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no mistakes - Thunder Knuckles™ - 05-06-2020 Thunder Knuckles is seen in the locker room after Savage, pacing back and forth. His XBUX Championship draped over his shoulder still. That was too fucking close, Jimmy! You’re the one who was goofing off, don't blame me. Jimmy immediately knew he made a mistake. Thunder Knuckles raises his hand to smack Jimmy right across his stupid mouth, yet he stops from striking Jimmy. Who’s next!? Jimmy looks to the ground not wanting to say who’s next. Jimmy, I'm fucking talking to you! Jimmy slaps himself on the back of his head. Just to make sure he says his name right. []bRiaN sTorM. Thunder Knuckles grins. Yeah. I’m not going to keep hitting myself in the head to say your name. So, let’s see… Thunder Knuckles taps his chin while looking up and keeping rhythm with his right foot. After a few moments pass Thunder Knuckles roars out. MIKE! Jimmy looks confused toward Thunder Knuckles. Kind of bland don't you think, Thunder Knuckles? I think it’s fitting and that’s his name now. Mike. Thunder Knuckles looks proud of himself. Fine, Mike, it is. Last time Mike and I shared the ring the pandamonium was so off the fucking chain that the referee mauled a bunch of people… Jimmy quickly tries to stop Thunder Knuckles before he thinks about it too hard about that night. SO! Mike has- Jimmy was too late. AND THAT MOTHER FUCKER! VINNIE GODDAMN LANE! STOLE ALL MY FUCKING HARD EARNED XBUX! Jimmy drops his head into his hands knowing this could take a minute. While Jimmy is sitting there listening to Thunder Knuckles, go on and on about how Vinnie lane stole all his xbux. Jimmy begins to daydream. Look! A pink bunny. Woooooooooow. two pink bunnies. What’s that? Thunder Knuckles is still the Television Champion XBUX Champion. Silly string fight. Neat! AND I BETTER SEE THOSE FUCKING SWEET SWEET XBUX IN MY GODDAMN ACCOUNT SOON, VINNIE! Thunder Knuckles finally broke through Jimmy’s daydream. We should probably talk about Mike some, don't you think? Alright, hit me with some fact, Jimmy. Thunder Knuckles braces himself because bRiaN sTorM could hold some hidden gems, like a crushing defeat of championship stock. His last big match was- Against the Jim and xbux connection at Cuntfest! Before Jimmy could begin to speak Thunder Knuckles recreates the Jim and Xbux connection’s theme song by humming it. Thunder Knuckles stops humming. Where is Jim “the Jim” Jimson? I haven’t seen him in a while. What a fantastic non-stop, action-packed, match we put on together! People really were into that one. Jimmy has been happy that Jim Jimson has been M.I.A., that way he can be Thunder Knuckles' only friend again. COVID-19 has done wonders for Jimmy's self-esteem. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be back soon. Jimmy says trying to brush the name Jim “the Jim” Jimson out of this promo. Back to Mike. His biggest match was at War Games 2019. Almost a full year? Yes, and he was eliminated first for his team. Didn’t Robbie Bourbon straight kamikaze his ass? Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Shortly after that The Boston Bruiser hit Mike with a huge lariat and covered him for the three count. That was his big match? JImmy smiles at Thunder Knuckles. Yes. Thunder Knuckles looks into the camera. Let me get this straight… I’m facing someone who’s last big match was almost a year ago AND lost to me five months ago? What happened to all those fucking legends… You know, the ones who wanted a piece of my ass before I was XBUX Champion? Thunder Knuckles looks back at Jimmy. The fucking lariat of doom huh. I’d tell Mike he’d have a better chance with Centurion. On that boring ass program on Wednesday night. But I wouldn’t suggest anyone, and I mean anyone, watch that crap-ass program. Everyone knows that if you want to be entertained, you watch Savage. On second thought, Mike, you should go over to that Wednesday night show. Take the Universal Champion too, because when I was on Warfare. Before Smoking Bob Williams turned out to be a bull shit hack of a GM and didn’t pay ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles the TWO THOUSAND xbux he won. Doing some bullshit “events” in a bull shit country, that’s not America. The Universal Championship was decided on that show. You're right, Thunder Knuckles! I do believe I recall a time when Unknown Soldier caught a lot of shit for not defending on Warfare. So what holds Shawn to a different standard? Mr. Brackets has some stroke on Savage. If you know what I mean. I should be the main event holding this. Thunder Knuckles tosses the XBUX Championship to the floor at Jimmy’s feet. Jimmy quickly picks it up. Thunder Knuckles! What? People around here will bitch and moan, so much, so, so much. If they see you tossing this prestigious belt around like you don't care. Honestly though, Jimmy. Who gives a fuck? As the XBUX Champion, I should be main eventing, Savage. You know Champions get paid more for doing so. I haven’t seen not ONE fucking xbux that I didn’t hustle for myself. I’ll continue to hustle for them too. Like, right now. I won that fucking title. I’d didn’t beat any fucking slouch either. Let’s remember the Champion that I beat handed the inaugural Anarchy Champion, her first loss. Where’s my FIVE THOUSAND xbux? I’ve