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+--- Thread: ANARCHY - 6/27/19 (/showthread.php?tid=34022)
ANARCHY - 6/27/19 - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 06-28-2019
|
BOOMMM!!!!
Pyro explodes at the top of the entrance ramp in the Butte Civic Center, followed by a series of screaming fireworks that screech into the rafters as the crowd goes wild.
The cameras pan across a sold out crowd in their best XWF Anarchy merch, holding signs for their favorites, and shouting at the top of their lungs before finally settling onto the grinning face of “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane sitting alone behind his announce desk as usual.
Vinnie Lane: “XWF fans! Welcome to Montana! Welcome to the sixth show in our run! Welcome… to… ANARCHY!!!”
The music dies down as cameras show other views of the crowd as well as a long shot of the ring, where officials have already gathered and begun to prepare Hootie the Owl for the show opener.
[color=#ff1493]Vinnie Lane: “We have the penultimate round in the Anarchy Championship Tournament happening here TONIGHT! We’ve got a fourway involving the Internet Champion! We’re got a tag team grudge match! AND… we’ve got this shit with some birds. Let’s not waste any more time… take it to the ring!”
 Sarah Lacklan Sarah’s Champion Pigeon - vs - Hootie the Friggin' Owl Blindfold Match! Both competitors will be blindfolded and dependent on their other senses to find each other! |
The screen moves to show trainers and various zoologists as they tend to Hootie the Owl. They have the bird latched by its leg to a perch and are struggling to get the blindfold hood over its head. Then…
The lights go down and a row of trainers in matching satin boxing robes come out from the back. At the rear is Sarah Lacklan with a gym towel over her shoulder, a spit bucket in her hand, and a LACKLAN BOXING jacket on. On her shoulder is the buffest god damn pigeon that has ever lived.
Vinnie Lane: “What the heck??? No WAY that’s a pigeon. It looks like a turkey or something!”
The entourage get to ringside and Sarah kneels down to give her pigeon a last minute pep talk, slapping it across the face to get it fierce and fired up.
”This is IT, V’Shin-Ay! You go in there and you show that owl you’re a CHAMPION. You’re gonna pound that sass right out of ‘im! You’re gonna be a greasy-fast New England MONSTAH. You’re gonna eat lightning and crap thunder! We’ll have to put you in a cage!”
Vinnie Lane: “I’m being told I’ll have the honor of sharing the booth with Sarah Lacklan for this bout, which should be interesting… I’ll have to get her input on the main event tonight…”
Sarah makes her way to the announce table after hyping up her bird, still shouting encouragement as she walks over with wild eyes.
”If he dies… HE DIES.”
Vinnie Lane: “Welcome to the announce booth, Sarah, probably a much different experience than what you’re used to in that big weird throne thing. What are your feelings coming in here tonight, having your bird on display while also having to worry about the ramifications of tonight’s main event...”
”This IS the main event! Lacklanland husbandry and training on full display for the world. BREAK HIM, V’SHIN-AY!!!”
Vinnie Lane: “That’s awesome and all… but Ruby faces Ned tonight with ramifications toward your upcoming title match… you’ve had issues with both of those guys, with a lot of people saying Ruby has your number!”
”STUPID people maybe. I’m the best! I’M NUMBER ONE! Ask ANYone. Ask your fiance, old man!”
Vinnie Lane: “Whoa! No reason to be rude, dude, this is my show! What do you think your pigeon Vaginey brings to the ring tonight? Are we looking at a technical contest here, or is it going to be more of a cockfight?”
”We’re looking at a slaughter. My pigeons are bred to kill and to maim. FUCK THAT OWL!”
Vinnie Lane: “Interesting… anyway, it looks like the blindfolds are on, the match is set to start!”
In Hootie’s corner there’s a disturbance as Hoot starts flapping like mad after his/her blindfold is applied. Feathers are everywhere as the trainers try to calm the big bird with a rat as a snack, but Hootie only bites the trainer’s hand and continues acting erratically.
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ring, Va’Shin-Ay the Lacklanland Champion Pigeon is calm as a cucumber. Or is it cool? Cucumbers can’t really be calm, can they? Whatever, I’m not editing it. The bell sounds and referee Chaz Bobo, wearing a falconer’s glove for this contest, calls for the action to start. Hootie flops from his corner onto the mat and starts wobbling around while his pigeon opponent circles over head. People in the crowd try to shoot instructions to the two birds, some doing their best to deceive, enveigle, and obfuscate the actual locations of the two avian opponents.
Apparently hearing a flap overhead, Hootie darts into the sky like a spear, headed straight for V’s (not typing that name again sorry) thorax? Breast? But misses the skyward attempt when V types ‘do a barrel roll’ into his brain’s Google and rotates out of the way. As Hootie tries to recalculate its direction, V strikes! V slaps a headlock onto Hootie using its arm or wing or whatever. The pigeon’s arm is WAY more muscular than a bird limb should be, almost certainly to the point that questions will be raised.
Vinnie Lane: “Dude is your bird juicing?”
