastards' Name, we pray,

Charlie, Bobby, and TK lift their heads.

A-fucking-men.

TK nods his head and leaves Charlie and Bobby to their own devices. It sounds like they have a lot of work to do. The video feed carefully fades away to nothingness.