defended it. SEVEN THOUSAND xbux. My bad, TWICE. Someone needs to let Atticus White ass go. If Atticus Black was here, we wouldn’t be having this fucking issue. That man always paid ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. Maybe, White thinks, yeah right, That if he keeps feeding me the Tommy Wish’s and Mike’s of the world. That I won’t say anything. No, mother fucker, you owe me xbux. Jimmy cuts off Thunder Knuckle’s rant. How do you plan on taking out Mike? I was thinking of something a little less extreme. I don't know man. A special guest referee? Fuck it, sure. Who are you going to have to referee the match? Ji- Thunder Knuckles is interrupted so quickly by Jimmy that Thunder Knuckles himself couldn’t stop it. How about I take care of that part for you Thunder Knuckles? I feel like I can get the right price for the job and form the right person. How about I smack the shit out of you, Jimmy!? Thunder Knuckles raises his hand to smite Jimmy, with the back of his hand. When suddenly an alarm went off of Thunder Knuckles’s phone. He restrained himself from hitting Jimmy to read what the alarm was for. Oh shit! Todd! Roll the video package, you beautiful bombshell you. The promo fades out to a well-crafted video advertisement from a rally that Thunder Knuckles had for the Drezdin/Knuckles campaign. It starts with Thunder Knuckles exiting his tour bus and walking up to a podium in front of a crowd. It has obviously been taped before social distancing went into effect. Thank you, thank you. Okay everyone, calm the fuck down. I'm here today to ask you all for your hard-earned xbux, ladies and gentlemen. To help bankroll the Drezdin/Knuckles campaign. All proceeds can be forward straight to me, ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. I notice that you don't have very good choices for President this coming November. I just want you to know that neither of them will look directly at the camera and tell you exactly what they are fucking thinking. Do you know who can? Thunder Knuckles wait for the crowd to answer for him and they respond in kind with a roaring “Drezdin”. That’s right Drezdin is the man for that fucking job! He will tell you what you think even if you don't care to hear it! You see America, I just came back from a luxury week at the spa with a lobbyist friend, you know as we politicians normally do. That’s when my lobbyist friend casually mentioned. “Did you know that running in the 2020 Presidential race was going to be the most expensive race in United States history”? I’ll be damned if I didn’t take the cucumbers off my fucking eyes to see if he was being serious or not. Turns out, he was. He said they were going to spend over ONE HUNDRED MILLION dollar on one campaign advertisement. ONE HUNDRED MILLION dollars, can you believe it? He said most of that money was coming from you, the American people. You see because you are buying their products. Well, that's when I jumped out of my Turkish bath, wrapped a towel around myself, and said “LOOK OUT MOTHER FUCKERS! I'M RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT”. If some lucky politician is going to come out and sell out America for well over ONE HUNDRED MILLION dollars a pop. Thunder Knuckles can be that fucking guy! FOR YOU THE PEOPLE. The crowd is eating this speech up. They cheer Thunder Knuckles’s every word. I want to give a very special thanks to a very generous donor to the campaign, a donor, SouthEast Airlines. Where you can fly for xbux! Thank you and for your very generous contribution over the last several months. I will be doing everything within my power to get your agenda across first. You know as I travel across this great fucking country of ours. I like to tell these stories about hard-working Americans. I like to tell stories about this time I went into a diner in Cleveland. When I ran into a hard-working single mother, let's call her Gloria. Well, Gloria walked up and sat beside me and said, “Mr. Knuckles, I'm so worried about the rising health care cost, I'm worried about my home being foreclosed on, I'm worried about my children's future, I'm worried about the state of the education system.” You know what? I made up so many of these stories it’s hard to keep them all straight. I just want you to know that I make them up so it makes you believe I care about you! The crowd roars in approval. But the fact of the matter is I don't eat in dinners, no. I dine with lobbyists and donors at fundraising events. Where I listen to their problems. Not Gloria’s problems. Are you kidding me? If Gloria isn’t able to make her house payment how is she going to donate to the Drezdin/Knuckles campaign? That’s just silly. On a related note. I’d like to thank the Peter Gilmour YouTube channel. Thunder Knuckles looks off the stage and asks a question to the campaign manager. Can someone put the address up in post-production? Thunder Knuckles turns his attention back to the crowd when suddenly on your screen the web address for Peter Gilmour’s YouTube channel pops up. