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Strawberry Smiggles - Andre Dixon - 04-18-2021
The scene opens up to the Moda Center in Portland, Oregon where Wednesday Night Warfare is set to take place in a few days. We pan backstage to the BoB locker room where we see Andre Dixon sitting alone in front of a big-screen TV with a blunt in his mouth, and a remote in his hand as he is once again watching film on McBride to get ready for what will be Andre's first-ever Wednesday Night Warfare match against a top 50 part-time wrestler in Michael McBride. Andre has a bowl of cereal in front of him and a box that says "Strawberry Smiggles" on it sitting next to it. Andre notices the camera, takes a big hit of the blunt, and then looks straight into the camera before blowing the smoke out.
Andre Dixon: "Perfect timing. I want to welcome everyone to the first edition of Video Review with Andre Dixon. Don't worry the name is a work in progress. I'll figure out some witty shit at some point or another but for now, that's what I'm going with. Today I'm going to be talking mainly about my match with Michael McBride which happens to be your boys very FIRST Wednesday Night Warfare match. Coming off of wins at Anarchy and Savage, it looks like Warfare is the only show that I have to get a win at to complete the trifecta. All in the same month too. That was my goal when this month started. I wanted to win on every single show this company has to offer and to prove that it doesn't matter what show I'm on. I can and will compete. This is a warning to everyone out there. No matter what show you're on: you are NOT safe. I am coming for every single one of you and by the time I'm done, I plan on putting down as many people as I can."
"So let's get started, shall we? I figured we would start with McBride's first promo for our match. Buckle up guys, this one is a long one."
Andre hits play as we see McBride.
"I'd like to sorry to my opponent. I've been so fucked up this past week. I'm 3/4th retired and forget that I'm in a match when I get too pissed drunk but have no fear. I'll be giving you a serious match regardless. I'm sure we'll give the fans their money's worth. Yeah. It's gonna be a blast." |
Andre looks into the camera and shakes his head after the very short promo from McBride. He takes a nice long hit of the blunt before blowing out the smoke.
"Ok...so maybe it wasn't a long one? That's all you've got McBride? You want to say sorry to your opponent? Motherfucker I have a name. Do you even know that I'm who you're going up against? Do you even care? Because to me it looks like I'm going against a guy who is more than checked out. You claim that you weren't able to put out anything worth a shit because you've been fucked up this past week. From what I've heard about you that's nothing new. You stay fucked up, don't you? Is that an excuse though? Because that's pretty much all I heard out of you was one excuse after another excuse. Lame ones at that. Why take the match if you're not going to be ready for it?
You're 75% retired though, right? You see that's part of your problem. That's partly why you're going around losing every single match you've been put in for the past two years or so. You're not putting anything into it. You're acting like you can get drunk all the time, come sign up for a match in the best Federation in the world, and actually put up a good enough fight to win. The problem is you're not good enough for that. I'm sure there are part-timers who come back and can compete because they are all-time greats and put the time in beforehand to get into shape and be ready for a match against the best the world has to offer.
You though? You just think it's some sort of a joke. I know you Irish bastards are crazy, but is it that you just like getting your ass whooped? Because that's what it seems like to me. You want to give the fans their money's worth? Then prove it. Come in and actually do something. Cut a legitimate promo. Come into the match in shape and give the fans what they want to see. I mean...there has to be at least a few McBride fans out there right? I've never seen one but I find it hard to believe that anyone could make it to the Top 50 and not have at least a few fans. And you come into these matches and continuously let those fans down. All those losses are going to add up and tarnish your legacy, which you obviously don't give a fuck about. A guy with your accomplishments should at least be able to put up a fight. But from what I've seen from watching tape over the past few years you're not going to put up a fight at all. I was lucky to get those 6 sentences out of you.
The thing is this match isn't like those other matches. This time you're coming into a steel cage with a guy who doesn't care if he ends your career. Andre Dixon ends the career of one of the XWF's Top 50 wrestlers is a headline I'm perfectly ok with seeing, and one that might end up happening if you're not careful. I don't give a fuck if I break you in half. Respect goes a long way, and that "promo" of yours was like a slap in my face. That's why on Wednesday, in that Steel Cage, I'm going to come out with two goals. One will be to win obviously. The other? To hurt you. To show you that this isn't a fuckin' game and you can't just come in here and compete with the best in the world and not be at your best."
