Where It Counts - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com) +-- Forum: Warfare Boards (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=6) +--- Forum: Warfare RP Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=12) +--- Thread: Where It Counts (/showthread.php?tid=37699)

Where It Counts - Hanari Carnes - 08-03-2020 *Hanari clears his throat, counting the money in front of him on the table * "It is unfortunate that everyone on the card gets a chance to participate in this, because just looking at the names, I can already tell that over half have no chance of even lasting five minutes. Guys like Bilbo Blumpkinz, Calvary, Brian Storm and Liam Roberts, hell even being involved in a main event in some capacity is like a world title shot for them. Hell, the only thing we need is Barney Green to make them feel at home in the land of overconfident jobbers. Guys like Scott Charlotte and Supreme Dylan are just trying to get their feet wet here, but they are in way over their heads. Charlotte wears a ridiculous mulch bag on his head, but his taste in suits isn't half bad. The Wraith? Scott, its more like the Wreath. You sit around way too long and serve no purpose other than blend in with the other wastes of space. You're a bad Halloween decoration, Scott, not a wrestler and certainly not a threat. How about you do us all a favor and next time you meander to the ring for yet another loss, pull that noose a little tighter and finally end it. *Hanari puts one stack of money down..* And Dylan. Damn man. Didn’t know Caillou was doing drag these days. You're facing Bilbo earlier on in the night, so you may be able to eek out a win against everyone's favorite disabled person, but that alone should show you how they feel about your abilities. They don't book you against Bilbo if they think you're the next big star. They book you against Bilbo if they think you're the next Liam Roberts. You need to read between the lines here and realize that you're career was over before it began and if you happen to come across Hanari Carnes in the ring.......well, just jump over that top rope and save yourself the humiliation. *Hanari sets another stack of money to the side and continues counting.* Dallas Marshall.......I've gotta ask you man.......besides who the hell are you and why do you think you're worthy of sharing a ring with Hanari Carnes...........I've gotta know........and be honest here.........How many 21 Pilots concerts have you taken your 17 year old girlfriend to? You look like one of those guys who holds a phone conversation on a Bluetooth earpiece and talks all condescending to the people working at Chipotle. You are a scrub who hates losing, how weird is that? A talent-less hack who thinks he is God's gift to humanity but can't understand why the fans would rather run you over with their car than buy your tee shirt. Your profile says you will do anything it takes to win......how's that working out for ya? All those muscles, all that oiled up pectoral twitching and the body that screams "this guy is gonna be a star.........". It is a damn shame that after Wednesday Night, nobody will even remember who the hell you are. *Hanari checks his watch* "They've already forgotten." *Hanari sets this stack on the table and continues* "Liam Roberts. Come on man. Just stop already. You were on my team for War Games and were about as useful as a beanbag with a hole in it. You bitch and moan every show about when you're gonna get a win, but yet you refuse to get better. In fact, I think you get worse with every match. If XWF had a hospice program, you'd be the first on the list. You are our Old Yeller....we want to take you out to pasture to put you out of your misery but we feel bad doing it because you've been around so long. It doesn't matter what embodiment you return as, you're always going to be XWF's mosquito bite.....annoying, but manageable, and really not all that big of a deal. *Add another stack to the pile.* Brian Storm.....hermano....You look like that guy in high school who always wanted to be cool but never was and now you've grow a giant beard to aid your pathetic "manly" ego. You can pack a punch, but I've seen Special Olympics figure skating with more grace than you show in the ring. Okay, we get it, you're big and you like to fight? What else do you contribute? You're gonna hit the mat early on brother man, and nobody is really going to care because....well.....nobody really cares. So go ahead, respond in your caveman grunting for 3 sentences and get it out of your system. I'll allow it.......once." "Gage Gannon. You're like a combination of the one Somali pirate that knows enough English to talk to the hostage negotiators and those kids I send a nickel to help buy them some grains in Uganda. You've never done anything good with what's been provided to you, and the more we give you, the more you ask for, promising next time will be different. It won't. You suck. *Stack.