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+---- Thread: Saving Leroy, or Tony (/showthread.php?tid=30060)
Saving Leroy, or Tony - Prof. Bobby Bourbon - 12-15-2017
The early evening casts it's own palor across the frozen, snow covered landscape surrounding the quieted, massive cabin as snow falls. Robbie Bourbon walks, the heavy crunch under every foot as inches of snow collapse, the snow flakes blowing past him, around him, and clinging to his mask and hoodie, his fist clenched around a fire axe.
The boy was out here, that much was certain, and judging by the silence, either the boy was very lucky or Robbie was too late as he followed these strange, hooved footprints that trailed off towards a shed and a disturbed woodpile. Robbie hustles to the shed and tries the door, which refuses to open.
Kid, are you in there?
The click of a locking mechanism undoing is heard and the shed door opens. Inside is the boy. He looks up at Robbie.
It was out here, I hid, I was scared.
That's okay.
Robbie turns and looks around, searching for the krampus beast that was seen out here. No sight of it anywhere. Robbie turns to the boy.
What's your name?
Leroy.
Alright, Leroy, we're going to head back to the cabin now.
Do you want me to grab the firewood still?
Robbie looks at the pile of firewood next to him and back at the shivering boy, trying hard to look like the weather doesn't effect him.
Don't sweat it, lets get you inside first...
A branch crashes somewhere in the woods, the weight of the snow driving it from it's trunk and onto the floor. The boy flinches.
That's him!
No, it's just snowy.
No, behind you!
Robbie turns, and behold, a demonic figure, the color of burned wood, heaving breaths that strike the air as huge clouds, horned, and ugly, stares back at Robbie and Leroy.
Get back in the shed, kid.
But, you're a hero...
I said get back in that shed.
Robbie pushes Leroy back into the shed and slams the door shut. We hear the lock set in place as Leroy protects himself inside.
I ain't no god damned hero, that's for sure.
Robbie snarls at the krampus, which snarls right back. It then makes the bold decision to charge at Robbie. It comes with blinding speed, too fast for the axe in Robbie's hand to make a difference, and the krampus pins Robbie against the wall of the shed. Inside, Leroy screams at the terrific noise caused by Robbie's massive frame hitting the shelter. The krampus leans in close to Robbie, it's vicious maw inches from his face. Robbie gawks back at in horror.
You...
The krampus hisses at Robbie. Robbie gulps.
Leave the kid alone, alright, just take my lousy ass. I'm the sumbitch who brought the kids out here, I've lived my life making my choices, don't hurt the...
The krampus throws Robbie aside, who lands in a heap in the snow. It turns to the shed and the screams coming within.
No...
Robbie helps himself up and stumbles towards the krampus. It turns and backhands Robbie across the jaw, sending him to the ground again.
Stop...
It ignores Robbie again and turns back to the shed, ripping the door off it's hinges. Leroy looks up at the krampus in terror. The beast reaches in towards the boy.
NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!
As the thing puts his massive, clawed hand on the kid, the glint of steel moving through the air at an alarming rate of speed happens, a spray of blood, and the arm of the krampus hits the floor of the shed. The krampus screams and recoils, and we see Robbie Bourbon, weilding his axe, looking less than pleased.
You stupid...
The krampus nails Robbie with its remaining hand. Robbie, knocked back a few paces, stands his ground as the krampus stalks him.
That's right, you ugly son of a bitch, come and get me.
The krampus roars. The terrible bellow echoes through the otherwise silent and calm snowfall. It steps towards Robbie, who swiftly sinks the head of his axe into the forehead of the thing. The krampus drops to its knees, and Robbie quickly grabs it by the horns, pulling from either side.
You want to fuck with kids at Christmas? You want to hurt little children?
Robbie pulls the horned head of the krampus much like a wishbone, and with a sickening snap it's head comes apart at the seam created by the fifteen pound axe head, spilling brain and whatever else kind of nasty stuff flowed through the beasts head and down onto the intact and remaining jaw, spilling pitch black liquid everywhere. Leroy vomits. Robbie turns and looks at him.
Attaboy, Leroy. I know it stinks but...
I want to go home!
Okay, it's okay. We're going to get you home. The bad thing is gone now.
