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+---- Thread: The Measuring Stick of a Fake Champion (/showthread.php?tid=39644)
The Measuring Stick of a Fake Champion - B.O.B. D - 01-30-2021
When I was younger, I had a plastic tote under my bed filled with a variety school supplies. Pens, pencils, folders, paper, etc. for my own personal projects, as well as backups in case I needed something for my homework that I accidentally left at school.
Also inside that tote was a wooden ruler, the typical 12-inch American variety. That was NOT for schoolwork, but rather a very personal project of mine: measuring the size of my dick. Once a week, usually a Friday, I would come home and beat myself to the point of near ejaculation, only to stop and measure how "well" endowed I was, hoping to reach(if not surpass) the 6-inch National average. Unfortunately, unlike my name might suggest, it wasn't to be.
I tried everything I could, measuring from the base, pulling my skin down 'til it felt like it was gonna tear, even straining the muscles in my penis to the point where I nearly pulled them; but it didn't matter, I was a below average five and a half inches.
It ate away at me. How could I be BIG D without the big d? Sure the name stemmed from the fact I was a fat kid named Daniel, but what would the ladies think when they found out my D was more like an F? It affected my schoolwork, kept me from being a starter on the football team; hell, it's likely the reason I didn't have sex 'til I was almost 20. And even then, I still had to pay for it.
But, eventually, I grew past it................ literally! As I got older and had multiple sexual partners WITHOUT there being money involved, I realized the size of my dick didn't matter. Which I know is something people with tiny dicks say, but for your information I now have an average sized penis, thank you very much! But even if I didn't, who fucking cares? I strut my stuff like I got an 18 foot Long John and everyone knows it.
Why?
Because it's all about perception, something I intend to extend beyond my penis come Sunday. People think my World Title run is nothing more than a desperate man's pathetic last attempt to stay relevant in, hands down, THE most brutal Feds he's ever competed in.......................................................... but I'll show them! It's too early to judge my reign based solely on the fact I've only defended against the Barneys, and Tommys, and Johns, as opposed to the Roberts, and Charlies, and Thads. The time will come for them, but right now it's more about the payoff than it is the build.
Just like my penis.................
"T.H.U.G.S., do you mind if I call ya that? Rumor has it XWF's gone a little PC and I don't want to feel the wrath of South Park's principal for overstepping the line. I was gonna make a 'Hooked on Ebonics' joke, but I was afraid my contract would get terminated over it, hell, I'm not so sure that's NOT gonna happen now........................... Maybe it's best I call you Wish and Bla.............. erm, Tommy and John. The challengers. Honestly, at the risk of sounding clichè, it doesn't matter what your name is................. all you are is an example of my capabilities as Champion."
"This match is nothing more than a tune up, one of those 2 on 1 attractions where the one manhandles the two with ease. That's why it's placed so low on the card, because nobody takes it seriously yet. But they will, Johmmy, I just gotta make them believe; and it starts Sunday night at Snow Job!!!!! People will remember the night Big D retained his Title in what was essentially, not only a Handicap Match, but a SQUASH one at that!!!!!!! How do I know? Because one of you has to pin me, the keyword being ONE. You guys may be like brothers, but let me tell ya, if I had to kick MY brother in the nuts to win a World Championship, I'd do it in a heartbeat. There's just something about gold that turns family against one another. I've seen blood relatives fight over inheritance like a pack of hyenas, what's to stop either of YOU from turning on the other? You're not even related, if anything you're just REALLY good friends.................... maybe even lovers! But I've seen relationships end for less, as well."
"I'll use the fact y'all think you have the advantage to my own, not that I need to! You guys suck so much, you can't even win the Tag Team Titles when there's barely a division to begin with. It's pretty much the Champion and the T.H.U.G.S., who'll NEVER know what it's like to hold gold again, my own or anyone else's!"
"Snow Job is merely a stepping stone for my rise to greatness, first the T.H.U.G.S, then the world!!!!! It may not look too impressive now, but once my reign reaches it's full potential, THEN you will all see exactly how BIG D actually is. Because Sunday's gonna be the measuring stick that shows whether I'm a fake Champion, or the reap deal, and I have no intention of being anything but the latter! I hope you're ready for the biggest match of your careers, because it's gonna be remembered as the night Big D started to get taken seriously. And that ain't no story, it's the Cold, World Championship Truth!!!!!!"