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Consolation Prize - Jason Cashe - 01-19-2022
"It's crazy to me.." Pulling a shirt over his tattooed body. Jason Cashe is stepping out of a room. Pulling the door softly to a close behind him, he heads down a hallway. A lit joint held loosely from in between his lips. He continues.
"I know that those who know of me come more with hate than appreciation and that's cool. I'm not for some and nobody is for everybody so it connects that I won't be a positive for every tom, dick or hairy Karen. Yet to those that do ride for me and I for them, it's loyalty, it's respect that doesn't get broken easily, if at all. I got people I've known and co-signed for years and on a single call up I could have them fighting beside me and that goes both ways like a straight bitch tongue tickling the cat on a wild weekend! That's WHY this is crazy to me, TK.."
Taking a pause as he grabs a cup off the counter in the kitchen. Cashe pours himself some coffee. The pot wasn't on so by this point, it was cold and straight up. He chugs it down and gets on with his topic of discussion.
"You told me back in OCW that Riddle and I weren't a real team. You said that we didn't do EVERYTHING together and therefore somehow couldn't be what placed defeat at your feet because Them No Good Bastards were what we weren't, a team.."
Coming into the living room of his condo in Las Vegas. Jason Cashe was at the roach end of the joint as he stumped it out in an ashtray on the coffee table. "Yet here we are.. You're real quick to replace the face behind the Bastards but why the FUUUUCK did you pick Nickles?" Cashe scoffs and shakes his head.
"You could have chosen a new team name but no, you promote the Bastards brand as if it was YOU people thought of first when people see them promoted and booked. I guess we could have kept this match a Tag affair but Riddle and I have no interest in the NOT So Good Bastards and the thing is TK? I have come to feel a connection to Them No Good Bastards. The real ones. Hell, you selected Nickles but did Bourbon co-sign that decision? What's more is that in this crazy fucking world we live in, there is someone who at one time was approved by BOTH members of Them No Good Bastards, called an Honorary Member and that man was ME!
We get it though. You wanted to take Bourbon's spot. Be the face behind the brand! You needed that sidekick and Charlie Nickles fits the profile. Knuckles and Nickles! To me? That's just not Them Bastards. To me, I see that the bulge in your jeans is missing so you've shoved a roll of nickels named Charlie Nickles down your pants to help improve your Moose Knuckle. That's just false advertisement in the name of the Bastards! Generic brand, a remake nobody wanted outside of you and the guy now feeding off the name of TNGB."
Charlie wasn't of any concern to Cashe. They had met a time or two. Bumped into the man backstage a few shows back even. One could argue that if not for Nickles, Cashe might still be wrapped up with Atara. Cashe had thought to send him a gift basket to show some appreciation. Neither Nickles or his 'Goldie' was of interest at the moment though.
"When Them Bastards returned at Bad Medicine after our debut.. I knew it would get ugly. I knew you were about to have a moment, make a statement and yet I still stepped forward to welcome you back. Arms wide open, wanting to hug who I have come to see as having the same stripes that I have. People who get me and who I have said time and time again that I have respect for! Hell you even brought presents with you! Gift wrapped cinder blocks and hey, I get it! If you came down with just hands to trade, it might not have gone the way it did. You needed to make sure we didn't ruin your return like we ruined your celebration back at Relentless. Like we did in OCW when we beat you for the Tag Titles.."
A slight grin grows over his face. "Now neither of us are competing to be the Lord of the Throne. That will take place in the Main Event but for the sake of respect, I want you to see the Bastard Throne and see that it is not YOU that sits in it, even now.. Regardless of who you put a TShirt on and try to replace him with, YOU don't sit on that Throne… HE does.."
Clicking a button on a TV remote and the large screen television switches over to a Zoom video call. A long table like you would see in The Last Supper fills the screen. At its center opposite the table was a throne. In it sat Bobby Bourbon. As massive as ever, he hovered over the table even while sitting. The table was filled with various kinds of steaming potatoes. Smashed, boiled and baked depending on the platter dish it was served on. In front of Bourbon was stacks of ribs that looked like they came from Dragons themselves! Sauce covered and caked around his mouth.
"How the hell are ya Bobby? You been good?" Cashe asks as he pulls out a cuban cigar sized blunt. Twisting it slowly as the flame of his lighter touches the tip, he puffs to get it burning. "The floor is yours Bobby.. If you got something to say, say it."
