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Hey Stan... - Shawn Warstein - 12-27-2019
It was surprisingly easier than I thought. I knew that not a single one of them stood a chance against me in the chamber, but I guess that’s why you actually have the matches then. Even a blind squirrel finds a nit eventually, but Christmas wasn’t their time. Four of the biggest wastes walking this planet now had their shot and failed.
They all talked a big game, but not a single one of them impressed me. Sure that might be a big of an exaggeration, Knuckles showed some promise.l, but I’m not in the business of keeping promises. Hell I’m in the business of keeping my legacy intact. So while I want to explain everything about Christmas, I can’t I have to forge ahead. Another Match…
I sat there dabbing the sweat off of my brow when Noah bursts into the room, TV firmly across his shoulder.
“Fuck yeah Mate! Told you no one can fuck with the Cunts!”
“You’re too right there Noah.”
Noah plopped down next to me and tossed the belt aside.
“Jesus mate, it doesn’t even look like you broke a sweat.”
“As if that wasn’t a foregone conclusion. I didn’t even need to break everything out of the bag of tricks on them. They thought they knew what was happening, but they were as always wrong.”
I stood up and walked towards the door. I peek out and see no one out there. I quickly turn towards Noah.
“Listen. I know there are a lot of people that want a piece of me, and it’s all of my own doing. I usually can back everything I say up, but I may have said too much.”
“Spoken like a true ‘Stralian. Cheers mate.”
“No you don’t understand. Everyone wants my head on a spike. They all want to be the one to take me down. The one to finally shut me up…”
Noah just shrugs.
“And what of it cunt?”
“I mean some of the heavy hitters are gunning for me. It’s as if they all realize that I’m the threat that I said I was. Now they are all seeing the light.”
“And what happened to the last person that tried to head spike you?”
“Well obviously I beat them.”
“And before them?”
“Same book different chapter.”
“So what’s the big deal this time. There isn’t a single person out there that can stop us together…”
He’s right, but I have a bad feeling about him being out there on Saturday.
“Listen man, I need you to promise me one thing come Saturday…”
“What’s that?”
“I need you to stay in the back. No matter what happens. No matter what anyone does to me in that ring. I need you to stay in the back.”
“Not a fuckin’ chance cunt!”
“No you don’t understand. If I get taken out, who is going to be there to find me if you’re busy getting your ass beat as well? Who is going to help me and you then? I just think we would be better served if you stayed in the back.”
I could see Noah running through the different scenarios through his head. One by one I can see it begin to click every time, his head would quickly jut downwards.
“Fine, if you say so. I’m not happy about it.”
“I know you’re not happy, you think I’m happy about it? Not a chance.”
“But why are you so worried about those two CUNTS?”
I’m not. It’s everything that comes along with it.
“It’s not Sarah or Kenzi I’m worried about. Hell I don’t care if I win or not. It’s those fucking Nazi’s I’m worried about. That fucker Corey…”
“It goes by Engineer now…”
“What the fuck ever man. He’s got this massive hard-on for me recently. I told him I don’t want to fight, but I have a feeling they aren’t going to take too nicely to that… considering what happened to Peter tonight.”
Noah slaps me on the shoulder and gets a wide grin on his face.
“Fuck those Nazi’s. Fuck the Mafia. Fuck them all! We are the Sick Cunts. And no one can stop us.”
God damn it! He’s right. What do I have to be scared of? I’m the fucking Legend. I’m the fucking beat thing in this company. I want to see one of them walk a mile in my shoes. They wouldn’t last a fucking day. Not a single one of them have been through what I have and I’m not gonna let some piss ants rain on my parade.
“You’re God Damn Right!”
And with that the camera fades to black, closing yet another impressive week for Fuzz. Until Next Year.
The Afterthought:
You see it’s really simple when you break everything down to the basics. One person is better than the other in the battle. It just so happens that you decided to bring a knife to a gun fight (I know the cliches are heavy.) and that will be your downfall. For the past few months everyone has had their eyes squarely on my and my actions. When I move, everyone needs to know what I’m doing. When I talk, everyone is waiting to pounce on what I say. As if I wouldn’t throw some shit out there for people to take as bait.
Then there’s you Sar, someone who doesn’t need anything from me. Someone who is talented in the ring, but there are some out there that say it’s basically a joke that you are even being compared to me. It pains me to say this Sar, but in some small way I agree with
. It literally sends chills down my spine. I’ve been on the side of quite a few times over my career, but the recent is something else. Yet if there was anything has said in the past it’s this…There’s No such thing as Manifest Destiny.
