New/You: Part 4 - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com) +-- Forum:  RP Archive (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=113) +--- Forum: Archives (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=13) +---- Forum: "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=16) +---- Thread: New/You: Part 4 (/showthread.php?tid=36431)

New/You: Part 4 - Madison Dyson - 03-12-2020 A warm inviting sun trickles in through the large screen door leading out to the porch in a swanky, high priced hotel room. But, it soon becomes clear that something is amiss. One of Madison's Blackwater security grunts has taken up a sniper's position on the porch, his high powered rifle trained on the ground below. The shot pans across the length of the lavishly furnished room until it comes to a large hot tub. Which is bone dry. Because Madison is hunkered down in it wearing a flak jacket. Her expression is tense, and judging by the hand gun and piles of ammo also occupying the tub with her, she looks like she's expecting trouble. Upon noticing the camera though, she forces a change over her features. Oh why hello! She smiles through gritted teeth. Welcome to Kenya! Where, contrary to the FAKE NEWS vomited up by our left wing biased media, I have been greeted as a LIBERATOR! She coughs awkwardly. Let me back up. A shot claps the air from the direction of the porch and Madison cringes. I've come to Kenya as the last leg of my tour this week to bestow my gift upon this....fine.....nation. And I just want to stress how much beloved and not imperiled I am by the people of this beautiful country. The camera's view drifts over towards the door, where a dresser has been pushed up against it to bar entry. Hey, hey, hey! The action is over HERE! The camera dutifully refocuses on Madison. Soooo, yeah. Plenty of Kenyans have lined up for the chance to undergo the miracle I am offering them. Trust me, they are fuckin' STOKED! Another shot barks out from the sniper on the porch. Ignore that! She shifts her weight in the tub, pulling down on the flak jacket. Jesus, you'd figure by now they could make one of these things so that it doesn't pinch the shit out of your titties. Anyway, my original plan was to spend a goodly portion of this promo filming the inspirational, miraculous story of how I pull Kenya into the lap of the 21t century by turning ebony to ivory. I was going to treat you to the sight of newly christened Saxons weeping tears of joy in the street and hailing me as their savior. And let me tell you, THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED! But, UNFORTUNATELY, it turns out that Geri's promo sucked so much copious ass that I don't have time to show you all of that. I just have way too much ground to cover parsing this shit show. So you can thank “Jason Mewes with a vagina” for fucking that up for you! There is a flash of movement on the porch as the sniper abruptly changes position, yelling something into a hand radio as he does so. We then see him unclip a hand grenade from a bandolier and lob it over the side of the porch, followed soon after by a thudding BOOM that shakes the building. Madison sits up in the tub looking annoyed. Christ! Are you trying to kill me or protect me?! Then, remembering the presence of the camera, she chuckles nervously. And by “protect me”, I mean ensure that all my petitioners form orderly lines! Ah-ha-HEM. Madison relaxes a bit again, leaning back in the tub. You know, there are very rare occasions when I encounter a promo so bad that even I'm at a loss for where to start. A promo so shitty that my brain is just so flush with ways to eviscerate it that it overloads the senses and creates a log jam in my head. Like, remember that time on the Simpsons where the doctor told Mr. Burns he has so many diseases that they're all struggling to fit through the doorway of his body, and thus are effectively canceling each other out? Yeah, that. That's what its been like inside my head since I saw your promo, Geri. I had to take some time to untangle those multiple fecal ropes and clear the jam. Good news! I DID! So first off, I want to congratulate you for the excellent display of showing how “not shook” you are by going cataleptic on Centurion for bringing up your loss to me. Nothing says “I got this” like having a bipolar melt down on your mentor when he cautions you to take me seriously because I already beat your ass. Bitch you are more shook than a Parkinson's patient riding out a Magnitude 7 earthquake directly above a fault line in San Diego. And if that wasn't enough of a wrap, not only did you dredge up all the times