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSdbFnxgn7VzjlQqqUVN2bQ/feed Thanks again for your contributions Peter Gilmour YouTube channel! America watch the Peter Gilmour YouTube channel it’s fucking greatness! Thanks again for the money, Peter. You’re a fucking legend. People of America you deserve a new kind of the same old fucking politician. Aren’t you sick of those Washington insider elitist dick nozzles? Who will sell you out behind your back! Don’t you deserve a Vice President who will sell you out straight to your fucking face? I can be that guy, damn it! I can make empty promises! Easy. I can RAISE MY VOICE AND SAY, “JOBS, JOBS, and JOBS” and at the end of the day. I’ll be completely honest with you. I don't care about you. I can’t. Do you think Time Warner and Comcast are going to shower me with money if I truly make them compete with each other to be your cable and internet provider? Fuck no. Do you think big pharmaceutical companies will continue to write me big ass fucking checks to give you affordable health care and prescriptions? Hell to the mother fuck no. That dog just doesn’t fucking hunt. So here's the thing: all the other politicians out there are going to try to sell you one the fact they are fighting for you. Every single one of them, but the truth is none of them are. Every time a big decision is made there are two or three different special interest groups out there spending millions of dollars against each other. Just to win over politicians like me. They are fighting for policies that mean billions of dollars for them. Just to spend a few million dollars on a guy like me. Well, that's just good fucking business, isn't it? For politicians, and myself, it's easy to embrace the donors. Do we screw over the voters and ride all that money into the white house? Or do we help the American people? Passing up all those big bucks and losing the election before it even fucking starts? Just take a look at Bernie mother fucking Sanders. The man who sold out in March faster than toilet paper did. I’d say it’s a pretty clear choice for politicians and as long as it's pretty clear, you the people, don’t have a choice. That's why Drezdin is running for President! In the most expensive race in United States history! I’m here to give our opponents a run for their fucking money… Literally! That's why I want you to join me! By you, I don’t mean the average American. I mean you, people with money. I don't care if you're a goddamn liberal, I don't care if you're even a piece of shit conservative. I want you to join me if you're one of my incorporated friends, an insurance company, a big bank, or you’re an energy conglomerate.. Give me your fucking money and I will give you an unfair advantage over the people of America. Oh, and when people come to me to complain about wasteful spending of government money. What? You know they will. I can say to them; you're not my fucking priority. When they whine about oppressive student loans. I will say- The crowd with Thunder Knuckles says. -You're not my fucking priority. When they moan about big bailouts to big banks, I will say- The crowd again rallies behind the moniker. -You're not my fucking priority. So this coming November America, you make the goddamn call. I’m Thunder Knuckles and I want you to vote Drezdin for President of the United States of America! Thank you, God bless you, God bless me, and most importantly God bless MONEY! The crowd goes wild cheering Drezdin’s name as the advertisement fades back to Thunder Knuckles in the locker room. He’s out of his ring gear now dressed and is now dressed in a suit and wearing the XBUX Championship. What was I saying earlier? Oh yeah, What happened to all those legends who wanted a piece of ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles, Jimmy? Well, one has been trying. Who’s that? Micheal Graves. Seriously. Who? I’m not joking. Jimmy with a serious look on his face. Micheal Graves wants a piece, huh? Well, Jimmy, I need you to reach out and make it happen. Really? Yeah, I know just the match. Well, don't concentrate too hard on that match against Graves. You have to make it past Mike. Thunder Knuckles looks at Jimmy with a cold stare. I know you’re going to win just- Just shut the fuck up Jimmy. Mike is going to go back to Tennessee, or whatever treasonous ass southern state he's from. Where he will tell the tale of ass beating he receives at my hands come May 16th, 2020. After the beating I place on him he’s going to feel so bad. So bad in fact, he’s going to walk up to brother-cousin Joe Bob and apologize for sleeping with his wife, his own mother. Thunder Knuckles shivers in disgust. Jesus, Thunder Knuckles, why would he do that- Because he’s a sick fuck, that’s why! I meant, like, why would he tell him about fucking his wife? Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy so hard that he flys out of frame. You hear his body hit some lockers and then a thud to the ground. I was on a roll Jimmy. Do NOT stop me again when I'm on a roll like that. Do you understand? You hear Jimmy whimper and say. Sorry, Thunder Knuckles. The camera now tightens on Thunder Knuckles's face and he smiles. I guess you’ll have to wait for more trash talk. Thunder Knuckles looks over at Jimmy with the camera still zoomed in. BECAUSE JIMMY IS A PIECE OF SHIT! Thunder Knuckles looks back into the camera. Now cut that shit off, cameraman. I still don't even like the fact that you're here. I mean, this fucking pandemic isn’t over because the current sitting president wants it to be. Easing social distancing stupid mother fu- The cameraman shuts off the camera.