(05-28-2020, 02:43 PM)The Jester Said: I thought that your rp was great overall. I loved the story and I thought the idea of using actors to recreate the scenes from your characters life was very creative. If I could just offer a little advice, when you’re narrating (setting up the scene, describing a location, explaining what your character or someone else is doing in a scene) it works better if you do it in 3rd person instead of 1st. For example, here’s the first few sentences from your rp if they were done in 3rd person.

The scene opens to a small metal folding chair sitting against a plain white backdrop. The camera zoomed tightly to the chair before Liam can be seen walking into the frame. He turns to the camera and gives it a little wave before sitting down. He sits there in silence for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths, before beginning to speak.

The only other advice I’d give you is to be sure and proofread your rp's before posting them. None of us are professional writers, and even professional writers have editors that check their work over and over, so no one expects your rp's to be perfect. But you want to at least try to make sure that there aren’t any mistakes that make your rp hard to understand or change the meaning of what you’re trying to say. I will usually wait for around a hour after I finish writing a rp before I go back and reread it. That gives you time to kind of flush it out of your brain and makes it easier to catch little mistakes.

Please don’t take any of this as criticism. Like I said, I think your rp was terrific and you have a very good writing style. The hardest part of writing is being able to tell a good story and you’ve got that nailed!

(05-24-2020, 09:42 AM)Jenny Myst Said: "Don't quit your day job."

(05-28-2020, 02:43 PM)The Jester Said: I thought that your rp was great overall. I loved the story and I thought the idea of using actors to recreate the scenes from your characters life was very creative. If I could just offer a little advice, when you’re narrating (setting up the scene, describing a location, explaining what your character or someone else is doing in a scene) it works better if you do it in 3rd person instead of 1st. For example, here’s the first few sentences from your rp if they were done in 3rd person.

The scene opens to a small metal folding chair sitting against a plain white backdrop. The camera zoomed tightly to the chair before Liam can be seen walking into the frame. He turns to the camera and gives it a little wave before sitting down. He sits there in silence for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths, before beginning to speak.