Leroy runs up and grabs Robbie, hugging him. Robbie lets his axe dangle, the lad's face pressed into his massive belly, globs of krampus brain and blood streaking his mask and hoodie. Robbie spits out some krampus innards that went into his mouth after the killing blow, retching as he does.
Tastes like egg nog.
What?
Nothing, lets go back inside and have some cocoa, your parents will be here soon.
My parents ain't coming.
Leroy looks down at the ground, as though this particular bit of news would be a disappointment to Robbie, like it was his fault. Robbie places a hand on his shoulder.
Well, still, the kids inside miss you...
They don't know me.
Leroy steps away.
I just wanted to help bring the wood in, do something good for those kids, and instead I was a coward and hid, and my parents aren't even going to come, so when those kids...
Shush.
Leroy stops, the anger in him causing him to tremor with every word, trembling now in a combination of rage and shiver, and looks up at Robbie, his eyes welling up.
You stood tall and proud, like a man, when some super weird shit was going down. Did you shit your pants?
No.
Well, good. That's a start.
I guess...
And that's a start. Did you die?
No.
And that's great. Leroy, you were very brave.
I was so scared, though.
That's okay. Only an idiot is never scared. I know grown men who would be krampus food right now if they were here. Bob Main, Jim Caedus, and Drew Archyle specifically.
Leroy gags at the mention of Jim Caedus.
You think they couldn't take a krampus? There's like three of them.
I know they couldn't. Bob is a racist, cowardly shit who downplays his own worthlessness by overhyping everybody who isn't him. I'm supposedly evil or some such, Jim is a wonder and not a traitorous little boy who turned his back on me, Pig, Engy, and most importantly, the people, Engy is a god among men, Pig is horrible, blah blah blah.
Bob would get destroyed by a krampus in about seven seconds then tell everybody how awesome the krampus is.
But that's how Bob is; worthless. There's no value to that man or his character, son, do you follow?
Kinda...
You watch XWF?
Yes.
And what do you think about Bob Main?
Well, he has a thing for you.
No shit, man, I'm the biggest name in the XWF. He can't help but talk about me.
Seriously, he talks about you a lot.
Because he sure as shit won't ever be me, can't do what I do, because he just doesn't have the balls to be it and do it. Bob Main's testicles are nonexistent. Bob Main needs a stencil to write his name in the snow with his piss, because instead of a dick he just has a hole that urine just falls out of?
A vagina?
No, Bob Main couldn't find a vagina if he had one and needed to put a tampon in it. Bob Main doesn't know what a vagina looks like without googling a diagram. Bob Main wouldn't be able to identify a vagina in a police line-up alongside three whole bananas. Bob Main wonders where you put the money inside of a vagina.
Really?
He thinks a clitoris is something women carry lip balm in.
What's a clitoris?
You'll know someday.
I'm nine.
Okay, so someday later. Maybe. Who knows. Look, it's a part of a woman's anatomy.
Oh.
Yeah, Bob Main is baffled by everything that's going on between a woman's legs.
So am I.
But you're nine.
Yeah.
Then there's Jim Caedus.
Leroy dry heaves.
Yeah, pretty much. Small minded, doofy, and ultimately disgusting. Most women would rather fuck themselves with a dead rat than ever sleep with that guy. Most women would rather fuck a homeless man with no teeth over that guy. Jim Caedus couldn't pull panties down from a Victoria's Secret shelf, get panties wet in a washing machine, or get his own dick wet riding a water slide.
But what about Jaslene Sugay?
Oh, talented girl. She had a bright future. Then Jim Caedus got a crush on her. That's when it all went downhill. That's when Jaslene and Tala would start coming to the arenas late and leaving early, trying to avoid making contact with Jimbo. They had a ton of promise, lovely young ladies, strong competitors, but then one day Jaslene started pissing bright green with chunks of purple.
Ew.
I know. She got that way by having sex with an unclean person. That person, Leroy...
Was Jim Caedus.
Yep.
Ew.
I know. Now, let's go back inside. It's freezing out, and there's hot cocoa waiting for us.
With that, the sound of several snowmobile engines wheezing is heard, and as such four snowmobiles arrive on the scene. The riders are bedecked in white snowsuits with the insignia of the North Korean flag emblazoned on them. They each pull up uzis and point at Robbie, who steps in front of Leroy.
Who are those guys?
Commies, buddy. We're not out of the woods yet.