Andre takes another hit of the blunt as he fast forwards to the next segment.
"Let's take a look at some of your more recent matches, shall we?"
Andre hits play as we see the Wednesday Night Warfare logo pop up for the Special Wednesday Night Warfare Mini PPV that took place on Christmas Day of 2019.
"Oh nice...a Christmas edition of Wednesday Night Warfare which happened to be a Mini PPV full of Elimination Chamber Matches. You took place in the one for the X-Treme Title against some really good competition. I think it's safe to say you're not going to be winning this one but let's take a look shall we? We will skip to the good part when you're actually in the match."
Andre turns his attention to the screen and hits play.
| CHAMBER #3: FOR THE XWF XTREME CHAMPIONSHIP POD #3: Michael McBride - vs - POD #2: Thunder Knuckles - vs - POD #1: Fuzz © - vs - STARTER #2: Jim Jimson - vs - STARTER #1: Peter FN Gilmour Meanwhile TK helps Peter to his feet, and tries to attempt a PEDIGREE, but somehow Peter blocks it and reverses it into his own SAMOAN DROP. Then suddenly the 10 second Alarm starts. The last competitor is about to enter the Chamber. 10...…. 9...….. 8......… 7.........… 6......… 5......... 4......…. 3........ 2...…… 1...…... The pod door opens and out steps Michael McBride. Peter gets up and waves at his former tag team partner. HEATHER: "This is bad news. If Peter and Michael begin teaming with one another it can't be good for everyone else." Fuzz spots the threat, and runs. He grabs Peter on the way through, and sends him running towards Michael. Michael sees what's going on, and at the last second side steps, and Peter goes running into the pod very hard. Michael looks back at Peter, who seems more hurt, and that all it takes for Fuzz, as he hits Michael in the back with a knee, and then executing a TORNADO DDT. Fuzz gets up, takes a quick look at where Peter is. He's tying to refocus on where he is after the collision with the pod. Fuzz grabs Michael by the hair, and turns him around, and gets ready, before he executes: THE AFTERTHOUGHT PIP: "Wow that moves keeps getting greater every time I see it, to instantly do that on a fresh man, means Fuzz wants to get this chamber under control real quick." Fuzz goes for the pin. 1...… 2........ 3........... 1ST ELIMINATION: MICHAEL MCBRIDE |
Andre pauses it and looks into the camera.
"The first one eliminated, huh? I gotta say this one isn't that bad though. Fuzz, TK, and even Peter Gilmour have all proven to be better than you ever were, right? So losing to them isn't that big of a deal. Getting eliminated before Jim Johnson though? Now that's kind of a bad look. But let's look past it, shall we? After all, it was a Christmas Day event and you yourself have talked about how much you love to drink. I'm sure you were either hammered drunk or hungover for that match. Let's move onto the next match we've got. I think this time we're going to a Saturday Night Savage which took place in early January of 2020."
Andre hits play and as he does we see the Saturday Night Savage logo pop up for the Savage that took place on January 11th, 2020.
Michael McBride - vs - Barney Green - vs - Geri Miller Triple Threat BROKEN UP! Geri Miller managed to have enough to break it up! Michael McBride lifts her up, but she quickly hooks his legs and pulls him down into a roll-up! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! They both roll to their feet, but Michael delivers a huge uppercut right into the midsection causing Geri to buckle over as he hooks her arms as he lifts her up! BANSHEE’S W-NO! HHL: “GOD DAMNIT BARNEY, YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!” PC: “Heather! Calm the hell down!” HHL: “I need those!” Barney breaks it up with a kick to McBride’s little Irish fellas! Luckily there’s no disqualification in this match as the referee admonishes Barney who just shrugs. Barney pushes McBride aside as he grabs Miller, but she rakes his eyes! McBride quickly comes back to life with some solid left and right jabs to the gut followed by a kick to the face from Geri! Barney is staggered backwards before McBridge nails him with a huge leaping knee knocking him out of the ring! He turns around as Geri goes for the superkick! It connects as McBride hits the mat! She clambers to the top rope! 630 Splash! THE MILLER’S TALE! Geri quickly hooks a leg! ONE… TWO… THREEEEE! Winner - Geri Miller |
Andre pauses it and looks into the camera as he hits his blunt once again.