”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Vinnie Lane: “I mean I’m just saying it really looks like that pigeon has actual biceps? I don’t think they have biceps, dude, something’s amiss. Can that bird pass a pee test?”
”LALALALALAAAAA can’t hear you.”
Back in the ring, or rather above it, V drags Hootie around to all four corners, posing with the owl’s head squeezed under its regal pigeony extremity. V pulls Hootie down toward the ring, and then drives it beak first into the ring post! Hootie flops down to the canvas while Bobo backs V away, admonishing the beefy bird for the tactic.
”Excuse me for one sec, Vin.”
Vinnie Lane: “What, hey! Where are you going, man!?”
Sarah Lacklan hops down from her seat at the announce booth and charges to the ring, to where Hootie is lying on her or its back trying to get its senses. While Chaz Bobo is still distracted dealing with Vanaynay or whatever, Lacklan grabs Hootie by the head with both hands and rams it down onto the ring apron by the back of the skull! Hootie’s pupils dilate, if that’s a thing that owl eyes can do, if not then just disregard that sentence. Sarah then drags the barely conscious bird up into a sitting position, draping its wings over the bottom rope and exposing its torso.
V for Vireonidae seems to sense Hootie’s distress, or perhaps he just hears Sarah shrieking that the owl is in position, and darts forward, beak first, at high velocity. The pigeon smoothes its wings and feathers back until it resembles a dart, which then strikes Hootie right in the breastbone, piercing through and impaling the nocturnal predator.
Vinnie Lane: “Oh my god! Hootie!”
Hootie collapses sideways, limp. Chaz Bobo takes one look and waves off the match, raising the dreaded X over his head with his arms. V wipes the blood from its beak onto the cuff of Bobo’s pants.
| Winner by Potential Bird Murder - V’Shin-Ay (Sarh Lacklan by proxy) |
Vinnie Lane: “That was horrific! I’ve never seen anything like it! I’m pretty sure that one bird straight up assassinated the other one… do birds have souls? Do we need to pray over the body of Hootie the (forer) Owl? Jesus, I need a smoke… here, watch a backstage segment.”
However, what was interesting was the way that the two were preparing for the match, with the large, overweight but still agile Ashley looking at Ruby, who was wearing a comical sumo suit. It was appropriate as Ashley got into sumo wrestler stances, anyway before her matches to mock her opponents.
“Come on, Ruby! You look great!” Ashley encouraged in her English accent, being genuine as Ruby was the only person in XWF that Ashley genuinely liked and considered a legitimate friend. “OK, ready? This is going to help me go up against Bobbi, Maxine and Vita Valenteen...whoever she is?” Ashley casually shrugged.
With a smirk, the 250lbs, 23 year old young woman slammed her feet onto the ground in a sumo wrestler stance, causing her ample body to jiggle as she licked her lips a bit. “Come on, Ruby, I’m your best mate, I’m not gonna hurt you, plus that sumo suit should protect you...hopefully.” Ashley was just hoping that she didn’t accidentally hurt her much smaller and lighter best friend during this.
“I look ridiculous!” the ballooned-up masked tiny Canadian superhero yelled out. But she took solace in the fact that this would help her friend prepare properly to fight someone of Bobbi’s dimensions. Not that Vita and Maxine were to be overlooked, but Bobbi was the one carrying the internet division strap… and therefore the one with a bullseye on her forehead.
Still, Ruby’s pride kicked in when it became clear that Ashley thought she’d have no trouble bowling her over. But Ruby had played quite a bit of football for the Toronto Frost, and she knew how to break a tackle, take a hit, and put up a block.
Ashley charged at her, clearly intent on knocking the wind out of her, or pounce her so hard that she flew right through the flippin’ wall. Ruby had trouble moving, waggling like a penguin, but she planted her feet into the ground like a Spartan at the Battle of Thermopylae and stood her ground. Ashley bounced off of her like a rubber ball, but Ruby shook her head. Even if Ruby’s technique was on point, this made no sense, physics wise.
“You’re holding back!” Ruby said as she shook her head. “Don’t! Bobbi and Maxine may be known threats, but you’re overlooking Vita Valenteen. She has experience, and like me, she’s a tough flippin’ bird! Football player too, so don’t go at her with weak hits like that! Just...”
*WOOMPF*
Ashley took Ruby’s advice and blasted into her with all her might, sending the tiny Canadian flying as if she was catapulted off an air bed that she’d just jumped into.
“Oops! Sorry!” Ashley said apologetically, but after Ruby recollected herself, her brains a bit scrambled, she looked up with a grin.
“Now THAT is what I’m talking aboot, eh!?” She winked and put her hand up, waiting for Ashley to pull her back up to her feet.
Ashley just chuckled a bit as she pulled her best friend up by the hand and smiled slightly, before asking “You ready to take down that Not-So-Notorious” Ned Kaye? What kind of a dumb name is Ned?” The large, bulky Brit asked with a little snicker, she was truthfully, worried for Ruby, but she had confidence in her best friend and her abilities.
