My friends helped me pick the perfect list of weapons - Printable Version
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My friends helped me pick the perfect list of weapons (/showthread.php?tid=3725)
My friends helped me pick the perfect list of weapons - Dean Moxley McGovern - 06-15-2013
Time: Unconfirmed
Date: Friday, June 14
Location: Moxley's little workshop
Status: Deleted
Material intended to be the second part of “Moxley's workshop” had to be removed from XWF programming due to questionable footage involving several minors and a blow up pool. Instead, xwf99.com brings to you the complete list of Dean McGovern's chosen weapons for tonight's title match, free of footage that may cross the line.
As seen in his previous promo, his first choice ended up being salt. Will the quality of weapons improve as we move down the list? Or was Dean making a serious error in judgment when he decided to let children choose his weapons for him?
There were also some complications with his list as some of “his boys and girls” as he calls them, ended up choosing weapons that could not be used. A young boy by at Moxley's workshop ended up choosing...
Floyd Mayweather Jr. - A god in a boxing ring and he even has a Wrestlemania match under his belt. The plan would have been that he remain in the front row taking cheap shots at the other opponents anytime he could. Then, sometime during the match when Dean gives him the signal, Floyd would get in the ring and start dropping bombs on the opponents' faces, swelling them up and busting them open so badly that the match might need to be paused so their faces can be treated from the massive amount of bleeding.
It was a great plan! Floyd Mayweather would have made an excellent choice for one of Dean's weapons...but there was just one problem: Archie Lawson would not have a human being getting used as a weapon. This same rule is the reason that a second rejection was also issued, when a boy by the name of Tito volunteered HIMSELF to be one of Dean's weapons. Young Tito's plan was to serve as a constant distraction at ringside, getting in cheap shots with a pair of brass knuckles and occasionally biting, scratching, and hitting low blows on Dean's opponents.
So much for Floyd Mayweather and young Tito.
Their replacements?
A trained attack dog named Alejandro and a dual coffee machine with two freshly brewed pots of coffee waiting; one to be thrown at each of Dean's opponents. I suppose that works out just as well.
This puts us at a count of three weapons:
- Salt
- Alejandro the attack dog
- Dual coffee machine
But it would only get more interesting from there.
Dean's next choice came from a young girl named “Rachael” who thought it would be a good idea to...
Put an enraged, wild gorilla inside of a large cage at ringside. The gorilla itself is the weapon. The object of this weapon will be for Dean to shove one of the opponents into the cage with the raging beast that has been getting poked with sticks and angered all day long by its keepers. The gorilla would possibly kill the person thrown into the cage with it. If by some chance the gorilla escapes the cage, the zookeepers would have to quickly surround and get control of the wild gorilla. It would most likely cause some serious injuries to people during this process. Good idea Rachael! Even better idea letting this be acceptable, Archie Lawson!
From there Dean's young friends went on to present him with quite a spectacular gift...
A full suit of body armor, much like what a knight would wear that covers every inch from head to toe. Sure, Dean will have some trouble maneuvering and breathing inside of all that armor but he will be nearly invincible to many forms of attack. Another great idea that only a child's mind could have come up with.
The next idea seemed like a simple but effective one...
The X-Treme title! Especially with the confusion of almost losing it to Lightning yesterday, what better way to show the world who the real champion is but by actually using that title belt to indent people's skulls with the XWF's logo? Chris Legend and CM Punk might not be leaving with the X-Treme title tonight but at least they'll have that classic X-treme skull logo engraved into their foreheads when they leave the arena.
The next item on the list comes directly from a young girl whose mother is in law enforcement. If she knew her daughter was swiping this item to give it to Dean McGovern, she would not be a happy woman. The item in question a police issued net gun; it fires a net that lands around the target and holds them in place so Dean can assault them. Dean specifically liked this choice because it would allow him to bust some serious dance moves on the opponent too while they're trapped under the net.
From there we saw what seems to be one of the simplest but also one of the most gruesome weapons, depending on how it's used...
A cheese grater. Dean's going to attempt to treat CM Punk and Chris Legend's faces like a couple of blocks of cheese and shred them to bits. Will dean yell his classic “Let's get cheesy” line before he does it?
The next item on the list was pure genius and Dean was VERY proud of young Nathan who came up with this one...
A police report against Chris Legend.
For child molestation.
Dean's eyes immediately lit up when he heard the idea and he dialed in the complaint on his cell phone. He informs the police that Chris Legend has been caught on camera molesting children and that he is a known pedophile around the XWF locker rooms as is. How will this play out during the match? Will the report be taken seriously? If police arrive on the scene and arrest Chris Legend during or before his match, that effectively eliminates his chances of winning anything here tonight.
The last item on the list is something that Dean may have trouble getting into the building...
A shotgun. The young mind who suggested this one to Dean also suggested that he make it a sawed off but Dean said he'll be fine with just the regular model.
Time: NOW
Date: NOW
Location: In your face
Well I heard they cut my footage of the pool party we all had during the weapons announcement...that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess. Best thing for me to do is look past it and move right on to the next order of business. CM Punk has chosen to put $100K on the line for this match while Chris Legend is putting up $20K plus his custom Legendary title that he paid for. That leaves me as the guy who is contributing the least with ONLY my $20K on the line. We're of course not counting the XWF X-Treme or European titles in this equation...we're talking about personally putting something on the line that you supply, and I think I've come up with the perfect idea!
You see I'm a big fan of Chris Legend so you better believe I've got me a classic, “Legendary” t-shirt of his! I'm pretty sure this classic Chris Legend shirt was the very first one they EVER MADE.
And you know what?
I'M PUTTING MY CHRIS LEGEND T-SHIRT ON THE LINE! This thing is near and dear to me in every way you can imagine but I'm willing to put it up for grabs - that's just how confident I am.
You know it's funny how this shirt was calling it straight from day one, man...I mean Chris was making it obvious on Wednesday when he was trying to feel up on some of my young friends during a backstage brawl but if only we would have all paid attention to the signs earlier. We should have known THIS was a warning sign when he came out with this shirt...
Chris Legend baby I'm gonna blow your child molesting head off with my shotgun and then I'm going to put this shirt on your headless body before letting every child in the arena come and just beat THE living hell out of you...you sick, sick man.