Previously...

And now… The Story Continues!

***
Hand over hand…

His thick, steel-toed boots finding perch where the metal bars cross…

The BOB-Anon free-climbs like a great ape, his massive arms tearing up the side of the 70 foot F-Tron screen (The F-Tron, of course, being the FXW’s take on the X-Tron….).

The aluminum bars creak and moan as his 300-plus pound body leans against the structure…

***

UK could see the BOB-Anon climbing from the skybox window… If he were actually looking anywhere near that direction.

Instead, he focused on the muted sound of a pen tip scribbling across a page.

NK scratched his nose.

“Hmmm… Pod a skin? A pod kins?”

The North Korean had filled lines and lines of his notebook, coming up with possible codebreakings sequences…

His eyes returned to the top of the page where he re-read the list of letters he had lifted of the XWF’s terminals keyboard.

Quote:I,O,P,A,S,D,K,N

He stroked his chin. He had come up with a number of different combinations, but none with an obvious meaning that would be significant to an XWF Executive…

“Pad in kos? PaDINKos?” NK muttered, struggling…

…Was he struggling? Or was this all a performance?

UK had found himself staring at his cross-dimensional counterpart for a number of minutes now.

Just a little while ago, it had felt like NK was bumbling desperately to try and please him… Then, in a flash, NK had seemed to press for detailed information regarding UK’s mission and story, cross-referencing the two for possible holes.

And just quickly, he returned to his character… The Fool.

…UK pretended to stare out the window, simulating the act of admiring the arena below, as he genuinely had been previously… But, he had found the perfect angle in the glass to remain laser-focused on NK…

Had UK underestimated his XWF equivalent? He had watched him for many an hour in the vents… Traveling with his equally idiotic partner, Mark Flynn…

Crafting a perfectly plausible narrative to cover his role in the dissection of FXW superstars…

But could this totalitarian twit see holes in the narrative? Did he perhaps possess an intuition to UK’s ends?

NK took his eyes off the page to look at UK…

UK held back a gasp, focusing his every muscle on maintaining his current angle… But he attempted to defocus his eyes out the window… So his eyes wouldn’t meet his duplicate’s…

This would be a chess match of performance. A battle of wits and wills.

“Mmmmmmm… What a butt.”

UK spun, perturbed by the comment.

“What? What did you say?”

“U-uh-uh…” NK stammered. “What a… buttress this password is! A true challenge for a master infiltrator!” NK chortles, bringing his notebook to cover his blushing face. “Fortunately, I can still utilize my… holding-the-pages-closer-to-my-face technique…”

…

UK sighed. No, it was impossible. This idiot, this horndog for his own body, this narcissistic weiner.

The democracy-lover smiled. There was no chance NK had a clue as to his true designs.

“Hmm… Ah! AH! AHHHH!” NK began to howl, delightedly!

UK glanced over, still trying to play off as unassuming!

“What is it? Did you discover the password, Comrade NK?”

NK beat his chest twice proudly!

“No, I did not!”

…

“Then why are you so happy?!?” UK snarled viciously.

NK neglected UK’s angry outburst as he went back to the keyboard… No. The sheet of plastic that he had laid over the top of the keyboard. The one with fingerprints of varying depth patterns.

“Aha! I had neglected a possibility, Comrade UK! Look!”

UK stepped a few steps closer, still maintaining a distance of several feet… He craned his neck as NK tilted the sheet upwards.

“...What am I looking at?”

NK guffawed.

“The deepest pressed letters! Even those fingerprints are at different depth levels!”

“AND?” UK bellows, betraying still more frustration!

“The letters in the password! There must be multiple of certain letters!”

NK examines the sheet again, then makes a number of ticks…

One… Two… Three… Four!

He flips the notebook to face UK.

“The S, P, I and O keys! There are likely multiple instances of these letters!”

UK exhales, exasperated. “So, the password is more complex than you thought? Meaning it will take longer?!?”

NK laughs again, grinning. “Not so! I was struggling because the letters as they were presented, each used once, had so few significant meanings! Now, we may see some clarity! We are two moves from checkmate!”

UK grins, perplexed at this sudden confident turn, but pleased his objective was apparently at its realization.

