+- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com)
+-- Forum: Anarchy Boards (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=118)
+--- Forum: Anarchy Results (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=121)
+--- Thread: YULETIDE ANARCHY!!! (/showthread.php?tid=42506)
YULETIDE ANARCHY!!! - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 12-24-2021
|
![[Image: Christmas-Lights-PNG-Free-Download.png]](http://www.pngmart.com/files/3/Christmas-Lights-PNG-Free-Download.png)
Anarchy goes into a cold open (get it? Because it’s cold?) and lands right on the announce desk in the parking lot of the Santa Claus House in North Pole. Alaska!
No need for pyro here, folks, because we got the NORTHERN FREAKIN’ LIGHTS!!!
![[Image: aurora-northern-lights.gif]](https://c.tenor.com/h5XWZ-lIbaMAAAAC/aurora-northern-lights.gif)
Aw FRICK yeah! Look at that natural laser light show!
Anyway, the camera drones zoom all around the area, showing the vast snowy landscape that will play host to this very special edition of Anarchy.
Eventually, the cambots buzz down to the booth where “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, in a santa hat, and his buddy and broadcast partner Bama T., dressed like an elf, sit. In Bama’s hands is his best friend Sassafras the chihuahua, with an adorable little candy cane outfit on.
Vinnie Lane: “Welcome to Yuletide Anarchy, ladies and germs! Speaking of germs, not a lick of Omicron anywhere near North Pole Alaska!”
Bama: “Dang right baby even COVID ain’t tough enough to rough it in the Great Frontier! Hey, you ever seen Grizzly Man?”
Vinnie Lane: “Sure did. Gnarly! You know what else is gnarly? Spending the holidays in the middle of a friggin’ glacier, watching four bad-butt ladies huck snowballs at each other! That’s our opener here tonight, folks, because MAD RHYMES are back in action taking on newcomers to the XWF… you ever seen these ladies before, Bam?”
Bama: “I lookeded them up, Vince, and let me just tell you, these two broads are tougher than Seal Team 6! Claire Rogers has got the mouth of a sailor and the ass of a battleship… and Ximena Asensio? That hot tamale has got nalgas that can crack walnuts!”
Vinnie Lane: “I hope that’s not as gross as it sounds, Bama, but trust me I know all about what BGTL can do… they, along with their opponents Mad Rhymes, were all on my LFL football team the Tenochtitlan Quetzalcoatl!”
Bama: “Gesundheit.”
Vinnie Lane: “You talk about four tough women, they don’t get any tougher than these four. Tonight, iron sharpens iron… in the form of a snowball fight! Let’s get right to it after a quick look backstage…”
Vinnie grins for the hard cam as Anarchy focuses on the Yule-Tron!
“I can’t believe I let you drag me into shit like this,” Claire said while shaking her head. She and her tag team partner Ximena were prepping for their ‘match’. Ximena just shrugged.
“I’m just happy to get back to some action, really. Fitness comps are fun, but a bit mellow. This is a good step in the right direction.”
“It’s a fucking snowball fight, Xim! Vinnie’s just fucking with us and you can’t see it!”
“My pride isn’t as easily wounded as yours I guess. Just enjoy the moment! You started literally every snowball fight in high school. I thought you’d be pleased you’d get to throw a ball of ice in Bobbi London’s face?”
Claire considered it for a second.
“I… guess it could be fun. I just don’t like we’re being trotted out there like the clowns of the week, partaking in XWF’s favorite fucking circus show. Nobody takes Anarchy seriously and it’s exactly because of shit like this. I can already hear the announcer, ‘please welcome your new favorite laughing stock!’”
“Then change their minds, Claire. And stop whining!”
“Hmpf! Whatever!”
“And be glad! You’re by far the smallest target, so you’ve got the advantage.”
“Bitch.”
“It wasn’t a dig at your height.”
Claire balled her fists and stomped her feet like a petulant little child.
“AAAAARGH, where the fuck is Jacuinde, I need to punch his face so I can feel better!”
“Leave that poor guy alone, will you? Rumor has it he nearly quit the XWF when you signed up.”
“You mean when YOU signed ME up! I never asked for this!”
“Tough shit, hermana.”
“Fuck you, XImmie! No seriously, fuck you! I could punch you in the cooch right now! Because of you I gotta look at Bobbi London’s fat faded fuckface for half a night, and get the stench of Maxine’s breath out of my clothes. She smells like she only has jammed parrot anuses for dinner. That bitch has gotta rest in piss asap, you hear me!?”
Ximena patted Claire on the shoulder.
“Goood, good; let the anger flow through you.”
Claire shrugged her hand off.
“Don’t make NERD references, you NERD! If you must really know, I… HMPHSOMIHSMHQSFL!!”
Claire was shut up by Ximena wrapped her arm around her head and covering her mouth. Claire tried shouting and biting, but Ximmie’s technique was too good. Came wit the territory of Claire’s friendship.
“Now shush. We’re gonna go out there, have a snowball fight, whatever that entails, and we’re gonna get this thing, whatever it is, rolling. Okay?”
Claire rolled her eyes, before eventually nodding.
“Good.”
At the front of the house, the sound of a small ringing bell can be heard. A man dressed as Santa Claus is standing next to a red Salvation Army bucket, ringing his small bell, while another man, also dressed as Santa, stands a few feet from him. A few patrons walk out of the gift shop, with one looking at the Santa's and scoffing.
Patron: The Salvation Army. What a fraud. Run by a bunch of bigots.
Santa: So everyone who disagrees with you is a bigot, right?!
The Santa ringing the bell pulls his beard down, revealing Bartholomew "Boots" Lichter. The other Santa takes his beard off, revealing himself to be O. Bay T-Law. "Boots" gets into the face of the patron.
Patron: No, but they literally leave homosexual and transgender people on the streets to die in the winter.
Boots: You people like to spread lies about good Christians just to make yourselves sound better than us. Like you're perfect, huh? You seem really suspicious to me. O, search 'em!