Well at least in actual context, what you said was basically meaningless. I’m not going to tell you what Manifest Destiny means, but it sure as hell doesn’t mean that you manifest your own destiny. Well fuck it, I’ll tell you what it means, seeing as how this week I’ve been a math teacher, an English professor, why not add History teacher to that list as well. What Manifest Destiny actually means in the belief that the USA was given the rights from god to expand the USA’s territory. What that meant was by any means necessary were deemed okay in the eyes of god and that it was their right and it was inevitable.
So I guess you can replace USA with Sarah, and territory with title shots, and inevitable with earned opportunities.
But like all good things there is a catch to it all. That would be me in this scenario. So we are going to go with the Manifest Destiny in your eyes for this example. There is only one person that has your desired “Destiny” and that would be me. I’m calling the shots, not you. I have the briefcase, not you. I can book any match I want at Cuntfest, not you. My “Destiny” is in my hands, your desires are in my hands. What you want, I can have. What you covet, I have in my possession.
So tell me Sarah, what about any of this do you think is about you?
Nothing.
This match, is simply going to be a showcase for you. It’s going to allow me to see if you are worthy for Corey, or Lux, or Engineer 2.235, or whatever other name he’s decided to call him or herself this week. You see I have said from the very beginning I wasn’t going to book myself into the Main Event of my own show, here’s looking at you Centurion, instead I was going to give that opportunity to someone deserving. I was looking for an up and comer to take the bull by the horns and make a point for it.
Honestly I was looking at you first and foremost, then you did what everyone, outside of Noah, does. You disappointed me. For someone who claims they are owed soooo much, you’ve done very little to show your worth. Sure you’re the Tag Team champion, and yes you’ve got it of title opportunities waiting for you, and sure you’ve won a tournament.
But losing your last four singles matches is pathetic. Fucking hell, you couldn’t beat Ruby on her second match of the night. She was ready to be beaten, and you couldn’t get it done. That doesn’t sound like someone ready and willing to fight and die for everything they wanted or needed. No what it sounds like is someone who, without their beloved, is faltering at the wrong time. A person so desperate to get back on top that they would be willing to go to any lengths to prove how great they are, but you’re not are you? You aren’t great. You aren’t in the right mindset. You are flawed.
Now you talk at great lengths about how I went to the bottom of the barrel when I called you out for your sexuality. Well when you are facing the bottom, you have to reach down to their level. Yet let’s not make this a big hub bub either.
Your sexual orientation is one of the least objectionable things about you. No what is though is the fact that you have to throw it in everyone’s face as if it were relevant to the beating you’re about to receive. No, what I said was to get your attention, and guess what…
It worked.
I know that you think you deserve so much more than you have, and to some extent you’re right. You are indeed a fierce competitor in the ring, but that will only get you so far. I want you to understand one thing, and this is a big one. If you want to save Corey from Shane
, then you need to look elsewhere. You claim that I’m running from Corey out of fear? No I’m not running, I’m playing the game. You see while you’re out here saying you DESERVE the shot…He chose ME.
He didn’t chose you. You weren’t a thought. You need to prove yourself against me, and that’s okay. I understand how important this match is for YOU, but for me it’s another shot for me to show Corey that I’m not the one he wants to fight is he wants to keep that ugly fucking title around his waist. Sarah I’m not running from Corey, I’m running to help him make the right choice.
You see I have a long history with
and I know what it’s like to be under his influence. When you get there in the beginning, you are unstoppable. No one can touch you. Then as time wears on, you start to see the flaws. You find the small glimmering holes in the logic. That’s when the beast inside begins to subside, right then is when you attack. If you want to run face first into a buzzsaw, by all means go ahead.But be wary. I’ve seen it, I’ve been on both sides of it.
I KNOW HOW TO BEAT IT.
You don’t. You haven’t been around long enough to have been through it. It’s literal hell. You couldn’t stand in a fucking Trash Panda match, what makes you think you’re ready for Hell? You’re not. So yes while you’ve been a thorn in my side, and I yours, you aren’t ready.