“Fantastic news, Comrade NK!”

“...Only… Drat! Double drat!”

NK bit the end of his pen, troubled.

“What is it now?!?”

“I apologize, but… Another matter troubles me! It distracts me from the solution!”

UK sighs. “We don’t have time to repeatedly discuss my history with the FXW, Comrade NK!”

“No, no, no!” NK shakes his head, squeezing his temples, as if desperate to push away this distracting thought. “I recall… Just before you and I met… Right before I was sent away by Maria so she could care for Mark Flynn’s time displasia…”

“I was ambushed!”

…UK is caught, not sure whether to play this sympathetically or surprised…

“Yes.” He says, as he tries to bend his eyebrows upwards, pretending to feel empathy for this fool. “I discovered you, arms and legs bound, in that awful dissection room.”

NK nods, affirming that… “My treasured 2003 Motorola Razr had been stolen. And a knock-on-the-wall down-the-hall had been performed to lure me into an obvious attack…”

“Obvious?”

“Childishly so.”

UK did his best to hide his indignant anger behind a 100-megawatt friendly smile.

“Naturally, I tossed a grenade down the hall.”

…UK recalled that. He had to climb up quickly to the vents to avoid the explosion.

“And after it exploded, I traveled down to the hall to point and laugh at the corpse of the phone thief…”

“And there you must have been attacked by Flark Mynn. The man who planned to… dissect you!” UK shudders with perfectly acted disgust. “Thank goodness I found you!”

“But, just before that… A sound.”

…

“A sound, you say?”

“The sound of… metal against metal.”

“...Oh? Perhaps Flark opened a metal door he was hiding behind?”

“No, it was not the creak of a door.” NK’s fingertips massage his temples, trying to coax further memory. “And even then, I recalled the gentlest… drop.”

“...Drop?”

“Like nimble feet landing gently… from above. Where the ventilation shaft was.”

…

“Hmm. Are you sure your memory is clear, Comrade NK? Perhaps your memory is jumbled from the cowardly attack on your person?”

“No.” NK suddenly turns upwards, his eyes opening to meet UK’s gaze directly. “I never misremember.”

…

…

NK remains staring intently into UK’s eyes. Not allowing UK to dismiss his thoughts

“...Hmm.” UK says, trying to smile and turning back to the window. “If you’re so certain, then it must be as you say it is.”

“You are quite familiar with the ventilation system, are you not, Comrade UK?”

UK side-eyes NK, who hasn’t stopped staring daggers toward the United Korean’s face.

“Oh… Somewhat, I suppose.”

“You said only moments ago when I questioned your knowledge of the arena that you had become familiar with the entire layout. HENCE, how you knew the twists and turns of the ventilation system.”

“Yes…” UK tried with all his might to not bite his lip as he tried to fabricate a lie…

“Although, truth be told, I am not the most familiar with the ventilation system.”

“Oh?”

UK smiles. “No. You see, at first, I only memorized the arena’s walkable areas… FLARK MYNN was the one who taught me how to think of the building as a whole. Various things like trash chutes, ventilation shafts…”

“He taught me much of… alternative exploration. So, if you want a lead suspect on who ambushed you, it was most likely Flark Mynn.”

UK smiles.

“Of course, we already knew that, didn’t we? Because I found you in HIS dissection room.”

***

“… Don’t look down… Don’t look down…”

The mad conspiracy-spewing swordsman mutters to himself… He’s reached the top of the screen… It’s just one leap and pull-up onto the catwalk now…

The BOB-Anon leaps to grab the walking bar

“Don’t look do-”

He grabs the metal bar…

…

The quietest creak…

AND THE BAR CATWALK BUCKLES AND TILTS UNDER HIS WEIGHT…

The thing swings back and forth… Held by pulleys…

“OH GOD OH GOD, PLEASE ROBBIE BOURBON DON’T LET ME DIE!”

***

NK sighs, profoundly relieved.

“Ah! Of course. Occam’s razor. The simplest answer is often the correct one.”

“Flark Mynn attacked me, because he knows the vents of the arena even better than you do.”

UK smiles and nods.

“It is just so.”

NK grins pleasantly as he lifts his notebook back to his face, gripping the pen in his hand.