“Well, nobody’s perfect…” Ruby shrugged as she wobbled back to her original spot, but due to the suit it was barely noticeable, making the whole belly tremble. “I mean, I heard what he said. Think he’ll go through me, just so he can LEAVE Anarchy exactly the way it is! Can you imagine? Very exciting, oh champion of the status quo! He seems to be content to have those potty mouths like Noah and Lacklan run amoc, but I think he just doesn’t realize the paradise that Anarchy could be!”
Ruby tried to put her arm around Ashley à la Buzz Lightyear>Woody, but the suit made that pretty much impossible. Since Ashley was twice her size and width, it would probably have also been impossible without it.
“Just imagine, Ash. You, the internet champ. Me, the Anarchy champion. The both of us, restoring order to Anarchy and turning it into a true utopia for all the world to see! Neddy wants to oppose that, but we won’t let him, will we?”
“Of course we will; we’re going to restore order to Anarchy, in fact ,we’re not going to call it Anarchy when we get done with it, it’ll be named “Ruby and Ashley’s Superheroic Funtime Adventure.”” Ashley gave a big grin to her sumo-suited friend before nudging Ruby on the ribs and saying “You know, the weight would look cute on you.” Ashley had to admit as she gave a nod of respect to Ruby.
“I mean, I know it isn’t going to be easy, but that’s fine, because heroics never are, we all have villains to fight, it’s just that I have more than one villain to fight, but you’ve got one very big and bad villain to beat up. But, we’re going to conquer for everyone that wants peace and a family friendly atmosphere restored to XWF.”
Ashley then looked to the camera with Ruby and, with a hugely goofy smile on her face, gave the thumbs up.
"The Amazing" Ashley Ackles - vs - Vita Valenteen - vs - Bobbi London - vs - Maxine Fatal Fourway Internet Division Match! Non-Title! |
Vinnie Lane: “Guys up next is a barn burner in the making… four elite athletes in the ring at the same time, including the reigning Internet Champion! Here comes the action!”
The opening riffs of “Highly Strung” begin to play as the crowd jumps to their feet in excitement. VV runs out onto the stage and and postures for the adorning crowd. She makes her way down the ramp, slapping the outreaches hands of her fans along the way. VV the heads up the steps and runs along the outside apron. She grabs the top rope with both hands and springboards into the ring where she tucks and rolls before settling on a couched, almost ninja like pose. VV hops up and celebrates with the fans for a moment, pumping them up for the upcoming match. Finally, she settles into her corner and uses the ropes to loosen up as she waits for the match to begin.
Vinnie Lane: “Ashley Ackles has been on the warpath lately, and you can see the focus on her face as she heads to the ring right now… she’s made a statement, and that statement is that she’s coming for Bobbi London’s title!”
The crowd goes wild as the XWF Internet Champion emerges with her partner and best friend Maxine by her side. Bobbi pauses at the top of the entrance way with her XWF title straining to fit around her waist and her newly won 30 Second Promo Title over her shoulder. The beat kicks in as Bobbi starts to dance and Max beatboxes for her.
“Oh shit fam, lookie who’s come to kick ass; Bobbi London, double champ with 2-times the class!”
“I’s not alone, me Ace is me mate, Mad Maxie in the place; might be a 4-way but 2 bitches gonna get punched in the face!”
“Vita Valenteen we got no beef with you’s so step aside; if you’s get in me way Maxie gonna take a chunk outta you’s ‘ide!”
“Tonight is about revenge me friend; a dumb boney bitch is about to meet ‘er end!”
“Ashley Ackles you came on me show and tried to crash me party; So tonight we settle up cunt and you’s gonna be mad sorry!”
“Me and Maxie are gonna balance the scales; She brought the coffin and Bobbi L got them nails!”
“It’s you’s bloody ass tonight bitch!”
“I’s not alone, me Ace is me mate, Mad Maxie in the place; might be a 4-way but 2 bitches gonna get punched in the face!”
“Vita Valenteen we got no beef with you’s so step aside; if you’s get in me way Maxie gonna take a chunk outta you’s ‘ide!”
“Tonight is about revenge me friend; a dumb boney bitch is about to meet ‘er end!”
“Ashley Ackles you came on me show and tried to crash me party; So tonight we settle up cunt and you’s gonna be mad sorry!”
“Me and Maxie are gonna balance the scales; She brought the coffin and Bobbi L got them nails!”
“It’s you’s bloody ass tonight bitch!”
Bobbi drops the microphone and high fives Maxine as the duo head to the ring together while the fans go wild.
Vinnie Lane: “Maxine and Bobbi hitting the ring together in a show of solidarity tonight even though they’re technically opponents… could mean a little bit of an advantage for them! Oh, and Bobbi’s got some serious BARS!”
The bell hits and it is immediate chaos in the ring. Ashley Ackles charges Bobbi London but gets cut off by Maxine and clotheslined hard to the mat. Max mounts her and starts pummeling her with huge shots to the face. Bobbi engages with Vita instead, catching the 24/7 case holder mid-Thesz press and sending her crashing down with a thunderous chokebomb.