Without questions, O. Bay walks over to the woman and begins searching her shopping bag. A crowd begins to form as the woman yells out in protest, but O. Bay pulls out a small Christmas ornament from inside the bag and holds it up.
T-Law: Where did you get his?
Patron: Inside the store? I literally just bought it.
T-Law: Oh yeah? Where's your receipt?
Patron: What? I didn't keep the receipt. It's a three dollar ornament. I paid cash for it.
Boots: Do you know what the penalty for shoplifting is around here, young lady?
Patron: I didn't shoplift! You can ask...HEY!
Before the woman can say anything further, O. Bay violently turns her around and begins to handcuff her. The woman attempts to fight back, but to no avail, as O. Bay walks off with her. Boots raises his hands in the air and speaks to the crowd that has gathered.
Boots: It's alright, people. That street thug is off the street. There's no need to thank us.
Unknown voice in the crowd: YOU SUCK!
Boots: WHO SAID THAT?!
Boots starts looking through the crowd as the show goes back to the ring.
Vinnie Lane: “Wow! Looks like Boots and Law are ready to enforce the thin blue line on Anarchy! But for now… we’ve got us a snowball fight to worry about!”
 Mad Rhymes (Maxine and Bobbi London) - vs - Bitches Got To Learn (Claire Rodgers & Ximena Asensio) Snow Ball Fight! These four BAD BROADS are gonna uncork some high heat at each other with snowballs until only one team is left standing! Referee: Chaz Bobo |
The camera pans out across a windswept field covered in snow. Dunes of the white stuff rise and fall as a light dusting continues to fall from the sky.
“Mad” Maxine, pumped up like crazy, walks out into the snow wearing Uggs and a two piece bikini. She’s from South Dakota, this is easy for her. Her partner Bobbi London, though, is bundled up so much that she’s like the kid in A Christmas Story when he can’t put his arms down.
Mas packs up some balls of snow and loads up Bobbi’s hands for her.
“ROIGHT! Ye’s ladies are about to KISS ME ICE!”
Maxine snorts like a horse.
Vinnie Lane: “Max is one of the strongest human beings I’ve ever seen. She picked up my car once and moved it out of the way for Roxy’s, dude!”
Bama: “She looks like she’d win the dang Kentucky Derby by a furlong!”
Out walk Claire Rogers and Ximena Asensio , the fearsome duo known as Bitches Got To Learn. They are dressed like normal, fashionable people. Well, other than the impossibly tight yoga tights Claire is wearing. Not sure how she found EXTRA tight leggings.
Vinnie Lane: “These two know each other so well they practically think with one mind. Claire and Ximmie are the blueprint for a tag team. Opposites that are stronger together!”
Bama: Vinnie do you think Ximena needs a green card bad enough to marry ol’ Bama T.?”
Vinnie Lane: “Pretty sure she’s a citizen, dude…”
Bama: “Dang.”
Chaz Bobo calls the action to start, and all four women immediately pelt him with snowballs until he’s lying in a heap, crying.
Vinnie Lane: “Jesus, Chaz. Get it together, dude…”
Bama: “Looks like his snowballs never dropped, boss!”
The camera catches Claire finding a hard rock and rolling it up into a snowball. She chucks it at the side of Bobbi London’s head!
Bobbi collapses and Max’s eyes widen. She rolls up a ball the size of a snowman’s head and flings it at Claire’s knees! Claire faceplants into the snow but Ximmie hurdles her and leaps into the air, peppering Maxine with a rapid fire assault of golf sized snowballs that look like they are packed as dense as snow can get.
Max is staggered, but a bloody Bobbi London sits up like a zombie and screeches a war cry, using her body as a sort of trebuchet to fling a whole sheet of snow into the air!
Bobbi’s snow-ta-pult load catches Xim on the descent, enveloping the Mexican Madre in a cocoon of cold snow.
Claire crawls toward Bobbi and throws an icicle like a dart!
Vinnie Lane: “Claire always finds a way to cheat without really cheating. It’s uncanny dude!”
The icicle hits Bobbi London between the eyes and she falls backward again.
Maxine looks over and sees one of the prop igloos made for the show at the same time that Claire sees it. They both have the same thing in mind and race to the igloo, reaching it simultaneously.
Claire and Max each grab one side of the igloo and lift it from the ground, but neither woman can break the grip of the other and pull the structure out of her hands. They grunt and growl at each other, yanking and twisting at the igloo… and it breaks in half right down the middle!
Bama: “I hope them eskimos evacuated in time, Vinnie!”
Vinnie Lane: “There were no eskimos there, Bama, it’s a prop we made for the show… and you can’t say eskimo anymore!”
Bama: “Aw man!”
Max and Claire start swinging their respective halves of the igloo at each other like a bizarre sword fight scene. It’s at that moment that someone notices a pair of shadowy figures appearing at the top of the high snow hill nearby.
Vinnie Lane: “Hey! Someone’s over there on the peak of that snowy mountain! Send the Cambots up there!”
The drones fly up to the top and the faces of the interlopers are revealed… it’s Thas Watts and Big Money Oswald! The Money Titans!
Bama: “Vinnie those two don’t look like they got any Christmas spirit… but they do got a pair of freakin’ snow boulders!”
Indeed, Thais and Oswald each have rolled a snowball taller than their own statuesque heads… they must be ten feet high each!
Big Money rolls his snow boulder down the mountain right at Bobbi and Ximmie! It grows and speeds up as it races down the steep incline, and it nails the two ladies and buries them in an avalanche!
Vinnie Lane: “Holy crap! It could take days to dig Xim and Bobbi out of that! What are the Titans thinking???”
Thais Watts then releases his own boulder, and like Ozzy’s it careens down the mountainside and speeds toward Maxine and Claire!
But Maxine rolls up her… bikini straps? And STOPS it!!!
MAXINE STARTS ROLLING THE SNOWBALL BACK UP THE MOUNTAIN!!!