* I can save some time by bunching Tommy Wish, Calvary and Minxs together into one pile. They are really all the same. Your all idiots with zero ability who go the extra mile to garner attention that people only give you they need a good laugh. Calvary gets undeserved title shots (hence Warstein on Savage a few months ago I mean, really Atticus?) but wears a superman costume so the kids like him. Tommy Wish tries to be edgy and shock us with his antics, but when is the last time he won a match that mattered? I bet you send dick picks to your mom just so you can "fit in"around here, don't ya, Tommy? Ya weirdo. And Minxs, the pink hair extensions and basic white bitch trying to act ghetto approach? You look like you could bore someone with a blowjob. That's how basic you are. Expect to lose twice on Warfare....and in life." *Hanari looks at the 8 stacks of $1 dollar bills. He picks up the $20's and starts counting* "Kris Von Bonn, I'll give you a little more worth because of your affiliation with Mastermind, but being a stooge only gets you so far. You look like Benedict Cumberbatch with downs. It's like Malfoy went to a liberal arts college instead of Hogwarts.......You will never be anything more than an accessory used to fight Mastermind's battles when he is in too deep...which is literally all the time.......so get used to getting that ass kicked and expect to be eliminated early on in this one. Lynx? So there's two cat people? I thought that was like Thad's thing? Lionman or whatever. Oh well, this dude has a big scary image but a history France would laugh at. Who wins 90 percent of their matches in a company and never holds a title? Whose best accolade is being a JUNIOR Heavyweight Champion? Who wears a tiger head and takes themselves seriously? Apparently this guy....and nobody else. Griffin MacAlister. The least successful Arquette sibling. I've been in the ring with him before, and destroyed him. I yawn when I see his name because his fighting style is as boring as NASCAR. He has never beaten me, and never will. I'm only putting him in this stack because I know who he is....it's not much....but more than those other clowns. Azrael.....we did battle a few Warfare's ago with the grease ball above. You both thought you had a chance in hell to take my X-treme title at the time, and I showed you both that you are nothing but has been's with a dying flame and rapidly depreciating value. Az, your spaceman thing doesn't have the same allure when you tell everyone you're mortal now. Actually, the hair color accentuates your insecurities. You suck and you know it." *He begins to count the $50's* "Peter. Oh Peter. I am only putting you here because you are my stablemate and because, although not talented, you're one of the craziest motherfuckers I've ever met. Edgy, loves blood and over the top violence with a spattering of racism. You're like the Goodwill dumpster version of Quentin Tarantino. I know people say to "shoot for the stars" but maybe you should just shoot for Wal-Mart. Or Columbine, whichever is closest. You're the Chaotic Inc. charity case and I think Chris has let you off this long because somewhere deep in his black heart, he feels bad for you. Trust me, he's the only one. "Mandii Rider....I have never had the displeasure of meeting you, but I have heard about you. They both tell me tales of the scent they had to wash off post match after facing you, one of Plan B and regret. I can practically smell the self diagnosed anxiety, bi-polar and most of all depression. After I make you tap I get to throw you over the ropes. I'll make sure I wash my hands well afterwards. Get used to cinder block walls, because you're either going to end up in a women's prison or spending a lot of time in public bathrooms." *$100's* "Robbie Bourbon. I missed ya at War Games, buddy. And you're a hard one to miss. It's okay...Centurion did a good job of losing on his own. I told myself I wasn't going to say a bunch of fat jokes, but when I look at you Robbie, I only see one fat joke. When you decide to show up, you're more dangerous than your dietary habits. Problem is, you're about as reliable as next day shipping. Thaddeus Duke.....It's almost like Macklemore donated his sperm to a lesbian, I'm not sure what to make of him. Regardless of that, Thad, you have something I want. Its the title you hold, MY title, that I want. Best believe you're the one I'm gunning for. You came back to the same place, but not the same scenario. You beat a man I made tap TWICE to win that belt, and I only need to make you tap once. " "Shall I bag them up for you sir?" "No, throw them away. They're all useless."