Nodding, Bobby grabs a large pot of stew and drinks from it, washing down his food as if it were just a simple cup. Standing from his throne, he takes half a slab of ribs and tosses it. A group of rowdy Hobbits clamor for it and go after it like bridesmaids going after a bouquet, biting, kicking, and screaming for the leftovers of the Mighty Bourbon.
"Jason, all I gotta say is I look forward to what is obviously the match of the night. Bastard on Bastard action. Now, I can't lie, I'm slanted towards Brother Knuckles since I trust he can handle himself in the shit when in the shit. However it shakes out, though, whoever wins is the future Xtreme Champ. Marfolemew?" Bourbon wipes his mouth with the length of his forearm.
"He could hold a torch to kerosene soaked bleachers and still fail to light a fire under anyone's ass. Cage Coleman? He's named after camping supplies. Bam Miller? He's about as tough as a bag of cotton balls. Reggie Estrada? He's as dangerous as a plastic bag, gets pushed around by a strong breeze and is his own choking hazard. Either way this goes, after all is said and done, I think you, me, and TK should go play laser tag or something."
Plopping back down into his Bastard Throne. Bourbon scoops up another enlarged rib and pulls the meat off in one suck. Waving the bone at the screen, Bourbon adds. "We will talk later. I feel a mid meal poop about to breach the surface."
"Wipe well!" Giving Bobby a quick salute, he clicks the remote and the call ends. Tossing the TV controller onto the table, Cashe sits back and pulls in a lungful from his cigar blunt. "There are no shrooms present. It wasn't a figment of my own or your imagination. I had YOUR tag partner on my shit and gave him the floor to say ANYTHING he wanted..
He could have bad mouthed Management. It would have still made the cut. Yet he showed LOYALTY to you saying he was slanted to pick you to win this match! He went down the list of those who could have the X-Treme Title by the time one of us becomes top contender. One could say the man does pro bono work like no other..
I wonder though if he'd have replaced you as quickly as you did him? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am falling flat on my face and if so, I will still have gone down swinging. See, I'm not one of those Omega Main types where I will boast and brag about what I've done if what I have done has done nothing more than place me where I am currently at. I am set to face you one on one TK... Inside of a match with no rules, no certainty for either of us to be the same after.
We will shorten our careers and potentially our lifespans with some of the shit that could take place in this match and THAT is why it excites me!
You are a name to be recognized. A Former Television Champion, former Tag Champion and you've done better for yourself than most people do in an entire career and you've done it in a short amount of time. You've been at this, what? 3-4 years at best? You are still a puppy inside that ring and you have shot out like a rocket towards stardom! Why wouldn't I, as a veteran of this sport, be excited for that? You might not look the part but I look forward to seeing just how GOOD you are WITHOUT Bobby Bourbon holding your hand..
In XWF, you are the more established name. You are who everyone, in every corner of this company knows just in reference alone. Yet here we are in a match that provides us both with something we haven't yet accomplished. A shot at becoming X-Treme Champion or at least the opportunity to compete for it! Will it be another notch added to your belt or will it be mine to take claim of? Time will tell…"
Sat back into the couch, Cashe slow blows an O and it skips across the open space of his living room.
"What exactly are you doing?" Cyrus Riddle was sitting at a bar inside of the Casino where he and Cashe agreed to meet for drinks.. A glass in his hand with about 2-3 fingers of a pour sitting inside. Cashe was standing next to him and had an index fingering pressed against Riddle's shoulder. "Why are you touching me? It's bloody weird.." His accent snuck out in his words.
"To make sure you're really here.." Cashe answers him as his finger travels up to Riddle's face and goes for the opening nostril closest to him. Riddle moves his head away.
"Well stop!" Riddle demands.
"Last time Bourbon was seen on camera with TK, he disappeared. I have to be sure the Rapture isn't happening!"
"And if it were, you think I would go?" Scoffing out a laugh, Riddle shakes his head. "And you think Bourbon would be called up as well?" He takes a sip from his glass.
"I seent Bourbon. He ain't gone. I just think TK used Bastard money to pay for a good Holographic so he wouldn't get in trouble with management or something.."
"Gotta love the special effects! Why don't you invest and add some?" Riddle questions but Riddle didn't do any of it either.
