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+--- Thread: feedback (/showthread.php?tid=32698)
feedback - Dolly Waters - 02-25-2019
If you don't mind. I'm kind of changing my RP style a bit, and just wonder what y'all think.
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=32616
feedback - drezdin5788 - 02-26-2019
The only nack i see was that for me the epalouge was a bit log. If i was you, i would cut it a bit short and some how use the cut off and blend it as you get into the promo. If that made any since.
re:feedback - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 02-26-2019
Yeah dude make it less log.
re:feedback - Darius Xavier - 02-26-2019
(02-26-2019, 06:37 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: Yeah dude make it less log.
And here I always thought you were a log queen.
feedback - Dolly Waters - 02-26-2019
goddamn logs, I swear to log!
feedback - Arthur Grey - 02-26-2019
I rather enjoyed it. Good story and trash talk was great too. I guess the only thing is not making the speech a different color in the story part but it just might be because that's just a normal thing we all do and when it doesn't happen it's just throws you off but all around it is a well rounded rp.
re:feedback - Corey Smith - 02-26-2019
Wow. You've got the knack.
We'll get the one criticism out of the way first before I thoroughly slob your knob (regrettably with 100% less log). The second paragraph needed some editing. I just really struggled to wrap my head around it. I got what you wanted to say, it just took a bit.
But beyond that, yeah...wow. This was really goddamn good. Like, best thing I've read here good. You're not Universal champion yet because....why? You just nailed that small town feel so hard, I'd bet smart money you grew up in one and if you didn't it's all the more impressive. You even dunked on shitty airport fiction which earns some points for me. Truly inspired writing, and so grounded to boot. It felt like the natural musings of a young small town girl. If this is a change in style for you I recommend running with it.
As for the promo work, it was also very accomplished. Crisp, confident, and biting. I'm a sucker for overarching themes too, so again, bonus points from me.
All in all, very nearly flawless work and some of the best I've read. Well done.
feedback - Dolly Waters - 02-26-2019
Thank you all for the feedback.
Arthur, I would say about the coloring of text, I used to waste hella' time coding rps. It was fairly daunting. I figured in a way it doesn't really help with scoring and I could probably convey things better with text after quotes like:
Joey said with a scowl,
That type of thing. In the end it's always been about telling as good a story as possible, but it's something if you look at my previous RPs, I did a lot.
Lux,
The knob slobbery means a lot! This piece was fairly important for me to execute with a bang, so to know it had such an impact on a writer like yourself, well, that really means a lot.
That second paragraph was a struggle for me as well! So much so, I sent it to at least three or four other folks saying "Hey, does this read sensibly to you?" I'm grateful to know you got the overall point there though.
I did grow up in a small town, and I think the overall theme for this series is about recreating what might be an Americana classic instead of centered around the gilded age, or the great depression- centered around more modern themes. I just hope it turns out the way I've been envisioning it.
Thank you again for the kind words!!! Helps me know I'm on the right track here.
re:feedback - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 02-27-2019
To clarify on the coding - it has ZERO bearing on scoring.
What I think makes it a good idea in general is simply ease of reading. If you're reading a novel, it's going to be full of a bunch or tags like "Bob said sullenly" or "Debbie repeated" because you have no other way to know who's saying what. Here, we have the option of lessening that burden with color or bold or other means. Anyone who reads something I write knows when they see pink, bold letters, Vinnie Lane is talking.
Yes, it can add a little time to the work... but honestly, not a whole lot unless you really stress over presentation. Some people do. I have, at times, because I'm an OCD kind of person and need things to all fall into the same patterns. It is what it is.
But if you submit an RP with zero coding? No problem. It's not what gets graded.
re:feedback - Lacklan - 03-07-2019
Now that the boards are alive again and I had a chance to actually read this, I really enjoyed it! This offered a nice contrast to the "other" Dolly promos I have read, which were high on trash and mockery, and using the two to balance one another is a strong vehicle for this game. Well done!