Vinnie Lane: “Holy Sisyphus! I hope Atara is watching, that right there was a heck of a reference.”
Bama: “I didn’t get it Vinnie, say it again!”
Maxine is almost at the summit of the snow mountain when Thias and Ozzy both rush over and start pushing back on the boulder… and then Claire shows up helping Maxine! And then Bobbi London is there as well! She tunneled her way out with a spoon! Why did she have a spoon??? Who knows, but Ximina Asensio followed her out and she’s arrived as well to help the other three girls push the snow boulder up!
The snowball is at a standstill, being pushed from either side by the Money Titans, BGTL, and Mad Rhymes!
POOF!!!
The snow boulder explodes in a blizzard of snowflakes! The pressure was just too much!
All six combatants fall onto their backs and are sent rolling down the mountain, gathering snow around their bodies as the barrel down the side.
At the bottom of the mountain, the six wrestlers are all trapped in wraps of three feet of snow. They look like pigs in a blanket, only with snow.
Chaz Bobo calls it a finish!
| Winners - The Fans |
We cut backstage to a shot of Santa Claus and his elves preparing the gifts that have already been donated.
Vinnie Lane: "It's really nice to see the generosity of the XWF roster on display tonight!"
Bama: "Yeah, but why does SANTA need our help, baby? Doesn't he have a MAGICAL WORKSHOP and an army of ELVES to do this stuff for him!?"
Vinnie Lane: "That's not the point Bama! It's about the spirit of giving!"
Bama: "Oh, and here I thought it was about all about money, baby!"
The crowd POPS as Vita Valenteen steps into the scene all smiles with her hands hiding something behind her back! Santa notices VV out of the corner of his eye and stands to get her with a jolly laugh.
"HO HO HO! Well, If it isn't Vita Valenteen! Santa couldn't help but notice that your name was missing from the donation list. Surely it's just a mistake!"
Vita continues to beam, seemingly oblivious to the accusation that Santa just threw her way.
"Nope, I totally didn't donate anything this year!"
A look of concern befalls Santa as he adjusts his seeing glasses and studies Vita closer.
"Is everything alright, my dear? Are you having financial troubles from all of the work you missed last year?"
Vita's expression distorts into a confused frumpy frown as she takes slight offense to Satna's question.
"What!? NO! I just wanted to deliver my donation myself!"
Vita smiles wide as Santa places his hands onto his tummy and leans back with a deep booming laugh!
"HO! HO!! HO!!! I knew that you wouldn't let the children down!"
Santa begins to look around impatiently.
"So, uh, HO HO HO... Where are the gifts?"
"Right here!"
Vita extends her right hand from behind her back to Santa. He looks down curiously at the thick envelope in her hand before looking back up puzzled.
"Uh, what's that?"
"It's 1000 $20 donation vouchers for Saint Judes Children's Hospital!"
Santa continues to look on confused as he takes the envelope and looks inside.
"Each one of them has a spot to write the recipient's name too! So it's like, TOTALLY personalized!"
Santa hands the envelope off to an elve who seems unimpressed by the gift as he haphazardly tosses it into the sack.
"You know Vita, I know that you meant well, but children don't really want... That... For..."
Vita rolls her eyes in a playful fashion.
"Well, DUH! That's why I also brought this!"
In her left hand, Vita produces a long thin box. Santa takes it and looks it over. Just as he begins to open it, Vita explains.
"1000 coupons for a FREE PIZZA from Little Caesar's Pizza!"
A look of relief falls over Santa.
"Well done Vita, a two-part gift that helps more than just the recipient!"
"What?"
Vita doesn't seem to agree.
"No! They can't have both! This is a morality test, and you should offer each child a choice! Pizza or charity! That way if they choose a charity they'll really feel like THEY gave, and just not me doing it for them!"
"Vita I... That's not really how Christmas... I don't actually SEE the children!"
Suddenly Micheal Graves walks into the scene to a reaction to mixed that it's just noise. Before Santa even notices him, Micheal snatches the sack of gifts up over his shoulder. Santa, upon taking notice of Graves, steps back cautiously.
"Wait, you can't take those!"
Graves just scoffs at Saint Nick!
"Hey, if you ain't up for the job I'll be happy to eat those kids cookies and spread some Christmas Gravy!"
"Bama: The fuck did he just say?"
Lane can be heard facepalming over his mic!
Vita elbows Graves in the ribs HARD! He drops the sack and doubles over where she grabs him by the ear like a child!
"OW! OW! OW!"
Vita apologetically bows her head to Santa as she drags Graves behind her.
"Sorry about my friend, he's not all there in the head!"
Vita can be heard scolding Graves over NOT taking his PILLS as Santa and the Elves watch her lead him down the hall away from them.
Vinnie Lane: ]"You can always count on Micheal Graves to muck up any situation! Up next SANTA HANDS OUT HIS GIFTS!!!"
Bama: "I hope he got my letter!"
Finally the stage is set for the giving of gifts!
Santa Claus is sitting on his regal red and white throne, surrounded by his loyal thralls, the elves. Piles of presents surround him as a line of XWF talent await to receive their good tidings and sweet presents.
“HO HO HO! GATHER ROUND!”
Everyone is happy and excited to receive their gifts. Santa hands out snow globes and candy canes to Lycana, Atara Themis, Big Preesh, Doc D’Ville, Chris Chaos, Jenny Myst, Kyodai Montsuda, Ricky Goldheart, and even Theo Pryce!
All of a sudden, Noah Jackson shows up, and he jumps in Santa’s lap.
“Right, cunt, I got a lot of things I want! I want a sick RC helicopter. A sick new cell phone. A sick one wheel. A sick VR headset…”
Santa looks annoyed but Noah keeps going. Eventually he stops asking for things and Santa just hands him a 50 dollar gift card to Best Buy.
“Still sick. I’ll take it!”
Santa keeps handing gifts out, and then from behind the snowy dunes in the parking area Lord Raab emerges, dressed even GREENER than usual!
Raab: “Bah humbug! This is CRAP! I hate all of this!”