…

Then, NK sighs.

“Just… Just one more thing then… Why did you want to escape the dissection room via the ventilation shaft, Comrade UK?”

“...Pardon?” UK pretends to not hear NK, trying to buy time to come up with a response…

“When we heard footsteps coming in the dissection room… I tried to leave out the door… But you insisted the ventilation shaft would be safer.”

“...Perhaps I… I panicked and chose our route thoughtlessly…”

“I have a clear memory of you insisting we must subvert our pursuer’s efforts to stay one step ahead.”

Quote:“No! That way is too dangerous… He may retrace our steps, detect a pattern and head us off. We must remain one step ahead.”

NK quotes, with a subtle impersonation of UK’s slightly-different United Korean accent.

“Does that sound like someone… operating… thoughtlessly?”

UK…

…

Starts to lower his right hand…

Into his pocket.

***

The entire walkway swings… The BOB-Anon tries to set his toes on the top of the 70 foot X-Tron to regain his footing… to stabilize his balance…

“ROBBIE BOURBON, PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH! I’M SORRY I DIDN’T STORM XWF HEADQUARTERS AFTER YOU LOST THE UNI TITLE!”

The bar the BOB-Anon grips is bending ever so slightly…

“I’M SORRY I BOUGHT MY ‘MAKE XWF GREAT AGAIN’ SHIRT FROM GOODWILL INSTEAD OF MXWFGA.COM OFFICIAL WEBSITE!...”

Adrenaline courses through the veins of the BOB-Anon as he prays to his idol…

“I’M SORRY I BOUGHT ‘XWF PRESENTS ‘THE BEST THEO PRYCE MATCHES’’ ON DVD! I KNOW HE DRINKS CHILD BLOOD BUT HIS WORKRATE IS SO TIGHT! FORGIVE ME MR REAL PRESIDENT BOURBON!”

…Finally, the BOB-Anon’s feet steady onto the top of the X-Tron…

The catwalk balances, as he keeps grip on the metal railing…

He breathes a sigh of relief…

…

When suddenly the 70 foot screen…

Starts to lean… Ever so slightly forward…

The BOB-Anon panics and leaps off the screen! He digs his elbows around the metal bars of the walkway! And that leap sends the screen tilting further forward…

The metal brackets holding the screen in place… Start to bend…

Then fracture…

And all-at-once, XXXX tons of entrance-video-playing television… Starts to fall…

Falling…

…

KERASH! A MASS OF STATE-OF-THE-ART GLASS AND FLIMSY PLASTIC IMPLODES AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP! SHARDS FLY IN EVERY DIRECTION!

***

The crash of metal-on-metal is deafening, even from the skybox!

UK spins and presses his face up against the glass!

“The F-Tron!”

NK sprints around the edge of the table, running towards the window!

“What WAS THAT?!?”

***

Flynn and Maria have just made it to the stairwell up to the Executive suite… Suddenly, there’s a… distant sound.

“Hey Kyodai, did you hear that?”

“Nope. But, honestly, I’ve been dropped on the head so many times, my hearing comes and goes. Why? What’d you hear?”

“Dunno. But it sounded like someone just dropped the 70 Foot F-Tron onto the steel entrance ramp.”

…

“That’s oddly specific.”

“I’ve thought about what it would sound like. Many, many times.”

“Ah, okay.”

…

“So… Did you want to check it out, then?”

“...Nah. Just wanted to know if it sounded like I thought it would. Turns out it did!”

Maria smiles vacantly.

…

“Okay… Let’s keep moving.”

“After you!”

Flynn and Maria begin climbing the stairs

***

The BOB-Anon’s legs desperately kick in the air, before he finally manically swings over onto the catwalk… Eight stories high…

He breathes another gasping breath of relief. And walks along the catwalk, his hands tightly gripping the metal bars to the sides…

“Thank you, Robbie Bourbon! YOUR BLESSING WILL NOT BE IN VAIN…”

He walks along carefully, closing the gap towards the skybox.

***

UK and NK stand side-by-side, staring down at the exploded F-Tron.

Miraculously, it looked as if no frozen FXW stars were mid-entrance when the freeze occurred… Otherwise, they would have been crushed to death…

“Do you suppose Flark Mynn overturned the F-Tron looking for us?”