"I don't work for MTV? If you need more of a visual then try watching this with 3D glasses on.." Cashe snaps towards the camera with a clenched fist as if to add to that effect. "Nope, not for me." Adding as he leans and kisses Riddle awkwardly against the side of his head. "I've got to tinkle.. Be right back."
"The fuck you kiss me for?!" Riddle says with a pitch to his voice. Clearly bothered as he watches Cashe stroll towards the bathroom. No reason was given.
"TK, we will circle and bang in this match. We will swing some thangs and breach the flesh to get that copper smell floating around in the atmosphere! Xtreme Rules for an opportunity at the X-treme Championship!
Now I'm well aware that the added stipulation is to make up for what COULD have been! What SHOULD have been! We are without partners for this and while you might have found a replacement Bastard, I wouldn't water down that rematch, it doesn't work without Bourbon. So you've got me, not because Riddle got fired or passed on the chance to advance but because LIKE a real Tag Team, we came to the decision as Partners do..
Rock
Paper
Scissors!
I won so here I am in the driver seat! I'm not all that upset at the outcome to be honest. It was you who I first talked to. First interacted with as far as our sides go. You can say that the first match was a joke. Say that OCW placed a referee to give us an advantage and maybe they did. Regardless of how it went down.. We won. Our Hands were Raised! We expected Round Two, the Prove it Round and this will still be that to a certain degree! I will just gain a new milestone to chase after I prove it to you. To everyone…
It's not like I haven't been putting in work. Planting the seeds, keeping myself busy as this match grew closer. What have you had, two matches since you returned? Since I've been here? A Tag Match and that big win over Omega Main right? That's it? You beat one half of the Tag Champions! Feels like you're prepping yourself to head right back to the Tag Division after you take this L.
See me, I've been going at it. Nobody on Omega's level but preparation comes in repetition not always the level of your sparring partners but the one common thing I have had is that every match has been without rules. Without limitations to what I am allowed to do. I could cut your mullet off..
I could light a table on fire with you laid on it. The scent of your flesh and that hair treatment just filling the arena! Like a glorious pyre live on Pay-Per-View and no consequences would come from it.. Most likely, I'm just going to bring a brick along. I'm building a foundation here in XWF and with each opponent, I mortar and lay another brick to the build. You will make the foundation stronger by being a part of it.
Like you yourself said.. You're a Tag Team Specialist. I'm just someone who jumped into your world but in this match? You're walking into mine. Won't be nobody to carry the weight for you. Won't be a tag out to take another vacation. I haven't stopped any, I haven't taken a breather be it here or in another promotion. I've fought on Cruise Ships, with Plastic Wrap while Rapping, I will see a Scaffold soon and this is all outside of XWF but here, I've just been grinding and truth be told? I'm going to enjoy this far more than you will! Bastard to Bastard, from one to another.."
"Aaaggghhhh…" The groaning moan of Jason Cashe echoes some inside the bathroom. The vocal vibrated off the walls as it does in public bathrooms. His head tilted back as the urine crashed down into the water with a thunderous splash. "Fucking amazing!"
He has been quoted as saying that a good piss is like a distant cousin to getting a blow job. A good blow job, not just a dick in the mouth of someone who doesn't LOVE popsicles! As the stream began to wither and it ended with some drips, he shook himself a few times and put everything away. The question to ask was why he chose a stall and not a urinal or why he chose a stall but didn't close the fucking door? More questions than answers but whatever..
"Why haven't you answered my calls Jason?" A voice popped out and gave Cashe a good jump to attention.
"Yooo! Who's there?" Stepping back out of the stall, Cashe found nobody. He lets a few ideas fill his head. "Show thyself!" There was no rhyme or reason for him to say it like that but the random was embedded in his wit.. If you choose to call it that.
"You owe us a lot of money Jason.." Another voice, similar but still different than the first. How were two whole people hiding to where Cashe couldn't see them. Scanning the bathroom, the stall doors were all open. He did a check into each and all were empty. That only left one place to hide.. The closet or under the sink. "We've come to collect!"
As he approached the closet, the door sprang open! Out came 2 Midgets.. errrr.. Little People. From under the sink walked another. Cashe was suddenly surrounded. He knew exactly who they were and what they wanted. "Well.. shit…"