Raab is also still covered in that weird grease from his most recent Anarchy match. That stuff just won’t wash off!
Raab pushes his way to the front of the line and starts grabbing presents out of Santa’s hand, then stomping them on the ground!
He crushes a present meant for Mini Morbid, who breaks out in tiny little despotic tears. He smashes another one meant for Charlie Nickles, but it wasn’t even finished yet. Probably won’t be until like two days after Christmas. Oh and one for NK War Criminal! Looks like it was a Buddha figure but made to look like Kim Jong Un. So thoughtful!
“Ho ho hold it right there, you jerk!”
Santa leaps to his feet and shoves Raab back.
Vinnie Lane: “Uh oh, Bama… this is getting hairy! Santa Claus can’t hang with a professional XWF athlete!”
That’s when Santa whips off his beard and hat, revealing…
Vinnie Lane: “Holy crap, Bama! It’s Barney frickin’ Green!”
Bama: “The Daddy of Violence himself! And he don’t look too happy with Lord Raab!”
Barney Claus swings for the fences on Raab, knocking him over a pile of presents. Raab grabs some packages and flings them up into Green’s face, knocking him back.
RAABINATOR!!!!
Raab choke slams Green, but he landed on a nice fluffy snow drift!
Raab doesn’t realize Barney is okay and he turns away…
THE GREEN DREAM!!!!
Barney has Raab tight in a sleeper and Raab is fading fast! His heart shrinks three times in size as he falls to the ground!
Noah Jackson runs off with all the other gifts, though. Jerk.
Vinnie Lane: “Someday we’ll have a nice, normal Christmas, folks… but not today. Let’s just hit the main event!”
 John Caedus - vs - Arcana Santa's Worskshop Match! They will be locked inside a workshop filled with tools, gifts, and anything you might imagine Santa's Workshop to have in it! OH! And they'll both be dressed as ELVES! Referee: HoloRef.Gif |
The cameras come on in the Santa Claus house, in what was a storage room turned changing area, where we find Arcana getting ready under the watchful eye of Jim Caedus, clad in his "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Fuck This" ugly Christmas sweater contest entry. Arcana fluffs the poofy white faux fur lining her elf dress, then settles the green peaked hat on over her crimson hair before turning and giving a little twirl for him.
“How do I look?”
“Hot, baby, as always.”
She flashes him a grin and plops down to slip on her boots, and lace them up over her candy cane striped stockings. Jim's expression adopts a less cheerful demeanor.
“You sure y’gotta do this? Kaiya…John's more than capable 'a killin' you and makin' it look like a tragic accident. If he does, he's dead, I promise. But we can avoid all that heartbreak and hypothetical if you-"
Her finger presses to his lips. She looks up, her face serious. “I'm sure.” She stands up, shaking out her skirt and the two of them head out of the room, hand in hand, the camera following until they turn a corner.
Vinnie Lane: These are the days of our lives...and the moments spent wishing I'd brought Roxy along. Anyway, Arcana looks ready to go, she’s up against…
CRASH!
The camera spins in time to see an XWF employee skidding across the floor, knocking over a pile of cardboard boxes, postcards spilling everywhere. John Caedus steps out into view. His face deadpan as he stares at the figure scrambling about in the mess. His head slowly turns 180 degrees as another member of the staff appears, holding a very large elf outfit. Under John’s freezing gaze, he holds it out, hands trembling. “The boss wants...”
He gets no further.
John slowly takes the outfit, and rips it right down the middle, then drops it.
Vinnie Lane: Wow! Rude. That's a fine, dude. AND the bill for the costume.
The employee stares at the fabric on the floor and looks back up at the massive giant of the man. He produces a cheerful red and green striped hat with bells on it. John lowers his eyes to it, then to the other man again. He snatches it and slams it onto his head. He stalks away, dead serious expression at odds with the merry tinkling of the bells as he disappears from view.
Vinnie Lane: Someone learned how to be festive from the Grinch. John Caedus! Arcana! Main event is next!
The cameras come back on, spanning over the crowd assembled in the parking lot of the Santa Claus house at the North Pole in Alaska, everyone bundled up against the cold but cheering and in good spirits. Vinnie has spared no expense; a large screen being set up to project the main event for everyone to watch. It’s a little lopsided, but nobody cares, free candy canes being given out by XWF hands with reindeer headbands.
We go to Vinnie, sitting at the announce table, a hot pink Santa hat with zebra striped trim covering his blond locks, sporting his "When I Think About You, I Touch My Elf" ugly Christmas sweater contest entry.
Vinnie Lane: I want to apologize in advance to our viewers if my guest on commentary tonight winds up either going off the rails or the deep end.
“Poke” by Rubi Rose hits the speakers as a spotlight is aimed at the main doors of the building, highlighting Arcana as she steps through them, Jim Caedus, Universal strap over his right shoulder, flanking her. She strikes a pose, flashing a quick smile at the cheering crowd. She twirls, sending her skirt swirling about her thighs, then flounces down the ramp towards the ring, where an official waits patiently. Once there, she rises on her toes, giving Jim a soft kiss, and he whispers something in her ear before she is led away towards the workshop, where she is ushered inside by the official, who returns to his place by the ring.
Jim watches with a look of concern on his face until she is gone from view, then makes his way to slide into a chair at the announce table.
Vinnie Lane: Don't make me regret this, dude.
Jim: Boss I swear to God, no funny business. I'm here just in case. And I ain't doin' shit without your green light.
Vinnie Lane: Good to hear.
Jim: Also, I love you and this was a solid way to get in.
Jim twists to wrap his arms around Lane's, pinning them to his torso as he nuzzles his cheek lovingly on Loverboy's shoulder before finally relinquishing his grip.
Vinnie Lane: ...Thank you?
A blue Santa hat appears from absolutely nowhere in Vinnie’s hands and Jim (grinning) takes it, pulling it down on his head before Arcana’s music fades to a stop.
