The Final Promo: The End is only the Beginning.


”Why the fuck are we here?” Adam Barker’s voice is heard as both he and Chris Page are standing on the curb outside the Cathedral Church of Saint Joseph on the south side of Wales looking up at the older Cathedral.





”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” There are times when people “call their shots” a little prematurely; and in Soldier’s case he’s literally done just that. I often find humor with guys that THINK they know what’s going on only to make themselves look like a complete and utter fool come the REAL conclusion of any story. This entire trip Soldier has been one step behind me each and every step of the way, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it, personally. ”Something doesn’t feel right.” The skies above, once clear start to immediately cloud up with thick grey clouds, the wind starts to whip around them seemingly out of nowhere. Chris and Adam start to walk up the sidewalk between the hedges on each side towards the front doors of the Cathedral.


”What are you t talking about? You’ve been acting strange as fuck the last few days when you should be concentrating on the Universal Title opportunity that you may never get again.” The two reach the double doors to the Cathedral as Adam states. ”Why does this feel like Déjà Vu?” Adam reaches out towards the doors of the Cathedral opening the door it self.


”Exactly.” Chris walks through the doors of the Cathedral followed by Adam as the door closes behind them. Over the last several weeks I’ve been salivating over what exactly these hands are going to do when I get them around the throat of Unknown Soldier. He reminds me of a little kid whose teeth are desperately screaming to be kicked out by the sole of my boot and who am I to stand in the way of the natural order. He’s going to look incredibly funny sucking Satan’s dick with no front teeth; you’re welcome Satan.


Twenty minutes later the doors to the Cathedral open and out comes Adam and Chris.


”Did you get the answers you were looking for?” Chris stops at the foot of the three steps that leads down to the sidewalk in which they’ve walked up to get to the entrance as he looks over at Adam while asking.


”What did you say?” Seemingly on cue the flood gates from the sky open and the rain begins to pour from the heavens above.


”Ah fuck it’s pouring! We got to go. Chris trots down the stairs to the side walk where he’s walking with a purpose towards the street when suddenly the ground under his feet starts to tremble slightly which brings Chris to an immediate stand still. ”What are you waiting for?!?! GO!” Adam exclaims as both he and Chris are drenched from the rain.”[/blue] [b]Chris turns around facing Adam as he states.


”You don’t feel that?” Chris’s eyes widen as he covers his mouth with his left hand before turning around facing the street where the rumbling under his feet only intensifies before the side walk itself starts to crack and break open forming a perfectly symmetrical hole in the ground in which a thick smog starts to surround Chris before he is snatched by a large red hand that emerges from the hole yanking him down before quickly closing up as if nothing ever happened. Adam looks around for Chris as he calls out.


”Chris?” There’s no response from Chris as Adam walks down the side walk towards the end of the Cathedral where he turns the corner expecting Chris to jump out at him but there’s nothing. ”Stop fucking around.” Expecting to see Chris at any moment there’s nothing. ”This isn’t funny.” Suddenly we find ourselves surrounded by sheer darkness as the voice of Chris Page is heard.


”What is this fuckery.” Darkness surrounds us until one single light shines down on top of Chris as he attempts to move but his limbs don’t seem to co-operate. ”Not this again!”





Loud ominous laughter is heard echoing all around Chris as he looks around attempting to pinpoint where it’s coming from before screaming out. ”ADAM!” The laughter breaks away into the voice of Satan.


”Surely you didn’t think that it would be that easy.” A slow “golf clap” is heard off in the distance as the echoing of footsteps can be heard walking towards Chris who is still unable to move. ”I understand you might be a little confused and I understand you might be questioning what is going on around you.” Chris lashes out in the direction Satan’s voice is coming from.


”What the FUCK do you want! To play off every word you say because I am not clever or original enough to cut a promo based of my own merit or abilities… oh wait, that’s Soldier. Does anyone else find it remotely interesting that this dude can’t cut not ONE promo without rebutting SOMETHING I’ve said in mine; is this the kind of Champion this federation truly wants representing it? Someone that can hardly tie his shoes let alone actually do something remotely entertaining? Up until yesterday I literally stopped watching what Solider was putting out because it all ran together and it was all pretty much the same shit just on a different day; and even when I caught up on his promos I felt like I didn’t miss anything because he’s stuck in first gear. I truly expected more out of you, I’m more than a little disappointed to say the very least; but then again I should have expected it from someone that lacks the creativity or drive to do ANYTHING based off his own merit.