This isn’t the old guy saying you’re not ready. This is your sometimes friend telling you this. The last and only time we fought, I took you lightly…
But you didn’t beat me did you? No that honor goes to Kenzi. Sure your family won. Yet what hasn’t happened is simple, we’ve never faced off one on one. You’ve never stood there all alone by yourself. You’ve never seen this side of me. Since that tournament I’ve changed.
I’ve allowed myself to no longer care about the person across from me, and you will be no different. I literally had to beat Noah’s girlfriend to get what I wanted. If I did that to someone I actually like…
What the fuck do you think I have in store for you?
You say this is about the families right? About how no one in yours approves of your lifestyle? Why the fuck would I care about what your family thinks about who you’re currently fucking? It’s as plain as the day is long…
I don’t.
I don’t give a fuck about your family. The only people I care about are myself, Noah and Vita. They are the ones that drive me. While you’re clearly driven by the need to prove people wrong. I’m driven by proving my WORTH. You said it yourself, I’ve done just that. You said that you’ve seen legends come back only to falter.
I don’t know who you’re talking about, but they sure as hell weren’t me. Hell they weren’t even Centurion. You have two bonafide Legends running around, holding titles, and dominating. So for you to say that the legends you have seen, are not the Legends you’re currently seeing.
So while we are talking about me and my record, again using your own words… Fourteen and three huh? Fuck me blind, I didn’t even know that, but do you want to know the super interesting thing? It’s the three. As I said before, three is in fact less than four. That’s how many you’ve lost… in a row correct? Wow, so in the past two months, you’ve lost more than I have all fucking year. Take out the one tag loss to Kenzi, and I’m at two. One to Santos when he was on this fucking run of a lifetime, and Cambyses who promptly left and couldn’t handle the pressure of the XWF.
Now I understand that I’m not your kryptonite like Ruby seems to be, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take a few notes on how to beat you, but I won’t. I’m going to rely on how did you say it?
My shit talking skills.
Funny enough I see you trying to keep up, but you can’t. You can write your little letter like the fucking STAN you are and go drive off of a fucking cliff. You want to stress the importance of this match? Fine.
I cut it short last time for your sake, this time it’s all coming out.
I said I didn’t hate you.
That was a lie. How could people win titles then dissa-fucking-pear for OVER two months and not defend their titles. That right there is the biggest crock of shit this side of the fucking globe. To anyone else, those title would’ve been gone. Yet not for you.
You say you’re not friends with Vinny. That is obviously a lie.
If it wasn’t then why weren’t the proper steps taken? I’ve seen people defend the tag team titles solo before, why couldn’t you? It’s happened in the past, yet special rules were put in place for YOU. To keep your little ego in check. Sure I know I have an ego the size of fucking New York, but what happened when I WON a title? I begged for it to be put on the line. I asked for the challengers. I didn’t stray from the battles. Meanwhile you two got a two month vacation.
FUCK YOU.
You said that you need to show Corey the light?
Fuck You.
This isn’t about him, this is about me. Everything is about me, or have you forgotten that this is my game. You all are just pawns in the grand scheme of things.
Did you really think this match is happening by happenstance? This was predetermined the second I decided what you were doing at Cuntfest. The second I knew what you had ahead of you. I just wanted you to feel like you earned something, but now…
Now that’s all over. I don’t give a fuck if I have to pull double duty at the PPV. With every molecule of power I have for this show, I’m going to make your life a living fucking hell. I want you to realize that once it’s all over,
You took it one step too far. This is no longer about the Grey-Lacklan house vs the Sick Cunts. This is now Shawn Warstein vs Sarah Lacklan. I’m going to tell Noah to stay in the back this. I don’t need him out there, but I don’t think you’ll keep Kenzi back will you? Even if you asked her, would she? My money’s on no, why? Well when I’m literally beating you to within an inch of your life, it'll be too much for her to bear witness to. She will have no recourse but to TRY and stop me. She’ll be your knight in shining armor. She will be the one to save you. I tried telling you to save yourself, but as always you didn’t listen.
Now get back to Twitter, your followers need to know who slept is the wet spot last night.
Wait, wait. That was too far. I don’t want to mislead those people watching this. They both sleep on the wet spot. They are like a Chinese finger trap. You can’t tell where one of them starts and the other one ends. It’s like they are in a constant scissoring contest, and the only people who lose are us. The people that have to witness two people put everything in their personal lives out of front street for the world to see.
There. I feel better now.
Glad I got all of that off of my chest.
Ok back to normal…
See you Saturday.