Flynn works at his computer, rapidly typing at his keyboard. Code sprays onto the screen like machine gun fire. Flynn is completely locked into his task, his eyes following as text dances downward, line-by-line.

NK walks in and looks over his partner’s shoulder with a cup of coffee. He nods, pleased, before taking a long sip.

“AH! That’sth hoth.” He hisses, nibbling on his burnt tongue.

All-at-once, the rata-tat-tat typing ends. Flynn spins to the camera in his rolling chair.

“Hey APEX.”.

“As you can see, we’re hard at work, forging our glorious victory at Fire & Ice.”

NK is rubbing his tongue on the back of his hand, mourning his tongue’s dead tastebuds.

“Marth Thlynn, I mighth neeth thome ithe.”

Flynn, without batting an eye, hands to NK a bottle full of ice water. NK lifts it and starts chugging.

“Behold the compass by which we chart our course toward your imminent destruction…”

Flynn beckons toward the computer, patting the desktop tower’s side.

“You may remember her.... The Kenta Kobayashi Maru. My pride and joy. The device we used to sharpen NK’s in-ring skills before Relentless.”

An image rests static on the screen. Four polygonal figures, frozen, in a virtual wrestling ring. Two in each corner.

Tag-team action.

“See, while the Maru HAS a general wrestling curriculum… Wrestling 101, if you will… That is NOT the Maru’s primary function.”

Flynn clicks his mouse.

RUNNING SIMULATION #5217

Suddenly, the image unfreezes. One polygon from each corner heads for the center…

Then, the simulated tag-team match… splits into two windows.

Then, four. Then, eight.

As the screens split, an attentive eye might catch the action differing slightly across each simulation. Where in one window, one figure bodyslams the other. In another, the bodyslam is reversed into a hurricanrana… In another, the bodyslam is reversed into an armdrag…

The screens split until 1024 simulations are running in microscopic windows.

“As you can see, APEX, the Maru primarily serves as a combat simulator… Designed to perfectly emulate wrestling scenarios, mapping every conceivable outcome.”

Flynn presses several keys… And the wrestling figures speed-up… Double-speed. Quadruple-speed…

“And by uploading ANY wrestler’s past matches…Their oeuvre.”

Flynn glances back from the screen to the camera, sneering.

“Say, hypothetically, every APEX tag-team match?”

“The Maru takes that data and perfectly plots a decision tree. Every potential risk and hazard, captured and charted…”

Suddenly, one of the incredibly tiny windows closes… Then another… And another…

17 SIMULATIONS COMPLETE

“After we compile simulation results and delineate outcome frequency at each junction in the match… we can route toward prosperous choices, prioritizing strategies that more frequently lead to success...”

When one window closes, others grow to fill the empty space… Once about half have closed, the camera can make out what’s causing window closures…

One side winning. In some, one figure steals a surprise pin. In others, one polygon is forced to beat its pentagonal paw into the mat…

490 SIMULATIONS COMPLETE

“As we alter course to meticulously follow high-success-probability routes… Eventually, a SINGLE course becomes clear.”

735 SIMULATIONS COMPLETE

“The Optimal Path.”

Flynn smiles.

“When I say The OPTIMAL Path? I mean it. I’ll run a million simulations… And eliminate every even-slight inefficiency. Until ONE.”

“PATH.”

“REMAINS.”

NK gasps for breath, throwing the now-empty bottle away. Flynn leans in.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeth. A bith.”

ALL SIMULATIONS COMPLETE

SIMULATION #5217 RESULTS APEX: 17/1024 WINS FLYNN&NK: 1007/1024 WINS

NK peers the results and whistles.

“Oh my! Mark Flynn! A Jacked pot! Near-total success!”

Flynn shakes his head.

“NEAR-total success…Another way to say failure.”

Flynn clicks the maximize button. Suddenly, the screen is populated with bar graphs and pie charts. Beautiful data.

“Look. 15 of APEX’s remaining 17 simulated victories are attained by pinfall after a Dead Man’s Hand… So, add ‘Slam Evasion’ training to our itinerary. The other two were submissions via Alpha-Omega…”

“The Abdominal Stretch on Steroids, some call it…” NK strokes his chin.

“And… in how many simulations, am I the… loss’ recipient?”

Flynn smiles and expands the graph. We see a full bar with NK’s face on it.

“...UGH, ALL of them? AGAIN?!?”