Ackles manages to turn the tides on Maxine, rolling the muscled madwoman to her back and returning the favor of raining down punches. But Bobbi grabs a handful of Ashley’s hair and yanks her off of her friend, then turns and drives an elbow into her sternum in a falling elbow drop! Maxine shakes off the punishment and gets up on wobbly legs, but just as she gets to her feet she’s hit by a shotgun dropkick from Vita Valenteen that sends her falling through the ropes to the outside, having not fully gotten her balance.
Vite tries to follow up by climbing the corner and diving out onto Max, but Max manages to evade just in time and Valenteen hits the guardrail ribcage-first and right away collapses clutching her torso.
Back in the ring, Bobbi goes up for a splash but hits nothing but knees when Ackles gets her legs up. Ackles tries to take advantage with a quick roll up!
1!
2!!
Bobbi kicks out!
Vinnie Lane: “That caught Bob off guard, she almost got caught! The complexion of this match changes when Maxine is out of the ring… but she’s back!”
Maxine clobbers Ackles from behind with a running double ax, allowing Bobbi to get her composure. The pair known as Mad Rhymes then pull Ashley up and irish whip her to the ropes, catching her on the rebound with a huge tandem hip toss that gets a ton of air and sends Ackles bouncing on the mat. The two then exchange some weird gang signs before dropping matching elbows onto Ackles. Maxine hooks a leg!
1!
2!!
Ackles gets a shoulder up!
Vinnie Lane: “What you notice most there is Bobbi had NO problem with Maxine taking the win. That’s true partnership right there, dude!”
Mad Rhymes keeps the heat on Ackles, pulling her up again and deliberating a next move. Ultimately, Maxine lifts her up and then down in a big sidewalk slam, and Bobbi follows up by stepping back, wiggling her shoulders, and then flopping on her belly towards Ackles.
Vinnie Lane: “It’s the worm! Bobbi can rap AND breakdance!”
Bobbi drops the hatchet chop onto the downed Ackles, then goes for a cover of her own!
1!
2!!
Ackles escapes the lateral press!
Vita Valenteen re enters the ring gingerly, but right away is thwarted by a running boot from Maxine. Vita’s head bounces off the canvas and Maxine pulls her limp body up by the hair. Max deadlifts her up over her head in a gorilla press, then turns and tosses her right at Ackles. Ackles catches her! Ackles turns the tables and chucks Vita right into Bobbi, who wasn’t ready at all and falls to ringside along with Valenteen.
Max, one second off timing, rushes at Ackles but eats a huge vader clap! Max crumbles to the mat, allowing Ashley Ackles to hit the ropes and come back with a seated senton! She hooks a leg!
1!
2!!
Kickout by Maxine! That was close!
Vinnie Lane: “Here comes Vita! The spitfire won’t stay down!”
Valenteen enters the ring and starts waling on Ackles, but Ackles shoves her off and then scoops her up in a powerslam. Bobbi also starts to enter back into the ring, but as she gets to the apron she’s sent flying off after Ackles whips Valenteen into the ropes on her side. Maxine rushes to the outside to check on her friend, as it looks like Bobbi tweaked a knee on her landing, and it gives Ackles the chance to drag Vita into a corner.
Vinnie Lane: “BANZAI DROP!!!! OH CRAP!!!”
Ackles with a cover…
1!
2!!
3!!!
| Winner by Pinfall - Ashley Ackles |
Vinnie Lane: “Ashley Ackles makes a statement here tonight, coming out the victor in a match with the Internet Champion! I think we found Bobbi’s top contender!”
Ackles celebrates her big win as Maxine helps Bobbi limp to the back and trainers try to revive a somewhat flatter than usual Vita Valenteen.
Vinnie Lane: “Folks the action truly does not slow down here on Anarchy, we already need to get to our next match!”
The Boston Bruiser & Kuda - vs - Raphael Blackwater & Zane Norrison Tornado Tag Match! |
Vinnie Lane: “This is a serious grudge match, folks, take a look at the action from last time on Anarchy…”
Quote:Vinnie Lane:”Folks I’m hearing there’s a commotion backstage, let’s take you to the scene right now!”
The scene shifts and blinks back on, showing all three Blackwater Brothers in the back of the arena pummeling Kuda in a hallway! Nearby is former XWF X-Treme Champion Zane Norrison with a metal pipe in his hand, and he’s standing over the unconscious body of The Boston Bruiser.
Officials flood the area after a second and the Blackwaters along with Norrison scatter, Zane dropping his weapon with a loud clang as the medics and security personnel check on Bruiser and Kuda, both of whom look like they never saw the attack coming. Both men are on their bellies, completely out cold, with faces already swelling from the unsolicited beatings they just received.
Vinnie Lane:”Holy crap! The Brothers Blackwater just perpetrated a calculated ambush on not only Bruiser, most probably in response to his actions this past Savage when he was scheduled to face Zane Norrison one on one, but also against Bruiser’s opponent for tonight, Kuda! Neither of those men is going to be able to compete tonight!”
NO CONTEST
Vinnie Lane: “Intense! Kuda and Bruiser have a huge score to settle! Let’s get to the ring!”
After Kuda makes his entrance, prodded and poked by his handlers all the way, he stands in the ring and awaits the arrival of his unlikely partner for the evening, the man mountain known as the Boston Bruiser.