UK fabricated Flark Mynn an hour ago so that theory was unlikely. But, UK wasn’t going to share that fact.

“Perhaps… Or even worse, the XWF is here to re-freeze the scene! It’d be in their best interest to prevent me from traveling back to stop them!”

UK spins towards NK and lifts a fist emphatically.

“It’s now or never! We must move quickly to unlock the password!”

NK nods emphatically.

“Indeed!”

…

“Comrade NK?”

“Yes, Comrade UK?”

“... Please remove your palm from my hindquarters.”

NK looks down and… seems to discover his hand on his FWX counterpart’s buttocks…

“Oh… Well. My training must have … kicked in. To defend your… posterior from any attack!”

Dear God, UK didn’t know how long he could keep up this act of not being disgusted by his counterpart’s obsession.

“Ah. Well. Good thinking.”

NK nods… He begins to walk back to behind the desk.

…

““I’m so sorry, I just have one final question.”

UK barks out furiously.

“THERE ARE INTRUDERS RUSHING TO STOP US! THIS HAD BETTER BE THE LAST ONE!”

NK ignores UK’s fury.

““As I mentioned, my phone was stolen just before my attack.”

…

UK’s eyes widen. He pats his back pocket…

Empty.

NK’s right hand raises… The one that just had a handful of UK’s ass.

And now it’s holding NK’s 2003 Motorola Razr…

“How did you come about it… UK?”

Checkmate.

To Be Continued…

***

“Oh hey! Look!”

Flynn spins around from the chalkboard of the War Room!

“Them No Good Bastards are back!”

NK looks up from his phone, sitting at his desk.

“Actually, I believe I heard somewhere we’re supposed to call them ‘Those No Good Bastards’ now?”

“...Nah, I think that was only a brief branding issue after Bobby Bourbon got Thanos-snapped out of reality.”

“Ah.”

NK puts away his phone and stands up to join Mark Flynn at the front of the class.

“Well, well, well! It’s always fun to see a familiar face!”

“Robert Bourbon himself. We figured after we thumped you and Thunder Knuckles and defeated you, the 2021 XWF Tag Team of the Year… That you’d pop right back in line for the next Pay-Per-View.”

“That’s what APEX did, Bob-bo. They interfered in our tag title match, obviously trying to piss you off. Trying to goad you into a triple threat match…”

“They distracted you from the task at hand, promoting the single greatest Tag-Team showdown anyone could book. A showdown between the two highest-profile tag teams in XWF History… And also us.”

“Them No Good Bastards and APEX. Featuring Flynn & NK… Kinda like at Relentless when my best in-ring performance… My fucking life’s masterwork… Turned into the B-plot of another episode of Corey and Thad’s Will-They-Won’t-They soap opera.”

“I very much hope they will, though.”

…

“...Pardon?”

“I, for one, think it would be best for Captain Corey Smith’s mental health and if he and Thaddeus Duke resumed their friendship. It’s for the best of the future of Team F.U.C.K.T.H.A.D.”

Flynn leans into his tag partner’s shoulder.

“Hey NK? United front right now. C’mon, head in the game.”

“Ah. I apologize.”

“To return to our point, APEX made their moves to setup a dream match for Bad Medicine.”

…

“Then where the fuck did y’all go?”

“Robert Bourbon got snapped away into a void of non-existence. Apparently, that void is called…” NK checks his notes. “Twitter.”

“And TK subbed in Charlie Nickles, because TNGB had just brought him into the fold after beating down Terry Borden… Hence, the Them became a Those.”

“How’s that tag team going, Mark Flynn?”

“Uh… They had one draw against Corey and RL. And… that’s been it. TK went on a rampage beating Bob Main. And Charlie has been defending the TV Title like clockwork and apparently even ambushed Caedus into such a frazzled state that ol’ Vaughnie snatched the Uni Title without breaking a sweat.”

“Great singles accomplishments.”

“But zero tag team efforts.”

Flynn claps and rubs his hands together.

“Of course, then! Who emerged back into this plane of reality? What prodigal son returned like an exiled king to reclaim his Tag-Team kingdom!?!”