“Sorry, NK. Back to training.”

NK sighs and grabs the visor… The one that months ago loaded him into the virtual speakeasy. He slips it over his face and assumes a combat stance. He circle-steps… As if a match has begun.

Flynn rotates toward the camera.

“We’ve compiled data from APEX’s biggest triumphs. Analyzing, scrutinizing and finding flaws in APEX at its peak.”

“APEX’s apex, as it were.”

Flynn winks.

“But, let’s face it. APEX is a long, long way from their best.”

“APEX is withering. Dying. Bad Medicine ended with APEX at the mountaintop. Then, they slipped off…”

“Now they’re in fucking free-fall.”

“You see more APEX yelling and posturing post-show than you actually see ANY OF THEM competing anymore.”

“Now, don’t get us wrong, APEX. We’re not JUST preparing for your very best.”

Flynn gestures to himself, then to NK mid-training. NK drops, flat-backed to the ground, then kips right back-up.

“HA! I DODGED VIRTUAL ROBERT MAIN!”

“But the very best you were EVER capable of.”

“We’re planning on taking Omega at his competitive peak.”

“...Which, according to data, was mid-2019.”

“And Ollie.”

“Who might peak whenever his balls drop.”

“We plan on running a strenuously-stress-tested gameplan, with an EXORBITANT likelihood of success. Something that WOULD SUCCEED… Against the best you’ve ever been… And ever could be.”

…

Flynn smiles and turns back to his computer.

“However. I wonder… Are we prepping correctly? Should we instead be studying Today’s APEX?”

“Just in case, I coded an… alternative… simulation.”

“One that… ACCURATELY depicts APEX in 2022.”

Flynn beckons the camera forward.

“Please.”

“Enjoy.”

***



Winner of North Korean Game Informer’s Game-Of-The-Year 2022 AND 2023!

Click to Play!

***
CLICK.

RUNNING SIMULATION #5218

The camera zooms out… And Flynn snatches it by the side.

“Before we wrap this lesson, Rob. We wanted to address…”

“Just how full of shit you are.”

Suddenly, the camera flips out of Flynn’s hands… And NK smiles down looking into the barrel.

“Which is ‘Filled to the brim', Robert Main.”

The camera is gently deposited into a stand and NK jogs back beside Flynn at the desk.

“Robert Main and his participation-trophy-wielding little brother imagine it was a coward’s play on our part to protest on Savage, as ‘we KNEW they’d be fighting on Warfare’.”

“First of all, fuck you. You didn’t even COMPETE on Warfare. You dropped in for a fucking contract signing.”

“Because apparently, APEX thinks ‘rigorous contract negotiation’ is what fans buy front-row tickets to watch.”

“Moreover, Rob Main likes to pretend the referee fuck-up was fairplay.”

“An equalizer to counteract our… creative interpreting of tag-team rules.”

“As if the playing field was level.”

“Let’s remind everyone of what the rules are…”

“And who they apply to.”

“November 2021: When WE won the tag team titles, a message comes down from management! ALL TITLEHOLDERS MUST DEFEND THEIR BELTS ONCE PER CALENDAR MONTH!”

“One defense per month? You didn’t hear one complaint from us!”

“We obeyed that rule! And why wouldn’t we? All champions play by the same rules? ZERO COMPLAINTS FROM US!”

“Then, APEX steals our titles off poor officiating…”

“Suddenly! APEX gets a sixty-day window with zero tag title defenses?”

“And Jim Caedus goes his entire tenure as Star of the Month without wrestling ONCE! Jim Caedus just gets to SKIP the SOTM Curse!!!”

“Isn’t that funny? How the rules only apply to SOME of us?”

”Speaking of rules not being uniformly applied… The X-Treme Title…”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, NK. Stop WHINING that you can’t use your title shot!”

“No no! Mark Flynn, I’m still referring to Tag Team malfeasance!”

“…Whaddya mean?”

“We battled Jim Caedus and Robert Main at Bad Medicine, yes?”

“Yeah?”

“Who was X-Treme champion at the time?”

“Uh… Jim? Our match was juuuuuust before Vaughn and Bam ambushed Jim and snagged the belt.”

“Thusly… OUR match should have been X-Treme Rules, yes? X-Treme title on the line? As it was when you were X-Treme champion in 2014?”

…Flynn’s eyes widen.

“HEY! YEAH! WHAT THE FUCK!”