”Maybe you didn’t understand me from the beginning.” Satan appears in front of Chris in Satan form and not that of a Robert Main form.


”I killed you! I defeated you! Satan bursts out into laughter in front of Chris. ”I put a sword through your black heart!” Chris is clearly confused with his surroundings as Satan laughs in his face even louder. ”What the fuck are you laughing at you meaningless fuck!


”Do you have any clue what the words “you own personal hell” means?” Satan asks as he composes himself. ”I bet you felt like you conquered the world, didn’t you? You belong to me now and you will belong to me for eternity!” Satan gazes into the eyes of Chris which draws a smirk from Satan.


”I get it now… you’re trying to keep me confined knowing that one of your minions is on the verge of getting his ass handed to them.” The very minion that opened his dick sucker and thinks he’s so smart; he’s so ahead of the curve and predict my every move… yeah, right. Just when you think you have the answers I change the question. My story was NEVER over like I lead you all to believe. It was another ploy that you should have been smart enough to see coming yet clearly didn’t. It’s got to suck to be you, Solider, you literally have to prey on my every word to remotely conjure up something that remotely makes an sense in relation to dealing with me while on the flip side I stopped paying attention to your bullshit last week because you’re the king of repetitiveness; you trump Robert Main in that category and I didn’t think anyone was worse than Main. ”Not even you have the power to stop me from cramming my first down his throat and taking away what he covets the most…”


”His title…”


”No you fucking moron! Chris lashes out as Satan before he continues. ”You.” Satan once again starts laughing at Chris Page.


”That’s going to be very hard to do if you’re trapped here.” Now it’s Chris that bursts out into laughter causing Satan to spout out. ”What the hell is so funny?” Chris composes himself before he responds.


”In order to be trapped here you must first believe you exists, this isn’t anything more than my mind playing with me. You’re not real, you’ve never been real and you will never be real.” Chris breaks the bounds that Satan put on him and is now able to move freely. Chris steps up in the face of Satan going nose to nose with the devil himself. ”My name is “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE and I have all the power! You’re just an excuse to make kids read a bible!


”Shut your face before I shut it for you!”


”The only thing you’re going to shut is the door after I walk out it.” Chris throws a shoulder into Satan knocking him out of his way. ”You’re about as big of a bitch as Soldier.” Satan lunges at Chris only to receive a bitch slap across the face. ”You have no power, you have no rhythm or reason in my world. You simply do not exists.”


”You can’t leave!”


”Who the fuck is going to stop me, you?” Chris shows zero fear as he faces Satan once again. ”Soldier?” Chris continues. ”Donald Trump?” Chris continues. ”Or let me guess, any of your demons walking Earth.”


”Just how do you think you’re going to get back to Earth?” Satan inquires.


”I believe in a power greater than yours.” Satan responds with a quickness.


”God’s power isn’t greater than mine.” Chris smirks at Satan before spouting out.


”God is just as fictitious are you are!”


”Then who is more powerful.”


”The power of Chris Page supersedes any holy or demonic entities, period.” Chris snaps his fingers in front of Satan where he immediately disappears only to re-appear at Liberty Stadium in SWANSEA, WALES in his dressing room. ”Talk about an interesting turn of events.” The door to the locker room that houses Chris Page is open as there’s plenty of pre-load in going on throughout the hall itself as a plethora of crew members are scurrying around, some rolling fairly big cases up and down the hallway. In the distance we can hear the voice of Adam Barker.


”I don’t know where the hell he is, he hasn’t answered any calls for days… if he no shows this he won’t get another crack at the Universal Championship.” Adam turns the corner entering the dressing room where he followed by THE Tristan Slater as they spot Chris Page sitting on a bench looking at the locker room door. ”Where the FUCK have you been dude?!?!” Adam is completely beside himself as he doesn’t even allow Chris the chance to explain a thing before continuing. ”It’s been four days without so much as a returned call or text; the XWF office is PISSED! You missed interviews and appearances!” Chris as a smirk on his face as he looks past his manager at THE Tristan Slater.