“End of Line” by Daft Punk blares out as the massive form of John Caedus slams the doors open, jingly elf hat still on his head. He walks steadily towards the official, ignoring all the boos and random objects already flying from the fans. His chilling void of a gaze connects with the glacial cold one of his brother and he comes to a dead stop by the ring.
The two men stare at each other, neither backing down or looking away.
Vinnie Lane: I'm sensing the two of you really don't like each other.
Jim: …
The official makes the mistake of touching John’s elbow, looking to get the show on the road and almost gets backhanded for his trouble. Fast reflexes save him, as he ducks out of the way. John glares at him, a snarl on his face about being interrupted before that subsides into his emotionless facade once more. He looks back to Jim, and rips the hat from his head, giving the bells a bit of a jingle before throwing it to the ground. He is sure to step on it on his way to the shed, making Jim’s knuckles turn white as he grips the edge of the table to keep himself from launching at his brother.
Vinnie Lane: All good dude, that's now two fines he's gonna find in his stocking come Christmas morning.
Jim: I hope he locates said stocking secreted up 'is own ass.
John is let in, and he throws Jim a vague smile before he steps through the door, and it is locked behind him.
The monitors and screens come to life to reveal the two standing on opposite sides of the room, gazes focused on one another as HoloRef Dot Gif motions for the bell.
Arcana glances swiftly around the room, long tables set up with a variety of objects on them, from tools to toys, to wrapping paper, and more. A decorated tree stands merrily in the corner, presents piled underneath. Strands of lights run from corner to corner, casting a rainbow glow throughout the room. Her eyes settle once more on John, who has not moved a muscle or even bothered to take in his surroundings. He stands still, an unnerving look on his face as he slowly lifts his hands and gestures for Arcana to bring it.
She does.
But not in the way he expects.
She snatches a tube of wrapping paper and hauls off, whacking him in the side of the head with it.
He blinks, almost looking startled for a moment, and then the tube connects again with a loud THONK! Arcana whips it forward again, and his hand comes up, halting its movement.
She tugs.
He doesn’t let go.
She digs in her heels and tugs again.
He pulls back, dragging her forward a few inches, but she stubbornly hangs on.
He pulls harder, looking to get her close enough to grab and she....
Lets go of it.
He falls back a step, off balance long enough for her to leap up and forward, firing a dropkick directly into his chest, causing him to stumble backwards even more, nearly falling as he bumps into another table, sliding it right across the floor. He regains his balance, staring at her and she flashes him a sassy smirk.
Jim: Don't piss 'im off, Kaiya.
Vinnie Lane: She doesn't seem all that impressed dude. To be honest neither am I. If your brother's motivation for joining the XWF is to show you up, he's got a long way to go.
Jim: It's not, believe me. He never shoulda been allowed to sign, Boss.
Vinnie Lane: To be fair, he's proven to be a solid addition to the enhancement talent list.
John tosses the tube to the side, looking back at the crimson haired woman in time to jerk to the side, narrowly avoiding a wrench to the cranium.
Arcana grabs up whatever she can, firing them off with the skills of a major league pitcher, most of her weapons hitting their intended target who starts coming towards her after being clocked with a teddy bear to the face. She scampers backwards, still throwing things at the big man as he continues his pursuit.
Arcana snatches up another roll of wrapping paper, the closest thing at hand, but it backfires on her.
As she swings, he grabs and pulls, causing her to come within grasp of his long reach, his hands grabbing a chunk of her long hair as she lets out a yelp of pain. He pulls her closer, fingers wrapping around her throat as he goes to lift her up.
Jim: Goddammit, Kaiya.
Vinnie Lane: The elder Caedus looking to turn this around.
Quick thinking has her foot shooting out, connecting solidly with John’s nether region. He grunts and his arm drops, so she repeats the motion, low blow hitting hard, his fingers losing their grip this time. The fans POP.
Vinnie Lane: Oh, OUCH dude! Quickest, cheapest vasectomy ever!
Jim: That's my girl!
She hits the floor with a thud, sliding swiftly between his legs, popping back up to her feet to lace her boots to the back of his knees. He goes to spin around and is met with a leaping pele kick, dropping him to his knees. Arcana wastes no time, allowing him an intimate introduction to the bottom of her boot with a superkick.
John wobbles slightly, looking like he was about to go over and Arcana decides to give him a hand. She jumps, wrapping her legs around him and twisting, with a hurricanrana!
He slides across the floor, hitting the legs of one of the tables.
Vinnie Lane: Wow! The bigger they are!
Jim: She needs to finish 'im the fuck off before…
Vinnie Lane: Before what dude?
Jim: Before- … I'm not exactly sure what he's up to Boss but somethin' ain't right with this, I promise.
Arcana runs forward, hopping on top of the table, flipping backwards off with a gorgeous shooting star press, connecting solidly on John’s midsection.
She covers!
1!
2!!
John doesn’t just kick out, he flings Arcana off of him, sending her flying into the tree where she disappears, engulfed in evergreen and sparkly garland, ornaments bouncing everywhere.
Vinnie Lane: Whoa!
Jim: I told her. I told her before she started, "take him out ASAFP".
He climbs to his feet, stomping over to where she is scrambling about in the pile of presents. He plucks her out from under the tree, still with garland wrapped around her, hand fisted in the front of her dress. She comes with her hands full, lifting her arms up and slamming the present down onto his head hard enough the bottom of the box caves in, and some socks fall out as it gets stuck over his head. He drops her to the ground again, giving her time to escape as he reaches up to grab the box.
Vinnie Lane: Well if he wasn't pissed before dude, he certainly is now. No one likes getting socks for Christmas.
Jim: He- Oh shit.
But Arcana wasn’t done yet, she leapt elegantly again to the top of the table, launching herself with a flying crossbody block!
Directly into the waiting arms of John Caedus, who has yanked the present from his head.
He hoists her up, then drops back, slinging her over with a fallaway slam, sending Arcana crashing against the wall.
Jim: Shit!
Vinnie Lane: Easy Jim, she's a tough cookie.