“But! Our tag match wasn’t X-Treme Rules…”

“BECAUSE… if it were X-Treme Rules, we’d had an advantage! We’re much better in a no-rules environment than APEX!”

“Yet another… mysterious accident against us.”

“And FOR APEX.”

“…BUT, if you listen to Rob Main, WE’RE the problem. WE’RE the cowards! If we challenged him straight-up, he’d answer the call…”

“…Except we’ve SEEN him dodging challenges.”

“We're not fucking goldfish, Rob. We remember shit like this.”

“DECEMBER. Literally ONE MONTH AGO!”

“Thunder Knuckles challenged you one-on-one.”

“Silence.”

“TK produced and directed MULTIPLE MUSIC VIDEOS to get your attention.”

“Silence.”

“TK wanted your signature on the dotted line… And finally, someone stepped up!”

…

“But YOU didn’t step up, Rob.”

“XWF Co-Owner, Vinnie Lane stepped up.”

“Telling TK to shut his mouth. To stay in his lane. That Robert Main was too valuable a star to waste on a blowoff-match against TK.”

“The BOSS answered when YOUR schedule was full… presumably taking hunting trips and singing along to Nickelback.”

“…Now, once more with gusto…”

“TRY TO FUCKING SAY THERE’S NO COLLUSION HERE!”

“When the CEO of a billion-dollar empire is out here personally taking your messages?”

“That looks MIGHTY fishy, Robert Main.”

…

“You probably expected us to focus on Ollie this week, huh, Rob?”

“And make no mistake. Lil’ Ollie suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.”

“But, the weak link in the APEX chain?”

“It’s you, Rob.”

“At one point, you were the OMEGA. THE MAN. The XWF’S ALPHA.”

“Now? Look at you.”

“Past your prime. Overpaid. Management sells you like you’re still Cream-of-the-Crop… because they broke the budget resigning your contract.”

“The boss man started feeding you treats and rubbing your belly… And you stopped hunting. You lost your hunger.”

“The master bought you to keep the mice at bay. And you’ve become lazy, slow…OBESE… Now the home is infested.”

“Lane wasn’t wrong. 2019? You would have fucking swallowed TK whole like the Beast you were…”

“THIS year? You got fucking embarrassed.”

“You went from a company workhorse to a FUCKING PART-TIMER, Rob.”

“The Wild Animal… became a fucking lapdog.”

“A housecat, coughing hairballs at the feet of your corporate masters.”

“You were the fucking APEX predator. The King of the Forest…”

“Now, you’re FUCKING Garfield.”

“Drowning in a serving tray of lasagna.”

“Your body too fat to climb out. Your arms too weak to swim up.”

“Want to pretend like you’re NOT a favored son around the XWF, Robert Main?”

“Why else would Vinnie Lane defend you? You’re a grown man. Why else would YOU not fight your own battles?”

“How else have you maintained Main-Event status when you work FIVE matches a year? Three of which were a Three-Stages-of-Hell match?”

“Why else would your ROOKIE BROTHER get handed a belt before EVER WRESTLING A MATCH HERE, ROB?!?”

“...Because YOU… were an investment.”

“APEX was an investment.”

“XWF put MONEY into the idea that 2022 was THE YEAR OF APEX.”

“...And the reality? Returns-on-investment are already looking grim.”

“At Bad Medicine… Something...”

“...Something?”

“SOMETHING! Intervened in our match and put you and Jimbo over. SomeONE applied grease to an official’s palm until their hand was slick enough to slip an ILLEGAL three on an INVALID pin.”

“Theo…? Vinnie…? Someone else with their hand tipping fate’s scale?”

“...Dunno… YET!”

“But, some-THING bought that referee’s negligence. Some-ONE stacked the odds, betting on APEX’s future…”

“...But now? After you’ve FAILED? CHOKED? UNDERPERFORMED? After you made the boss look foolish vouching for your greatness?”

“It’s difficult imagining anyone in charge is interested in artificially supporting APEX’s already-flimsy claims of dominance.”

“And with no hands tilting the scales?”

“Rob? Ollie?”

ALL SIMULATIONS COMPLETE

NK grins.

Flynn tilts the monitor towards the camera.

“You’ve got…”

SIMULATION #5218 RESULTS APEX: 0/1024 WINS FLYNN&NK: 1024/1024 WINS

“ZERO.”

“CHANCE.”