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The Plot Thickens - Printable Version

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The Plot Thickens - Prof. Bobby Bourbon - 08-10-2017



Robbie Bourbon recently caught the unnamed assailant in a mass shooting in the streets of our nation's capital. He quickly made it back to his dojo and is preparing to interrogate the gunman, a gallon of gasoline already soaking into his pink tuxedo.

Robbie also took a look at Chris Chaos's latest attempt at staying relevant in wrestling while in his distorted emotional state.

THE PLOT THICKENS

We see Robbie Bourbon and a man in a pink tuxedo, the latter of which is sitting against a green dumpster. The man in pink is looking up at Robbie with a cheery grin on his face, along with trails of dried blood extending from his nostrils, curving past his lips, and converging again on his chin. Robbie looks less than pleased. A gasoline cannister is on the concrete floor of this courtyard where the trash of the Bourbon Dojo gets collected.

Robbie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a book of matches. The man in pink grins even wider.

Look, this is how this is going to go down.

Cool!

Robbie kicks the man in the ribs. The man coughs, and then turns back to look at Robbie, his smile just as wide as before.

I'm going to be a Motherfucker!

You'll what?

Yeah, this initiation! It's just like Marco said it would happen!

Marco?

Yeah! Marco is a genius. He helped all of us! We love you, Robbie!

You love me?

Yeah! Marco told all of us if we went out and were crazy violent and got your attention, you'd make us Motherfuckers like you!

The man in pink's smile fades.

I was heartbroken when I saw you and Jack Cain lose the number one contender's match. I know the truth, Robbie! I know it in my heart of hearts that you were supposed to face the Kings at King of the Ring. I know that the Motherfuckers were supposed to get their match. Instead you got robbed by that stupid old Chris Chaos.

The man smiles again.

I knew I had to help you. So, do what you have to do, after this, we'll go after Theo, and John, and John, and Louis.

The man in pink starts rocking back and forth, slamming his back against the dumpster.

"This guy has a head full of bad wiring. I mean, shit, not that he wasn't an obvious lunatic, but this is just levels beyond your normal batshit." Robbie puts the book of matches back in his pocket as the man in pink starts singing something at the top of his lungs, muffled and somewhat muted by the fact we're inside Bourbon's head. "Jesus, he's singing my original entrance music now. Did, did I do this? Are you fucking telling me that I served as an inspiration to this fucking monster, that he killed all those people to impress me?" Robbie puts his palm to his face as the man in pink continues to belt the lyrics to some kind of tune. "What do you do when you go out and try to be a man of the people and wind up inspiring a bunch of crazy people?" Robbie's eyes go wide. "A bunch of crazy people..." Robbie turns to the man in pink as sound functions as normal and we hear the man in pink attempt to what some would consider 'sing' the lyrics to My Body Glows. Robbie puts his finger to his lips, and man stops, instead beaming at Robbie again.

What's your name?

Andy Linguine.

Pasta themed?

Absolutely. I love Linguine, so Andy Linguine, Motherfucker, just sounds awesome.

Okay, Andy...

Robbie's phone starts ringing.

Hold on.

Robbie pulls his phone out. It says "blocked". Robbie answers.

Hello?

Yeah, I have him.

You what?

How many?

Fuck, do you have him?

FUCK!


Robbie pulls the phone away from his head.

Andy, how many of you did Marco tell you could become Motherfuckers by impressing me with ultraviolence?

Well, there was me, Richie, Bill, Tex, and Frank.

Robbie puts his phone to his head.

Did he have anything on him?

Shortly after, Robbie pulls his phone from his head.

Did Marco give all of you metro passes?

Yep! He said use them, have fun on the train.

Okay, which one of those guys had the tattoo that said "INFIDEL" on the back of his head?

Frank!

Robbie puts the phone to his head.

That was Frank, no last name, according to the one I have here.

Three others on the loose from the sounds of things. And someone named Marco who gave them all the metro passes.


Hold on.

Robbie again addresses Andy.

Andy, do you know what the others had planned? Frank just kicked out the windows at the top of the Washington Monument, threw the attendant out, then jumped himself.

Aw, shit, does that mean he gets to join instead? We kept our plans a secret. Marco helped me with mine.

Where did you meet Marco?

The man in pink grins again.

He said not to tell you.

Andy Linguine starts to rock back and forth again, hollering the lyrics to I, Don Quixote. Robbie slowly puts his phone back to his head, absolute shock and horror pulsating in his eyes.

There are three more out there. Pink tuxedos. Answer to the names Richie, Bill, and Tex. Let's find them before anybody else dies.