The last time we saw Drew Archyle in an actual XWF match he was living up to his word as he stood over the beaten, broken and defeated body of former XWF Universal Champion Steve Davids and his partner LJ Havok as the victor in his XWF Pay Per View debut. The match, a tag team match featuring Drew and XWF's resident cross dresser Glisten against LJ Havok and Steve Davids went exactly as planned. Drew Archyle walked down to the ring and did exactly what he said he would do, he FSU'd. That's fuck shit up for the acronym impaired. Once the match was over Drew hightailed it out of the there lest he become part of Glisten's inevitable freaky sex circus.

In the week leading up to the match while most wrestlers were training hard at the gym, getting swole and drinking protein shakes Drew was at "Molly's Place Animal Rescue" attempting to purchase a new best friend after his last one went missing while he was in the pokey, the first time. Unfortunately the women in charge at "Molly's Place" did not appreciate Drew's candidness and refused to allow him to adopt a pet. Something about him not being fit tao own an animal. An animal? Imagine that?

Now why is any of this even remotely important to you? Well, this is the long awaited story of how Andrew Archyle, mild mannered man from Chicago, Illinois ended up in jail.

For the second time.

August 1st, 2015 - The day after XWF Relentless 2015 - Somewhere in Montana Missouri

"What are we doing here Drew?" Asks Drew's vertically challenged Manager, affectionately named "The Manager."

As the camera zooms out we see Drew Archyle and his Manager seated in a windowless tan Land Cruiser. The vehicle is being driven by an extremely rotund and white man with a large mustace, in the passenger seat of the car is another man who looks extremely similar to the driver. Drew is dressed in mostly all tan as if he were trying to be Steve Irwin's body double. RIP Steve Irwin. The Manager however is dressed a little more casually in shorts and a t-shirt.

"I told you already. We are out here because I had a revelation." Drew says as he looks through a pair of binoculars. Not the same paid he used when he went Whale Watching the week before Relentless. Those most likely sank to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean after he angrily tossed them overboard. These are a new pair. A cheap pair that he bought on clearance at Wal Mart.

"Yes I vaguely remember you mentioning something to that effect. Perhaps maybe you could elaborate on what exactly that means?" The Manager asks as he tugs on the collar of his shirt.

"Last week I was walking through LaGuardia Airport after Relentless distraught over not being allowed to adopt a dog. You remember that right? That mean women at "Molly's Place" totally had it out for me. It's a government conspiracy. Whoever said honestly is the best policy was full of shit. So there I was in the airport all heartbroken and that's when I saw a headline on the TV about that Dentist who killed the lion over in Zimbabwe." Drew explains to his Manager as he releases the binoculars allowing them to fall down towards his waist where they come to a half, suspended there by the strap that goes around Drew's neck and connects to the back of the binoculars.

"I see your mouth moving and I hear words coming from it but what i'm not hearing is anything that even remotely sounds like an explanation for why we we are in the middle of no where with two rich assholes who hunt endangered species for sport? Perhaps you could just skip to that part of the story? "

"Do I really have to connect the dots for you?" Drew says as he grabs hold of the railing in front of him, trying to steady himself while the safari vehicle traverses the bumpy road.

"Apparently you do." The Manager says as he grabs the same railing that Drew had just taken hold of except The Manager decides to make use of both hands while holding on for dear life as the vehicle continues going over the bumps in the road at a rate of speed that would be well above what is generally recommended.

"Really? Because in my head it all makes sense but since you apparently don't have access to the inside of my head I will lay it out loud for you. Ok here goes..." Drew pauses for a second and then inhales as if trying to build up enough oxygen in his lungs so that he can unleash a massive monologue. "Ok so I wanted to adopt a dog but the bitch at the rescue place wouldn't let me so I was heart broken and I had thought about just breaking in one night and stealing one and then letting all the rest of them go to freedom but then I decided that I didn't want to go back to jail so that wasn't going to work and then after being all mopey for like an hour or so I was walking through the airport and saw something on CNN about that lion Cecil that got killed and how his brother was watching over his cubs and then it hit me like a bolt of lightning to the cock I'll just go to Montana and find a lion."

"What!?!" The Manager shouts as Archyle."First of all we are in Missouri, not Montana. And second of all you brought me out here so that you could steal a fucking lion?"

"Yeah?" Drew says as he shrugs his shoulders.

"Are you fucking insane? I just...I can't even." Drew's manager screams as he throws his hands up in the air in disgust.

