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+---- Thread: A Motherfuckers' Christmas Comic (/showthread.php?tid=30136)
A Motherfuckers' Christmas Comic - "The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler - 12-22-2017
| ~Page 2/ Block A~ Bearded War Pig is walking toward what looks to be a combination between a black hawk and a cobra helicopter. Very sleek and almost invisible like, Robbie Bourbon is finishing one last hamburger while rubbing his belly, making sure he is full for the mission ahead. Engy begins stretching wanting to be agile and flexible, incase anything serious occurs. Pig’s dialogue bubble reads. “Looks like we will need to prep the MF Eagle to take us to Tokyo in style!” Bourbon’s bubble reads. "Yeah make sure that tin bird is all good to transport us to Japan, the world is counting on us!" Engy's turn. "Did we get the flip down monitors yet for movie time?" |
| ~Page 2/Block B~ Pig has made it to the MF Eagle a black steel helicopter with solar panels, air vents, and holographic panels to help cloak the flying war machine. Thirty millimeter machine guns are layered on the belly of the bird, a total of six. Just the beginning of it's fire power, a mass number of missiles. Enough to conduct seven different hell fire missile gun runs. Basically this machine could conquer a small country with the support of very little man power. Bearded War Pig sits in the pilots chair flipping switches with a devilish smile on his face, not getting to operate the Motherfucker's more valuable toys. Engy looks to Bourbon and then to the MF Eagle with wide eyes knowing, you never know what Pig can do. Bourbon pulls his straps to his singlet and lets them smack back down on his barrel chest. Pig's bubble. "So much fire power. So much death. So want to fuck shit up!" Engy's bubble. "You sure it is a good idea letting his overly excited self fire that very expensive and rare death machine up? We kind of do need to complete this mission or it could be the end of the free world!" Bourbon's bubble. "Oh would you look at him? Right now you couldn't tell he is one ornery and disgruntled Marine Veteran. Right now he looks as happy as a puppy sales man. Not like a man who has killed another man with an MRE spoon and used that same spoon to devour a MRE right afterwards." |
| ~Page 2/Block C~ Pig flips the final switch for the MF Eagle’s engine to roar to life. Accept nothing happens. Pig is pictured flipping the switch repeatedly. He is looking flustered like someone no matter what they do just can’t get things to go their way. Bourbon has been watching and knows Pig did everything correct; his hand begins scratching the top of his head as he is left in deep thought. Engy is just chuckling knowing Pig is too goofy and free spirited to be left in charge of such delicate matters. Pig has a bubble attached to his picture. “What the fucking fuck, why wont you fire up? We have to save the Prime Minister of Japan!” |
| ~Page 3/Block A~ BWP flips the switch one last time, this time the engine fires up spitting flames. The propellers begin to spiral slowly at first and their speeds increase faster and faster. Until soon it sounds like a rock was thrown into the rotors or something. Smoke begins to fill the scene from the tail pipe of the helicopter. Pig's eyes are wide as he looks around for fire in the cabin. Robbie begins to panic a little as he charges toward the burning MF Eagle. Engy palms his face and begins shaking his head Pig's bubble. "What the titty fucking Christ!?" Bourbon's bubble. "Oh no! Hurry get out of there, she's going to blow!" Engy's bubble. "Told you so." |
| ~Page 3/Block B~ "Boom" is spelled out with fire and smoke coming from and explosion from the MF Eagle's engine. BWP is sent flying out of the helicopter with a foot tall flame burning off his butt, leaving a charred hole on his left buttocks. His face almost covered in smoke and sot almost making it as if he is in black face. Pig lands on his ass and goes tumbling into Robbie Bourbon knocking him from his feet. Both men then go tumbling. Engy stops them both by placing his foot on Bourbon's round belly. Engy just laughs out loud. Bourbon and Pig can't help but break out into laughter as well. Engy's bubble. "Now if you two want to quit playing grab ass, we do have a world wide mission to complete. Remember the President and his cabinet have requested our assistance." Pig's bubble. "You fuckers better not think this is my fault. I did everything right, flipped all the switches in proper sequence, and I checked all liquids before hand. Not my fault." Bourbon's bubble. "Okay lets not worry about who's fault it is that we just blew up a one hundred million dollar flying machine. We need to stay focused and remember what is at stake here. So let's put our minds together and come up with a solution." |