Jim: Yeah but he's gonna _crumble_ that cookie, Boss!
He gets up, moving forward to slam a foot into her ribs with a savage kick. He follows it up with one, two, three hard stomps to her midsection as she curls up, trying to protect her vitals. He reaches down and yanks her hair, forcing her to her feet, only to slam her with an uppercut, her head jerking backwards as she is lifted right off her feet with the force of his blow. She crashes back to the ground, rolling onto her belly to try and crawl away.
He grabs her ankle, pulling her back. He crouches, gathering her hair in his fist to yank her head back, showing her face to the camera where blood is trickling from her split lip.
Jim: Jesus CHRIST!!
A low rumbling noise that might be mistaken for a chuckle comes from the other Caedus. He stares directly into the lens as he smears the blood across Arcana’s face, before getting her back to a vertical stance, then slamming her face down into the table multiple times, a hoarse screech coming from her, subsiding into a muted whimper as he releases her hair, and she crumples to the ground.
Jim: Oh for fuckSAKE!
Vinnie Lane: Uh.. Yeah, this is.. Hmm.
John grabs the back of Arcana’s dress, and lifts her directly up, he sets her up, and then just throws her across the workshop, her arms and legs flailing until the unforgiving wall halts her flight, the whole building shaking with the impact as she slams into it, falling to the floor, motionless.
Vinnie Lane: …
Jim: ...
He strolls over, reaching up to rip a strand of lights from the ceiling, looping them around her neck, squatting over her body then leaning back, choking her. She claws wildly at her throat, the floor, anywhere she can reach. He waits, eyes staring out into space, impassive, not even noticing the life and death battle under him.
Rising quickly from his seat. Jim: FUCK man!!
Vinnie Lane: Red light, dude.
Jim: He's gonna kill 'er Boss Lane!
Vinnie: Have some confidence in her dude. She survived an encounter with Mr. BOB.
John finally releases his grip, and Arcana gags, retching as she struggles to get oxygen into her starving lungs. John repeats the motion, wrapping the cord around his forearm to keep the tension on, idly looking around for something as Arcana thrashes about. He relaxes forward again, and she is still, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.
John stands up and walks away, dragging Arcana along behind him like a dog on a leash, the festive lights around her neck like a collar.
Vinnie Lane: This is definitely getting ugly.
Squirming in his seat. Jim: I'm gonna fuckin' k- ...He's dead. Period.
Arcana feebly reaches out, her fingers seeking something to help her plight. John comes to a halt, assessing the table in front of him, then turns back to his victim, dragging her closer with the Christmas lights. He bends over, reaching out towards her when her arm swings up, the tape measure in her hand striking him in the temple as she leans upwards. He lashes out, his fist catching her with a glancing blow across the cheek, toppling her to the side. Rubbing the side of his head, he eyeballs the writhing woman for a minute, before scooping her up, tucking her head between his legs then lifting her into the air.
He spins around and walks over to the table, holding her in place until he powerbombs her down onto the heavy wooden table.
A loud crack is heard, but it doesn’t break.
Vinnie Lane: I’m not sure if that was the table, or Arcana’s back.
Jim: C'mon girl, don't you give up..
Arcana arches, her hand on her back, eyes wide with pain. She slithers off the table, hitting the floor with a thud, trying to crawl away, getting to shaky hands and knees.
Hands on his hips, John watches with a stony expression. His face never changes as he steps forward and kicks her in the stomach, sending her into the air, where she flips and lands on her back once more, her breath leaving her on a loud OOF.
Jim facepalms with an angry smack, running his fingers firmly from forehead down to his chin before slamming it onto the table.
Vinnie Lane: John Caedus in complete control and it isn't looking good for Arcana at all.
John moves to stand over her, but doesn’t even try for a cover. Instead, he crouches down beside her, reaching out again.
Arcana reaches deep, and claws at him, her nails scoring his arms with large welts. He grabs at her hair and stands, hoisting her with him and swings, letting go to send her flying into the tree once more, this time knocking it completely down. He storms over, pulling her out of the rubble. He tucks her close to his body, and then sends her soaring again with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Vinnie Lane: He’s not even trying to pin her...
Jim: 'Cause he's tryna kill 'er, I'm tellin' you Boss.
Vinnie Lane: This is nowhere near as brutal as your match with Dolly at Relentless dude, or a dozen other matches in the last year. As hard as it is to watch, try to put it in perspective.
John gets to his feet and looks over to Arcana, who is in a heap against the wall. He slowly steps towards her, stopping a few feet and lowering himself down onto his haunches, where his mouth starts moving, deep voice heard but the words unable to be made out.. Her eyes widen as he continues, an ever so faint smile playing about his lips as he continues his one-sided conversation. Whatever it is that he is telling her, can’t be good, because she proceeds to try and struggle, her own mouth opening to say something back, her pitch high and shaky, an audible “NO!” sounding out. He throws his head back and barks out a single, cold note of laughter.
He reaches for her yet again, and her hands come up, flames bursting to life on them.
Everything stops.
John stares.
Arcana stares.
HoloRef stares.
Jim and Vinnie stare into the monitors from the announce table.
Vinnie Lane: Hm. I guess Santa's magic can't be contained by the standard XWF Power Suppressors and it's allowing Arcana to tap into her own. Those Suppressors are patented by the way, to all you pirates watching out there.
Jim: Cook 'im baby.
Amber eyes clash with onyx, determination lacing the formers as she sends forward a fireball, blasting John off his feet and away from her. He hits the floor, immediately sitting up to face her. She pushes back against the wall, sliding slowly, painfully to her feet. He responds in kind, getting his own under him, and taking a few steps towards her.