"Geez. I know I'm a little different than you but going right to name calling? That's low, even for a guy who only stands slightly over four feet from the ground. And who said anything about stealing? I'm going to adopt him. He's going to be my pet. My best friend." Drew responds as he quickly pulls the binoculars back up to his eyes, using them to hone in on a small gathering of animals off to the East. The group are perched upon a big rock which is by it's lonesome the middle of a vast open area.


Drew spins his head around 90 degrees and yells something out to the driver while simultaneously pointing in the direction of the small gathering of animals he spotted. The driver then looks over into the direction Drew is pointing and then quickly turns the wheel of the vehicle. An action that almost results in The Manager being tossed overboard as he wasn't properly secured to the vehicle. Fortunately Drew has quick reflexes and was able to grab The Manager around the waist and keep him in the vehicle.


"See, now even after the name calling I still found it within myself to make sure that you didn't become a jungle cat's next meal. I think you owe me an apology." Drew says, as he looks down at his manager, both literally and figuratively.

"Thank you. But you're still insane. You live in Chicago. How in the hell are you going to go about having a lion as a house pet? Do you even have a yard? What do lions eat? This whole thing is outrageous. I thought we came to an understanding when you wasted my time with your last little adventure that this wouldn't happen again. You swore you'd never do something like that again and here we are not two weeks later doing something ridiculous."

"You know most people would thank their friend for taking them on an all expenses paid safari."

"I PAID FOR IT!!" The Manager shouts at Drew.

"Like I said, all expenses paid. Thanks by the way." Drew responses with a smile as the vehicle closes in on the rock.


The vehicle comes to a stop about 50 yards from the rock. Seated atop the rock is a massive lion, it's mane is varying shades of yellow, getting darker the further out it extends. Prowling around the rock is a small group of lion cubs. The driver and the navigator of the safari vehicle are talking back and forth as Drew starts to slowly climb out of the vehicle while making sure to not take his eyes off the big lion named that the locals call Zeus.


"Drew what the hell are you doing? Do you have a death wish?" The Manager yells loud enough to not only get Drew's attention but that of Jericho the lion.


The massive lion uses his front paws to push himself up, now standing on all fours he looks directly towards the safari vehicle. Drew stops climbing out of the vehicle just as his foot was about to touch down on the ground. He looks over at the lion and then over at his Manager who is motioning for him to get back in the vehicle.

As Drew climbs back into the vehicle slowly so as to not further draw the ire of the Lion, the driver and navigator stealthily climb out of the far side of the vehicle. The driver has a large tranq gun in his hand while the navigator has a shotgun and a net.


"What are they doing? Why do they have guns? What have you gotten me into?" The Manager shouts out to no one in particular but most likely to his client.


Drew, sensing the growing tension of the situation looks over at the driver and navigator and sees them cautiously walking over to one of the lions cubs that has broken off from the rest of the pride.


"Ok fellas, try not to hurt it. I have no use for a wounded lion. I'm not a veterinarian." Drew says as he adjusts his shirt. He sidesteps past the Manager and focuses on the two men zeroing in on the massive lion. For a quick second he shifts his attention to Zeus and notices that the massive beast has climbed down off the rock and is now pacing back and forth in front of it.

"Fellas you might want to hurry it up. That mean looking Lion seems to be aware of your presence. And need I remind you that this vehicle is completely open." Drew says as he continues alternating his attention between the wayward lion cub and Zeus.

"Are these guys a good shot?" The Manager asks as the sweat starts dripping down the corners of his forehead.

"Let's hope so."

"What do you mean let's hope so? Haven't you talked to these guys at all? How do you know they aren't just going to kill the thing and then take a picture of it like all rich assholes do?"

"You worry too damn much but yes I have talked to them. Actually the more accurate description would be that I talked at them, whether or not they understood me or not is up for interpretation."


Out of the corner of his eye Drew sees the driver and the navigator circling the lone lion cub. The driver makes a sudden movement towards the cub which reacts by attempting to retreat. Unfortunately for the cub that reaction while innate is also a fatal one as the navigator was waiting behind him with his net in hand. As soon as the small lion cub attempted to step back the navigator tosses the net over top of her and with one quick jerk of his wrist pulls the net closed. As soon as the net closes the lion cub lets out a stunted growl but one loud enough to get the attention of Zeus who then makes a beeline for the safari vehicle at an incredible rate of speed.


"Holy shit he's coming!!!" The Manager screams as he starts jumping up and down like a nervous nelly.