Vinnie Lane: “Kuda looking confused, nothing really new there… but dude even I’M confused at this point. Where’s Bruiser? He’s had plenty of time to show up, even if he had to drive to Montana in a rented U-Haul truck!”
Bruiser’s music hits again, only for nothing to happen once more. The crowd is losing its patience, starting up a “boring” chant, which has referee Lawanda Sass ready to cut a promo on them in the ring. Sass is FIRED UP. But, before things can devolve further, a voice comes across the PA and take everyone’s focus.
“Hey. HEY. Kuda! I don’t think your partner is going to make it tonight, my friend.”
The camera swoops around trying to find the source of the voice, coming up empty. Finally, the speaker gives a bit of a hint.
“Christ. Here, everyone. Up here. On the tron!”
The camera then swings to the X-Tron, where Raphael Blackwater stands next to his scheduled partner for the night, the former XWF X-Treme Champion Zane Norrison. Both of them hold microphones and stand on either side of something under a blanket. A big blanket.
“Everyone, we wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings after what happened last week in… hold on, Zane, where were we?”
“Tucson, Raph. I still have sand in my shoes.”
“Ugh. Right. An entire city made of trailers. Well anyway, we know things got a little… INTENSE backstage in Tucson, so we wanted to extend a little bit of an olive branch to the Bruiser before we squared off.”
Zane reaches behind him and pulls out a big log, covered with blood.
“Turns out we maybe should have used a smaller branch?”
Raphael Blackwater whips the blanket off of the lump sitting between the two men to reveal the unconscious and badly beaten body of the Boston Bruiser.
Vinnie Lane: “Oh crud! That’s Bruiser! He looks like he’s half dead!“
Zane nudges Bruiser with his foot, and the Bruiser’s mouth falls open with a little river of blood pouring out. For good measure, Raphael starts pummeling the already out cold mammoth of a man in the skull with his microphone, sending muffled THOOMP sounds echoing through the arena.
Vinnie Lane: “Okay enough already! Bruiser’s been through an assault by these men once before, this is taking things just TOO FAR… wait… what are they doing… moving him toward the edge? NO!”
Indeed, Blackwater and Norrison have rolled Bruiser’s body toward the very edge of the top of the X-Tron, then lean him off over the top.
”Tuck your chin, mark.”
And with that, the dastardly duo toss Bruiser off of the tron! The huge body of Bruiser falls all the way down and crashes through tables covered in production equipment, sending techs scattering through the area and sending up a shower of sparks. The video feed cuts out briefly before coming back on, back to showing the evil pair atop the tron.
“Mmmm… Raphael, I think I smell some exposed brains from down there. Let’s go get a closer look.”
Raphael nods and the two men vanish from the tron, leaving only an aghast Vinnie at ringside to process what he saw.
Vinnie Lane: “Ladies and gentlemen there has been a LOT of casualty on this show, both human and non… I think we need to hit a cute commercial before wrapping up the last two matches. PLEASE!”
ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT ROUND TWO Noah Jackson - vs - John Black |
*DING, DING*
The two men go at each other immediately as the bell sounds, tying up with unbelievable haste! Jackson manages to pull himself in closer, trying to press his elbow to Black's face, but John breaks the hold, hitting a stiff haymaker to Noah's stomach! The wind knocked out of him, Noah hesitates for a moment, giving John ample opportunity to scoop him up! Black tosses Noah to the ground before doing a quick double stomp of the chest of Jackson! John goes for the cover!
ONE!
TW- KICKOUT!
Noah doesn't give John a chance to get up, quickly going for Black's eyes! John tries to smack Noah back, but The Vegemite of Wrestling is hellbent on blinding John Black! Unfortunately for him, the ref is having none of this and pulls Noah off, giving him a stern talking to! Flustered, Noah gets to his feet as John tries to get his sight in order. Jackson looks to the crowd, a twisted smirk widening on his face as he realizes how vulnerable his opponent is. He sprints towards Black, hitting him with a running knee! John hits the mat hard, still trying to see, but he doesn't have enough time before Noah lifts him off the ground. The ref has been following close to Noah, trying to make sure he doesn't pull any funny business. Running off pure instinct, John rams his skull into Noah's abdomen, knocking Jackson back into the referee. The ref hits the mat facedown, dazed and unable to see the two troublemakers behind him.
Noah wraps his arm around the neck of John Black, who's still hunched over sending him to the canvas with a DDT! The look in Jackson's eyes become sadistic! It's clear on his face that he wants John to suffer! In a swift maneuver, Noah has Black in the Boston Crab! Even worse, they're in the center of the ring! John cries out in rage and agony! It's clear he doesn't want it to end this way! He tries to pull himself towards the ropes, but it seems a futile effort as the referee hasn't yet recovered. The pain is getting to Black.
And he no choice...
But to...
NO!
Instead of tapping, John Black uses as much power as he can muster to push himself and Jackson up for a brief second. It's only a small hop, but it's all Black needs! He manages to curl his body up and get on his back, but Noah still has his legs hoisted up! With his hands free, John does the one move he knows will get his legs loose: he jabs Jackson straight in the balls! Jackson lets go, falling to his knees as he holds his groin. John pulls himself off the ground, enraged. He kicks the ref out of the ring before setting his sights back to Noah!