"At least this time you weren't the first one eliminated, right? Then again that wasn't possible in this one and you were the one pinned. I honestly don't know much about Geri Miller so I can't really speak on that but the facts are you were in the intro match of the card against someone who isn't even in the top 50 and someone lower than you in the top 50 and you still couldn't get the win. Not looking good my guy. Shall we keep going? What's next? I'm sure we've got a win coming your way on one of these shows, right? I think next is Cunt Fest in January of 2020 as well."
Andre once again hits play. This time the logo shows CUNT-FEST.
 Geri Miller - vs - Michael McBride - vs - Michael Archer Jr. - vs - Kieran Overton - vs - Phantom Panzer - vs - Estrella Luiz Savage Rules Battle Royale FUZZ: “Well this should be fun.” NOAH: “It’s a battle royale with the only rules being that you must eliminate your opponents by sending them over the top rope and having both feet touch the floor.” FUZZ: “I think these fuckers know what a battle royale is.” NOAH: “…I just always wanted to say that, okay?” DING! DING! DING! The match begins as all hell breaks loose! All six combatants are throwing hands left and right trying to throw each other out. Panzer nails Overton with a huge double axe handle to the back before dumping him over the top rope! But he lands on the apron. Panzer charges him before catching a kneelift between the ropes. Geri Miller is being pushed towards the ropes where she’s teetering on being thrown over by Estrella Luiz! Michael Archer comes over and helps dump Geri Miller over the top rope where she’s hanging by her arms as he feet dangle! Luiz begins fiddling with the fingertips on the ropes as Archer turns around to see Michael McBride there. Michael rushes towards him before being lifted right over the top rope and lands on the apron. Archer staggers to the side before turning to see Michael running down the side of the apron with a hellacious clothesline! CELTIC CLOTHESLINE! FUZZ: “Damn! McBride nearly took off the head of Archer with that move!” NOAH: “But lookout McBitch!” Archer is knocked to the ground inside of the ring as McBride looks satisfied on his work before his eyes turn to look towards the oncoming train that is Estrella Luiz! She rushes towards McBride and leaps over the top rope! McBride catches her in his arms on the apron with a confused expression on his face before spotting another issue. Phantom Panzer is rushing towards him with a huge charging shoulder through the ropes sending both McBride and Estrella Luiz to the outside and to the floor. Michael McBride’s legs hit the ground, but Estrella is still standing on top of him using him as a launching pad! ELIMINATED: Michael McBride |
Andre pauses it once again. He takes a big bite of his cereal and then looks back into the camera.
"Man these Strawberry Smiggles are the bomb! Anyway back to the match. Here you go again being the FIRST one eliminated in a battle royale that featured a bunch of people I've never even heard of. I'm not certain but I'm pretty sure you're the only Top 50 wrestler that was in the match and you couldn't even make it to the end. I didn't expect a win, but you couldn't even put up a fight? The first one eliminated yet again? My god how the mighty have fallen. I didn't even expect you to win the match when I initially watched it but being the first one eliminated to a bunch of people I've never even heard of is pretty bad. From what we are watching you have proven time and time again that you're not good enough to hang with the current XWF even when it's lower-tier talent. I'm not lower-tier talent my guy. I'm going to fuck you up. Bad."
All of a sudden the door to the locker room swings open. We see Miss Fury come in and look around. She see's Andre is the only one in there and then pokes her head back out of the door and looks both directions before coming back in.
"Did you see anyone come in here?"
"No...it's just been me. Is everything ok?"
"I think so...but I'm going to need you to come with me just in case."
She walks over to one of the lockers with a locks on it, opens it up, and grabs what looks to be a bowling bag out of it.
"Let's go..."
She says as she starts walking towards the door. When she gets there she turns and notices Andre hasn't gotten up and has a look of confusion on his face.
"You coming?"
"Yeah give me one minute and I'll be right out."
"You've got it...
She says as she walks out of the room. Andre puts his blunt out and looks into the camera.
"Looks like this will be a Two Part Episode of VR with Andre Dixon. We will be right back after this commercial break.
Andre gets up and walks out of the locker room as the scene fades to commercial break.