Drew swings his head around like it were on a swivel and extends his left arm outward over the side of the vehicle and pulls the driver up and into the vehicle. An action he repeats this time for the navigator. The driver quickly climbs behind the steering wheel and stomps on the gas pedal. The vehicle jerks forward which catches everyone but the driver off balance. The navigator catches his balance quickly as the extra weight of the lion cub kept his center of gravity lower than the others. Drew thankfully stumbled backwards into one of the poles holding up the roof and it is that pole that kept him from tumbling out of the vehicle. The Manger grabs the railing and pulls himself back up to his feet just in time to hear a loud growl and then the face of Jericho who by this point has closed to within a few yards of the vehicle and is now flying through the air like he were shot out of cannon. His razor-sharp claws extended outward in the direction of his prey.


"LOOK OUT!" Drew shouts a second too late.


Zeus flies through the air like a missile. His giant front paws latching onto The Manager and both he and Zeus tumble out of the vehicle and onto the dirt and sand. The Manager rolls over and reaches outward in hopes that someone, anyone will reach back for him but there's no one there as the vehicle is now accelerating away from the scene. Drew drops into his seat a look of regret comes across his now pale white face as he looks out and sees Zeus bite down on The Manager's neck. The Manager screams out in pain but only for a moment as what seems like pints of blood start shooting out of his wounds like a geyser. The once yellow and brown mane of the majestic lion is now covered in crimson as he looks up at the safari vehicle which is now but a speck off in the distance.

Present Day

So yeah that's what happened. That's what landed me in jail for two years. Involuntary manslaughter. I never did get my pet but that's another story for another day. In the meantime I want to talk about my brother from another mother, Engy.

How you doing pal? You doing ok? I'm thrilled to see that you've found your son. Better get him DNA tested though just to be sure. If there's one thing I've learned through all these years it's that women will say anything to get some of your money. So yeah just a word of advice from your friendly neighborhood reformed felon. Anywho Engy you asked me the other day to sell you. Sell you on the idea of switching sides and while nothing would please me more to see you tell Robbie to fuck off and instead join our cause, membership to Apex is currently closed. Not to mention I never offered you a spot to begin with. I guess it must have been another one of those "unsaid" things that you are so good at picking up on and definitely not you just misreading a situation. Again.

Here's the thing Engy, I don't want you to switch sides so much as I want you to carve out your own path. Unshackled from the dead weight that is The Motherfuckers. Specifically Robbie Bourbon but the group as a whole. You said that Robbie turned on James Raven because Raven had something Robbie wanted, the Universal Title and that is absolutely true. But let's just say for the sake of argument Robbie loses that title to someone, and let's go a step further and you either cash in on that champion or you beat them straight up since you are clearly one of the top names in the fed. What then? Do you think Robbie will just step aside and let you have your fun or will he decide that he wants the title back and set his sights on you?

I know, I know, that's a huge hypothetical but it's completely plausible. But ok, since I am fairly positive that response isn't what you are looking for allow me then to give you what you wanted. A reason why Robbie would turn on you when doing so would all but guarantee him that you would come after him. And instead of giving you one reason I'll give you two. The first reason is that despite the fact that Robbie is the Universal Champion he isn't the most talked about wrestler in the fed. You are. No one is afraid of Robbie. But you? People straight up get out of your way when they see you coming. Robbie? No one gives half a shit about him or his title. I guess that could be the excuse he might use to explain why he's only had one title defense in two months. "Lack of interest." as opposed to the obvious real reason and that's that he's scared of losing the only thing that has ever made him relevant. But despite being the alpha dog here in XWF you are the guy people talk about, not him, you. The Xtreme Champion. Briefcase holder. King of the Ring. And I know that attention, that focus on you and by extension lack of attention on Robbie sticks in his craw. Robbie wants things to be about him. Hey may not say it outright. In fact he may say the opposite because lying is what he does but deep down inside you know it's true. So there's your first reason.

The second reason for why Robbie will inevitably turn on you? Because it's one less thing he would have to worry about. Wait what? How does Robbie turning on you and you coming after him mean that he has one less thing to worry about? Wouldn't it mean the exact opposite? Well no, not really. You see right now Robbie has to constantly look over his shoulder. Sure you said you won't cash in on him and maybe you mean it, maybe you even believe it. But you've also shown that your word doesn't really mean shit. Where as if Robbie turns on you he won't have to worry about you coming up from behind, he'll be able to focus his time and attention on you. He'll be able to watch you coming instead of waiting. That may seem silly to you but when you are the top guy here you are a marked man, a target is on your back, the more guys you can put in front of you as opposed to behind the better. And I think if you take a few seconds to sit and think about it, you'll see it too.