”Sup bro?” Adam steps in front of THE Tristan Slater before spouting off at Chris.


”You can’t be doing shit like that! Where were you?”


”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Not even the power of Satan was enough to hold me back; if I simply walked out of hell without breaking a fucking sweat imagine what the fuck I’m going to do to you when that opening bell tolls tomorrow night on Warfare. Your dark lord couldn’t control me, you can’t control me, God can’t control me, Vinnie Layne doesn’t control me, Theo doesn’t control me… I answer to myself! I am GOD. I am SATAN and I am going to be the guy that leaves Liberty Stadium as the new XWF Universal Champion… and there’s pretty much nothing you can do to stop me.


We cut to static.









Words from the Stoned One:


It was almost two weeks ago that I received the message that Unknown Soldier officially accepted my challenge to defend the XWF Universal Championship against the REAL Universal Champion that simply goes by the name “Chronic” Chris Page. Initially I simply rolled my eyes; I rolled them not out of fear or intimidation… I rolled them because I knew this wouldn’t be a challenge and I knew just how much of a broken record Unknown Soldier truly is. Case in point, over the last week I haven’t even bothered to watch his promotional packages because I knew I would hear the same shit on a different day mixed with the same “stories” revolving around Satan worshipping and murder, rape or whatever kind of “shock value” he would try to stoop to because out of the two of us your reigning, defending XWF Universal Champion is that one trick pony I professed him to be… and I wasn’t wrong. Over the weekend I had a little “watch” party where I sifted through most of Soldier’s bullshit specifically to call out right here, right now… but before I do that I’d like to take a minute to talk about why Unknown Soldier has not only ran on empty when it comes to tangible things to say about me but how I flipped his game and beat him at it in the process. I’d like to take a moment to give shout outs to all the talent and their messages they’ve sent over the last several weeks calling for Soldier’s defeat and for seeing him exactly as I do… as my bitch .First with Soldier he’s clearly NOT smarter than a fifth grader when not even he can see when he’s getting played over a stipulation to a match that he himself made prior to a match announcement and not even mentioning me by name in the process. The notion of a hole to hell is fucking stupid much like other stipulations he’s thrown out there in an attempt to be “creative”. Get the fuck out of here with all of that happy horse shit because the only person that remotely believes in your “creativity” is the man looking back at you when you stare into a fucking mirror while the rest of us see your petty attempts to maintain some level of relevance.


We go from the unrealistic hole to hell to an actual PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING match; but if ask Soldier that’s boring. What makes PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING boring? What makes two guys stepping into a ring where you win or lose based of your talent and ability to perform what’s on the marquee, wrestling? A piece of the problem with the XWF as a hole rests with just how much it leans on the word “Xtreme”. The Xtreme Wrestling Federation was built and put in place for guys like Soldier who don’t have the capability of being looked at as a legitimate professional wrestler ANYWHERE on the planet and NEEDS to be associated with Xtreme wrestling to remotely be taken seriously. You slammed my choice not because you felt the need to be “creative” you slammed by choice of a Professional Wrestling match because a defeat ENDS what little credibility you’ve managed to attain and in the process leaves no room for error on who the BETTER man truly is.


Did we get that boring Wrestling match? Nope.


But we did get something similar, now didn’t we? We got the “I’m a Bitch” match which was supposed to be a “creative” spin on an “I Quit” match where Solider is going to have to admit to one of his biggest minions that he’s a bitch on national television and in front of the world on a national level. It took him a little bit of time to get that “creative” mind rolling and in the process he’s served us up a big ole steaming pile of shit that’s going to cost him his Universal Championship because he’s poking a bear that’s going to eat him alive. One thing I’ll say is at least he created a “realistic” encounter as opposed to being thrown in a hole to hell only to return two weeks later on television. I’ve made no bones about just how old school I am when it comes to this business we’re all involved in known as Wrestling; when it comes to Xtreme wrestling I’m not that guy that needs to pick up a lead pipe and crack someone’s ribs, I’m not that guy that has to smash someone’s head in with a barbwire instrument of destruction, I don’t have to snack on people’s face to get over. I simply show up and use the two weapons attach to my wrist and it has seemed to work out just fine when you tally up how many World Title’s I’ve got on my resume spanning any company I’ve elected to compete in… but yet I suck, right?