| ~Page 3/Block C Pig has climbed to his feet and begins rummaging through the debris from the explosion. Bourbon also has climbed to his feet and has walked over to one of the main monitors as he begins downloading an UBER application. Engy pulls out his cell phone and begins to punch some numbers in. The whole headquarters is covered in soot and black smog. Black metal chunks of the MF Eagle and some melted material from the fire. |
| ~Page 4~ Fourth page is just a overhead view of the Motherfuckers headquarters, big green letters spell out "Jingle, Jingle, Jingle!" behind a red sleigh being pulled by nine reindeer, a bright red nose leading the pack. Sanata a jolly fatman holds the reigns and is smiling with a AT4 slung on his back. Snow is falling down from the skies to the mountain side below. |
| ~Page 5/Block A~ With all of their ideas failing the Motherfuckers begin to look depressed and unsure what to do. BWP stands with his arms crossed still scanning the debris trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. Bourbon has gone back to snacking having worked up an appetite trying to brainstorm a new means of transportation over an ocean. Engy stands on his phone twirling a blade on his left pointer finger like it is a basket ball. When suddenly the front door flings open and in the door way stands the jolly red man himself with a AT4 rocket launcher on his back. Santa's bubble. "You Motherfuckers looking to go save the world? Well Santa is here to give you a helping hand. See those Furry Fuckers have been real naughty this year. Lying, Cheating, and not believing! Not believing in me or themselves!" Pig's bubble. "Just give me one fucking clue!" Engy's bubble "Holy shit Santa is real!" Bourbon's bubble. "Grandpa?!" |
| Page 5/Block B All three members of the Motherfuckers and Santa now sit in his sleigh packed full of children's Christmas presents and fully automatic rifles, grenades, rocket launchers, and basically anything else you'd find at a military armory. The Sleight is flying over the ocean on it's way to Japan so the Motherfuckers can save the day. Just up ahead of the slave in the distance you can see a blurry image of the island. |
| ~Final Page/Block A~ The sleigh lands and all four men hop out like a SWAT team storming the ground. Charging toward a tall sky scraper style building where the Furry Fuckers are holding the Prime Minister and many others hostage. All four men stack up on the door. Pig is number one, he looks back to the rest of the men. They nod letting him know they are ready. Pig boots the door in and in charges Engy leading the way, taking out terrorist after terrorist with throwing blades. Followed by Bourbon who charges in judo chopping, hip tossing, and power gut checking his way to the elevator. Santa is shortly behind him with sharpened candy canes tucked between his fingers clawing terrorists as he makes it to the staircase. Holding down the avenue of approach with the AT4's rocket aimed at the top. BWP comes in last with a smile on his face, his custom AR-10 raised in the kill position, no more terrorists left on the first floor. The gang proceeds up the stairs to the next floor where a giant brawl breaks out. A giant cloud of smoke fills the room, fists, boots, and weapons sporadically pop out of the smoke for a brief second at a time. The smoke clears, a pile of knocked out terrorists lay unconscious. Pig is whipping blood from his lip as they all pick their weapons of choice back up before pushing on. |
| ~Final Page/Block B~ The Motherfuckers and Santa Make it to the top floor where the Furry Fuckers have their penises thrusting in the face of Prime Minister of Japan. Bourbon points his finger and stares a whole through the terrorist group. Before taking off at a full force sprint running into the group and knocking them away from the prime minister with a huge belly splash! Engy quickly slides in and grabs the Prime Minister ushering him away to safety behind Santa who launches a rocket toward the terrorist organization. The rocket misses and blows a whole in the wall. Pig begins charging in to take out the Furry Fuckers. Just in time they escape out the hole in the wall caused by Santa. Prime Minister bubble. "Oh Sank you so much, I thought I was going to be raped by those silly assholes!" Pig's bubble. "Bastards got away. Probably won't be the last time we see those sick fucks." Bourbon's bubble. "At least we saved the day again. Until next time." Engy's bubble. "Well guess we will be home for Christmas." Santa's bubble. "Ho, ho, ho and Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" |