I called you fat, but you threw in that you lost 20 pounds since the last time I labeled you a heffer like that does anything but show that you're still cripplingly insecure. LOL! “Yes Madison I am so confident in myself that after you called me a fatty I binged and purged until I shaved 20 pounds of cellulite off my fat ass!” Like GODDAMN BITCH, I got so far in your head I impacted your eating habits! BWAHAHAHAHA! Ugghhhhhh....you're so fucking WEAK. Madison shakes her head as there is another report of gunfire from outside. I could go all goddamn day on the metric shit ton of stupid in this promo. How you gonna say “my glass ceiling is lower than yours” when I have a win over you AND I'm the manager for The Universal Champion AND I'm part of the most dangerous coalition in the whole XWF? Guess what you window licking bint....I AM THE GLASS CEILING! Did you NOT see me win my last four matches in a row? Granted some of 'em were by hook and crook, but that just further proves my point. I have an entire army of ne'er do wells at my beck and call. If I wanted to I could win this whole goddamn tournament and barely have to lift a finger, just like I did against Boris. So how the fuck you gonna run your cum catcher like I'm the underdog in this shit? Damn, that trash tier title has gone right to your head. You fucking whistle brained paste eater. You can't even cut a single promo without going whole hog on ripping off the under card. Calling me a boomer? Look, that's Jimson's schtick! I was gonna have Jim on to speak for himself but he suffered a tragic incident at Sea World yesterday and got his dick stuck in an Orca. But my word to God's ears he is spittin' mad that you cribbed his material! But I suppose if it weren't for you ripping other people off, we would have to suffer you PAAAAAAADING out that promo with even more scintillating dialogue that makes you sound like an autistic robot. Madison crosses her eyes and speaks in a monotone drawl. “You are someone I could care less what happens to them. You are someone I do not respect. I do not like.” HURR DURR! “I am Geri. I do not like sandwiches. I do not like rain. I like bikes.” Like....FUCK. Did you have a special plan when you were in school, Geri? Did you have a grown up all to yourself that followed you around making sure you didn't try to swallow your own fingers or shit your pants and remain oblivious to it all day? The rest of that promo is just baseless horseshit about how you're gonna get revenge on me and definitely gonna win this match because....REASONS. Oh, oh....because you beat Atara and Barney Green I guess, both of whom spend more time on their backs than a passably of age cat house whore. You want some more things you got grotesquely wrong? Well you're in luck because you're still hitting the idiot piss baby JACKPOT. You think I don't understand you? Acting like you're something so complex, something so deep when in reality you're just another brain damaged trend whore suckling at the teat of pop culture and acting like dying your hair green somehow constitutes having an actual identity. The only thing you were right about was that you do sicken me when I look at you, but it's not because you're hot so slow your roll and steady that undulating FUPA before you get a belly ache. The thing that sickens me about you is how utterly oblivious you are to your own mediocrity. I think you actually think that you're talented and entertaining. I think you won ONE bottom rung title and you're now under the impression that you're some generation defining maestro who's bound for XWF legend status. Well, let me clarify things for you. YOU. ARE. NOT. Hell, you're not even CLOSE to being the most interesting person in this round of March Madness. For as much of a “Punching Bag Barbie” Atara is, at least she sometimes has something interesting to say. I mean, not on Twitter (hoooo God, NEVER on Twitter), but some of the promos? Passably okay on occasion. Thunder Knuckles? Sometimes hits on being mildly amusing. Hanari Carnes? Talks funny. Big D? Penis jokes galore and is a pretty good sport about getting the shit kicked out of him. Mastermind? Turns out he has an entire army of sperglords at his disposal. Jessalyn Haaa-ehhhh, okay you're more interesting than Jessalyn Hart, I'll give you that. Madison acts like she does a double take. And.....HOL' UP! Did you say you were gonna “walk your way to the World Title”? Madison starts laughing hysterically. