School Is In Session - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com) +-- Forum: Warfare Boards (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=6) +--- Forum: Warfare RP Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=12) +--- Thread: School Is In Session (/showthread.php?tid=34526)

School Is In Session - Centurion - 08-25-2019 (Lesson time. One of the joys of being a recognizable figure is the fact that colleges will allow you to do things like guest lectures or TEDTalks in order to boost recognition of the college and give professors some brownie points in the academic world. Some celebrities take these lectures seriously, and some treat them like the bullshit vanity projects they are. Centurion is normally in Column A, but this time, he’s firmly in Column B. We open up inside a lecture hall at Atlantic Cape Community College. There, we see a riser with students, half of the seats are filled – there are perhaps 35 to 40 people sitting in the seats. Standing in front of the class is Centurion in a suit. He is holding a pointer, and standing next to a projector screen. On the screen, is a simple slideshow presentation, with the first slide being “Why I Will Win: A Summery Of My Warfare Opponents From Least To Most Suckage”. Centurion paces back and forth a few steps while speaking to the class.) Centurion: Alright! You’re all here today for a specific reason. Some of you are big wrestling marks. Some of you need extra credit for your freshman Capstone course. And some of you are here for community service to work off that bullshit charge placed on you by the DA…Jamal. (Centurion points his pointer to a large black man sitting in the back of the room. Jamal raises his fist, and in solidarity, Centurion raises his, as well.) Centurion: Either way, you’re in for an education today. If you want to know how professional wrestlers come up with their material for their opponents on a weekly basis, you’re going to see the sausage get made here today. This is a rundown of each of my opponents for an upcoming wrestling show. I will discuss the things I know about them. This is usually a “first glance” kind of thing – the real, dirty stuff doesn’t usually get said until much closer to the actual match, so you all get a unique opportunity here. No video or audio recordings, please. Now… (Centurion turns to the screen and points to the powerpoint slide.) Centurion: This is “Why I Will Win: A Summery Of My Warfare Opponents From Least To Most Suckage”. First off, let me tell you off the bat…I’m not very good at Powerpoint. When I used to do these presentations, my daughter usually took my insane ramblings and made them all pretty, but I had to do this on my own with a shitty laptop, so…just bare with me. So, here is how this is going to work. Slide. (Centurion points at the screen and stares, but nothing changes. After a few seconds, he glances over at a desk in the front row, where a blonde haired teenager sits in front of his computer. She is looking down at her phone, not paying attention, when Centurion yells out.) Centurion: SLIDE! (The girl fumbles her phone before darting her eyes around the room. She mouths “sorry” before pressing a button, causing the slide to change to a bullet point list.) Centurion: Here’s how this is going to work. I’m going to run down each opponent, starting with the wrestler I admire the most to the wrestler I admire the least. I will give a little background information on each one, talk about what I think their chances might be to actually pin me in this match, and move on from there. So, that being said, the first person I will talk about is. Barney Green (The wrestling fans in the room begin to murmur and look at each other as Centurion slightly raises his hands to calm them down.) Centurion: I know, I know, you must be thinking I screwed up. I said best wrestlers to worst wrestlers, right? How could Barney Green actually be first then? Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, and this stays in this room. Barney Green…is not that bad. (More murmurs among the people as Centurion gets a wry smile.) Centurion: See, you’ve all convinced yourself that Barney Green is some bottom of the ladder scrub, haven’t you. That’s the thing about perception – it can skew your facts and twist them in a dangerous way. When Barney Green first joined the XWF, he was terrible. Among the worst I’ve ever seen. But he kept getting better. He kept getting leaner. And now, he’s actually halfway decent. My last match before I came back – so, eons ago – was against Barney Green. I came in with the same thought – here’s this talentless hack challenging me to a match. I shouldn’t be in the same ring with him. This should be a piece of cake, right? Wrong. He actually took a lot out of me that night. I still beat him, but he proved a lot that night. And that was seven years ago. He’s improved since then. (One of the wrestling fans in the middle row raises his hand. Centurion stops the lecture and points to him.) Centurion: Yes, you, in that ridiculous looking shirt. (The fan looks down at his shirt, which is a retro Centurion shirt. The dude looks