“Why! Robert Alva Bourbon, of course!”

NK slips a small bugle out of his pocket and lifts it to his lips.



Flynn reaches into the front of his tights and throws a handful of confetti into the air.

“Naturally, the hunt to regain the Tag Titles had begun! Robert Bourbon called to his allies! His Fellow Bastards! To Fight at his Side!”

“And naturally, he was joined by his long-time partner, one-half of the original No Good Bastards, TK! And…”

NK tugs on Flynn’s arm and leans into Flynn’s ear, whispering…

“Uh huh… Uh huh…”

NK backs off. Flynn shrugs.

“Apparently, TK was too busy making informational videos about multi-level marketing and couldn’t make it.”

Flynn points toward the air!

“But! Naturally, Bourbon was joined by Charlie Nickles, the newest addition to the Bastards! The Second Longest Reigning TV Title Champion of All-Time! The CURRENT RE-”

Nk again leans to whisper in Flynn’s ear.

“Uh huh… Uh huh…”

NK backs off. Flynn glowers.

“Well, who the fuck did he get then?”

NK leans in..

“...”

NK backs off.

“...Seriously?”

NK shrugs. Flynn sighs.

“Bobby Bourbon partnered up… with HONORARY Bastard… and entrepreneur-slash-con artist… Barney Green.”

“Barney Allison Green. A man who, since his return to the XWF has won…” NK checks his notes, “Zero matches in 2022.”

“A man whose cryptocurrency is almost as worthless as his claims to being a former World Champion. I mean, for real… TK is really out here calling CCP Enterprises a scam while he’s one degree away financially from FUCKING BARNCOIN!?!”

NK leans in.

“Actually, Mark Flynn, I own seven Barncoins and the return-on-investment has been significant thus far!”

Flynn’s eyes widen.

“NK, get rid of those. You have no idea where they’ve been.”

“They’re digital, Mark Flynn. I can’t physically get rid of them. They’re in my BarnCoin Coin Barn!”

NK tries to show Flynn the value graph inside the CoinBarn app on NK’s 2003 Motorola Razr, but Flynn slaps the phone out of his hand.

“My investment!”

Flynn sticks a finger in NK’s face.

“Keep that crypto shit away from me! It’s a false flag attack on anti-establishment people to track us with every transaction.”

NK leans in.

“Flynn, Flynn… United front.”

Flynn sighs.

“Right, fine.”

NK and Flynn both point into the camera.

“Much like APEX did, Them No Good Bastards took a winning formula… Removed the best ingredient.”

“And replaced it with a spoonful of shit. And now the success soup has soured.”

“APEX lost Caedus and subbed in Ollie Main. And we pounded the tar out of them at Fire & Ice to take our belts back.”

“We narrowly beat TNGB to win our belts originally. Then, they replaced Thunder Knuckles with Barney Green…”

“Look at us. We’ve gotten better and better and better and BETTER. Week in and week out, we’ve made changes to solidify our game. Working towards being the indisputable Greatest Tag-Team in XWF History.”

“Meanwhile, look at our competition…”

“APEX lost all their belts just as quickly as they won them. Then… they folded up shop.”

“Turns out their title reigns are a lot shorter when their opponents remember to show up.”

Flynn winks.

“And Them No Good Bastards?”

“They went from the 2021 XWF Tag Team of the Year… to Honorary No-Good Bastard Barney Green…”

“Mark Flynn, we have one thing that no other Tag Team in this company seems to have.”

“What’s that, NK?”

“Recovery. When TNGB lost their belts, they disappeared to the bottom of the division.”

“Haha, and when APEX lost their belts, they saw fit to lay low and skip the next cycle of shows.”

“But when we lost our belts, Mark Flynn?”

“When our belts were STOLEN from us.”

“We hopped right back to the front of the line. We worked twice as hard. And we took back what’s ours.”

NK and Flynn turn and smile into the camera.

“Bobby Bourbon.”

“Barney Green.”

“I don’t know much about BarnCoin…”

“But the value of Them/Those No Good Bastards?”

“After they lose for the second time in a row to Flynn & NK?”

“Is going to crash.”

“And burn.”

Fade to Black…