John gets behind Noah, wrapping his arms around his stomach and performing a stiff German suplex! Then another right after the first! Jackson's body falls flat on his back, but John isn't interested in pinning Noah right now! He flips of Noah, locks hands around Noah's face and executes a crippler crossface! Jackson's in trouble! Black looks like he wants to choke the life out of the self-proclaimed "Hardest Worker in the XWF!" Desperately, Noah bites Black's thumb, causing John to lose his grip. Noah crawls away from Black, attempting to lift himself with the ropes. Noah seems to be expecting John to come after him, but he's retreated to the opposite side of the ring, looking for something on the mat! Noah sees the opening and charges for Black, preparing another running knee! But John Black moves out of the way, Noah careens into the ropes, his neck getting stuck in between the top and middle ropes as he flips over!
He's stuck, hanging by his neck! Black lifts up a part of the mat as the ref finally gets up, seeing Noah's dire situation! Jackson's turning purple as he's finally freed from the ropes, but unfortunately for him, Black has been waiting for this moment!
He prepares Noah for a DDT onto the exposed hardwood, but Noah forces himself out, walking backward towards center ring! Black goes for another haymaker, but Noah narrowly dodges, countering with a spinning heel kick, causing Black to get a mouthful of canvas! And as Black's face first, Noah locks him into the Boston Crab again, but it looks like Noah has a plan!
John pushes off the mat again to get himself on his back again and repeat his maneuver earlier, but Noah's ahead of him, dropping his weight onto Black! John Black has set up his own pin unintentionally!
1!
2!!
3!!!
| Winner via pinfall - NOAH JACKSON |
After the bell had rung, Black rolls out to the ring, and grabs a mic from the RA of Anarchy. He climbs back to the ring, and speaks to the crowd of Montana.
"This place is cold as fuck for the midwest. It's totally not for a brother like me, but fuck it though, I can manage to get a cheap motel here."
The fans start to give out a mixed jeers.
"But really though, it's fun to be around a bunch of white hicks like you. With your midwest like attitude of how the world is beneath you all. No wonder why this place isn't madly populated with people, it's too boring and cut n dry to even fuck here."
Black laughs as the fans sneer some more.
"Tonight, you all see me fight this totally over white guy, a smart mouthy, smarky smark like Noah Jackson. This guy SO put me to the limits that I never had experienced in my tenure in this company. He reminds me of some previous guys like him who I fought, and lost, mostly. I will give Noah some props, he knows how to fight."
Black comes up to Noah, but someone in a black hoodie and a red bandana wrapped around their mouth slides into the ring and KO's Noah head with a steel pipe. The man in the hoodie stomps on Noah, and the both lift him to his feet. Black lifts Noah on his shoulders, and hits a Blacklisted for good measure.
Then the hooded man and Black dap another and leave the ring, as the camera pans on Noah as the next scene happens.
 ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT ROUND TWO "Notorious" Ned Kaye - vs - Ruby |
Vinnie Lane: “Dude! It’s MAIN EVENT time! My FAVORITE wrestling on Anarchy is next...and she’s facing the WORST wrestler in the entire company! This match is part of the tournament to determine who faces Sarah Lacklan for the Anarchy Championship at Leap of Faith, so there is high stakes in this! Check it out!”
Some lame-as-FLAME pussy guitar plays across the P.A. as the lights go dark and the Vinniefred EVEYLN Lane Tron flairs to life. And...damnit it...the crowd sings along as green and yellow strobe lights fly all around, looking for the Hero of the People, as words appear on the Tron
Crowd: DA-DAT DAHHHHH! DA-DAT DAHHHHHHH!
The lights continue to search for her as the song kicks into gear until...in a crescendo of lame...the Kaisers get to the money shot:
“Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!!”
In an explosion of light, your favorite mixture of banana and lime froyo BURSTS from the stage and high into the air before landing in a 3-point stance. She stands up, her arms at her waist, her chin above the horizon, as the fans throw yellow and green streamers at her in a cascade of color.
Vinnie Lane: “Who’s that jumpin’ out the sky? RU-BE-WHY O’DEARE-IO!”
The Tron switches to Ruby’s Go Pro view as she spins in the tornado of streamers, ending in her whirlwind of goody-two-shoes. The Tron switches back to the camera as she gently and politely hands all of the streamers to a stagehand before making her way down the aisle, taking forEVER due to her insistence in stopping to give a high-five to EVERY kid who wants one. Which IS every kid. Good LORD this is taking forever. Finally in the ring, she reaches into her Rubility Belt and pulls out her...fuck I hate writing this...superhero goggles...and zooms in on members of the crowd.