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Like, bitch, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She keeps laughing uproariously until she is able to cool herself down. Heh heh....hoooooo...good thing I went commando today. Yeah...so Geri....heh....ehhhh....were you just trying to gaslight me there? Or do you actually think you have a chance at beating THE WORLD CHAMPION? Whoever the fuck that is because WE DON'T HAVE ONE YOU MORON! But on the off chance you meant my client, The Engineer? Yeah, no. Never. Never, ever, ever. And the fact that you think that there is a greater than 0.0% chance of that happening shows just how downright pig ignorant you are. You are so far out of your depth here. And you're so stupid you can't even conceive of how out of your depth you are. You are Lady Dunning Kruger. And I know you don't know what that means so I'll give you a moment to slam your meaty diabetes fists on your key board long enough to enter it into Google. Actually, on second thought, fuck it. You probably won't even understand half the words in that Wikipedia article. Assuming you actually made it to Wikipedia and didn't get frustrated and have another bipolar induced meltdown and throw your shit at the monitor. God you fucking SUCK. Soooooo, here's what I'm fixin' to do. I'm gonna hand you just enough rope to hang yourself. I'm dropping this bomb over 24 hours before the day of the show. I'm giving you plenty of time to formulate an effective, biting response and to convince the world that this time the outcome is going to be different. But here's the clincher: I know you're gonna fuck it up. You're too dense. Too dull. Too much of a heaping slop pile of fuck off nothing to do anything noteworthy with this advantage I'm giving you. Here's another solid I'll do you. I'm not gonna cheat in this match. I don't have to. Even being a shadow of a shadow of my former self, I have more than enough gas in the tank to beat you clean. Now, why am I giving you these advantages? Simple. Because on this, our second match, I want to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am your better. There will be no quibbling on this point forevermore. You will hang your head in shame whenever I pass by you in the hallway. And while you're at it, just turn over that stupid title to me too so I can give it the proper viking funeral it deserves AKA hang out at Shane's house and try to flush it down his shit clogged toilet. Fuck you, Geri. This tournament is emphatically NOT YOURS. Just then, Madison hears clapping coming from behind her. She turns about in the tub to see that the sniper that was on her porch is now facing inwards towards her room applauding her. What the hell, man?! Shouldn't you be watching my six errr....whatever..... The Blackwater grunt shrugs nonchalantly. The natives are pacified, we're all good. Helluva promo, Madison! Madison relaxes a bit. Oh thanks, it was all improv re-.... And then the Blackwater soldier explodes into flames thanks to a Molotov cocktail lobbed at his back! He screams and stumbles into Madison's room. She skitters up to a standing position. GOD DAMMIT! GET OUT, YOU'RE SPREADING THE FLAMES! But the solider falls into a couch, setting it ablaze! At the same time, two grappling hooks latch on the edge of the porch wall. Madison scrambles to get her gun and runs from the door, cursing as she remembers she barred it with a dresser. Panicked, Madison jams her shoulder up against the furniture and starts to push it out of the way as two men with bowie knives clamber onto the porch. Fuck! Fuck! FUUUUUUCK! Realizing she has to choose fight over flight, she levels her gun at the men on the porch and opens fire, shattering the glass on the door. The men dive for cover as more gunfire can be heard in the hallway outside. Madison keeps pressing the trigger until it registers the click of an empty chamber. She hastily reaches into her pocket to recover more ammo, but it doesn't take the attackers long to realize she's vulnerable and press their advantage. They abandon their cover and come out into the open. Madison gulps and drops some of her ammo. One of the men smiles brutally. But unfortunately for him, it's the last thing he'll ever do. Because an attack helicopter crests the porch and opens fire on both men, who don't even have a chance to scream before they're cut into meaty chunks! Realizing it's safe, Madison steps out onto the porch, crinkling her nose in disgust and trying to avoid stepping on the fleshy bobs of human matter. She sees The Engineer hanging out the side of the helicopter, giving her a thumbs up and calling out to her over the roar of the rotors. I got you babe! He shouts in a sing songy voice. Took you long enough! Madison tosses her gun aside and scowls. I need a fuckin' drink.