confused before shaking it off and asking his question.) Fan: Yeah, isn’t the problem with Barney Green the fact that he’s wildly inconsistent? Centurion: A ha, you’ve done your homework. What’s your name? Fan: Uh, Mark. Centurion: Well Uh Mark, you’re right. While Barney does have the skills to compete at a high level in the XWF, he always tends to lay an egg against certain opponents from time to time, as well. But you can’t plan for that. In any match scenario, you have to expect your opponents is going to approach you with their top level skills. I’m expecting that to happen here. Now, here’s the downside for Barney – top level or not, he’s not good enough to beat me. I mean, let’s just face the facts here guys, girls, and Tony. (Centurion points to a person in the middle of the room – a slender figure with a bald head, wearing a denim jacket with a trans pride flag stitched on it. The person, Tony, raises their fist in the air, and Centurion raises his in solidarity.) Centurion: Barney Green, for as hard as he works, will never be as good as I am in a one on one setting. Some people are born naturally gifted, and some aren’t. I give Barney credit – he was given a rough hand with the life lottery, but he has scratched and clawed his way up. So, given his improvements, and given that this isn’t a one on one match, just one fall to a finish, I give his chances 20%. Highest among competitors not named me. Now, next slide! Scully Centurion: Scully, who goes by one name, similar to Madonna and Bono, is next on this list. He is a former Universal Champion, or so I’m told, as well as a holder of a couple of other titles. My knowledge of Scully is relatively limited, but I do remember sticking up for him when the teams were being drawn for War Games. Scully was the last one off the board, which, even not knowing the guy, I can tell you is wrong. When Peter Gilmour and Rain are a possible choice for your team, you try to bury those two as far away from you as possible. So, this may come as pretty low praise, but yes, I do think Scully is better than Peter Gilmour. Other than that, I don’t know much about him, other than what I’ve seen since I’ve come back, and my thoughts are…eh… (Centurion shrugs his shoulders.) Centurion: He’s fine. He’s a “good hand”, as you would say in the business. I don’t know what circumstances lead to him winning the Universal Title, but I doubt he’ll be sniffing that belt again anytime soon. (A young girl towards the aisle raises her hand, and Centurion points to her. As he does, she lowers her hand and asks her question.) Girl: What about his Army of ] [color=#FFD700](The rest of the class laughs as Centurion cringes.) Centurion: What’s you name? Girl: Leslie. Centurion: Leslie. Please don’t use that word. I know Scully uses that word to describe his fans, which is incredibly insensitive, but I like to refrain from using those kinds of words when speaking about people with intellectual disabilities. Besides, I don’t think the fact that a person has an intellectual disability automatically means you become a fan of Scully. I know plenty of people with Down Syndrome who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Scully t-shirt. So, instead of using the terminology Scully uses, I will just describe Scully’s fans as “An Army Of Morons.” (The crowd laughs as Centurion cracks a smile.) Centurion: I don’t know what to tell you. It’s weird, I know that! It’s borderline abusive, the way he uses these fans with clear mental and emotional problems as his lackies. I assume this means he’s going to be appointed as the UK Ambassador to the Special Olympics by Boris Johnson. (Students laugh again.) Centurion: I think there was a moment in time when Scully was really good, and that moment was when Shane was attempting to completely destroy the wrestling business. Other than that, I don’t see Scully becoming a big name again in the XWF, and he certainly doesn’t have what it takes to get past me in a match of this caliber. Still, he doesn’t completely suck, so he has a better than 0 chance at winning. I’ll give him a 10% chance at walking out the winner. Next slide. Mark Brooks Centurion: Not going to lie – I know absolutely nothing about this guy. He’s allegedly a wrestler. I’ll have to take everyone’s word for it. I’ve never seen him or interacted with him in any way. I don’t know if he’s actually been in any matches. I’m sure I could have found out more about him if I did some digging, but…I mean, the dude’s name is Mark Brooks. Doesn’t exactly strike fear in your heart. It’s like, the most generic name in the world. This could be a comeback story, or he’s a new wrestler – either way, I don’t really care. (A student in the front row raises her hand, and Centurion points to her.) Student: I don’t think that’s a wrestler. (Centurion turns and looks at the slide he put up. He studies it for a few seconds before turning back towards the class.) Centurion: Yeah, I don’t actually know what this guy looks like, so I Googled him. Turns out, Mark Brooks is the name of an old golfer. I don’t know if I’m facing that Mark Brooks, or if this is a different Mark Brooks. If it’s