The entire stadium goes black for the...what...10th time tonight? Ish? Whatever. Reznor starts singing about fields on fire and needing to breathe through stuff as the Vin-Man Tron shows a few scattered glowing embers, each one lighting up some smoke. Not, like, cool smoke dragons or anything from that time Vinnie showed how good he is at vaping, but still a lot of smoke. The embers get bigger as Reznor (did you know he was in the marching band in high school?) starts singing about being free, or something. The ramp suddenly glows blue and Nedford FINALLY makes his way down the ramp after being a super emo silhouette. He lifts up an arm and a surprisingly decent amount of Montanans (aka: The Butte-iful People) follow the gesture. He runs down the aisle and slides into the ring...where a waiting Ruby already has her hand out for a pre-match handshake. Because of course she does.
DING! DING! DING!
Vinnie Lane: “Here we go, dude! I can’t wait-”
The lights go out in the arena.
Sigh.
Again.
Vinnie Lane: “Oh, come ON. I TOTALLY paid that bill!”
A spotlight shines on the entrance where two men in marching band uniforms brandishing herald trumpets stand tall. After a few moments, they bring their horns to their lips and play a rousing fanfare.
Vinnie Lane: “Oh...guess that explains it.”
As they end, God Save the Queen plays across the P.A. as the lights come on and four large men walk out from behind the curtain, a massive palanquin on their shoulders. Sarah Lacklan sits on the dais of red pillows and drapes, waving to the crowd and brandishing her Billion $$$ smile as they make their way down the ramp.
Vinnie Lane: “NOW what?”
Upon reaching the ringside area, the men gently lower Sarah to the ground and the Queen of Anarchy rests on her pillows, apparently intent on watching tonight’s main event. Inside the ring, the two competitors do an appreciable imitation of the psycho's eye roll and turn toward one another. They share the handshake, because loser good guys, and then lock up! Collar and elbow tie-up gives the immediate advantage to Neddy-Boy, because even though he’s not the TALLEST guy in the world, he still towers over the diminutive Ottowaian Crusader. Ya know, if she was just a BIT taller, she could be part of a neigh unstoppable stable, but just like in school, romance, and hygiene, Ruby comes up JUST a bit short.
Nedward pushes Ruby’s head down into a side headlock to control her body, and his eyes move quickly, the gears in his head clearly working. A shift of his feet helps him bring her up and over into a takedown, with him keeping on the pressure of her head. He pushes up on his heels and Ruby suddenly finds herself with her shoulders to the mat and her opponent’s weight on top of her.
1!
She pushes out her legs and twists her shoulder, getting it up off the man. Ned smiles to himself at the expended energy of his opponent, the tactician already on full display. Ruby starts to move a lot from underneath, trying to squirm her way out of the headlock, so Ned eases up and lets her, so as to move her easier. They get their way to their knees, and then to their feet. Once there, Ned pushes Ruby backward and into the ropes, crouches down, and then explodes up with his feet before him and blasts the Masked Crusader with a dropkick! She cries out in pain and she falls back onto the ropes and then helps as she immediately finds herself again grabbed by the head, whipped over in a takedown, and AGAIN with her shoulders flat on the man and Ned’s weight pressing on top of her.
1!
2!
Kickout!
The dropkick knocked her silly and it took longer to kick out this time, but Ruby still finds herself on her side, trying to breathe, as Ned squeezes on the pressure. Ruby slams the mat in frustration and again goes through the motions of getting to her feet. Ned again helps her up, keeping the pressure of the headlock to control her, but then transitions with a standing switch to a rear waistlock as they get to their feet. He squeezes with all his might and the air expells from Ruby’s lungs in a painful burst. Ned rearranges his grip and holds tighter as he sets his feet, lifting Ruby clear off the ground for a back suplex. But Ruby is able to snake one of her legs around Ned’s to momentarily block the move! Ned tries again and this time gets Ruby up into the air, but the Hero of the Zeroes reaches up and grabs Ned by the back of the head and thrusts her body forward, catching the surprised Leader of the Ned-ation with a headlock takeover of her own! Off balance, he’s unable to stop himself from being flipped forward and slamming into the mat! His eyes cross but he is quickly up, turning his feet and knees as he does so to keep Ruby in front of him, and ends up eating a basement dropkick right to the nose!
Ruby runs and hits the ropes as Ned tries to shake away the cobwebs and that annoying “my eyes are tearing up” thing which happens when you get bopped on the nose and she comes flying back before leaping into the air, this time connecting with a diving clothesline to the kneeling Nedittude. Ruby’s arm “accidentally” caught Ned right in the throat, and his hands reflexively go to his neck as he suddenly finds himself without any air, and Ruby hopes up the top rope. She leaps backward, flipping in the air, because she HAS to flip, and comes down on top of Ned’s body with a moonsault! She stays on him for the cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
224 of pounds of Nedimous Maximus pushes off the Loserweight Champion and sends her flying. Ned shakes his head, trying to clear away the cobwebs, and again Ruby’s flippy shit attack finds purchase, this time in the form of a middle rope moonsault, her body landing on Ned’s legs. The Bearded Wonder yelps in pain, his hands clutching his knees, as Ruby is already up and running. Leaping into the air, Ruby comes down with a body splash...and misses! Ned is able to roll out of the way as Ruby does a shockingly simple flying move and the Rubester finds nothing but her face smashing into the mat. She’s near to tears as she holds her nose, checking for a break, and Ned is able to get a second wind after the assault of fast-paced moves.