A quick flash of orange and another small fireball slams into his leg, making him fall onto his ass, he stares at the fire burning away on the fabric for a moment, his lips moving as what appears to be a smile tugs at their corners as he looks back up at the scarlet haired woman. He smacks at the flames to put them out, but not until a hole has been eaten away from the thigh area of his pants. He stands once more, eyeing her with a slight hint of wariness now, studying, trying to pick the best way to regain the upper hand. A snarl forms on Arcana’s face, the glint in her eyes turning feral as she takes a shaky step forward towards him, fire bursting to life on her hands once more, flickering in all shades of yellow and orange. “You. Will. Never!” the words suddenly burst from her as she lets her magick fly, John, narrowly managing to avoid this one as it singes the hair by his ear.
Vinnie Lane: What the hell did he say to her?
Jim: I have no idea but I'm happy he fucked up.
Arcana holds one hand up, calling the flames forth to dance under her control. John watches, eyes taking on an unholy gleam, as a true smile flits across his face
Arcana grins right back, her power surging through her as she flicks her hand, killing the flame, and instead creating a staticky ball of lime green energy between her palms, she flings it at him and he dodges, the sphere hitting the side of the workshop, sending splinters of wood flying as it creates a new, bowling ball sized window for the toy makers to enjoy.
She doesn’t let up, letting her powers fly as he avoids as many hits as he can, a warped game of dodgeball seeming to start to take place.
Vinnie Lane: Sweet dude! It's like Street Fighter II!
Jim: HADOUUUKEN!!
Arcana nails John with three orbs in a row, rocking him on his feet, before a large one smashes dead center on his chest, lifting him up and through the air, crashing down hard on his back. Arcana is on him in a second, taking out some pent up aggression on his face, slamming her fists forward with hard rights and lefts, alternating between that and dropping sharp elbows onto his chest.
He shoves her off, and starts to rise to his feet, but another colorful blast sends him flying, into the table this time, where he bounces off and goes down to one knee.
Arcana comes leaping in with a flying headscissors takedown, putting John out flat once more. She jumps, landing a solid knee to his guts. She eyes the table, then clambers up, taking aim then leaping off backwards, hitting a picture perfect Phoenix Splash on Caedus.
Vinnie Lane: Enchantment!
Jim: GOT eeeeeeeem!
Arcana remains laying across John for the cover, and HoloRef starts the count.
1!
All of a sudden, John’s arms move, coming up to embrace the fiery woman atop him, like he was going to throw her off.
Jim: The fuck-
2!!
Vinnie Lane: What is he doing?
Arcana starts to try and struggle, as John holds her still on him, keeping his shoulders flat on the ground, the pin firmly in place.
3!!!
DING DING DING!
| Winner by Pinfall - Arcana |
Vinnie Lane: What the heck?
On extreme edge.
Jim: No. No, no, no-
Arcana struggles harder as John simply sits up with her in his arms, keeping her incapacitated so she cannot use her magick on him.
He adjusts her positioning, keeping her back snug against his chest as he falls backwards with a German suplex.
Jim: MOTHER FUCKER! Boss, he'll kill 'er!
Lane motions to an official standing by.
Vinnie Lane: I want that door open, now.
But he doesn't release her. He repeats the motion. Over and over. Eight times, he slams her into the hard ground, before standing and letting his grip go, her body falling to the ground like a ragdoll. The door is unlocked, and an official appears, trying to get a handle on the situation. John’s response is to pick up Arcana’s body and use it as a weapon, throwing her through the air, and into him, sending both figures out the door of the workshop.
Jim: Boss Lane-
Vinnie Lane: Where the crap is Little Feather!? Does he still work here?
He steps out behind them, shoving the body of the official out of the way with his boot, before crouching down next to Arcana. His hand slides over his pants before he takes her arm, and lifts it, oddly remaining motionless beside her, leaning over her prone form, blocking what he is doing from the view of the cameras.
Jim: Vincent PLEASE!
Vinnie: Go!
No more words are needed, Jim rises so fast he nearly knocks the table over, slings the headset to the side and explodes into a dead run through the crowd, his eyes locked onto the man by his girlfriend.
John glances over his shoulder and spies him, getting to his feet and melting back into the shadows of the workshop swiftly. Jim skids to a stop, looking in the direction John had gone, wavering. He chooses instead to drop down to check on Arcana, shaking her gently. Her eyes flutter open, before falling shut again, a low murmur coming from her.
“Kai'?”
He whispers, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, earning her eyes flickering open as a reward. With his help, she slowly gets to her feet, her legs unsteady under her as she leans her weight onto him. He wraps his arms around her, embracing her in a tight hug, relief evident on his face as he presses his cheek to the top of her head. All of a sudden, a low snarling noise is heard.
And she shoves him away.
He blinks in surprise, staring at her, not understanding what was going on as she stands, crouches, still on Jello legs.
“Kaiya, what?”
He takes another step forward and she swings, almost losing her balance in the process. He jerks his head out of the way, arms still coming up to steady her. She shoves him away again.
“What?? What izzit, K-”
Arcana growls, hair wild about her head. Her pupils expand, engulfing the golden tones of her irises, leaving them as black, and bottomless as the ones of John Caedus. Her expression turns to one of pure hatred, her lip curling upwards, her eyes vacant of all emotion. Jim goes to reach a gentle hand to her once more, and he is shot back, the glowing sphere of power sending him to hit the side of the workshop, hitting his head hard. He slides down slightly, shaking the cobwebs from himself, managing to remain on his feet. He blinks, looking around, trying to clear his vision. He finally spies Arcana, walking almost zombie-like across the parking area, towards the darkened shadows of the icy expanse bordering it, where a hulking figure waits.
“KAIYA!”
She never looks back.
Arcana doesnt stop until she reaches the shadowy form, who steps just enough into the light to reveal John Caedus, a cruel smile crossing his face as he allows her to come up to stand by his side. They both stare towards Jim, a triumphant look on John’s face, a completely impassive one on Arcana’s. John reaches out, deliberately putting his arm around Arcana’s shoulder to pull her closer, to make a point to Jim, and she goes willingly, looking up at him with submissive though infatuated eyes. He looks back to his younger brother, Universal Champ.
"And a Merry Xmas to you too…brother."