THAT Mark Brooks, I’m actually prepared – 1996 PGA Champion and runner up at the 2001 US Open. Caddied for JJ Henry a few years ago. Also 16 years my senior. Bring it on, old man! I’ll shatter your hip! (The class laughs.) Centurion: Yeah, I don’t have a whole lot to say about this dude, except for the fact that, if I don’t know him, he’s probably not very good. Chances of winning, 0%. Next slide. Azarel Uranus Centurion: Now this guy just plain sucks. His name is Azrael, not to be confused with Raziel, a similarly angsty, lanky androgynist. This guy claims to be a vampire, or a time traveler, or an assassin, or something weird. I get it, we all need a gimmick, but when your gimmick has you looking like a character from Hellsing, maybe it’s time for an overhaul. (Class laughs) Centurion: And that’s not what I dislike about him. I’m someone who’s teaming with a 17 year old boy who claims to be a woman from the future, so I’m used to some pretty weird shit. My problem with him is that he shows up once every couple of months, says a bunch of shit, talks about how awesome he is, then goes back into hiding. It’s like he thinks his presence alone is going to attract attention and cause people to freak out. Look… (Centurion walks next to the stand where the projector sits and places his hand on it. He leans against it, speaking in a very serious tone as he talks to the audience.) Centurion: I’ve been to a lot of anime conventions… (Class immediately begins to laugh as Centurion looks around.) Centurion: It’s not funny! Those are some of my biggest fans! I’ve been to a lot of anime conventions, mainly for signings. I have spoken to a large variety of cosplayers. They are a lot of things – passionate, caring, dedicated, slightly insane at times – but the one word I wouldn’t use to describe them is fucking “intimidating.” (Class laughs again as Centurion stops leaning against the projector and goes back to pacing.) Centurion: You don’t need to be “intimidating” to be a great wrestler. Hell, look at me. I’m certainly not what you would call an intimidating person, but I get the job done because I don’t act like something I’m not. I don’t have to be some cosmic spaceman or something like that – I’m just me, trying to live my best life. Maybe that makes me boring, but it also makes me really damn good at my job. As far as his in ring skills goes, I guess he’s accomplished a few things. He’s a former Universal Champion, though apparently everyone had a cup of coffee with the Universal Title in the Shane era. Maybe I should have come back at that time, so no one has to use the old “You never won the Universal Title insult against me. (The class laughs as Centurion scratches his head.) Centurion: Watching some of his matches, though…I just don’t see it. He relies a lot on slight of hand and manipulation in order to trick his opponents. That works…if you’re dumb. Trust me, there are a lot of dumb people in the XWF. I’m not one of them, though. He’s going to have to match strength with strength, and ability with ability…and that’s just a battle he can not win. He just needs to hope his guyliner doesn’t run before the three count. That would be a victory for him. Chances of winning, negative 40%. Next slide. (The next slide comes up, which is just a big, bold title saying “What Did We Learn?” with “Any questions?” written below it.) Centurion: Alright, any questions? (A few of the class put up their hands, catching Centurion off guard. He points to a fan in the front row first.) Fan: How can you have a negative percent chance at winning? (Some of the other people nod their heads as they slowly lowers their hands, as this was the question they were planning on asking.) Centurion: The same way you can have a percentage greater than 100. (The class continues to look confused. Centurion tries to explain it.) Centurion: Look, we all think, when it comes to probability, that there’s only a hundred percent chance at something, right? But several years ago, a great mathematician and philosopher discussed probability of winning, and he came to the conclusion that he had 141 and 2/3rds% chance at winning. So, if you can go beyond 100, that means you have to go less than zero in order to make up the difference, right? So, take this match for example. Add up all the numbers that I gave you. Barney Green has a 20% chance, Scully has a 10% chance, Mark Brooks has a 0% chance, and Azrael has a -40% chance. So, what does that mean for me? It means I have 110% chance at winning this match. (All of the classmates look around at each other. Jamal, in the back, leans over to the person sitting next to him.) Jamal: This explains how he lost his business. Centurion: You’re thinking about it too much. That’s the problem – it’s professional wrestling. You don’t HAVE to think. God knows no one in this match is going to do any thinking. Barney Green hasn’t had a thought in 15 years, Scully is surrounded by morons, Mark Brooks isn’t a real person, and Azrael Incubus thinks he’s the second coming of David Bowie. You just need to remember one thing. Slide. (The final slide pops up, and it’s simply two words… FINAL FANTASY