CRACK! Ned zeroes in on Ruby’s nose and connects with a superkick, his heel nearly smashing it sideways against her cheek. Ruby is spread eagle on the mat faster than Roxy at a Captain 80’s autograph signing and Ned takes a moment to breath more, confidant that his tactics are with him. Ruby’s hands reflexively go to her nose after the stiff kick and Ned takes advantage by driving his foot into her rib cage several times, driving the wind out of her. Keeping her prone, Ned leaps up into the air as high as he can and comes down with a double foot stomp deep into her gut.
His opponent sufficiently grounded, Ned slips to the outside and pulls down on the rope, waiting for the moment. Ruby is taking way too long, probs because she’s a super weak 5’1er, and Ned takes the moment to raise his hand in the air and get some cheers from the crowd. As Rubes finally gets to her feet, Ned pulls down and squats and then LEAPS into the air! He spins end over end as Ruby turns around, somehow turning his body in midair, and grabbing his opponent’s head between his legs. Probably the first time Ruby has ever been in that position, because loser, she has no idea what to do and is THROWN across the ring with a MASSIVE headscissors! The crowd pops for the Disciplinary Action! Ned himself is SUPER pumped, feeling that he is just moments away from winning this main event and getting further along in the tournament. He runs into the corner and holds himself there, waiting for Ruby to get to her feet. Once she does, waving on spaghetti legs, Nediferous runs at Ruby in a burst of speed and leaps into the air, bicycling his legs, and blasts Ruby right in her stupid face with a HUGE kick! Down to the mat she goes and Ned makes the cover!
1!
2!
KICKOUT!
Ruby barely gets one of her scrawny shoulders up to break the count! Ned is ON FIRE here and is feeling that victory is at hand. He climbs a turnbuckle, the Ego Crusher on his mind, and is prepared to leap. But he suddenly jumps off and back to the apron and turns towards the little ball of red and black who has climbed up onto the apron. Apparently Sarah, scepter in hand, wanted a “closer look” at his massive hurricanrana/headscissors/submission thing because she’s totally blind. The loser foureyes. Ned yells at her, and she responds with her absolutely lame “And ANOTHER thing!” signature, and the ref yells at them both. Precious recovery time is there for Ruby as the ref tells Ned to get into the ring and for Sarah to get out of it. And she uses it! But instead of going for Ned, Ruby hits the ropes, leaps like Supergirl, and spears Sarah through the middle ropes and sends her to the floor!
Ned’s eyes go wide as the referee leaves the ring to check on Sarah. He turns towards Ruby and gets CLOCKED by a forearm! A second forearm shiver sends Ned to the outside! And then Ruby goes to the center of the ring and-
Ready for it? Ned’s got a billion new nicknames (you’re welcome!) and now Ruby’s got an evolution to her sig. Ready for it? Here we go:
In the middle of the ring, Ruby slowly starts to spin in a circle, picking up speed as the crowd chants with every revolution.
Crowd: NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA-!
Tons of speed store up, Ruby hits the ropes and rebounds. She leaps high into the air, springing up and over the ropes, as the crowd finishes their cheer:
Crowd: RU-BYYYYYYYYYY!
She flips down onto Ned with the Tope Con Hero, crushing him with all the power and impact of her supercharged dive! The crowd goes nuts as she gets to her feet and stands tall, hands upon her hips. After soaking in the adulation, she pulls Ned up to his feet by his Orange County Soccer Mom hair and gets him over to the apron and rolled into the ring. The ref heads inside but before Ruby can follow suit, the keen of the Banshee fills the air.
Hey! Trash Panda!
Ruby turns around and sees Sarah swinging her scepter at her head, looking for revenge from the spear. But Ruby drops to the ground in a flash so fast that even Flash himself would be jealous! And unknown to her, above her head, Sar’s scepter smashes across the prone Ned’s head and shatters into a bajillion pieces! Sarah’s dumb rat eyes go wide in shock as Ned goes from zero hitpoints into the negatives and she lets out a litany of courses to make a sailor blush. She turns around, looking for Ruby,
AND EATS A RUBY CUTTER!
Ruby drops her “rival” to the floor as the crowd pops! Back up to the aprons she goes where she sees the unconscious Ned, completely unaware of her accidental assistance. She climbs the top and, with a wave of her arms, leaps off the top and comes down on Ned with two deep feet to his gut! The Ruby in the Rough connects and she makes the cover!
1!
2!
3!
| Winner by Pinfall- Ruby |
Vinnie Lane: “Ruby did it! Ruby’s going to the finals of this thing on the next Anarchy to face Noah Jackson in a rematch from our very first episode… is it gonna go the same way for the Super Dear’O or has Noah added enough to his game to find his way into the Anarchy Championship match at Leap of Faith? FIND OUT IN TWO WEEKS, DUDES!!!!”
Credits roll as the camera lingers on Ruby celebrating in the ring to close the show. Things go to black.
| Special Thanks: Ned Kaye Sarah Lacklan |