How?


Because you say so? Bro you’re a joke. You’re the guy in the locker room that everyone points and laughs at every time you walk past. You’re the Universal Champion that NOBODY respects or can careless about on any given day and the ONLY reason you’re being looked at now doesn’t rest within yourself… It’s because you’re fighting me! You’re fighting the ONLY guy on this roster that actually gives a shit about making the Universal Title actually mean something other than a prop for guys like you to attempt to get over only to fall of your fucking face. Help me to understand how someone that’s made MILLIONS of dollars off this business, that’s Main Evented every major sporting arena around the globe from the Tokyo Dome, Madison Square Garden, Wembley Stadium and all points in between is that horrible of a talent? Far from it actually; and to take it a step further anyone that’s under that impression has made the same mistake you’ve made when to comes to dealing with someone in the upper echelon of this business like a Chris Page; that mistake is much like a virgin on prom night you shot your load entire too early and have desperately been playing catch up ever since while I on the other hand went a completely different direction that not even you realized I had in me, and if you really paid attention you’d find my work over the last week or so has all sorts of reference points to you and the demon you serve. At first I was content with simply shitting all over you and the notion that you’re a legitimate champion, but then I thought why waste my time on something everyone else is well aware of?


I do have a question for you though, what’s up with this hard on you have for Robert Main? It seems like you can’t get through a piece of your gibberish without directly referencing him, my losses to him or your victories over him. I’ve heard of having a man crush before but this one takes the fucking cake homie. You do realize your fight isn’t with Robert, it’s with me, and while I understand you’ve looked past me since this match was announced you seem to be putting out promo after promo after promo in a failed attempt to catch up with me; seems like an awful lot of effort from a guy who thinks I just fucking suck a bag of dicks and that isn’t worth the tissue you wipe your ass with. Your actions dictate otherwise, sir. They tell me that not only do you not believe the words coming out of your mouth but you’re putting a shitload of effort into rebutting the valid points I’ve thrown your way about being a cancer to the business and how stale, bland and boring just sitting through one of you EXTREMELY PREDICTABLE promos are. Why all the effort to try and discount my words? You do realize the moment you rebuttal is the exact moment you justify the statement, right? Or did that brain cell dissipate when you choked on ’s pipe? I could seriously go on and on and on and on about you but what’s the point, right? It’s just repeating the same shit and you seem to do a very good job of that on your own Mr. Creative.


You can “call” all the shots you want but you’re calling them with absolutely nobody listening to you.


You’re like the shit on the bottom of my shoe that stinks until I take them off and wash them and you away.


You’re the epitome of a dumb blond that jumps in the deep end of a pool and drowns because she sees a scratch and sniff taped at the bottom.


You’re like just cunt hair better than Peter Gilmour… high five.


As you’ve seen over the last week I don’t have to occupy a lot of “promo time” to get my point across, I don’t have to walk in front of a camera and go on and on and on and on and on to the point I have to hit “pause” and come back to it just to get through it. I’m precise with the things I say and I’m deliberate with each step I take as I’m sure you saw all the nuggets I sprinkled in throughout my encounters with Satan; or maybe you didn’t because intelligence doesn’t seem to be a strong suit of yours or upper management within this infested company. Unlike you I don’t need a shiny belt to validate just how fucking great I am… all I have to do is look at the efforts YOU put in which tells not only me but everyone else with half a fucking brain just how much you’re sweating over this one chance encounter with the ONE person that will either validate your reign or who will take it away from you. The difference between you and me; outside of my talent superseding you on all fronts actually rests with acceptance, I accept the fact that if the fictional “hell” freezes over that I will go to the back of the line and work my way back to the top just like I’ve done in any other federation before and that I might do after the XWF. That’s called day to day business, yet you seem to think I give a fuck about being the “man” when in reality I am now and have always been THE MAN when it comes to living that Main Event life. Does it stroke my ego, sure, does it give me the warm and tingles, sure… but, and this is a big BUT… I also accept the fact that I have been tasked with stepping into the ring with you on Warfare and ending your reign of sheer boredom over the division and it’s a task that I take very seriously while you scoff at the notion that I am and will always be just simply better than you.


Playtime for you and is coming to an end.