POOF
And with that, they disappear.
Vinnie Lane: We uh.. Thank you for joining us tonight, XWF Universe, on a special Yuletide edition of Anarchy! Don't miss a SAVAGE CHRISTMAS this Saturday!
Vinnie Lane: "A very Merry Christmas to our audience at home,"
Bama: "And a Joyous Kawanza, ¡Feliz Navidad! Happy Hannakua-"
-Hello wrestling fans!
A voice interrupts the closing of Anarchy from a microphone. Arcana and John Caedus haven’t even made it from ringside before a man marches out from backstage and heads down the ramp. A smile on his face and something covered in black fabric in his arm.
Bama: "C’mon baby, what’s this about, I’m trying to get my egg noggin’ on.”
Vinnie groans and puffs, smdf then grumbles:
Vinnie Lane: "Jeez, I forgot all about this happening dude."
Bama:"Hold on, is that-.”
My name is J.J. Dylan, and I have an important announcement to make.
JJ Dylan moves awkwardly to the ring apron, stumbling and bobbling the item in his arms around,
As you know- I am the chairman of the former BWO Heavyweight Championship committee…
Vinnie Lane: "Nobody knows, and nobody cares… the bWo and BOB are dead, dude!"
Dylan finally gets through the ropes, a wry grin covering his face as he moves to the center of the mat.
Bama: "Vinnie baby, why you so hostile to John Jacob Jingleheimer Dylan?”
Vinnie Lane: "What’s about to happen is a result of leaving deadweight on the payroll."
...formerly the XWF World Heavyweight Championship committee.
Bama: "That’s a prestigious championship, baby. Lotta’ history runs through that belt.”
Vinnie sighs, looking annoyed,
What I’m holding in my arms tonight, is that very championship.
JJ holds the belt in the air,
![[Image: 7XQZqYU.png]](https://i.imgur.com/7XQZqYU.png)
Only now… the former BWO, former XWF World Heavyweight Championship, and even the former XWF Anarchy Internet Championship, has been combined and signed into sovereignty by the fellow commissioners of this beloved institution -the XWF- and thus released into its own branding hitherto known as XWF Madness!”
The camera catches Bama T. gawking and staring at JJ… and then turning to Vinnie beside him, who’s now smiling wide.
Bama: “What’s he mean, Vinnie?”
Vinnie Lane: “Merry Christmas indeed, fans… we at the XWF have decided to bring you an all NEW way to enjoy the XWF, where the ACTION never slows down! Welcome back, after way, way too long… the MADNESS!”
Back in the ring, JJ still holds the mic and the belt.
So as the proud commissioner of this storied belt- allow me to announce the christening of the XWF Madness International Dateline Championship, also known as the XWF IDOL Championship!
The crowd roars with approval and excitement for a new championship under the XWF banner.
"The IDOL Championship baby! What’s not to love about this, skinny Vinnie?”
Vinnie Lane: "I should have thought of it first… but it’s a darn fine name!"
Now, if you’ll do me the honor of standing in ovation for the man who has made all of this possible!
Vinnie puts on a bit of a smile and goes to stand from the commentary table.
The great benefactor of the XWF Madness and the IDOL Championship! The inaugural XWF IDOL CHAMPION-
Vinnie’s eyebrow turns,
-and General Manager of XWF Madness-
The crowd begins to erupt,
Vinnie Lane: "WHAT!?"
You know him! You love him! The XWF Anarchy Champion, CENTURION!
Centurion walks out in a business suit and sunglasses the Anarchy title glittering from his shoulder. He shows Vinnie a pearly smile as he makes his way to the ring and takes the microphone. JJ Dylan stands behind Centurion and puts the IDOL Championship around his waist, then takes a step back to applause.
Thank you Commissioner Dylan! And thank you especially to Mr. Loverboy Vinnie Lane. Why if not for you Vinnie, none of this is truly possible. You see Vinnie, because of your constant booking me… YOUR Champion in the most ludicrous matches, because of your constant neglect of your brand here on Anarchy- you made me realize something.
You made me realize that the XWF was in need of a new brand where actual wrestling is the focus. Where high-CHARACTER competitors are able to DEVELOP, and thrive and compete for the chance to be idols, all over the globe. The International Dateline Championship will be a title that is sought after by the world’s best wrestlers. From the North Pole to the South, and all around the Equator, the IDOL Championship will be one that restores honor and prestige to this sport that we love.
I saved this belt, the former XWF World Heavyweight Championship from Miss Fury and the BWO because I care about the honor of wrestling. So what better way to honor such a historic championship, than making some new history of our own?
The crowd roars even louder as Vinnie watches on in surprise,
Vinnie Lane: “Bama, I knew Madness was happening, but even I had no idea who the board was appointing as the GM!But it makes perfect sense… Cent not only holds the Anarchy Championship, he still technically holds the bWo, Internet, and World Heavyweight combined titles!”
Centurion points to the corner of the arena where a drape is pulled down from a large logo hanging from the rafters…
![[Image: 0ebZr05.png]](https://i.imgur.com/0ebZr05.png)
In just four weeks- XWF Monday Madness will be coming to you LIVE from Riverplate Stadium in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and with the help of Commissioner James J. Dylan, we will be introducing an entire new division and new roster to the XWF… starting with our first announcement tonight. The first roster member of XWF Madness…
SIERRA SILVER!
![[Image: Ux7MiHV.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Ux7MiHV.png)
Vinnie Lane: “WOW! What a signing! What a great first official member of the Madness Brand! Sierra Silver held the SPLAT! Multiuniversal Title… she was the first champion!”
Bama: “And now she’s the first ambassador for the XWF Madness Brand, baby! Poetic!”
Vinnie Lane: "That's all we've got time for everyone! What big news! A huge day for the XWF! Happy Holidays from me and mine to you and yours!"
Anarchy fades out to Christmas Music.
| SPECIAL THANKS: BGTL Dolly Waters Vita Valenteen Centurion Boots & TLaw Lycana Jim Caedus |