I was once a man that wanted to end this federation that wanted to put the gun to the head of the XWF and pull the trigger once and for all because everyone that matters in this business looks at this federation as a fucking joke with longevity. Ownership has been passed around like a whore on the Vegas strip, but the moment they allowed sacks of shit like both of you walk through those revolving doors was the moment they killed their own creation. People don’t boo you because they hate you, they boo you because you’re the one of the two of us that legitimately sucks donkey dicks on a daily, you’re the reason why some talent walked away and it wasn’t because they feared you it was because they know the bullshit you keep up behind the scenes and how you love to align yourselves with people that USED to call the shots. In other words you’re everything that you’ve accused me of being and then some.


Apparently I’m boring.


Yes you’ve made that statement six thousand times over the last two weeks.


Sucks for you that is the only ammunition you’ve got in that little gun of yours because I’ve heard better insults from dumber people like The Dark Shadow. Hello pot, meet kettle and together you can become black. Think about it. Originally I had planned on sifting through all your shit and calling you on most of it but that seems to be about as pointless as any of your promos. Instead I’m just going to hit you with some cold hard facts before I wipe my hands of you and repeated nonsense you choose to spew “creatively”. Fact, you are indeed overrated. Fact, you are a bigger waste of space than Peter Gilmour ever thought about being; wait… TWO Gilmour jokes in one piece? Double High five! Fact, creativity isn’t your strong suit. Fact, Satan is my bitch. Fact, intelligence doesn’t run in your family. Fact, you’re GOING to get your ass whipped like you’ve never had it whipped before come Warfare. Fact, you’re going to admit that you’re a bitch. Fact, you’re going to lose the Universal Championship at Liberty Stadium in Wales. Fact; you will be forced to admit that the man that beat you is the man that you overlooked since the word go.


I’ve been playing this game against you my way. I’ve lead you down this rabbit hole and you were stupid enough to follow me which has never been more evident than your last piece of work you call a promo. Unlike you sir, while you’ve said plenty or STUPID shit over the last several weeks you’ll never see me become LAZY enough to play exerts and try to rebuttal them; especially when the story had a false finish; but hey, we’ve covered that base. Maybe I have been watching you entirely too long considering I’ve just repeated myself again within the same promo; wait, especially when the story had a false finish; now we’ve done it correctly. Just call me Soldier. My point… and it makes zero bit of difference with how you slice this corpse the life ends the same way; with you leaving Warfare empty handed while sucking your meals through a fucking straw. Don’t you say I didn’t try and warn you, don’t you dare cry about the loss you’re about to take and don’t you dare ever think that you can stand in front of a fucking camera and go word for word spitting the proverbial trash talk with Chris FUCKING Page.


I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson from all this.


I hope the next time you think you’re tall enough to ride this ride you come at me with something that’s actually “creative” and not a polished turd. Come Wednesday Night and Warfare I am going to be your judge, jury and executioner. The world is going to rejoice the moment you go down; they’re going to rejoice not because they like me, they’re going to rejoice because ANYONE is a better Champion than you are… I just so happen to be the logical option to move forward to deal with Lux… and if I had to venture to say she probably would rather deal with me because the payday will be ten times what it is working opposite you. God and Satan don’t exist… but I sure as shit do. For everyone else this should be the time to take more fucking notice than you already have when it comes to what to expect from me when the lights are on bright and it’s all on the line. This isn’t just about a strap of gold! This is MY reputation on the line, and that my friend is what makes me want it that much more. I didn’t cater into Soldier’s meaning attempts at baiting me into a political attack on the front office that he was so desperately wanting me to bite on, I didn’t give him what he wanted thus he tried that much harder but in the process exposed himself over a week ago.


What did I do?


I took his world and flipped it on him, I made a mockery of the big red being he jacks his dick to while making sure I stayed on task and relevant to what the fuck is actually going on; and I didn’t lie about the direct and text messages of support to putting you out to pasture; I’d screen shot them but that seems to be more your bag. How does it feel knowing you’re in the final hours of this title reign? Now pick your fucking jaw off the floor you fucking bitch. It’s never been about who did it first… it’s always been about who has done it better, and you my friend have just been served by one of the best.


… The pleasure has been all yours.


You’ve got about ten hours to do what I know you’re going to do; go ahead and prove me right… again.


Rebuttal time.